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“Obsession With Therapy-Speak”: 36 Things Older People Don’t Get About The Younger Generations
Interview
We often talk about generation gaps — the beliefs and behaviors separating Millennials, Baby Boomers, and all the rest of the cohorts in politics, work ethic, technology adoption, and other aspects of life.
Interested in exploring the subject further, Reddit user 5h0gKur4C4ndl made a post on the platform, asking its older users to list the things that they cannot understand about younger people.
From experiencing life through your phone to labeling everyone around you, we collected some of the most popular replies to shed more light on what drives the disconnect between us. Hopefully, that'll bring us one step closer to bridging it.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Their obsession with immediately diagnosing psychological things and turning everything into therapy-speak. "You're gaslighting me", etc.
cerinamroth 8 months ago
Yes!! All those online psychology quizzes and self-diagnoses make it all the more difficult for people with actual problems to get taken seriously or find a therapist.
RELATED:
#2
Why do you want to watch a 100% of a concert, that you payed good money for, through your phone lens?
We got in touch with the person who started this discussion, and they agreed to chat with us about it.
"I came up with the idea for the post when I was just scrolling through Reddit," 5h0gKur4C4ndl explained to Bored Panda.
"It was the first time in a while; quitting and then coming back is a surefire way to get new material."
#3
The emails I get from my students aged 18-25 are such a mess of incoherent garbage, I can't tell if they are lazy or if it's an actual literacy issue. And I'm barely older than they are so if this is a generational gap, it happened quickly!
gmf 8 months ago
I had to teach my kids how to structure and write formal and informal letters. It was part of the English syllabus growing up, but apparently not in modern UK schools. Emails should resemble letters, but if all kids know is whatsapp and aren't taught otherwise... this is what you get.
As the thread went viral, 5h0gKur4C4ndl noticed that "most of the answers were reasonable enough."
The Redditor isn't entirely sure if the conversations will remain civil as time goes on, but so far, the main points seem to be general attitude, convenience issues, and "whatever your grandparents would complain about."
#5
Taking public calls on speaker phone and sending voice messages. .
cerinamroth 8 months ago
I hate voice messages with a passion! I understand they are easier for people with dyslexia or whatever but you can't just scroll through a conversation looking for something - you have to listen to every single one!
#6
The absolute lack of capacity to deal with any emotional stress or upheaval without turning into a gibbering mess.
I’m being hyperbolic of course, but I have literally now lost count of how many students I’ve dealt with who cannot under any circumstances be given criticism or negative feedback without utterly falling to pieces.
I had someone messing around in a lecture, playing with their phone and being disruptive. I stopped the lecture and told them to put it away and pay attention or leave.
They looked SHOCKED to have been called out, and sat there quietly for the next 10-15 minutes until suddenly going all “deer in the headlights” when asked a question in relation to the topic and then running the full length of the lecture hall and out the room.
I was informed the following day that the student had went to counselling services to complain that I had “put unreasonable pressure on him by asking him questions in class, and set off his anxiety”.
He then told the University he would need to take the next 2 weeks off with extensions for all his submissions in order to “get over the troubling experience”.
He was mid 20’s at this point.
****************
Another situation happened when a student was told that their research work was unfortunately substandard.
They seemed utterly baffled at how they could’ve gotten any criticism on it, when given suggestions on where they went wrong (lacking depth to the arguments, biased stances, non-credible sources) they went on a tirade about how they wouldn’t use any source that didn’t align with their perspective because “they’re the anti-X crowd and all f*****g evil”.
This person then burst into tears and when they realised the door was locked (it needs a key code to open it) they started freaking out, screaming and hollering as though they were being physically attacked.
Any attempt to talk to them was met with more tears and screams and when the door was opened she ran out of the building.
From how we vote to how we tackle climate change and other pressing issues, the generation gap sometimes seems bigger than ever before.
There are the boomers, people born in the post-war baby boom period. The case against them is that they enjoyed free higher education and affordable housing, and then created a huge economic and environmental mess for everyone else to clean up.
