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40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time

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A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your audience amused (that is if you’ve calculated your timing perfectly). Hence, if you are looking for a comedic shure-shot, we’ve just the thing for you — a thorough list of the best one-liners on the Internet!

Another thing with these one line jokes is that they work amazingly well for, say, movie characters like James Bond. He always has a hilarious and laconic quip after disposing of his enemies and is well remembered for it! In fact, probably no other jokes, but funny one liners are forever at the top of the popularity Everest by being so accessible, understandable, and ultimately funny.

Thus, we are thrilled to have the opportunity to present you with our choices of the best jokes that fall under this category; our hopes are pretty high to entertain you with this one! So now, it is precisely time that you scroll down below to check out the best one liners that we found! From punny ones to straight-up corny and from cute to sarcastic one liners, there’s a joke for absolutely anyone here.

And after you find the one that has cracked you up, be sure to vote for it! But, if such a sad instance occurs and you can’t find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

233points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

🤣 🤣 THIS IS HILARIOUS 😂

23points

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#2

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

162points

Nijlenna Rusty 2 years ago

I just snorted my coffee.

22points

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#3

The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

148points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

AYYYYY

13points

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What are one-liner jokes?

Simply put, a one-liner is a very short joke that delivers its punchline in just one sentence. A good one-liner should always be concise and meaningful or, if you want a fancy word for it — pithy. Although these one line jokes are most often used as a part of a bigger performance, it doesn’t mean they don’t work as standalone quips. In fact, one might even argue that the shorter the joke — the more powerful the reaction!

Funny one line jokes can also be used as a punchline of a real or fictional character, just the same as a catchphrase would. Basically, due to being so short, these jokes are very universal and can be used in a variety of circumstances (appropriate ones, of course) and ways.

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#4

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.

146points

Catarina 2 years ago

James's comment should be #21🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2points

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#5

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I'm not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.

137points

Catarina 2 years ago (edited)

Hahaha some people i know Will use this every day🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

13points

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#6

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $6.30 now.

132points

Shuntekia Byrd-Haynes 2 years ago

Noooo. To funny.🤪🤪🤪

8points

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What is the best one-liner?

Now, this is where it gets a bit biased! Each and every one of us have slightly different sense of humor and taste for our jokes, so nominating just one one-liner as the best is a tough job to say the least. However, since you, our dear readers always have an excellent taste for jokes, this one here seems to have reached number one position on our list:

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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

So, can we agree that we found the funniest one-liner ever? Well, at least one of the best jokes, for sure!

#7

I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

132points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

Took me a sec 😂

12points

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#8

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

130points

Amanda 2 years ago

Took me a second. 😄

21points

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#9

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

127points

Marcellus II 2 years ago

You want to know the difference between a sadist and a masochist? I could tell you, but you'll have to beat the answer out of me.

25points

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How To Write One-Liners?

If you want to try your hand at writing one-liners, kudos to you! Homebred jokes are always the funniest and the most relevant. That said, writing one-liners comes with its own set of rules, albeit a short one:

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Set your joke up for success by making it super short;
Start with a setup that seems like it’s going to one direction only;
Give it a plot twist right at the end!

By following these simple one-liner writing rules, you'll be bound for success; we’re pretty certain of it. However, if you need a bit more inspiration and a little more examples of the best one-liners, keep reading our list!

#10

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

114points

Matthew O'Steen 2 years ago

I know, right?

5points

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#11

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

110points

Matthew O'Steen 2 years ago

That's the perfect excuse to hate yourself.

10points

#12

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

106points

DUN DUN (she/her) 2 years ago

This is one hot one-liner

12points

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#13

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

104points

M. A. McKnight 2 years ago

Literally (with a respectful bow to Catarina)

5points

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#14

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… But the kids still get in.

102points

Eagle Girl 2 years ago

Leave a trail of candy to the nice old lady with the house in the woods

11points

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#15

Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.

101points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

Ayyyyyyy I like this :D

15points

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#16

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

96points

Catarina 2 years ago

Brilliant use of literally🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

22points

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#17

The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.

96points

Nijlenna Rusty 2 years ago

And is smokin' hot.

28points

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#18

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

92points

Olga Dremina 2 years ago

Stop screaming and answer, did you catch it or not!

15points

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#19

Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.

92points

Tee Witt 2 years ago

Oh, I do like this one.

16points

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#20

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time Is your bottom jealous of the amount of crap that comes out of your mouth?

