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“I’m 68 And Totally Alone”: 50 People Share What It’s Like Being Seniors
Interview With Expert
People are different in their upbringing, in their tastes, even in their looks. But all people do have one thing in common: we're all heading towards the same end. With the exception of Bryan Johnson, maybe.
Still, we're all aging, whether we like it or not. And with aging comes social isolation; according to a 2024 Medicare report, 57% of adults aged 65 and older report feeling lonely.
The users of Quora recently tackled this problem when one person wrote: "I'm 63 years old and so lonely. Does it matter to anyone?" Many older people rushed to the comments to share their stories, highlighting the sad realities they face today.
Bored Panda sought the expertise of the anti-ageism activist Jacynth Bassett, Founder and CEO of Ageism Is Never In Style about how important social connections are to us as we age. We also spoke with her about the right terminology when referring to older people and how we can all spot ageist attitudes in ourselves.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I'm 70 years old. My precious wife of 41 years died this past January. I still feel like my world exploded.
My kids and grandkids stay in touch and try to keep me from being lonely. But in reality when they go home, I am still alone. In an empty house that is filled with memories and love.
I have friends and I have family. But I have never felt so alone in my whole life.
I'm a disabled veteran and for years my wife went to every doctors appointment with me.
We were together 24/7 for years.
I have decided that there's just no way this gets better. I am going to live with this loneliness for the rest of my life.
I have to say that the loneliness is nothing compared to the agony of having the other half of my heart ripped out as I stood helpless beside her hospital bed and holding her hand. That little woman coded 6 times before she gave in.
The 4th time they got her back, the doctor asked me if she coded again did I want them to resuscitate her. I said no, I don't want to keep putting her through that.
She coded again for the 5th time. The nurse standing across her bed from me and one of my daughters said she had no pulse and no BP . She started to go outside the room to get the doctor when suddenly there was a single beep from the monitor. She had a pulse. The nurse said it was from the epinephrine they had used to resuscitate her.
Her pulse climbed to 114 and her BP started to rise. It rose to 142/58 .I looked at the nurse and she said, this isn't the epinephrine, she came back.
The doctor and the whole code team were standing in the hall outside her open door. When the monitors started beeping by themselves he came and stood behind me.
I leaned over and kissed her forehead. I squeezed her head and told her. “You are my heart. You have been since the first time I saw your beautiful spirit. I don't ever want you to go, but even more I don't want you to suffer. If you have to go, I'll understand.
The beeping slowed down and gently stopped. She had coded for the sixth and final time. I could literally feel her leaving and for several minutes I thought that I might die too.
I turned and saw the doctor and he took my arm in his hand. He said, I have never seen anything like this happen before. He said she fought harder to stay than anyone I have ever seen.
As I write this through my tears, I have shared my feelings with strangers like I have never done before. I just don't!
But this thread touched me. I wasn't looking for my angel when I found her.
My life was a sorry state and when I asked her out, she looked me right in the eyes and said, I don't date drunks.
She caused me to change my life that very day. I don't have to tell you how the story turned out because I told you how it ended first.
I have been sober for almost 43 years now.
No matter what may happen in the rest of my life, this loneliness will live deep in my soul because she has gone from this walk and from my life.
Because she looked into my heart and gave me a chance, I have known love in ways that I never even dreamed possible.
So I tell each of you. If you are lonely you can change that. You don't have to go hunting love. If you let it and you give it a reason it will find you.
Remember this, you can't give what you don't have. So, put a smile on your face and go out and meet new people and make new friends. Allow yourself to feel joy and happiness and most of all learn to love yourself so that if and when love finds you, you will have stocked up on love to return. After all, love only works it's magic when you give it away.
So give you some love to share with those around you. And someday when you look back you will be amazed at just how much you loved and how much you were loved.
Tucson Cubb 1 month ago
I am crying right now and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope we all are lucky enough to find a partner like you did.
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#2
I am 80 years old , I’ve got some medical problems, which makes it hard to go out and have fun. My salvation has been my dog… I know it sounds simplistic ,
I don’t know what I would do without him. I never feel lonely, he goes everywhere with me. We go shopping, little walks cause I can’t walk very far. I talk to him and he listens. He’s always making me laugh.. I don’t know if that is something you would consider.. I wish you luck and hope you can find what you need. You are still a young person, so don’t give up..
#3
I'm 71 years old and retired five years ago. I moved 200 miles away to be nearer my daughter. I had only been here one time, to buy my home and I just knew it was a small town in Arkansas. I knew absolutely nobody in this area. Five years later and I know my neighbors, I belong to a wonderful little congregation with many friends there. I got to the local grocery store where there are friendly customers and staff. I have a friend who moved here a year ago and only has maybe two friends. Nobody is going to come to you. Go out and find a church family, join a gym, go for walks, talk to your neighbors. Don't spend your senior years being sad. Enjoy every day you have left. If you lived near me I would be your friend. If you're friendly people remember you. I hope this helps.
Huddo's sister 1 month ago
My mum was sad when she sold her home, one her dad built and she bought off him 20 years later, in part because she felt like a part of the community. She moved to 13 acres, 5mins from a small town that she feels very much a part of after only living there for 4 years. I moved 15mins away from her a year after she did and I also feel part of the community even though I am technically part of another (larger) town. It started with us joining the community church and going to aqua aerobics classes in town and then my stepdad joined a local band.
"Social connection and engagement is important at every age, particularly ones that encourage and boost intergenerational relationships," anti-ageism activist Jacynth Bassett explains.
"They can combat social isolation and loneliness, increase skills, boost confidence and self-esteem and foster understanding and empathy – which is all key to both improving health, happiness and longevity, and breaking down ageist attitudes and barriers."
To do that, according to her, we need to change the narrative about ageing in our society. We need to talk and write about ageing with the right terminology and language. "Much of it continues to be outdated, patronizing, subtly ageist or even overtly offensive," she points out.
