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Older People That Chose Not To Have Kids Reveal If They Regret The Decision Now

A lot of people try to give meaning to their lives by building a house, planting a tree, and bringing up a child. There are some, however, who are content with just the first two options. In fact, recent U.S. population surveys show that a record percentage of women don’t have kids. Recently, reddit user throwawaygeneral8899 (who is currently getting married) decided to find out how these people are dealing with the consequences of their choice. They created a post asking "Older couples that decided to not have children ...how do you feel about your decision now that years have passed?" The responses started pouring in quickly, and you can really feel the honesty behind them.

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My husband & I are in our 50s & have been married 19 years. We both grew up with abusive dads, were the “smart kid” in the family, got the hell out ASAP, worked our way through college & made something of ourselves before meeting & getting married. A lot of common ground & we’ve built a strong, rock-solid marriage.

We considered having kids, but after working so hard on healing from the childhood abuse & escaping the cycle of poverty we grew up in, we decided long ago that just the two of us was enough. We still consider ourselves a family and we’ve been really happy with our life together. Our home is peaceful & that’s the thing we care about the most.

If I had to choose now, knowing what I do, between becoming a mother & having the marriage & home life I now enjoy, it’s absolutely no contest. Zero regrets.

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Researchers rarely collect data that distinguishes between the involuntarily childless and the consciously childfree. The 2014 census figures, however, revealed that 47.6 percent of women between age 15 and 44 have never had children ― the highest rate ever tracked. According to a 2014 Pew Research Center report, 19 percent of women remain childless by age 40 to 44.

We've been married twenty years. We are both 50. Neither of us wanted to bring children into our family.

I spent a WONDERFUL afternoon with my 16 year old niece yesterday. We talked about her boyfriend, picked blackberries and discovered a woodland clam [fingernail mussel] living in a mud puddle [vernal pool] in the woods, which we named Fred. It was magical. I just adore her.

Not having kids is just as normal as wanting kids, I've always felt.

Zero regrets.

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Amy Blackstone, a gender sociologist at the University of Maine who specializes in childfree research, hopes that her work at least helps question the assumption that little boys and girls will grow up to become parents. "Right now, girls in particular, but girls and boys both, are raised to imagine themselves as parents of children," she told Huff Post. "But if we more critically thought about the question of whether or not to parent, then everyone would have the opportunity to make the choice that’s right for them."

"Of course, the childfree would benefit... if we made it a choice rather than an assumption,” Blackstone said. "But I think parents would benefit, too."

No regrets. Not everyone wants them, and if you're not sure, it's best to hold off. Having ambivalent (or worse) parents does a real number on a kids self esteem.

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Blackstone conducted 60 to 90-minute interviews with 31 people (21 women and 10 men) about their decision to live childfree. The small qualitative study found out that the choice is not spontaneous but rather a complex and ongoing conversation. This pushes back on critics, saying that childfree couples are selfish or flippant.

Since publishing her research, Blackstone has interviewed 44 more people, expanding the diversity of her participant pool. She wishes to continue her research in the future as well, which will hopefully create a world where childfree people don’t have to defend their choice to others or suffer socially for it.

Well...I'm a dude in a relationship with a dude. 26 years. We could have had children but didn't. Have plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil.

Also...we've been able to save and we are retiring this week. I'm 54.

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Mid-40s, married for 22 years. No regrets. We’re both extremely happy - we have a great marriage, fulfilling jobs, money (and time) for all the fun things we want to do, and as much travel as we want (currently on week 6 of a 7 week road trip). I have never felt a lack in my life for not having children, and have always felt that having children would be detrimental to my happiness. I’m sure it’s great for those that actually want kids, but I’ve never been one of those people.

I also have around 16 nieces and nephews, so we get to sort of experience that whole "having a kid" thing for a week or two at a time...and then send them home, which works out perfectly.

Our two cats and one dog are as close to having kids that we will ever have, and trust me - that’s about as much responsibility for someone else’s life as we should be given. I love our pets, but having a dog has very firmly shown me that it’s a good thing we never had kids.

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My husband and I are 48. Not having kids is a huge relief, still. We get to travel, have a nice house, walk around naked if we want, and I have disposable income to support causes that are important. My life is fulfilling and happy.

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Every kid I don't have is like $186,000 I don't need to make.

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I love my life. Kids never factored into it. I never wanted them, so simply didn't have them.

Having never wanted them, I don't think about having missed out on anything or that I'm lesser for it.

Children aren't mandatory

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I'm not a couple, just a person. I've been in lots of relationships and was married twice. I would not have made a good parent. Regret sometimes I wasn't born into a different life, but given the cards I was dealt... I think I made the right choice in that department and have no regrets.

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#10

I'm a 49 year old female and have never regretted my decision to not have kids. I think I've always been missing the mommy gene. I like not having the responsibilities and obligations (and expenses!) that go along with having kids.

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#11

We're both in our mid 40s. When we got married in our mid 20s we were trying to have kids, until we realized that we were pretty much just doing it because it was expected of us by family. I decided to not get pregnant and my husband has supported my decision.

After a few years my husband started having spotty employment due to health issues and ended up on disability. We don't know if he'll ever be able to work again or what his long term health will be like. We were concerned that he wouldn't be able to contribute to a child's life, either financially or by providing care. Plus I found out I have fertility issues and it would be very expensive and difficult, if not impossible, for me to get pregnant. Also I've realized in the last few years that 1) my upbringing qualifies as abuse and I'm more like my abuser than I'm comfortable admitting; 2) I don't want to treat a kid the way I got treated but I'm afraid it would be inevitable without a crap ton of ongoing therapy for the entire family; and 3) I realized that I just don't really like kids that much. Having a kid around for a couple hours? Fine. 24/7 for minimum 18 years? No thanks.

Sometimes I worry that when we're old we'll be alone and regret it then, but we have plenty of nieces and nephews, and the fear of the possibility of regret thirty or forty years from now isn't a valid reason to get pregnant IMO.

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#12

I'm going to give you the different answer. I met my guy at 26. I was ready for kids at 32. He started stalling, hoping to run my clock out. I thought I was 'too old' to find someone new in time to have kids.

I tried to accept it. To find something else to give my life purpose. I have a fulfilling professional career. I donate. I volunteer. I care for my older family members. I have friends.

But, you know what? I never got over my anger and resentment of being denied children. Last year, after 20 years together, I ended things.

Now I'm back to looking at ways to become a Mom, however that happens. I have my own frozen eggs. I'm open to fostering or adopting.

And I don't regret leaving my ex, not even a little. I feel resentment, and cheated.

For what it's worth, Embryo adoption is also a thing. It's far more cost effective than domestic infant adoption, and you can generally do it until age 55, after that on a case by case basis.

Some people can move past it, others can't until they have exhausted every possible outlet. I'm in the latter category. I wish you peace, with whatever you decide.

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#13

I'm approaching 60, husband is approaching 70, and we get that question a lot. We know we made the right choice. I'm a teacher, so I've spent my life working with wonderful kids, but simply never wanted to go home to more kids after work. We don't know who will take care of us when we're decrepit, but adult children are no guarantee of having care in old age.

However, I think we both miss having grandchildren to take places, Christmas is quiet, and family barbecues are non-existant. That part is a bit sad.