87points

Shireen Maher 2 years ago

oh im using this

23points

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#21

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

86points

Eagle Girl 2 years ago

..and night

14points

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#22

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

85points

Adele Xie 2 years ago (edited)

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA pleez am i the only one laughing here?

23points

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#23

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

85points

Russ Kincade 2 years ago

When marriage becomes illegal, only outlaws will have inlaws!

24points

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#24

So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.

83points

Catarina 2 years ago

Literally 🤣

9points

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#25

A blind man walked into a bar… And a table… And a chair…

81points

Shelby P 2 years ago

Two nuns walked into a bar... third one ducked... didn't want it to become a habit.

6points

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#26

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

78points

Eunice Robertson 2 years ago

he wants to hurt you, it's the last thing on his list.

1point

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#27

The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.

75points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

*intense music plays*

6points

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#28

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

74points

human? 2 years ago

That one does!

6points

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#29

Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.

73points

Shireen Maher 2 years ago

aw rip

4points

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#30

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

72points

Eagle Girl 2 years ago

How would they taste dipped in Honey Mustard?

7points

Dylan Bess 2 years ago

Finally someone else who likes honey mustard

1point

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Steve Fischer 2 years ago

People who have cats are pussy lovers

0points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

The ppl who take care of chic kens are really chicken tenders 😉

-2points

Jamie Griffith 2 years ago

You don't need to repeat the joke we can read it the first time

0points

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#31

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

66points

Tee Witt 2 years ago

Strange but true.

7points

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#32

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time "You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace."

65points

First Last 2 years ago

Waterfall

23points

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#33

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

65points

Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

I was going to procrastinate yesterday, but decided to do it tomorrow.

16points

#34

Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’

63points

Olga Dremina 2 years ago

"Mutely" was my father's favourite response. Fits perfectly imo.

8points

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#35

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

63points

Whitey Black 2 years ago

I don't like cocaine, I just like the way it smells.

39points

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#36

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

59points

Catarina 2 years ago (edited)

Or else....

9points

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#37

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

57points

Trevor Stephens 2 years ago

which day?

6points

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#38

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

55points

Anchal Gupta 2 years ago

I would love to listen to it!!

7points

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#39

A perfectionist walked into a bar... Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

52points

Matthew O'Steen 2 years ago

In his opinion, that is. The bar was just right for others.

4points

#40

40 Of (Probably) The Best One-Line Jokes Of All Time "The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."

45points

Catarina 2 years ago

True that

4points

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#41

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.

34points

Paul C. 2 years ago

Is his name Jordan Pickford? (English football joke)

3points

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#42

R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.

32points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

won't we all?

0points

#43

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

31points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

BUT I LAUGH MUCH MORE HAHA

4points

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#44

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

31points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

👆

3points

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#45

If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

30points

#46

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

29points

#47

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

29points

Steve Fischer 2 years ago

I'm reading a book on the solar system. It's so far out.

3points

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#48

Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.

29points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

4points

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#49

What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street?
A large fortune.

29points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

get a fortune cookie

0points

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#50

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

29points

mick conway 2 years ago

Seasick Steve

1point

#51

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

28points

Ristina Nielsen 2 years ago

Yes, those machines really suck.

9points

#52

Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?

28points

SabbeRubbish 2 years ago

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#53

I threw a boomerang a couple years ago. I now live in constant fear.

28points

Thomas Sweda 2 years ago

Don’t worry. Since the Earth is flat, it will eventually just sail off the edge.

1point

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#54

Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu — you get what you deserve.

28points

Catarina 2 years ago

Perfect

5points

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#55

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

27points

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#56

Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

27points

Tee Witt 2 years ago

Of course everyone does.

4points

#57

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

26points

Catarina 2 years ago

I agreeeeeeee

9points

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#58

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

26points

Adele Xie 2 years ago

and that's what it's all abouttttttt!

5points

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#59

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

26points

Leeds Lass 2 years ago

This made me giggle

2points

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#60

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

26points

Let’s All Just Try And Be Decent 2 years ago

I feel like this is one of the basic school playground jokes that 6 year old kids are really proud of. Definitely about the extent of my level of joke telling!

2points

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#61

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

26points

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#62

A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

25points

Nijlenna Rusty 2 years ago

Or to cut onions....

4points

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#63

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

25points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago (edited)

I’m telling this the next time I go golfing and hit a birdie

4points

#64

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’

25points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

6points

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#65

I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’

25points

Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

I got a kitten for my wife. It was a good trade.