#4
I’m 67. I have a friend who was always telling me how much she enjoyed her senior apartment. Finally I did it. I got rid of most of my stuff and I have a nice one bedroom apartment. I don’t have to worry about yard work, or snow, or fixing things.
But the real blessing is that you can be alone when you want to, or you can participate in all the goings on…
Morning coffee hour
Card games
Working puzzles together
Pot luck dinners
Pizza parties
People to go out to dinner with
Or go to the thrift stores, or whatever.
And there is exercise equipment.
You’ll make all sorts of friends.
If you need a ride to a doctor appointment or car repair there’s always someone who will take you.
And its not one of those fancy assisted living places. No meals provided. Its just an over 55 apartment.
And since I’ve gotten rid of so much, its less for my daughter to deal with later on.
Actually, having so many people around took some getting used to.
My friend was right. It was a great move.
#5
I'm 38 years old and am so unbelievably lonely that I can't go a week without getting a bit teary eyed because of it. Clearly if I knew how to beat the loneliness, I would have.
But it's the second part of your question that prompted me to reply. Because yes, people DO care. We may not know one another but I care a great deal. Seeing or hearing about others struggling with the same feelings that have haunted me my entire life is heart wrenching for me. ESPECIALLY the loneliness. Because I know all too well the feeling of just desperately wanting some kind of human connection. Of feeling like you could drop dead right then and tfr only person who would even notice is the guy who had to clean up your dead body. It's an agony I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. So, again, yes - I care. It may not mean much, or anything at all, even, but just know I do care. If you'd like, I'd be happy to exchange emails so you can feel free to contact me anytime you're feeling lonely. Just lmk in a reply to this (I swear I'll try to remember to read the comments on here)
If you're not interested, that's fine too. I just don't want you to think you're alone.
#6
Yes I understand, I'm 68 and totally alone. My best friend my cat just died, all my girl friends live across the country and rarely comucate . But I'm trying to find something, no car so I can't travel so I'm working on my education on line. All I can do right now. Nearest town 10 miles away.
"For example, the term 'elderly' is increasingly being considered offensive as it carries negative undertones of frailty; 'older' is preferred. And too often an older person is casually and lazily labeled 'grandma' or 'grandpa' regardless of context and knowledge about their familial status."
"Equally, we still see a lot of back-handed compliments like 'Looking great for their age' or 'Still got it' – assigning conditions like these subtly reinforces ageist thinking." We might think we're not ageist, but one in two people in the world hold heavily ageist attitudes, Jacynth says. "Much ageism is internalized and hidden through humor and microaggressions, so it's going to take a long time to transform this."
#7
I have been there, I found myself alone, my son no longer needed me to be around for him anymore. And I watched a lot of TV! I did a few things I shouldn't have done. ( I don't recommend). Got back on track, watched more TV, did a lot of soul searching.
Decided to go back to work, part-time. I was very apprehensive at first I hadn't worked and almost 17 years. Just a little convenience store job. I didn't want it to interfere with my disability check. Turns out it was the best thing that I could have done for myself! Got to know my neighbors, all the people that lived around me. After working there for 2 and 1/2 years they had my back when I needed some of them. And made a lot of friends there. I highly recommend you do something simple that takes your mind off of yourself. Be it work with animals, help another senior citizen, give somebody a ride to a doctor's appointment, walk somebody's dog, they're a myriad of things you can do for free and things you can do to make money. You may find you just meet somebody that you click with.
Sven Horlemann 1 month ago
THIS: "...do something simple that takes your mind off of yourself".
#8
I am almost 62. It sucks doesn’t it? Does it matter? Sadly no! When you grow old you are no longer wanter or needed. I was in business, volunteered , had party’s , friends. Family reunions were at my house . I did the work. I was supper mom. The kids were at my house. I loved it. But once the time is gone they are gone. Do I sound bitter? Maybe ! I decided to make myself happy and turn negative to positive. I will have slip up days but it has helped. Take a day go out to eat. Go to the Library. Ask if places take volunteers. You are on your way. Check in with one old friend a week. Set goals. It’s up to you. Change life!
#9
I am 53 and have been single since my husband died almost 26 years ago. I did adopt and raise 2 kids but they grew up. One moved far away and the other loves close but I still don't see him as much as I would like. My sister, who is my best friend, also live halfway across the country.
That being said, I have become an introvert & love having my own space. Sometimes I get upset when my coworkers seem so much closer to each other than they are to me, but most of the time I am okay with it. I have found some hobbies that I love, I have pets (those make it a LOT easier) and I try to keep my family ties as close as I am comfortable with.
So, my suggestion, adopt a dog or cat or hamster or snake, find a new hobby, find ways to get out of your house. Oh, and try to see the positive around you. I have found that when I am depressed, I get grumpy and people pull back from me, so I do my best to be positive. Another thing you could try is to find a church, a book club or a ladies group nearby.
Good luck & I hope you find yourself less lonely in the future.
The anti-ageist activist says we have to make a conscious and concerted effort to change the way we speak, write, and think about older people. "In order to drive lasting impactful and meaningful change, it's just as important to be as considered and educated around language and the way we talk about ageing and ageism as we are with improving visual representation," Jacynth Bassett tells Bored Panda.
#10
Im 61 years old, expat living abroad very far from my family, my kids don’t contact me anymore thanks to my ex-wife, have only a few friends and living alone. Do I feel lonely?, sometimes, yes. BUT, a very big BUT, I have a lot of time to enjoy myself!, I ride motorcycles, play instruments, play games (yes, you can do that after 60) , go out in long walks enjoying nature, go alone at night to bars and talk with people from all walks of life. I really don’t care too much if my life matters to somebody or if my existence is relevant to this world, only important thing is to realize that your life matters to yourself. My advice, keep yourself busy, spend your time alone enjoying what you have now, accept the fact that loneliness is inside your head, you are creating that feeling, not your situation.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago (edited)
As I write this, there are currently only two comments on this post and both are remarquably repellent and written by bitter, ugly people with little education. I expect to see more c**p like this as time goes on; the last time we had this president, an appalling number of people decided not to hide their racism anymore (because the president didn’t), and it’ll now get worse again. 😥 If you hate humanity this much, you know you can find a deserted island to live on, right? What’s stopping you from doing it? I just spent several minutes wondering about that and it suddenly dawned on me: you fear not having the internet so you can spew your hate. That’s it, isn’t it? Your tiny little winky gets a tiny little erection, and if you don’t have the internet then you won’t have an erection ever again. Holy c**p; I can think of little more depressing than that. Yuck; now I’m sitting here hoping you get head injuries that change your personalities for the better. 🤞🏻
#11
You are not seen anymore. Once they needed you for everything, now they look through you, not to you. Yes, it happens to us all, once we are older. I’ve taken it upon myself to say hello to the elderly. Take up a conversation and offer get a beverage or sit in the park with them. Remember, if they are older than you, you are the one that matters to them. Be a friend and get a friend and you won’t be lonely anymore!