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#14

I always thought I'd wake up one day and be clucky and ready to start a family. That day never came and I'm pushing 50 now so I've missed my chance.

I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake not having kids but its not something i really regret.

On the plus side, I am looking at retiring with a 6 figure income at 52, regularly donate and do charity work. In-fact I am looking at starting my own charity at the end of the year to dedicate more time to when I retire.

In some ways not having children has/will allow me to help more people than just my immediate family.

My suggestion is do what feels right, either way its a big decision that only you and your partner should make.

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#15

I'm 41 and chilling, do what I want when I want, no money issues, so I'm happy. I never felt like I wanted kids, I just didn't feel I would be a good parent, so I think it would be irresponsible on my part. People still like to tell me I just "haven't found the right girl yet" but I tell them the right girl is one who doesn't want to have kids. Not sure why it's such a big deal, but no one has ever said "good for you, that's awesome". Kinda f**ked up there's enough people on this planet already.

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#16

I’m not that old (37) and I’m not a couple, but I didn’t have kids and I can say undoubtedly, I wouldn’t have accomplished the things I am very proud of in my life if I’d gone down the family route.

My nieces and nephews are enough for me, and I can give them back and won’t be held responsible for how they turn out. It’s honestly not a bad deal at all.

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#17

I’m 60 now, been married for 29 years. God did not provide me with the proper temperament to raise children. Have never regretted our decision to be child free. We’re good

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#18

My husband and I have been together for 27 years, and we originally said we didn't want kids. Then we thought we should have some, and tried for a decade with no luck. So we had a serious talk, and decided we didn't really want them after all, and stopped trying. Now that the pressure is off and we both feel nothing but relief, we are enjoying life so much. It's wonderful to just be selfish without having to make excuses or feel resentful and be able to travel on our own schedule and make decisions that just impact us. If we could have had kids naturally, no harm, no foul, and we would have loved and accepted them, but it didn't happen, so no worries. And we also don't have to worry about f*cking up another human accidentally. Life is good, and we have the finances and resources to take care of ourselves. The only negative is that we are both the end of the line for our genetic ancestors. But that doesn't seem like a good enough reason to try the crazy fertility treatments beyond what we already did.

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#19

My wife and I are in out mid 40's. I hope that counts as "older".

We're very happy with our decision. We have the ability to live a pretty comfortable lifestyle, and I think we generally have a lot less stress than our child-having peers, and we'll be able to retire earlier.

Our lives are full and fun, and I get to spend a ridiculous amount of time with my wife (which is the best thing ever).

Also, there are some things that you may not think about. For example, I recently had some changes at my job that created a lot of potential income stress. I was flipping out pretty hard. If I had a kid in (or nearly in) college, I might have gone full meltdown.

Many of the concerns that went in to our decision not to have kids were centered around our own personalities, so I'm not a "child free" advocate, or anything, but I do think that many people have kids because they are "supposed to" or because the want "someone to take care of them when they're old," which I think is a terrible reason to have kids.

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#20

I fear the answer to this. I'm ambivalent about kids. But I'll never forget holding the hand of a man on his last day in hospice as he said " Oh God, I wish I'd had a child."

He was married to one woman for close to 50 years, taught for nearly 40. His room was filled with cards and photos from former students, friends, and family. It's impossible to say if he was lucid, but the regret in his voice was heartbreaking.

I say now I'd be happy with children or none; biological, adopted, or step, but until the end I won't ever know.

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#21

My wife and I have been married for 12 years - I am 36 and she is 40, so, yeah, likely not in the cards. It is a reality that, while tough, I am slowly learning to accept.

I realized that as a guy, I always look at having kids with rose-colored glasses - ball games, working on my classic car with them, dad jokes, the fun stuff. That's easy for me as it's not my body and sacrifice. My wife is not on board and it's her body and I love and respect her to much to force her hand. If either one of us are not 100% ok with a major decision, we don't do it, end of discussion.

I look forward to spoiling my nieces and nephews and spending more time with my wife and continuing to make our world about us, forever.

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#22

No regrets.

Until I was in my mid-20s I always thought I wanted kids. Then I stayed with a couple I knew who had toddlers. They were nice kids, but I remember one Saturday morning they poked me awake for cereal. It was an epiphany. I remember thinking "I will never want this."

Fast forward several decades. Not too long ago I was at a family function with an 8 year old. He's not a bad kid, but Christ it was just...loud. Everything was just really loud. XBox, talking all the time, interrupting with questions. Mind you, I'm not complaining about the childrens behavior. They were better than average, from what I can tell. I'm just celebrating my decision not to get involved.

I am soooo happy I did not subject myself to that.

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#23

I wanted them but never met the right person. I'm REALLY glad I didnt have any of my previous partners- they would either have made terrible mothers or we just did not make for a healthy couple.
I have the perfect partner now, and she did fall pregnant, but we lost the baby to Dandy Walker syndrome. Getting a bit too old to try again now. I am very upset that I will not have children, but I don't regret not having children with anyone but my current partner.

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#24

I go through phases where I regret not having a kid, I still have plenty of time: My wife and I are 36, but we made the decision to be childless a decade ago, maybe more.

I understand the appeal of having children and feel it on some primal level, but logically the pros vs. cons of having a kid... there are just far too many cons.

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#25

I’m sad and in many ways I think my husband is also. He is terrific around our friends’ kids. Me not so much. But I see the unbelievable love that my friends have for their children and that is something I will never know. We’ve had great careers and have a wonderful life together. But it is also true that we also are very much alone without family. Our siblings all live far away and parents are gone. So when we die,that’s it. We have lived a self absorbed life is my guess. It doesn’t feel that good deep down.

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#26

I go back and forth. My SO has some significant mental health issues and I know that I would be alone doing much of the emotional labor of raising a child, and I know I'm not really capable of doing it alone. Sometimes I worry very much about what I will do when I am old. I'm an introvert and dont have many friends and am not overly likable, so I assume I will be alone. I just hope that there are some kind robots to take care of me, and that I'll die before the robots turn on us.

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#27

I love our decision not to have kids. I’ve always had trouble adulting well and the idea of spending all my spare cash on diapers and bottles didn’t appeal to me. I’m selfish, so is the husband, and we are okay with that. I have to prepare for old age because I’m not going to have any kids to look out for me when I’m frail and senile, which sometimes worries me, but then I remember that I didn’t have to raise kids and I smile a bit.

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#28

For my spouse, I can only say that they have physical and psychological issues that they've mentioned that they'd rather not pass on to a child.

For myself, I've always said that while I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me. I have my own reasons to believe I'd probably not be a good parent.

Yeah, we both get concerned sometimes whether anyone will be arsed to care about the sole survivor once the other's gone or incapacitated. But this thought is the result of our decisions, not a basis for changing our minds about having kids, which we will not. Having kids or not is no guarantee that you’ll end up cared for or not anyway, though it does probably move the needle on your odds.

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#29

Not older, I'm 34 and my wife is 31. Our lives are pretty f**king awesome. We do whatever we want whenever we want, and our focus and attention is on one-another. This really is the life for me, and she would tell you the exact same thing about herself. We are also the super-cool-but-quirky aunt and uncle that spoil the nieces and nephews, take them to do s**t their parents wouldn't usually/ever do... I mean it's great. I feel I'm surrounded by far, far too many people who are far, far to envious of us when they hear about our lives vs theirs, completely consumed by their children.