5points

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#66

My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

25points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

🅱 POSITIVE

4points

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#67

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

25points

Tee Witt 2 years ago

2 years old, then he is mature enough to never understand.

6points

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#68

A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’

24points

Glittery Panda 2 years ago

Omg I love that.

4points

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#69

Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.

23points

#70

Our child has a great deal of willpower — and even more won’t power.

23points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago

Discriminatory jokes yay

-1point

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#71

Never trust atoms - they make up everything.

22points

#72

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.

22points

#73

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.

22points

Mobey Drunk 2 years ago (edited)

Actually, being a pessimist is the best way to live your life. Either you're right, or pleasantly surprised.

9points

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#74

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

22points

#75

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

22points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

no, MAKE HIM TALK!!!!!!!!

3points

#76

Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.

22points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

BECAUSE EVERYONE CALLED HIM A CHIC KEN. HIS NAME WAS ALEXANDER.

5points

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#77

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.

21points

Carrie Stafford 2 years ago

Or farting in a lift.....

1point

#78

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

20points

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#79

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

20points

Eagle Girl 2 years ago

Love the Double Entendre!!

0points

#80

I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.

20points

Busy_D 2 years ago

You burned your fridges

6points

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#81

I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.

20points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

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#82

My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’

20points

#83

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

20points

Lucus Adams 2 years ago

He's going to knead more dough

5points

#84

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.

20points

David Boorse 2 years ago

A fat polar bear.

5points

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#85

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line.

20points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

did you hear about the missing hares? the police went combing the land to find them.

5points

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#86

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

20points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

in an arthur episode, where arthur was telling secrets to buster, one of them was that dw had a brain transplant. the other secret was that arthur was born in transylvannia

1point

#87

I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.

19points

Tee Witt 2 years ago

Exactly, that is why my life cracked up

3points

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#88

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

19points

#89

Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

19points

#90

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little more space.

19points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago

But he has all the space in the universe!

2points

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#91

I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming.

18points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

*chomp*

4points

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#92

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

18points

#93

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

18points

#94

A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.

18points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

HAHAHAHAHA

3points

#95

I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.

18points

Lucus Adams 2 years ago

Call Amari, he's a great masseuse

2points

#96

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

18points

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#97

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan.

18points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

neither am i

-3points

#98

Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it in a remote location.

18points

Thomas Sweda 2 years ago

Yes, yes! Always the last place!

2points

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#99

"Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is 'Good for you!'”

17points

j_m m_j 2 years ago

it's a insult

2points

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#100

‘I have a split personality,’ said Tom, being Frank.

17points

#101

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.

17points

ᴠᴀ̈ɪɴᴏ 2 years ago

haha

4points

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#102

What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.

17points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago

Im gonna buy a farm, make a pasture, build a barn, make a milking area, and buy hundreds of dollars worth of cattle just to name a cow this

2points

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#103

At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? Elementary.

17points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago

Don’t get it

2points

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#104

Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.

16points

Nijlenna Rusty 2 years ago

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#105

"Some people just have a way with words, and other people… Oh… Not have way."

16points

#106

If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?

16points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

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#107

I never knew what happiness was until I got married — and then it was too late.

16points

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#108

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.

16points

Tee Witt 2 years ago

I get it, I get it.

2points

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#109

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.

16points

#110

What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink? A cab.

16points

Thefishtankguy 2 years ago

I don’t get it

1point

#111

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.

16points

#112

Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics.

16points

#113

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

16points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago

Omg I’ve never thought about that. I’m gonna ask my church pastor now.

3points

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#114

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

16points

Libstak 2 years ago

That's not funny, it's just fact.

1point

#115

"A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times."

15points

#116

"I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos."

15points

Thomas Sweda 2 years ago

On your skin ?

-1point

#117

"Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside."

15points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

"FORGET YO INSTAGRAM AND TWITTER!!!"

-2points

#118

Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.

15points

#119

They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.

15points

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#120

What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.

15points

Dagnirath 2 years ago

Also the term for the thieves who hijacked a shipment of Viagra.

2points

#121

I have clean conscience. I haven’t used it once until now.

14points

#122

A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”

14points

Let’s All Just Try And Be Decent 2 years ago

Wait.... because American plug sockets look like a pig's snout? Is that really it?! Ok that'd be why it didn't make any sense to me!! UK plugs are a triangle of three holes which are all rectangle shaped. Sorry peeps x

6points

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#123

A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother.