Kelly Scott 1 month ago
I don't normally care if people notice me. But if someone cuts in front of me one more time when I'm at the store on an electric cart, I'm gonna run him down.
#12
Yes I understand where you are coming from. I'm 80 years old and live in a nursing home. I'm very lonely. I try to stay active but it just doesn't happen that way. You can text me anytime. I live in Nebraska. I would like to be your friend. My name is Mary. Going to close for now. I have an ECT treatment in the morning, early, so I will close for now. I take those treatments because of my depression. I will put you in my prayers.
Genny McD 1 month ago
Oh Mary you are important to me! I don't know you and I'm far from Nebraska. But if you can email me, we can be pen pals. I work a very busy job, so I'm not accessible by phone. But I will write to you often and you can share your days with me. My name is Genny. My email is jhm.tranzact@gmail.com take care Mary. You sound like a beautiful lady!
#13
Evidently it matters to you.
Unfortunately, this is the lot of many seniors, especially these days. It used to be that multigenerational families lived together, whereas in modern times, everybody is on their own.
I don’t know what to tell you because I’m sure you’ll find, as I did, that it’s difficult to blend your life with someone else at this stage. And once you are living alone for a time, you develop habits that make it that you likely won’t want to after awhile. So you learn to be happy alone, and become set in those ways, or you become miserable alone, and develop those habits.
I tend to want to enjoy my last days, despite my lot, and not worry about it so much.
I’m a 72 year old woman.
EDIT: I am not the poster, not the lonely one. So please write your own answers to the original poster not to me. Thank you.
Bec 1 month ago
I had a Great Aunt who was a widower and had a gentleman friend for as long as I could remember, probably 20-25 years. They came to all manner of our family events together,. She just wasn't interested in getting married or living with someone else so they just dated. Sadly, she got Alzheimer's and her kids put her in a nursing home and he had trouble driving so far to see her.
#14
I don’t understand why people in their 60s complain about being old and alone. I’m 65 and lived alone all my life. I continue to work and will continue to do so until I cannot which probably won’t be for at least another ten years. There is more to life than being in a relationship or having children. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people choose to have a family, but it’s possible to have a fulfilling life without one. It’s all about making healthy choices, having many interests and learning to love life in all areas.
Robyn Acker 1 month ago
Because some of us have never lived alone. I'm 63, married at 17 & lost my husband 2 years ago after 44 years. Half of my soul is gone. So now I learn to live alone & try not to be miserable.
#15
I don’t think it matters to anyone.
I’m 68 and I’m less lonely than I was at 63, but that’s because I reached out to try to connect to people. I did so even though I had no hope of connection. I knew I didn’t matter to anyone. But I didn’t care. I decided I’d keep on trying to find people who I might come to matter to, despite knowing it was impossible.
I think I got lucky. I feel like I don’t matter and I know that feeling will never go away. Yet, for no reason, someone chose to come live with me. I was 65 at the time. I drove from Philadelphia to Chicago to get them and they and all their stuff fit in my Prius. We’ve been living together ever since. It’s a miracle!
I met them by writing about myself. I told the truth about my life — all the bad things I’ve done and all the people I’ve hurt and everything. I was open about all that.
I didn’t matter to anyone, but somehow, I’ve come to matter to someone. Perhaps it’s because I had no expectation that I could matter to anyone, and I kept on being myself. I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense, but I’m grateful for it.
Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago
Am SO glad you found someone to share life, and yes, annoyances with.
#16
I retired at 65 and immediately started looking for volunteer opportunities. I don’t have any real friends and my family all live far from where I live. Getting involved with other things is important. I joined the Civil Air Patrol, got involved with a couple of emergency response organizations and volunteered with a local museum. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about going back to work because of boredom…. not me, I love every minute I am retired and stay busy at the things I’ve always wanted to do. Don’t sit around and think about how lonely you are. Get out there and make life happen! I can promise you, nobody is going to come get you and make you do things with one exception…. buy a boat and you’ll have more friends than you know what to do with….. You are on your own but you have the power to control your own life. Find a club that follows your interest.
#17
I don't want to give you cheap advice and I am sure you have already tried a lot of things. But I also know that loneliness can drag you ever deeper down into depression where you finally stop trying. Please don't stop. There are other people who are lonely, too. There are people, lonely or not, who would love to know you if they knew you existed. Where I live, many people your age volunteer for something - beginning with something as simple as serving Coffee at the after-church-gathering or the seniors’ club, where you can also hear talks in a variety of topics, play cards, do suitable sports etc. If that is unattractive, primary schools are very happy to have “reading grannys" who come once a week to read to a child and practice reading with this child. And lots of other things. Of course I realise it is much, much harder if you are unable to move around freely. In that case, where I live, the church may (!) be able to help, whether you are religious or not.
As I said, I am sure you have tried a lot of things. This is just what came to my mind.
#18
If you feed the birds, you matter to them. If you care for a beloved pet, you matter to them. If you treat the check out person at a grocery kindly, look them in the eye and thank them or ask them how they are doing, you matter to them. If you give a homeless person something to eat or a few dollars and see them as a fellow human being, you matter to them. I believe if you do little things every chance you get that matters, then you will find what you are looking for was in you, not outside of you.