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#30

We are in our late fifties, we earn average money but because we don't have kids we have a lot of disposable income. Also I don't think I could have coped with the worry of having a child in today's horrible world. Both our mothers are in homes. We still make sure they're ok. There's no one to look after us. I sometimes want to ask my wife if she regrets not having kids but daren't. If she said yes it would destroy me.

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#31

Mid-40s couple. We feel regrets, lots of regrets.

However, we are a somewhat special case, and might still have a shot. We are past the normal age of having a child, but we froze our gametes ages ago, just in case we changed our mind about not having children.

For us, the decision not to have kids was more practical than ideological. At the time, we both had chronically ill family members that required a lot our time and, more importantly, mental energy. The idea of throwing a kid in the mix seemed unpleasant and unfair all around. Also, neither of us had much desire to have kids, we just enjoyed each others company and that was more than enough back then. Having kids seemed like a hugely stressful experience even in the best of circumstances and we could easily side-step it, so why not? I was the type of person who loved kids (I adore all my nephews), as long as I could give them back to their parents after some time.

I am a geneticist, and the full reason I thought we should freeze our gametes was that I thought, if we did ever decide to have kids - even while we can still do it "naturally" but we are older - I wanted us to have young gametes and to have the embryos screened. I know this seems unromantic, but see our practical attitudes towards life, above.

Things are really different now since we made that decision not to have kids all those years ago. We have fewer responsibilities and our financial situation is great. We've had the chance to live and travel all over the world, live for our careers, and spend years and years in just the company of each other. I feel like we got all we can out of being childfree, and we feel a longing to have a family of our own, meaning a family of more than just us two. So, now we feel a lot of regrets. Regrets about not having a kid at all and not doing it when we were younger. Old as we are, we will likely now go back to our egg- and spermcicles and give it a go if our doctor says it's OK.

The funny thing is, I think my answer might be completely different if we were in the same situation now but didn't have the gametes available. I think we might not allow ourselves the luxury of regrets. When what's done is done and can't be reversed, I think it's natural to just want to look at the brighter side of things, particularly when it's a mistake you can't learn much from.

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#32

Not having children is a big deal in my life. Yet my husband was diagnosed with MS the year were were married. His mother had it and his grandmother did. Met with a geneticist and found out we had an 80% chance we would have a child with MS. He is and has been healthy for 28 years after 5 years of issues due to the wonderful medication that was finally invented. Yet we could not live with the guilt of having a child with MS. We could not adopt either. Before the ADA act was fully implemented we could not adopt a child because he had MS. Even after that, they left us on the bottom of the list. We did not choose this. But are fine without kids. We just love and care for the kids around us.

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#33

Not an ‘older couple’ but my SO and I have been together for 9 years (now in our 30’s). I never wanted kids as long as I can remember and he doesn’t either. I have one nephew on my side and friends who have kids. That’s enough for me. The thought of being pregnant terrifies me. I legit have nightmares of being preggo or actually having a kid. I am content with caring for critters that will be spoiled AF and being the cool funky Aunt to nieces, nephews and friends kids.

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#34

Been married for 21 years and initially we tried to have kids but found out that it was going to be hard to do. Wife was heartbroken at first, but I was somewhat relieved. It's a lot of responsibility and your life changes to accommodate a child.

Over the years, wife has actually said a few times that she was glad we didn't have kids because we couldn't have had the adventures we did. I feel like it was the right choice and we're better off due to not having kids. We love our life and are continuing our adventures now in our 50's and we're starting to make plans for retirement.

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#35

I have a professor at my university who has been married to his wife for 50 years, and they have no children. He calls us his children and always talks about how he and his wife are inseparable. He's a really eccentric and energetic guy, even in his 70's. He gives out candy to the entire class before every lecture he gives.

He seems like he truly loves life and has no regrets about not having any children.

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#36

Quite happy. My mom's not so happy about our decision but his parents are okay with it.

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#37

Together for 20 years. We're the same age. Both mid 40's now. We were both on the same page about children for the first 10 years, which was "maybe". We felt no pressure to start popping on kids during our 20's and early 30's. We felt like we needed to make a decision around age 35. That's when we started actually telling people that we weren't going to have children. We're both career professionals. We have 4 legged children that we spoil and take with us on adventures. We live comfortably and play often. We got all the time we wanted nurturing 4 nieces and nephews and countless friends' kids. It was nice to try it on for an overnight or weekend here and there. We love to spoil the kids and then hand them back after mom and dad got to have a little time together. No regrets. Any longing for having a little one quickly passes and we go back to enjoying our romance and our critters. I'm usually saddened when I hear my friends complain about the woes of parenthood, and worse, when they become teenagers and start to have serious problems with school, drugs, and police. I feel that we're pretty lucky to be aligned in values regarding over-population and global instability. It would really suck to be stuck in a stalemate.

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#38

Bf is in his late 50s and I am 45. No regrets. I got to live all over the USA and made some quick and dirty decisions that paid off which I wouldn't have been able to if i had a kid or two in tow. I feel a lot more nimble than any of my friends who have kids do. I also enjoy the downtime a lot. A LOT! I can't fathom having my day packed with shit to do like my friends with kids have. I don't even have a calendar and I often go days without knowing what day it is. Lol

I'm going to probably retire with my bf in the next decade unless something lucrative turns up...Would never have been able to do that with kids either.

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#39

The biggest reasons I never had kids.

Im an only child and prefer being alone.

I would be scared stiff the kid would be disabled and Id be stuck with the problems and the guilt.

I dont like kids.

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#40

I'm 41, hes 43 and we've been married 22 years. It just...never happened. We never have used birth control, but we never went out of our way find out if one or both of us were infertile.

The first half of our marriage I wanted children. I was very sad seeing my friends have their babies and raising them. Not jealous, just envious I guess. Now? I'm actually relieved. I have mental health issues and I'm sure I would have somehow screwed them up. I also wouldn't have had all the time with my husband to enjoy his love and company (I'm honestly quite codependent). All my friends with kids, save one couple, are divorced and it really sucks for the kids.

I love loving on my friends babies (and now grandbabies) but it's awesome to be able to hand them back when they poop or cry.

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#41

Sometimes it's not a decision.

My wife and I went through several rounds of increasingly serious in-vitro fertilization and ICSI procedures before the doctors told us they just couldn't help us. (Well, she went through the procedures, I just jerked it into a vial. Mother Nature is sexist AF.)

If there was a choice, it was that we chose not to adopt after all that. I think we needed time to deal with the emotional strain, or just didn't want to think about kids for a while, I dunno.

But the years have rolled by and we've gotten older, I'm more and more convinced I wouldn't have the energy to adopt now ... and hell, I'm not even sure we've got the energy to be good parents even if we'd started on schedule.

I get a little sad when I see cute little kids and their families out in the world, but for the most part it doesn't bother me much, and on good days I think it's probably for the best, both for my wife and I and for the world. Mostly anyway.

