Done and done! Can i put poop on the list too? Cause that follows straight after coffee!

Go dad!

I love this!

my ghost is a dwarf and usually just ends up tasting my butt, then gets angry and smashes s**t

Well, that's how i survived my 12 years long depression. Despite my constante desire to self terminate, my spite toward all that hurts me pushed me to keep breathing in order to be able to "shove it in their face" one day. But don't worry. It's been overs 8 years since i'm free of depression. And i don't just survive, now i thrive (not on spite but in a real desire to live, thankfully lol).

It puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again.

yeah, Imma scratch my nuts and take a nap. see ya in 5 or 6 millennia

for a moment, i thought this was about reading my credit report

Femurs are the longest bone in the body. The circumference of my head isn't big enough to warrant a crown of femurs. I want a crown made of the sternums of my vanquished enemies!

my blood line is cursed to endure stultus populus

sure did, then the f*****g alarm clock woke me up

Has there ever been any other reason ?

I love you back, tomato frog.

Sorry, I’m a stick that reminds one of styrofoam.

Why is there a Wolpertinger on this post??

Not a wolf, huh? I dunno, that's pretty suspicious.

Imagine being a vampire with social anxiety. You wait for centuries for that all-important invitation and when it comes... Tonight? I can't tonight. My cat has been to the vets and she needs me. Maybe next week? Text me.

that's pretty vague, you sure you want to do that??? Yeah? Well ALRIGHTY then....*unzips pants*

i prefer to go to walmart, buy a bottle of chocolate syrup, go into the bathroom, squirt it on toilet and stall walls and write "sorry for the mess, it was quite an evening"

"I LOVE CATS. BUT I DON`T UNDERSTAND THEM."

I can. I'm a girl haha. *escapes*

Launching lovely legumes is a very responsible, socially distance way to cheer up a friend.

Because i don't want to lie any further

*gets in*

Did this comic just try to convince me to commit suicide

While dressed in cool outfits!

One of my fav comics of all time. My family and I will occasionally say "choppi, choppi," at each other and share a giggle. Thanks, tiny snek!

Don't talk to the blue whale.

...ah, but what about the chipmunks? They know and judge.

"We all gonna die" is a pretty reassuring truth.

4. Evacuate your bowels. Mm hmm ahhhhhhh.

AAHHHHH YES I LOVE VOYAGER SOOOOO MUCH

Sometimes this ends in a mass shooting.