#19
It matters to me.
It's been a hard couple years for .me too. I just decided that all my sadness was just wasting my.life. I am the only one that can change that.
I started slow. Started writing down the things/people/activities that set me up for a downward spiral. Started eliminating those things.
I found things to do that made me happy,.or at least didn't set me on a bad path.
I started moving. I started walking my dogs more. I worked in the yard. I fired the pool lady and started doing it myself. I got more involved at my job. Found people who were a.positive influence.
I also practiced .meditation of sorts. Kind of my own style, but it clears my brain of stuff that was just sitting in .my head.
No one can make you happier, but you. You have to want to feel better though.
Was it easy? It wasn't. At first it was a struggle for me. But I got tired of feeling sad all the time.
I'm 66 and I don't know how much life I have left. Made up my mind to stop wasting what I've got left.
I feel better. I still have days that aren't great, but they are fewer.
Life's short.
Sending you good thoughts and a virtual hug.
keyboardtek 1 month ago
I found retirement was mostly boredom punctuated by the terror of the medical industrial complex experience when health issues hit. You get to a point where the only contact you have with humans will be medical personnel.
#20
I am also 63. I am mostly retired but clean and manage my 2 airbnb's. I work a few hrs a week as a home caregiver. I also have a 15 yr old son. I exercise 3–4 days a week at the gym or walk/run 4 miles or take a pretty hard exercise class. I have a couple of good friends and great neighbors. I can't say I am lonely because I kind of chose my quiet lifestyle. I worked in the “ rat race” all my life and never got to enjoy my home. My biggest problem is that I feel guilty for having time to relax and sleep late. I don't have to rush around and for some reason I feel guilty about that or that I'm not producing. I am lonely for the years when my son was young and we had so much fun. He's a great teenager but has his friends now and doesn't want to do alot of things with his momma anymore. 100% normal and healthy, but it's an adjustment for me. I'm trying to prepare for later years when I may need help and have properties I can sell if need be. I do not want to be a burden on my son and if I have advanced alzheimers or a painful cancer or disease he has his instructions to get hospice and start the morphine. Loneliness is not a fear,but I am a bit obsessed about becoming unable to care for myself or lose my mind or being in chronic pain. I don't have a husband and that is ok. I haven't seen many husband's able to be caregivers anyway. I have a couple of friends that would help me a bit and visit me. I am lonely in the fact that my son is growing up and doesn't need me as much. It has been a wonderful journey raising him as an older mother.
Heras buddy 1 month ago
I'm 64 semi retired introvert. Took a job where I work with people a third my age. Lots of good young people. I feel worse for them a lot of them are in a world where they are hated because they don't conform to some people's standards. But they give me hope for this world.
#21
There are millions and billions who are of your age or even older who feel lonely. Does it matter to you? If not, you can’t expect your loneliness to matter to them. But, if you reach out to any one or more of them, you will get over your loneliness and also help others to get them over their loneliness.
Reach out to other lonely people. You will no more feel lonely.
#22
My wife and I live in a retirement village. I sympathise with you on being lonely but we have been here for 2 and a half years and are surrounded by friends and acquaintances we never new. We have many friends who are single having lost their partners. There are so many functions and get togethers where we all join in and enjoy life. We feel safe and secure and it’s more of a lifestyle than just a house. We thoroughly enjoy our life here now and tell all our friends and family to think about doing the same. Many singles are now living a defacto relationship with someone they met in the village. I’m 75 and am one of the youngest residents my wife 73. We are not alone in saying it’s the best move we ever made.
Kelly Scott 1 month ago (edited)
God, I can just see myself in a retirement home. All these people would be knocking on my door day and night wanting to see me or inviting me to parties, and there I'd be, yelling at them to get off my doorstep. I'm not social now and I highly doubt I'll be more social in 20 years.
#23
I never thought I would end up this way. My daughter's rarely visit, I have no real friends and I am feeling bitterness sneaking in. I thought everything would get better once I quit drinking- all would fall into place. Quite the contrary! I can't find a reason for me… Don't give up your hope . You have reached out, that's a great start.
Linda Lee 1 month ago
A man had a son with anger issues. The dad told the son to hammer a nail into the fence every time he was angry. Sometimes the son hammered several nails into the fence. Then one day the son told his father he hadn't lost his temper all week. The dad said, That's great, now start pulling out all those nails. It took the son a lot longer than he thought but he removed every nail and was proud to show his dad. The dad said, "I'm glad you learned to control your anger. Now, look at all those holes in the fence. It's not a strong anymore. This is the aftermath of your anger. That's what your relationships are like with the people who have felt your wrath.
#24
Have you thought about getting pen pals. I rediscovered the joy of writing letters over a year ago. I've made some amazing new friends.
Rodney Boathand 1 month ago
You sound nice. I am a 67 year old and looking for pen pals. Please write me whatever you want, sbort or long letter and i will tell you more about myself. I am a retired graphic artist, have written a comedic drama about growing up in the 60s. I have learned to play (basic) piano. I draw and pain and make sculptures. Let's be pen pals. Rhonda at 1269 3 Ave NE, Moose Jaw, SK S6H 1G2 Canada.
#25
Trust me we care; at least I do and like the recent 38 year old who responded, some of us DO care.
I am 62 and I am also having a somewhat lonely life, but counting myself very lucky I still have a formal job to 65. I also have grand children that punctuate my loneliness.
Anyway, back to you story I have a few suggestions that may help you. 1. If you have grandchildren just call their parents and ask to talk to the kids; over time the parents might agree that you meet the kinds and gradually bond with them, even allow sleepovers. 2. At 63 you are not over the cliff to take walks in the park or road. Who knows, regular walks may lead you to meeting someone that may break a conversation that may lead to friendship(
3. DIY- dismantly the old Iron (eg) and visit the internet on how you can repair it safely. This exploit might extend to something else like changing your car tyres, repairing those broken windows ( of course with help dorm the internet). But do get confirmations from professionals that might assist quite safely without exploiting you financially. 4. Get in touch with people over the internet that may share your predicament.