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#42

Sad since I'm basically alone with no family or friends. I collapsed a couple of months ago with bad chest pains, and fortunately after a couple of hours I was able to reach my phone.

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#43

Have an aunt and uncle (not by blood but a very close family friend) who said he know he did not want them because he didn't want to risk exposing them to his temper. His wife (aunt) didn't feel she was capable to raise them. So they didn't. They told my dad (who is one of his best friends) that they would be disappointed if they had them and they did not turn out like my siblings and I. Also, they said they had enough friends who had kids that if they needed to get a parent-child experience taste then they could just give them a call, enjoy it for a few hours, then get back to their life.

Autski Report

Final score:

5points

POST

#44

Considering any kids I have would have a 50% chance of having friedrich-like ataxia with vitamin e deficiency. I don't feel bad at all.

olbaidiablo Report

Final score:

3points

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#45

Been married almost 19 years. We tried to have kids in the beginning but couldn't get pregnant. What followed were serious health issues between the two of us that stalled our efforts. In 2017, I had to have a hysterectomy.

We were fortunate that we had a niece and nephew that we consider our "kids." Their dad was a drug addict and their mom was seriously mentally ill, so we unofficially took them in. Now that niece has an on-again, off-again drug habit and many personal problems, and we have a similar relationship with her son and daughter, though their grandmother currently had custody.

Not the best situation, but at least we have had opportunities to step into parental roles. At this point, we are pretty set in our ways and have accepted that we don't have kids. We have a great marriage and we like our peace and quiet.

TheNameIsChops Report

Final score:

2points

POST

#46

Little regret every day

anxietyhub Report

Final score:

1point

POST

#47

I wish I had had kids

Uniqueusername360 Report

Final score:

1point

POST

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

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This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

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Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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What do you think ?

POST

Daniel R. 5 years ago

Great post, seriously. It's OK not to want kids - can we normalize that already? Especially within other cultures, it's almost a sin to not want kids. I should forward this to some people.

19points

John Louis 5 years ago

It's nobody's business whether you have children. End of story! I am 57 and never regretted never siring offspring. I know plenty of people who feel otherwise. There's no reason to even discuss it except to make this point: It's your decision and no one else need express or have an opinion on the matter.

15points

B 5 years ago

My ex and I decided we wouldn't have children (because, reasons). Then later she decided she wanted them, and for the sake of contentment and keeping our marriage happy we had them. The stress and disagreements that they caused (not their fault, of course, but different parenting methods) was one of the reasons she is now my ex. My advice: think very carefully wbout WHY you're having kids if that's what you decide. If it's 'because that's what everyone does' it's not a good enough reason.

12points

KrisF 5 years ago

Just had a conversation with my dad last night about how I don't want biological kids and am kind of ambivalent about having them at all if I ever meet someone (which is something else I've always been ambivalent about). I have had lifelong health issues that are genetic, and it has always made basic things difficult. I don't want any child to go through what I did and it's pretty much a 50/50 chance that any kid I have will get it to some degree (all of my siblings have it, though not as severe). He doesn't get it and spent most of the conversation trying to talk me out of it.

7points

Catffirmations 5 years ago

I agree completely. I think more people should be more aware of their physical, mental, and emotional limitations. I have a myriad of health issues and I would never want to pass my bad genes to someone else, knowing they will spend their lives suffering. I am shocked how many people have children despite knowing the high likelihood of passing on genetic conditions or diseases; to me, that is true selfishness.

1point

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Katinka Min 5 years ago

martha Meyer: You watched too many movies. We can't genetically modify our embryos (yet)

1point

Martha Meyer 5 years ago

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Slinkman 5 years ago (edited)

And still.. i'm 31 and still not sure if i want children, my girlfriend is on the same page. I work every day with children and love my nephew and niece (very happy about the fact there will be a third one later this year), but i don't feel the need of having children of my own. When you share this thought with other people, they often look at you as if you slapped them in the face. Like they are saying : 'No children of your own in your life, that's just not done, what abnormal person are you?! But still, i'm not going to raise a child when i'm not ready for him or her, that''s not fair to them and not fair to myself. I very much enjoy children, but i also very much love my freedom and the fact i'm not 24/7 responsible for a life i helped create. Downvote me if you think it's what you have to do, but that's how i'm feeling. Maybe it sounds weird but i rather have a dog to care for instead, and that is definitely going to happen. Love animals ;)

6points

Isabella 5 years ago

That look on people's face, when you state you don't want or need kids? It's often jealousy. People have kids because "it's the right thing to do" or "because I am an adult" or "all other people have kids" or "a natural way of things to go..." and other b-s**t. Most of them have kids for wrong reasons. And then they regret this. But it is socially unacceptable to state that you regret having a kid. So they suffer. Alone with their feelings, unable to share. There was work about how many women regret motherhood - over 56% regret it and asked if they had knew what it is to have kids if they had them again - they always say no. One lady even stated she had suicidal thoughts because of regretting motherhood - she lived with believing that she is a bad person when it was her husband who forced having kid. Mind that in many countries abortion is not an option, sadly. Only small percentage of people have kids for right reasons.

-1point

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Lara Harris 5 years ago

I'm 45 he's 50. We made the decision together or rather... We both discussed it one day (well before marriage) and realised both of us weren't interested in having kids. Interestingly, I have 4 siblings, only one has kids (and he was tricked into that), my hubby has two siblings. Both of us really like our lives. We're happy as we are.

5points

Elizabeth 5 years ago

Everyone I've ever met without kids has a list of very good reasons why they didn't. Few people I've met with kids have any sort of list as to why they had kids. This really should be the other way around. I know we need children to continue our species but we don't live in biblical times, we have antibiotics and medicine. We need to control our population growth!!!!

5points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Excellent thinking, Liz.

2points

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Zoe's Mom 5 years ago

62, single and no regrets.

5points

Demi Zwaan 5 years ago

I never liked to play with baby dolls, never pictured a future with children and as I aged, I really didn’t like children. I see a kitten, I awww. I see a baby, I feel nothing. Kind of like how most people would feel about a pet snake. They look nice, you know the owner loves them, so you say nice things and you’d never want to harm them, but there’s no fuzzy warm feeling. Luckily, my husband feels the same way, so we never even considered having children. We’re 43 and 48 now, no regrets.

5points

Noez 🇸🇪 5 years ago

I'm a 36 y/o woman. Never wanted kids, ever. My own violent childhood is most likely the main reason, but I also see having kids as an ineffective choice... They're loud, take wayyy to long time to grow and be born and even longer time to make it on their own, they're expensive, they seem to absorb all energy from the parents, and the world is sometimes a nasty, horrid, awful place! There's not even a guarantee that a kid will grow up to be a good person, no matter how much love and support they get they can still become fools (I consider at least half my relatives to be quite foolish) that people wouldn't want to be with if they weren't related. How anyone despite all of this would even think to have "one of those" (kids) and take on the hard work and time and worry to take care of them is beyond me. I do salute you who do this and actually succeed with it YOU ALL DESERVE A PRIZE, but secretly I'm gonna wonder if you're insane..... As I said, I see kids as an ineffective choice.

4points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Lots of parents who are trapped by their circumstances in here jealously downvoting anyone who planned better and chose not to reproduce.