14points

Niall Mac Iomera 2 years ago

*say one thing

6points

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#124

What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.

14points

Charlie Taube 2 years ago

This one is my favorite

1point

#125

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.

14points

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#126

I used to believe that all things must pass — until I got stuck behind a school bus.

14points

Kipindichapili 2 years ago

Run over the kids and continue on your merry way

2points

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#127

Have you played the updated kids' game? I Spy With My Little Eye... Phone.

12points

#128

"All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity."

10points

Darla Taylor 2 years ago

And so are a lot of people who work for the government

0points

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#129

“Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself.”

10points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

does this mean you're an, ahem, "d**** fool"?

4points

#130

"Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best."

10points

Glittery Panda 2 years ago

I don’t get it…?

5points

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#131

"Drama: a word boring people use to describe fun people."

8points

DragonsCrushesCatsMe 2 years ago

so who's the drama queen/king?

1point

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Linas Simonaitis

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

What do you think ?

David Martin 2 years ago

The Ferris wheel and the merry-go-round were invented in the same time period, but the inventors never met, because they traveled in different circles

5points

Dagnirath 2 years ago

I saw a man with one arm at a secondhand store. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here."

5points

Lauren Caswell 2 years ago

Don't worry, that guy is armless

3points

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phil blanque 2 years ago

"My dog has no nose". "Oh no...how does he smell?" "Terrible." (Monty Python)

5points

Niall Mac Iomera 2 years ago

What is with the comments on these jokes? So many weird ones

4points

UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago

You mean the ones that also try to be funny but are just embarrassing?

0points

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Dagnirath 2 years ago

Someone in my geography class got frustrated and started swearing. He had a latitude problem.

3points

Yayaboobo 2 years ago

These are actually funny!

1point

Rench 2 years ago

I heard Rodney Dangerfield's voice in my head on a lot of these

1point

James Wood 9 months ago (edited)

Last time I went to the doctor for a physical, he said "You are FAR too sedentary." So I made a solemn vow, at that very moment, that I was gonna go buy a dictionary.

0points

James Wood 9 months ago

The last time I went to the doctor, he said I was FAR too sedentary... So I made a solemn VOW, at that moment, that I was going to go buy a dictionary.

0points

sergio lamarra 1 year ago

Penguin walks into a bar - says to the bartender "Has my brother been in today?" - barman says "Dunno. What's he like?"

0points

Seb Benson 2 years ago

I'm trying to do my DIY these days, but I'm having trouble putting hinges on doors... so, if anyone can help my door is always open :)

0points

Catarina 2 years ago (edited)

My stomacH is hurting....can't stop laughing

0points

David Martin 2 years ago

The Ferris wheel and the merry-go-round were invented in the same time period, but the inventors never met, because they traveled in different circles

5points

Dagnirath 2 years ago

I saw a man with one arm at a secondhand store. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here."

5points

Lauren Caswell 2 years ago

Don't worry, that guy is armless

3points

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phil blanque 2 years ago

"My dog has no nose". "Oh no...how does he smell?" "Terrible." (Monty Python)

5points

Niall Mac Iomera 2 years ago

What is with the comments on these jokes? So many weird ones

4points

UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago

You mean the ones that also try to be funny but are just embarrassing?

0points

Load More Replies...

Dagnirath 2 years ago

Someone in my geography class got frustrated and started swearing. He had a latitude problem.

3points

Yayaboobo 2 years ago

These are actually funny!

1point

Rench 2 years ago

I heard Rodney Dangerfield's voice in my head on a lot of these

1point

James Wood 9 months ago (edited)

Last time I went to the doctor for a physical, he said "You are FAR too sedentary." So I made a solemn vow, at that very moment, that I was gonna go buy a dictionary.

0points

James Wood 9 months ago

The last time I went to the doctor, he said I was FAR too sedentary... So I made a solemn VOW, at that moment, that I was going to go buy a dictionary.

0points

sergio lamarra 1 year ago

Penguin walks into a bar - says to the bartender "Has my brother been in today?" - barman says "Dunno. What's he like?"

0points

Seb Benson 2 years ago

I'm trying to do my DIY these days, but I'm having trouble putting hinges on doors... so, if anyone can help my door is always open :)

0points

Catarina 2 years ago (edited)

My stomacH is hurting....can't stop laughing

0points

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