The scope is limitless, but don't pust it least you scare the birds away.
#26
Hello,
I’m 69 and rowing right behind you. You are thinking thoughts that make you suffer. Now, this moment, is lacking nothing. Look outside at all the beauty, and if you find none, make some. There are people needing company all over. Take some baked goods to one of them. When you catch yourself thinking you are lonely, notice the thought, have compassion for it, and take it as a reminder to look around you with gratitude. No one else is responsible for or has the power to make you happy. They never did. It’s still on you. I recommend “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, free all over youtube. Very helpful. I’m happy to keep you company, if possible. Let’s see what we can do.
Rodney Boathand 1 month ago
You sound nice. I am a 67 year old and looking for pen pals. Please write me whatever you want, sbort or long letter and i will tell you more about myself. I am a retired graphic artist, have written a comedic drama about growing up in the 60s. I have learned to play (basic) piano. I draw and pain and make sculptures. Let's be pen pals. Rhonda at 1269 3 Ave NE, Moose Jaw, SK S6H 1G2 Canada.
#27
I can understand. I live alone But I have a pet. I don't know your circumstances, but if you live in a flat ( apt) you may be allowed a pet bird. It makes things much better, something to get you out of bed in the morning, something to talk to. I'm disabled and pretty much housebound, but I read, watch TV, and Quora helps too. I worked in the RSPCA charity shop for a year after my husband died, that was 11 years ago, until my disability forced me to leave, but I made some good friends. Please don't allow yourself to become isolated and depressed.
#28
You have 2 choices in life. Be happy or be sad. You are in control of your life. If you are lonely and don't want to be then you have to do something about it. 72 yrs old is not really that old. You have so much you can contribute to life. Get a calendar and start filling it up with activities if you are still active then join a sport. If not, volunteer at a local hospital. You're in this world for a reason, you just have to put aside your own feelings and get involved with life again. The world needs you.
Colleen Glim 1 month ago
Don’t just sit around waiting to die. My mother in law did that. She’s now in a care home actually waiting to die
#29
The best you can really do to help with your loneliness (fastest way too) is buy a pet whether that be a goldfish, dog, a cat or all of the above. You know, something that’s innocent, alive and aware that can keep you company. Something to talk to and or cuddle with.
The next step is to get a Hobbie, find out what that is and utilize that during your spare time.
3rd step, work part or Full time somewhere and be as social as you can be. You may get rejected and maybe alot but perhaps you could make a meaningful friend and or acquaintances that way.
You can also take some classes that you may enjoy like yoga, golf, general fitness class, an art class.
You can also find activities to do with random people on a website called meetup.
You pretty much “follow” or join the group. You'll get a notification that someone is hosting an event for the group whether that be hiking, painting, drinks etc. And that's pretty much all you can do.
Needless to say, you're not alone in your loneliness, plenty of us feel extremely alone.
Myself, I'm 31. Lost touch with all of my friends. I only have my pets and spouse for company. Is it enough? Hardly. I work all the damn time so I'm isolated majority of the time from receiving some company. I also feel I am way too busy to invest in connections. But you can do it ! Especially if you're retired. Which I'm guessing you are. Good luck !
#30
I’m sorry you feel lonely, loneliness can be crippling and miserable - so yes, it matters to me. I am not that much younger than you and I would hate to feel the same.
But, in the nicest possible way, that’s all the sympathies you’ll get from me. Buckle-up, what follows is for you:
At 63, you have hopefully many years ahead. You have to grasp life by the throat, look it in the eye and take your future into your own hands.
If it is company you crave, YOU have to reach out and make it happen. Invite someone you know for coffee and cake (host it or go to a cafe). If it goes well, do it again and see if it becomes a regular thing.
If it’s shared endeavours you want, find a club or an event you can go to - the first time walking into somewhere alone is hard - but so what? It’s hard - but is it the hardest thing you’ve ever done? You’ll be pleased on two levels, firstly that you did it and secondly you’ve done something with other people. Then go a few more times.
If it’s mental stimulation you need, join an adult learning class or go to a series of talks - again, you’ll be there with others who want to learn or know the same things. Go a few times, see it through, smile at people, say “hi, how are you?”
If you’d benefit from a higher level of physical activity then start walking every day. Think if an adult fitness class or yoga or swimming or walking group that caters to beginners might be good for you - commit to going and seeing it through. Look people in the eye, say “hi, how are you?”
If you have religious faith, churches often have community projects, groups, activities you could be uninvolved in - with shared beliefs it could be an “easy-in” for you.
If you are 63, lonely and unable to afford to do any of these or your health doesn’t allow then try reaching out to any charities locally that do befriending or similar. If you ARE physically able, why don’t you become a befriender yourself - you already know how it feels to be lonely and visiting others can often show us how much we have and to be grateful for it.
So - a long message with little sympathy but I hope some helpful suggestions. The rest is up to you: no-one is going to come knocking and do it for you, either get busy living or you’ll just become lonelier and that’s the road to misery, depression and an early death.
#31
Im 31 BUT hear me out! the existential crisis is a real thing and anyone can go through this at any stage or age of their life. May I encourage you to do what heals your inner child! what makes your heart sing! if you're lonely, take up a club and a hobby! there are plenty of things you can do to help you make connections and not feel so lonely! Odds are someone feels the same as you!
#32
In his 90s my Dad told me he was lonely. Since I lived in another country and couldn’t be with him on a daily basis, I suggested he try to make friends in the home where he lived. He answered that he does but they keep dying. I suggested that he might get a ham radio. When he asked me why, I told him that he could talk to people all around the world. He answered, “Why would I want to talk to them?!”