4points

Jo Choto 5 years ago

A lot of these people are still quite young. What I have discovered is that with two of my mother's friends, who are single, childless and in their 70s, that their lives have become more and more empty over time. They don't have a partner for support and as they suffer the onset of various health issues, they have no one to help them, the way a child might. I don't think anyone should have kids if they don't want, but I think the answers you get from people in their 40s and 50s is going to be radically different than asking people in their 70s and 80s, especially when they have lost their partner.

4points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

I don’t think so. Children don’t fill an empty life, spouses and friends do. If that person had kids, their kids would be in their 40’s living their own life when the parent is in their 70’s. That won’t change the emptiness. The answer for those people is to get remarried or move to a 55+ community.

7points

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Vi. B. 5 years ago

No one should have kids just to take care of them when old, it's most selfish thing in the world !

4points

Aria Whitaker 5 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Janelle Collard Premium 5 years ago

I had my "tubes tied" when I was 27 + have never regretted it. (I'm over 70 now.)

3points

optional 5 years ago

This question tends to be framed around how you feel when you're about to die or getting close. Why compromise 30+ years of your life just in case it'll maybe make you feel better for a very short time later on? Is feeling regret for a few days or weeks really worse than decades of struggle, compromise, and suffering? And for all you know you'll regret having kids just as much. Also, if someone's reason for having kids is to avoid potential regret later on, well that's a terrible reason, and that person will probably be a terrible parent.

3points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Good point.

1point

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April Simnel 5 years ago (edited)

Just turned 50, and no, I have no regrets about not having kids. My bio family was a shitshow of abuse, and for a long time I picked men to be in relationships with who were too similar to people who abused me in childhood, so I was basically replicating the pattern. That would have been horrible to expose a kid to. With the way things are going, I'm glad I don't have a child who would be in their mid-to-late 20s now, and who would have to live through what's coming. I have friends and younger cousins in that age group and into their 30s who are starting to pair up and have kids, and I'm so worried for them all.

3points

Michelle Watler 5 years ago

no kids, no regrets

3points

Isabella 5 years ago

Some people do regret kids They just don’t talk about it. In 1975, advice columnist Ann Landers asked her readers, “If you had it to do over again, would you have children?” Nearly 10,000 parents replied on handwritten postcards, and a few weeks later, Landers shared the survey results in an article headlined “70 PERCENT OF PARENTS SAY KIDS NOT WORTH IT.” https://medium.com/@krisgage/read-this-if-youre-not-sure-you-want-kids-c24c7895ebd5

2points

Isabella 5 years ago

https://www.amazon.com/Regretting-Motherhood-Study-Orna-Donath/dp/1623171377 “Donath breaks open what she describes as an ‘unspoken taboo,’ bringing the notion that women regret becoming mothers into the public discourse with her latest research.… The most valuable elements of the book are the different perspectives provided by the interviews, which reflect a striking amount of self-awareness (and, often, suffering) from women who have otherwise largely kept silent.” —Publishers Weekly

2points

Robyn Rob 5 years ago

I know a woman who never wanted kids, married a man who felt the same. He ended up cheating on her and told everyone the reason why they divorced was SHE didn’t want kids and he did (lies.) went on to have kids with the mistress and his family took his side because they blamed the ex for not wanting children.

2points

D. Pitbull 5 years ago

I need to forward this to **EVERYONE** - stop telling me "you'll regret it!" and stop telling me "You're so selfish"... and stop telling me that I'm "UNNATURAL"... also ... stop posting f**king articles/opinion pieces stating that it is impossible to live a FULL LIFE and properly "grow up" unless you have children. It's demeaning and it's bs.

2points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Nobody on Earth who decided not to have kids regrets it later. That only happens the other way around. In fact I think almost all parents regret it in one way or another.

2points

Isabella 5 years ago

I stated it in a comment that was downvoted... there were studies about that. 56% of women [who were part of study sample - several hundreds from different countries and backgrounds] DO regret having kids.

4points

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Terd Fergison 5 years ago

I'm so glad bored panda is promoting this line of thinking. Not everyone should have kids. Think long and hard before you make a decision that affects a lot of peoples' lives. There are environmental factors that all human beings need to consider also. People are judged very harshly for not having kids (especially women), but it may be one of the most moral things that you can do.

2points

Nia Loves Art 5 years ago

How does judging people for having kids (what you are doing) make things better? Let’s just not judge either way, ok?

2points

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Max Hallsett 5 years ago

Wow. A trend here. If you say something positive about not having kids, you are down voted. If you say something positive about having kids you are up voted. Can't we respect all people's choices? Who is so insecure about their choice to have kids they have to down vote others? Or is there some fringe "pro-life" group that wants to force people to have children even if they can't get or never have been pregnant?

2points

OCDRobot 4 years ago

My partner and I are going on 10 years in January and both very much agree that our cats are good enough. Despite the nagging from other family. We like our peace, and I know how I get with a lack of sleep, so parenting just wouldn't work out. I have a huge amount of respect for those who do parent well. It's the most important job in the world. It's just not for me, and I don't see that ever changing.

1point

Gracie Mae 5 years ago

I will never understand why it is so widely thought that everyone should have children; even more so, why people that don't are made to feel like they are in the wrong. I have always admired those that have made the decision not to have kids, regardless of their reason! I'm sure some do regret not having them, but that's something they have to make peace with. I would much rather have people decide NOT to have kids they don't want rather than keep reading about parents killing or abusing their kids (or vice versa) because they were 'in the way.' I admire people that make this decision!

1point

Krysta Pandoo 5 years ago

This is really interesting. the range of stories and outcomes really is an insight into others' lives. It's a bit sad that people with no kids need to explain themselves because of society, but i enjoyed reading the stories.

1point

sh 5 years ago

This post gives me peace. I'm 99% certain I don't want children, but that 1% nags at me, for fear that I'll have regret one day.

1point

Sardonic Scribe 5 years ago

I have lived my life knowing I only had 25% chance of every conceiving naturally. My ex and I had a rather miraculous moment 8 years ago, and my beautiful daughter Marlowe was the result. Tragically she was taken from us after only 4 and a half months due to SIDS. At that moment I knew I would never have another child. Contemplating my life and circumstances, I knew it would be irresponsible to try again - I had a s**t show of a childhood (abusive & manipulative father), and I suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as other genetic issues, which I would never want to pass on to another human being. I'm 42 now and have zero regrets about not having another child, and I utterly treasure the time I did have with my daughter. Please try not to judge those of us who have consciously made the choice not to procreate, just as we don't judge those who have chosen to do so. If it's not your life, why should it matter anyway?

1point

Maria Rohlen 5 years ago

I'm glad I don't have kids and I have never regretted my decision to not have any. My ex wanted kids and his parents wanted us to get married, he knew I didn't want any and didn't want to get married either. We were living together for nine years before I broke up with him. A year later he met a 10 year younger woman and is married with here, but he didn't want them to have kids and now I think he is to old, he's 55.