I understand his dilemma now that I’m about to turn 80. Nonetheless, I intend to seek out my own types of company and other ways to alleviate loneliness: keeping in touch with local and Facebook friends plus famIly in other provinces; TV; books; local events at museums joining a club of people with shared interests, libraries and organizations to belong to; email/X, etc.. Books and magazine subscriptions will help, too, as well as TV and the internet. In addition, I already spend time on a walking pad in front of the TV and plan to continue; getting outside when the weather is good; keeping a lookout for acting/extra work through a union I belong to; being in touch with or instigating contact with neighbours, and volunteer work. My Dad isolated himself because either he didn’t know about or have any interest in what was outside his immediate residence or he expected his children to be available all the time. I understand and empathize (and even feel sorry that I wasn’t living closer to him) with his loneliness but one can decide to stay in a shell or to reach out to what one’s community offers to old folks or people who might take up a cause or explore what’s available in their surroundings. Hobbies are a great idea, too. Often a hobby will lead to meeting interesting compatible people. I’m planning to keep writing and hopefully having my work published. I also intend to resurrect the visual art I majored in at university.
#33
Loneliness doesn’t depend on age. The loneliest time of my life was when I was an adolescent and I wouldn’t want to relive that for anything.
So the advice for loneliness would be the same for anyone at any age. I benefited from understanding I wasn’t alone - loneliness is ubiquitous. It was a shock to me to discover everyone else around me didn’t have perfect lives. Also, it’s very often that loneliness is tied to depression (cause/effect or effect cause - I dunno). Telling your doctor about it is important. They may prescribe something to at least alleviate depression if necessary and from there perhaps suggest some therapy. It’s not hard to find groups of people online or in your community who share your feelings.
Besides group self-help sessions though it’s important to put in the effort to connect to other people. Churches, community centers, online community groups offer all kinds of activities for like-minded people. Learn to knit, power walk, bird watch, any new skill. My mother found a thriving community in her government-supported seniors apartment building that was open to anyone in the neighbourhood. Bingo anyone? Bake sales? Their Halloween parties were renowned!
Volunteering is also a wonderful way to reconnect with people, both those you help and other volunteers. Take a moment and think about what you like, what gives you joy. Do you like animals? Volunteer at a local shelter for dog walking. Cat person? Check to see if they need help building feral cat shelters. I find there’s so much need out there and people are eager for your help.
Last word: I’m 72 and I find the older I get the more options there are. Who’da thought of chair-yoga forty years ago? So many government programs are now focused on an aging population. Most volunteers and community group members are seniors. And you have something the young’uns don’t - all kinds of TIME. :)
So take heart, and get out there. The world is waiting for you.
#34
Not really, I am 76 and alone but don’t choose to do anything about it. If you don’t like it make a plan to change it. What can you do? How often do you leave the house? What would make you leave more often? What would solve loneliness? Would talking to children help or only adults? Do you need real conversation or just being near people?
After my divorce in my 30s I did not want to be alone. I joined a gym and worked out hours a day but they were closed at night. After they closed I played pool at the apartments. Weekends at night was nothing to do so I went fishing off a dock for rock cod.
Now if I wanted to be near people I could join a gym, buy a dog to walk at the dog park, go to the senior center for cards and lunch, go to casinos to play slots, take up bingo, get a volunteer job, start a business, watch some preteens after school, all people on the phone, go to a chat in a game I play, learn to use Zoom. I could go to a meetup group, buy nothing group, have yard sales. I could try online dating then have something to talk about to people about how bad it was. I could get a boyfriend, go out to eat and go fishing with him. Or I could stay home and complain about being alone.
María Hermida 1 month ago
Do NOT go to casinos. Gambling won't solve your problems, and it can create a new one. Also, do not BUY a dog to solve your problems. That's terribly selfish. ADOPT an animal if you want company, but think it's a commitment, and you must always think of the animal's needs first.
#35
I am 85 years old. My wife is a little younger. We are never lonely and we live in moderation, Our daughter is married with her own family, I have brothers and sisters and friend and I find that I am the one who occasionally phone the others. If I do not phone periodically, they all phone back asking why I did not phone,
I have so much to do, and occupy myself, with the home requirements my workshop, making toys for my grandson, hosting some students who have difficulty with their mathematics, , and physics and engineering subjects, There is so much to keep me busy within our home. To-day and yesterday we went swimming in the sea. I was talking to a variety of people, from children to those who were 90 years old, I guess we are very lucky. I always put an effort in keeping company . When young, working at Chatham Dockyard, I remember before going to University, I asked one young woman called, Jill Allen , with whom I danced, whether she would mind if I wrote to her, and she said, “ I do not mind, but I shall not write back !” I told her that I accepted that situation, and would expect nothing in return. After about eight years of writing to her, where she never wrote back, but always answered my phone calls, I told her that I was returning home to my own country, and that I shall not write to her any more……………… to which she answered,———-” No, no , no, do please proceed to write to me, as you are the only one who keeps me company!” I always answered telephone calls, even from those colleagues who made careers serving on oil tankers, and often told me, “ Carmel, I am never lonely when alone, as wherever ocean or country I am in the world, I know that you will answer my phone call,”
I guess that I am a lucky and fortunate person, but I it seems that I do put effort in making and keeping company of those who did not want to write to me , not phone me up. My wife pulls my leg as every time we go out, as I somehow start a conversation with any stranger using small talk. I held the hands of about a dozen people who were in hospital, and did not have any visitors, I learned all this while abroad , when I had a motorcycle incident broke my jaw and was unconscious for about four days, and had to spend about six months at East Grinstead Hospital in Kent. No one visited me, and so I had to seek the company of others, where even doctors and nurses shared a joke or two. When I left hospital to go back to Chatham, a consultant doctor approached me and told me that I was to keep company to a young woman who was to go back to Chatham, and she had no one to support her, The doctor told me that the young woman suffered from some moods where she could lose her senses and control, I was scared. The doctor told me what to do if that happened, I took the responsibility of accompanying this young woman to Chatham, where a family member awaited her at the train station, I was glad that young woman was fine, and all I did was to offer her my silent company, and she just wanted to talk, and I just listened. Our eyes met often and she knew that I offered her security, in my relative silence,
Lending an ear to others seem to be accepted as being good company even if I do not utter one word. I held my parents hand on their death beds and that was the best I could do. I suppose I have been a fortunate person in being alone but never lonely on many occasions and I make up for it when there is someone around, While residing in England for fifteen years, I spent 15 Christmases on my own seeing company in ballroom dancing and then returning to my meager residence which on one occasion was a cold attic in Gillingham. However the Company at Chatham, Rochester, Durham, Newcastle Upon Tyne, South moor more than made up for the one year I lived alone , but not lonely in an Attic and having to use outside toilets at around 1954. It was all experience that taught me about real life, that you need to help others without expecting any returns, but it is nice when you
#36
Unfortunately, the majority of people are busy with their own lives, whether that is helping their family and taking care of immediate needs or frippery or something in between.
At my loneliest, I was depressed, I was dumped by a friend, and i felt unworthy to have friends. And I was only 26! I felt like I was Just a girl “with problems.” But I projected a lot as everyone has problems. I should have been more welcoming and receptive to those who were friendly instead of listening to this internal monologuing.
You probably still have a lot to offer. Do you still work? Can you drive? Walk? If you are able bodied, I would encourage taking up one volunteer cause for those in more need than you (homeless, soup kitchens, single mothers, disability) plus one hobby that brings you joy in case other people's hardships are draining. Or occasionally go out for lunch with another volunteer.
If you do not drive, but you are still fairly healthy, determine if there are any good places to invest your time a short (safe!) walk or bus ride away. If you cannot do much physical work, maybe you can go through training for a suicide or crisis pregnancy hotline.
If any working and volunteering would be too difficult, but you would like company, contact local churches and senior organizations.
If these options cannot work, it may be time to look at another living situation more suited to a retiree/ assisted living. Maybe consider moving closer to family or another place with more to offer. (Note: DO NOT move close to family unless you are sure, unless there are several to help out because otherwise one pregnancy, death, move, etc. will leave you with no help. Don't move close to them if you're not sure. Don't move close if the place overall has nothing to offer.)
I know these decisions are hard, but I think there is more in life for you. Praying for your next decades to be rich and fulfilling!
#37
It matters to me, very much. I’m not lonely, but I’ve been bedbound for 5 years and now 63. It’s a struggle, but I’ve involved myself in ministry and it gives me a purpose and a sense of meaning to my life.
Message me anytime if you wish!
#38
OK, learn to dance (don't do it to fall in love). I learned to swing and country dance after 60 I'm now 76. Learn a new interest (I DO like computers, but many hobbies exist). Take an art class at a college. Teach something at a school. All with a purpose of meeting people.
Join a non-profit or a food bank. You will see many people in worse shape but you may feel better helping them. Many non profits exist. Some would say join a (reputable only) church or other civic group of your choice. Always go in with an open mind but also be sooooo careful. Don't use your money to buy a friendship. If they want your money, well, they want your money.
Always plan some things you want to do or try, even if you don't end up doing them (yes, a bucket list).
Write a book, join a book club, join a group that critiques or writes books. Join a sailing club. You don't even need to know how to sail, you will learn.
Still, be careful, no group is perfect, and you might also be looking at your problems with fear. Find a lifestyle counselor if you need to sort out things.
Enough said? Maybe hard to start, but, once you begin, well you won't know until you start.
#39
There are people that care and would love to meet you. I'm 73 and would invite you for coffee if I could. You have lots of friends that you haven't met yet. Please don't give up.
#40
I'm 62. Twice divorced. I've come to the reality that depending on someone else for my happiness is a fruitless endeavor. I don't attempt to develop meaningful relationships anymore. I'm content with casual acquaintances and doing what I want. It's very comfortable for me now.. But that's just me.
#41
It matters to you but no one else.
This is a problem only YOU can solve. You need to do something that gets you involved with other people. Volunteer work is a great way to do this. Another is to look into resources for the aging in your community. Many towns and cities have senior centers or similar gathering places and they can be a great source of opportunities to meet people.
You’ll likely find that once you get involved with one group it may well lead to other opportunities.
Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, that won’t help and will only make you feel worse.
#42
I’m 67.
My advice is take charge of your life. Get busy. Start doing some volunteer work - whatever appeals that you can physically do. Join some clubs or hobby guilds - lots of them get together regularly. There are even walking clubs. Get involved in your faith community. Start inviting people over or out - meet old friend you haven’t seen for a while for coffee. Take some classes in something interesting or to learn a new skill.
You need activity and social interactions - and to be meeting people rather than sitting alone feeling sorry about your situation.
It might be uncomfortable at first - especially if you are shy - but you can make choices that will pay off to make your life less lonely and more meaningful.
#43
Your never alone when you choose to live your best life. The only reason folks feel so alone is because of the restrictions that they place upon themselves. They get too shielded from the outside world, because they don't want to get hurt by anyone. They're usually internally afraid that they'll open up to others and get judged, then left alone worse off than before.
That being said, it's okay to be open to others, just as long as you do keep your guard up a little bit. Don't be so overguarded that you will seem like a hermit, but don't open up fully until you know them enough to feel that they are safe to open up to them. Slow steps is the key, and eventually you'll know how to handle any situation, and you'll be an open book. Then you will attract more and more people who want to be around you, and you'll be so busy that you won't feel alone every again.
I've been through so many different situations in life, that I had to learn all these things myself. The problem was, I learned them all the hard way. I'm actually thankful that I learned that way through, because I not only have openness with others, but I also know safe limitations to how much I'll share, and when to share it with others. Age makes no difference, I'm 46 and still make new friends. I'm almost never lonely because of the way I am. I've lost a lot of people in my life, but I'll never stop living.
The only way to get away from loneliness, is to keep living, and learning. You can still be the life of the party if you just keep pushing through life, never give up and have fun. I hope this helps you and you get out there and make some friends.
#44
If you give up, then you will definitely not matter and no one will care. But if you continue fighting and pushing, then maybe someday (it might be even very soon) you are in a situation in which you can affect, change, influence someone’s life, including yours. As you might know (probably much better than myself) life is unpredictable, and in today’s dynamic even more. Don’t pressure yourself with such questions, just go out (however you can) and be proud of being able to say I am 63 and I am still here, despite all that life has thrown at me.