1point

Callie Dryer 2 years ago (edited)

Sometimes I think to myself, “…I should’ve had kids….” Then something happens in the family, someone says something that’s a little bit off…or something happens in the world and I remember: some people in my direct bloodline are nuts as in certifiable what if my kid turns out all kinds of messed up? Oh and the world’s a pretty messed up place, don’t even get me started on the problems with my country, gun violence, racial issues, etc.. Holy c**p am I glad I don’t have kids, I’d never let them out of the house or near half the family and that alone would mess them up. 😵‍💫

0points

Kara Smith 2 years ago

Newsflash. Not everyone wants kids. People that insist that you can’t be happy without kids are projecting their own issues such as they have nothing at all outside of their kids. That’s your problem not mine. I also don’t like when it’s presented that you need a reason. There is no reason other than I don’t want it. I am successful, I can afford it. I simply don’t want to. I made it completely on my own with a career, not a job. I met my husband at work and now we can enjoy all of our time to ourselves which is what we want. We don’t have debt, i’m not missing out. And people arguing with us that we are missing something are the reason that these arguments occur. You do you. I’ll do me.

0points

Kara Smith 2 years ago

Love that I knew that not having kids was a choice. It’s not for everyone and the assumption that people who don’t have kids are miserable is just the self projection of others who maybe don’t have anything going on in their life. I’m not saying that parents don’t love their kids but you don’t get to decide what makes other people happy just because that’s what makes you happy. Being self-sufficient was some thing I needed and I did that and succeed it. I have a career, not a job and I was making it completely on my own buying my own house and cars prior to meeting my husband. Now we get to enjoy life together, we don’t have debt and get to just enjoy our time the way we want to. I also don’t like the perception that people aren’t having kids because of a reason. there is no reason other than I don’t want it. I can afford it, I am mentally stable and intelligent it’s just not what I want. And peoples refusal to accept that is what starts a lot of these arguments. You do you Ill do me.

0points

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0points

Janet vedal 3 years ago

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0points

Monica Pryts 3 years ago

I'm not sure why some of these people think you can't have a nice house, money, travel, etc., simply because you have kids.

0points

Noe Raya 4 years ago

The true answer will come to us on our death bed. Most people commenting here are for the most part in their 30s 40s and 50s. I noticed the older the person commenting the more real the answer was. All is nice and dandy, until. The only person holding your hand is a nurse to take your blood pressure. Fatalistic or realistic? Only time will tell. Peace out ✌️ Noé 39

0points

John ruth 4 years ago

Hey, I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 4 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled withs sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr IYAYA can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids

0points

Charlene Sanders 4 years ago

I don't recall ever wanting children. I am 66 and have zero regrets. My little sister was 10 years younger than I & we shared a room when she was a baby so, I was the one getting up in the middle of the night, not my mom. I hated babysitting but that was the only "approved" job my father allowed me during high school. There were few good men available who didn't want kids so you were left with other others. I married in the mid 70s and endured all the names, selfish, shirking my responsibilities, etc. My husband ended up being Manic Depressive so he would have made a poor role model. Noticed with friends/relatives that when the husband was tired, he checked out and left child care to the wife. No way I wanted to deal with that. Decision to be childless is one of the decisions I haven't regretted.

0points

Graham Brand 4 years ago

This was a great read after an evening and a Frank discussion with my partner to which I was only open and honest in my opinions and feelings to not want children,. Shes younger than me. And clearly does want kids. Me being honest about not wanting them puts a timeline on our relationship. That hurts.. but I would never intentionally waste someone's child bearing years.. I lost my mother at 17, shortly afterward my father moved on with his life disregarding me my brother and sister. At 21 I had a beautiful daughter who passed away and broke my heart. I have since not wanted anymore children. I'm a 33 year old man and content with my life at this point regardless of the past.. I have a great job.. I just brought myself a aston martin and I dont feel selfish. But my life style isn't suited for my partner in the long run.. will I end up alone,... who knows.. my dad didn't seem to care.. I will continue to be honest with my feelings and fears. And maybe someone will accept that.

0points

Erin 4 years ago

You know that thing that women have when they look at a child and think, "OMG I WANT ONE." I don't have that. I have never looked at a child or someone with a child and felt a sense of longing. I am 46 years old and happily child-free. I have nieces and nephews that I love more than anything in the entire world, but I certainly don't want a child full time.

0points

Carol Emory 4 years ago

The people that are most upset about couples not having kids are the would be grandparents. But my thought is, if you are still the type of people that have spoiling to do and love to share, foster or adopt. There are lots of kids out there that need a home. And, unlike having your own kids, fostering does not age discriminate. You can be in your 60's and still be surrounded by kids.

0points

Death Metal Kitty 5 years ago

I can't fathom why this is even a topic. Don't want kids? Good for you, and I hope you're happy. Want kids and trying? Good for you, and I hope you're happy. Have kids? Good for you, and I hope you're happy. So long as you're not trying to convince other people to follow your philosophy or are trying to convince others that you're happy, who cares. Live your life, and let others live theirs.

0points

Evripidou Maria 5 years ago

good to see ppl who don;t want children for whatever reason. I am 35 and never wanted, do not want, never will want kids. My dad thinks I;m crazy but that;s who I am

0points

Jovy Jergens 5 years ago

Our world is facing extinction due to human overpopulation. Unfortunately we are taking other species and our environment with us. If you don't want kids, it's not like we need more humans. Have had a VERY interesting life that would not have been possible if I had kids tying me down. No regrets.

0points

AnnieLaurie Burke 5 years ago

If your motivation for having children is that they will take care of you in your old age, you might want to rethink that. If you think choosing not to have kids is selfish, having them so they can serve you in old age has to be the epitome of selfishness. And, judging from current stats, it's not real likely your kids are are going to become your old-age babysitters. How about being responsible in taking care of yourself so you don't have to be a burden on anyone in your old age?

0points

Katinka Min 5 years ago

Good post. I do have one regret: I am really sorry to not have felt that incredibly love of a mother for her child. But other than that I'm just incredibly relieved. (No school issues, no f*cking brithday party mania. No digital predators. Raising kids in the 70s80s, ok, but today?? No thanks) I had a pregnancy scare this year (I'm 48) and freaked out - a good sign how happy and comfortable I am in my low-key life, nowadays.

0points

Astrid Nineor 5 years ago

You know how if you say "no" to people asking if you have kids is ALWAYS followed by 'why'? We should start saying 'why' back when they tell us they have kids, just to teach them to mind their own business

0points

Anna Ledwońska 5 years ago

I've had a s****y parents - father which was evil stalker. Very irresponible mum, which has now dementia so nope. My partner also never wanted children. Though he have great parents. We are together for 25 years. never regretted. My partner and are are enough for us. We have whole Universe together, and very close. We would probably forgot about children. Both additionally have jobs which are our hobby. I am a freelance artist... he is best in his job so spend a lot of time on advicing others and at work. Yes, I tend to focus so much on work that I forget about world... Child woudn't survive in such evironment. We are relieved not having any children...

0points

Jus 5 years ago

This is about me and I like it.

0points

Hollie Newton 5 years ago

My partner has autism and together we have s**t genetics and health issues it is beyond unfair to allow a kid into this world with that mixed bag. We are 24/25 and decided at 20 children is not for us we would be awful. Even our family is starting to realize we would be real bad parents. Our motto is WE ARE THE CHILDREN WE NEVER HAVE 😆

0points

anarkzie 5 years ago

Reading everyone's unique personnel experience on the subject probably made for one of the most interesting reads I've had on Bored Panda, good question good submissions by everyone.