#45
I can't speak for everyone, but it certainly matters to me. Perhaps because I'm lonely too. It's hard living alone, not having anyone to share life with. And especially hard not having the touch of a woman after knowing that touch before.
I know what it is like to be lonely, and if it were possible I would end your loneliness for selfish reasons. Because ending yours would be ending my own.
#46
It should and the first person should care is you. Kindness and self love should be the motor of your dessisions. Do things to please yourself not others. To give, first you need to love yourself. Focus on all the good things that sorrounds you and feel gratitude. Gratitude is the most powerfull switch to transform your perspective about life. So if your body still let you do what ever you enjoy, start with it, if not, start repairing your mobility, Yoga Helps a lot but there are many techniques to improve it. Remember this: we came alone and we will let this life alone. Its our personal journey; others will just be a good companion on our way. There are 4 things that will let you feel better: nutrition, exercise, a good community that sorrounds you, and porpouse in life. If you can add a spiritual way, much better.
#47
The one person it should matter to, is you. When you decide not to be lonely anymore you will reach out to others. Part time work, volunteering or just walking around talking to people.
The people that were in your life will not know how lonely you are unless you tell them.
#48
I'm 68 with plenty of interests to be involved in. I'm not shy so if I want to speak to someone I do. Granted not everyone responds the same positive way when I do this but then I don't need to talk to everybody. I meet some super nice people at times just by being willing to start a conversation. If you have no where else to go head to a local senior center and make some friends. If you're lonely it's because you're not taking responsibility for making your life what you want it to be. Trust me, nobody else is going to do it for you.
#49
The world is now a lonely place because people are becoming too selfish and careless, I am having a share of it.. I have to drive to the beach breath in some Ocean breeze and relax. Florida is becoming something you can not explain.
#50
The only one who matters to you is you! I am amazed at how youth is revered and old age is despised. I will be 63 years old this year and I am in the prime of my life. How ever much time is left to me will be used wisely and without regret. We matter! Our hopes and dreams are not dashed because we are now over 60. We have lived full and prosperous lives. It is rich with wisdom and stuffed full of ideas and knowledge that can be used for our own benefit or the benefit of others. Get out and make friends if you want. Join some clubs or seek out your local church to volunteer. Get a hobby. Foster a child or a pet. I’ve even seen older people adopt a child or a pet or volunteer in charitable organization endeavors around the world. It is our time to pour out now. No more of this “woe is me and nobody cares about me”. You have to care about you. and there are people, places and things that need our attention. SHIFT! You are still in the land of the living and until the dirt is thrown over us, we matter! My best to you in all your endeavors! Now get out there and live out your golden years with power and purpose!
What do you think ?
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 month ago
I feel these comments/realities are important to read in your "younger decades". In 15-20 yrs my parents will be gone, my (older) partner will be gone. I need to have a plan and be prepared. Best way to do that is to hear what others are saying about the experience now.
Guess Undheit 1 month ago
Tell them to stop buying suburbs and demand walkable cities. You don't and won't meet anyone if you're locked inside a single family dwelling and drive everywhere. I walk to the small supermarkets, post office, and other shops every day. I see people face to face on the bus and the subway. I see people in the park 400 metres from my apartment.
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John Harrison 1 month ago
This was a tough read. But it's important. Thank you for posting this, Kornelija Viečaitė.
Steve Sharpe 1 month ago
Respectfully John, all these kinds of articles on here are *not* original content - this is other people's work that's been ctrl+c/v'd. For this specific article, 'someone' has paid for membership to a subscriber-only website where you have to pay to access the content, they've ctrl+c'd someone else's work, and uploaded it here after slapping their own ads all over it. It is a hard read, and it is an incredibly important issue - I'm walking back to to the same pub we always go to on this day, there's less of us every year and it frankly terrifies me, not something I'd for a second try to sweep under the carpet - but it's not their work, they just swiped it from someone else.
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Dave Kennon’s Retirement Revolution 1 month ago
This is so sad. I know this won't be popular. But forming a church community is the best thing that ever happened to me as I got older.
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 month ago
I've heard that a few times from older people who weren't involved in any religion in their younger decades but it brought comfort and a belonging/community in theirs 70s/80s. I can see why. To each their own.
Load More Replies... Traveling Lady Railfan 1 month ago
I feel these comments/realities are important to read in your "younger decades". In 15-20 yrs my parents will be gone, my (older) partner will be gone. I need to have a plan and be prepared. Best way to do that is to hear what others are saying about the experience now.
Guess Undheit 1 month ago
Tell them to stop buying suburbs and demand walkable cities. You don't and won't meet anyone if you're locked inside a single family dwelling and drive everywhere. I walk to the small supermarkets, post office, and other shops every day. I see people face to face on the bus and the subway. I see people in the park 400 metres from my apartment.
Load More Replies... John Harrison 1 month ago
This was a tough read. But it's important. Thank you for posting this, Kornelija Viečaitė.
Steve Sharpe 1 month ago
Respectfully John, all these kinds of articles on here are *not* original content - this is other people's work that's been ctrl+c/v'd. For this specific article, 'someone' has paid for membership to a subscriber-only website where you have to pay to access the content, they've ctrl+c'd someone else's work, and uploaded it here after slapping their own ads all over it. It is a hard read, and it is an incredibly important issue - I'm walking back to to the same pub we always go to on this day, there's less of us every year and it frankly terrifies me, not something I'd for a second try to sweep under the carpet - but it's not their work, they just swiped it from someone else.
Load More Replies... Dave Kennon’s Retirement Revolution 1 month ago
This is so sad. I know this won't be popular. But forming a church community is the best thing that ever happened to me as I got older.
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 month ago
I've heard that a few times from older people who weren't involved in any religion in their younger decades but it brought comfort and a belonging/community in theirs 70s/80s. I can see why. To each their own.
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