0points

Artex Gorilla 5 years ago

Bit of a pointless feature to be honest.

0points

Vivek Mhatre 5 years ago

The big reason for having kids(especially male) in developing / undeveloped countries is "old age support". Taking care of our parents is a given and hence joint families are still the norm in my country (India). The logic taught to us is simple. In your early years you needed to be taken care of. Now in their later years, they need to be taken care of. In developed countries, you have the infrastructure, facilities and a supportive government that ensures that people are taken care of. This is not true in my country. So in most developing/developed countries, this choice does not exist. The social stigma is another factor as people tend to view you as weak or physically impaired if you don't have kids. The constant nagging by relatives/friends is another minor reason.

0points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

That’s extremely selfish no matter where you are from.

3points

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PandaManda 5 years ago

Most of those are millennials I guess.

-1point

PandaManda 5 years ago

Only true egoists choose not to have children. The good part is that when you are gone, you'll be forgotten. Which, I guess, is the best thing you could have done for the world.

-1point

Caroline Driver 5 years ago

We had a couple of friends who had decided not to have children, and that was fine, except for the fact that she would tell us at every opportunity, (especially after we had our daughter) that she had known when she was 14 that she didn't want children because she'd had to look after her younger siblings. Every. F£$%ing. Opportunity. It's not like we ever tried to argue the point or change her mind.

-1point

Givalle Williamson 5 years ago

Ive not had the best of lives but one thing i can say is even though im not with my childs mum and not a traditional family my daughter is worth the world times over the clichè saying would be you dont know until you have or had everything about your creation is just amazing love my baby & people in general breed love & unity x

-1point

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

No, you can know you don’t want kids. You are happy with your choice but most people aren’t. x

1point

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Kris 5 years ago

The whole 'wait til you get older' (I look considerably younger than I am) is annoying and the whole 'wait til you find the right guy' (one instance, my fiancé was standing RIGHT next to me!) is infuriating. I relish when I just state I don't want children, they say some form of annoying thing above and THEN I come in with the whole can't-have-kids-cause-my-ovary-committed-suicide-and-the-other-side-is-blocked story and their face becomes deep with pity and shame. Of course, they then rally and bring up adoption. Still say flat out no, but man ... that look of shame is pretty awesome.

-1point

Miriam 5 years ago

I was so relieved by reading of so many people who do not want to become a parent because they were raised in an abusive household or had difficult parents and are afraid to replicate the pattern. It's the same with me. I am now 39 years old. I never really wanted a child and also was afraid I would be too much like my emotionally-abusive mother. I also got/get the question "And don't you want children?" a lot. For a time, I was honestly answering: "No, because I don't think I would be a good mother or the mother I'd like to be due to my own upbringing". There was always astonishment all around. People were like: "Oh no, you would never be like that, you are making this up". That really frustrated me. Now my husband is sterilised, so I say we decided against and point to that as an answer. Still, the reactions I get are mainly of the "This is so sad" kind. Some even suggest that the sterilisation is reversible. Most people really miss the point that it is a personal decision entirely.

-1point

Ozacoter 5 years ago

I already need to do all the chores in the house: cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, caring of the dog... If we had kids I would be the one doing 99% of the work. I already have little free time for myself, I really dont want to spend it raising kids.

-1point

Burk Billin 5 years ago

I wonder how many people here wish their parents didn't have them. Not many I suspect.

-1point

Nia Loves Art 5 years ago

Their parents gave them the gift of life, and they are appreciating that gift properly by living on their own terms.

11points

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Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

I bet a lot of them actually. What a terrible and childish argument you’re trying to make though lol. Most people are leagues past this small level thinking.

3points

Slinkman 5 years ago

I'm understanding what you are getting at. But the sad part is that on the other hand, there are lots children who are unwanted and neglected because their parents had kids without really wanting them (by accident or by choice).They don't love their children, and the kids are the victims of that. I'm not sure if i want kids, but i'm sure that i don't want to become such a parent. Having children because my parents had me, is not a reason for me to start a family. I only want kids when i'm truly sure and truly ready, otherwise i don't think i'm becoming a great parent. And i do want to become one if i ever change my mind. Hope you understand my point of view on this.

2points

Sardonic Scribe 5 years ago

That's not really a fair statement. Think about this... is it responsible for people to have children who A) Don't want them; B) Aren't financially stable and able to provide basic needs; C) Have severe mental/genetic issues which can be passed down; D) Are in an abusive relationship, etc? Just because you CAN have children, doesn't mean you should. There are simply some people who aren't cut out to be parents... why is that so hard for people to grasp?

0points

Hello Dolly 5 years ago (edited)

I wish my mom wouldn’t have had me. On the other hand I am truly thankful and wish everyday of my life that the parents I do have now would have been my biological parents! I still take care of my bm on a regular basis to this day. Just because someone gives you the gift of life does not meant that they were destined to be the caregiver for such life.

-3points

Isabella 5 years ago

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Ozacoter 5 years ago

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Biljana Malesevic 5 years ago

I accidentally noticed my comment was deleted. I guess it wasn't PC enough for Bored Panda. So "thank you" very much for hating my horrible opinion once again! Want PC? I don't care what other people do with their lives, do they want children or not. I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do with my life so why would I do that to someone else. Is this politically correct enough for you people?

-2points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

That’s not what “politically correct” means and you don’t even know why your comment was deleted.

1point

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Gisele 5 years ago

I'm sure everyone here is glad to be alive

-2points

Nia Loves Art 5 years ago

Yes, so they can live their life however they want.

10points

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Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

I doubt that. I’m sure most people here aren’t this shallow of a thinker like you. You’re wayyyyy behind.

1point

R.s. Potter 5 years ago

Those of us who grew up in screwed up families with abusive parents have had times in our lives when we were not glad to be alive. There are more than 7 billion people on the planet, it's a good thing if the only people who have children are those that genuinely want them.

-1point

Victoria Duncan 5 years ago

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Selty 5 years ago

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Starbelly Eleven 5 years ago

After reading a lot of these stories, and considering my own upbringing, a lot of our parents DIDN'T feel differently. They had kids anyway because of limited choices for unwanted pregnancies, societal expectations, or family pressure. Thank God we have better choices, at least for now.

14points

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Aunt Messy 5 years ago

I'm with Starbelly. I know a LOT of women in the 45-70 year old age groups and almost all of them would have chosen to have their children later in life, had fewer kids, or had none at all. It's not that they don't love their kids, they just had no choice in the matter.

3points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Why?

1point

NoJo 5 years ago

I'm with Starbelly and Aunt Messy on this one. Kids are great if you actually want to have them. I think childless people are criticized as somehow not doing their part, when in fact they don't drain society's resources as much. It's important that we have the ability to choose for ourselves which path we will take.

-2points

R.s. Potter 5 years ago

I was born in the era when birth control was somewhere between non-existent and hard to get, when women had few options of jobs to support themselves, and when social pressure to marry and have children was enormous. I'm quite sure that my mother, and many other women of her era, only had children because otherwise they'd have been pitied and scorned as abnormal. It was pretty obvious, from an early age, that she wished she'd never had any. Instead she had five that she could barely cope with. You seem to think that people have always gladly chosen to have children - well, that hasn't always been the case.

-3points

Dave P 5 years ago

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Kris 5 years ago

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Miriam Gairing 5 years ago

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derp derp 5 years ago

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Pavlina G 5 years ago

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Guglielmo Marconi 5 years ago

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Croline Lason 5 years ago

Why so? I have always wanted kids (and have been blessed with two), so I was curious to get to understand the people who never felt like having any... It's great to have other points of view :)

6points

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Bibs 5 years ago

Ya, why? I am happy reading most of these, giving me the feeling I'm not alone with my (atleast current, but thing lifelong) decision not to want kids eventhough everyone seems to expect it.

5points

Ksenia M 5 years ago

Why?

-1point

Lisa Onitnelot 5 years ago

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Arno Nüüm 5 years ago

"not having kids" "being alone"

2points

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POST

Daniel R. 5 years ago

Great post, seriously. It's OK not to want kids - can we normalize that already? Especially within other cultures, it's almost a sin to not want kids. I should forward this to some people.

19points

John Louis 5 years ago

15points

B 5 years ago

12points

KrisF 5 years ago

7points

Catffirmations 5 years ago

1point

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Katinka Min 5 years ago

martha Meyer: You watched too many movies. We can't genetically modify our embryos (yet)

1point

Martha Meyer 5 years ago

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Slinkman 5 years ago (edited)

6points

Isabella 5 years ago

-1point

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Lara Harris 5 years ago

5points

Elizabeth 5 years ago

5points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Excellent thinking, Liz.

2points

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Zoe's Mom 5 years ago

62, single and no regrets.

5points

Demi Zwaan 5 years ago

5points

Noez 🇸🇪 5 years ago

4points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Lots of parents who are trapped by their circumstances in here jealously downvoting anyone who planned better and chose not to reproduce.

4points

Jo Choto 5 years ago

4points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

7points

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Vi. B. 5 years ago

No one should have kids just to take care of them when old, it's most selfish thing in the world !

4points

Aria Whitaker 5 years ago (edited)

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Janelle Collard Premium 5 years ago

I had my "tubes tied" when I was 27 + have never regretted it. (I'm over 70 now.)

3points

optional 5 years ago

3points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Good point.

1point

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April Simnel 5 years ago (edited)

3points

Michelle Watler 5 years ago

no kids, no regrets

3points

Isabella 5 years ago

2points

Isabella 5 years ago

2points

Robyn Rob 5 years ago

2points

D. Pitbull 5 years ago

2points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Nobody on Earth who decided not to have kids regrets it later. That only happens the other way around. In fact I think almost all parents regret it in one way or another.

2points

Isabella 5 years ago

4points

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Terd Fergison 5 years ago

2points

Nia Loves Art 5 years ago

How does judging people for having kids (what you are doing) make things better? Let’s just not judge either way, ok?

2points

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Max Hallsett 5 years ago

2points

OCDRobot 4 years ago

1point

Gracie Mae 5 years ago

1point

Krysta Pandoo 5 years ago

1point

sh 5 years ago

This post gives me peace. I'm 99% certain I don't want children, but that 1% nags at me, for fear that I'll have regret one day.

1point

Sardonic Scribe 5 years ago

1point

Maria Rohlen 5 years ago

1point

Callie Dryer 2 years ago (edited)

0points

Kara Smith 2 years ago

0points

Kara Smith 2 years ago

0points

Email FB 2 years ago

0points

Janet vedal 3 years ago

0points

Monica Pryts 3 years ago

I'm not sure why some of these people think you can't have a nice house, money, travel, etc., simply because you have kids.

0points

Noe Raya 4 years ago

0points

John ruth 4 years ago

0points

Charlene Sanders 4 years ago

0points

Graham Brand 4 years ago

0points

Erin 4 years ago

0points

Carol Emory 4 years ago

0points

Death Metal Kitty 5 years ago

0points

Evripidou Maria 5 years ago

good to see ppl who don;t want children for whatever reason. I am 35 and never wanted, do not want, never will want kids. My dad thinks I;m crazy but that;s who I am

0points

Jovy Jergens 5 years ago

0points

AnnieLaurie Burke 5 years ago

0points

Katinka Min 5 years ago

0points

Astrid Nineor 5 years ago

0points

Anna Ledwońska 5 years ago

0points

Jus 5 years ago

This is about me and I like it.

0points

Hollie Newton 5 years ago

0points

anarkzie 5 years ago

Reading everyone's unique personnel experience on the subject probably made for one of the most interesting reads I've had on Bored Panda, good question good submissions by everyone.

0points

Artex Gorilla 5 years ago

Bit of a pointless feature to be honest.

0points

Vivek Mhatre 5 years ago

0points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

That’s extremely selfish no matter where you are from.

3points

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PandaManda 5 years ago

Most of those are millennials I guess.

-1point

PandaManda 5 years ago

Only true egoists choose not to have children. The good part is that when you are gone, you'll be forgotten. Which, I guess, is the best thing you could have done for the world.

-1point

Caroline Driver 5 years ago

-1point

Givalle Williamson 5 years ago

-1point

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

No, you can know you don’t want kids. You are happy with your choice but most people aren’t. x

1point

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Kris 5 years ago

-1point

Miriam 5 years ago

-1point

Ozacoter 5 years ago

-1point

Burk Billin 5 years ago

I wonder how many people here wish their parents didn't have them. Not many I suspect.

-1point

Nia Loves Art 5 years ago

Their parents gave them the gift of life, and they are appreciating that gift properly by living on their own terms.

11points

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Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

I bet a lot of them actually. What a terrible and childish argument you’re trying to make though lol. Most people are leagues past this small level thinking.

3points

Slinkman 5 years ago

2points

Sardonic Scribe 5 years ago

0points

Hello Dolly 5 years ago (edited)

-3points

Isabella 5 years ago

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Ozacoter 5 years ago

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Biljana Malesevic 5 years ago

-2points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

That’s not what “politically correct” means and you don’t even know why your comment was deleted.

1point

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Gisele 5 years ago

I'm sure everyone here is glad to be alive

-2points

Nia Loves Art 5 years ago

Yes, so they can live their life however they want.

10points

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Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

I doubt that. I’m sure most people here aren’t this shallow of a thinker like you. You’re wayyyyy behind.

1point

R.s. Potter 5 years ago

-1point

Victoria Duncan 5 years ago

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Selty 5 years ago

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Starbelly Eleven 5 years ago

14points

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Aunt Messy 5 years ago

3points

Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago

Why?

1point

NoJo 5 years ago

-2points

R.s. Potter 5 years ago

-3points

Dave P 5 years ago

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Kris 5 years ago

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Miriam Gairing 5 years ago

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derp derp 5 years ago

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Pavlina G 5 years ago

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Guglielmo Marconi 5 years ago

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Croline Lason 5 years ago

Why so? I have always wanted kids (and have been blessed with two), so I was curious to get to understand the people who never felt like having any... It's great to have other points of view :)

6points

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Bibs 5 years ago

Ya, why? I am happy reading most of these, giving me the feeling I'm not alone with my (atleast current, but thing lifelong) decision not to want kids eventhough everyone seems to expect it.

5points