Then there are the millennials – folks born between the early '80s and mid-'90s. The charges against them are that they’ve killed off everything from mayonnaise to fabric conditioner, and spend their money away on avocado on toast and oatmeal lattes instead of saving up for what's important in life.
Generation X is sitting largely forgotten in the middle, and Generation Z, the youngsters raised on social media, are just entering the real world.
#7
Their inability to see the nuance on a lot of issues. It’s black or white for them, completely ignoring the multitude of layers and shades of gray that exist in the world.
cerinamroth 8 months ago
YES!! This move towards polarisation is one of the most dangerous trends facing society.
#8
Apparently, despite growing up with technology around them, they don't know how to use computers properly because they focus mostly on smartphones and tablets.
Corvus 8 months ago (edited)
Gen X and Y grew up with computers that actually required you to be tech savvy to use them (think MS-DOS and Windows 95/98). Modern technology is much more user-friendly and easy to use, so no skill is required to use it. Thus, new generations end up being less tech savvy.
To some extent, a level of friction between the cohorts is to be expected. "We work together really well in groups,” said Catherine Loveday, professor of psychology at Westminster University, UK. "We are more protective and more supportive towards people in our in-group and we will do a lot to help them."
"The downside is that when we instinctively see someone as being part of an out-group, we tend to not be so supportive towards them."
#9
If I have to teach one more adult how alphabetical order works, I'm going to lose it.
These are university graduates. They just throw the file back in. Like how did you find it in the first place?
5h0gKur4C4ndl agrees. "Gaps are inevitable since everyone has their own preferences and needs," the Redditor added.
"If there will ever be something that will allow generations to finally close them, it will likely be because there is something so meaningful, it changes the whole world."
To begin, however, we could at least try and see each other's best attributes and pick up on our similarities instead of antagonizing everyone we don't agree with.
#11
Gen Z has a very strong not my problem/not my job someone else will do it/fix it attitude.
#12
37 year old attending college for the first time here. They have negative confidence. They barely speak above a mumble, especially when answering a question from the teacher. Most of them would rather die than talk to someone they're interested in. It's like 90% of them are cripplingly introverted.
cerinamroth 8 months ago
Well that's because social media should actually have been called antisocial media. Used in excess with no other options for socialising, kids are being starved of human connection. It's not normal!
#13
I'm a middle school teacher.
My kids will routinely claim they can't do anything and then shut down and do nothing. And then... It's easy and they do it.
It goes like this: "Everybody, here's the assignment. Follow all the steps."
I go around the room and one kid forgot their Chromebook, ir a pencil. One kid needs a charger. One kid doesn't understand "any of the steps."
So basically it's the degree of learned helplessness. They know to ask when I go over, but if there are twenty kids and I get to them last, they will do nothing (no phones, nothing!) for twenty minutes and act surprised I'm irritated they didn't grab a damn pencil from the freeeee pencils on my desk. And then act surprised they're behind on the assignment!
Or I'll ask "okay, which of the 5 steps is tough for you?" "All of them." "K, read step 1." "Oh. That's easy."
Rinse and repeat.
#14
Why they'd rather watch someone else play a video game than play it themselves. That was a punishment when I was a kid, not entertainment.
Saint Thomas 8 months ago
Same question could be asked about watching any kind of sport. And yet... There's some streamers I like to watch because they have a nice sense of humor. Or they give tips about the game they're playing. Just watching them is also a way to learn how to get beter at the game.
#15
Treating fixable problems as core personality traits, and focusing on accommodating them rather than fixing them.
Too anxious to go to the grocery store? Too fat to do well in gym class? Too shy to make friends? Too illiterate to enjoy reading? The ADA is not for you. Fix your s**t.
horseloving panda 8 months ago
Especially the way that obesity is now treated as a disability! As someone with a disability, it used to only be me with accommodations, now I have people applying for ieps so they don't have to do gym class. Most people are like 'It isn't my fault, I can't help it' but most of them (not all, I know weight gain can be caused by a disease) just eat a massive amount of food. Thank you for coming to my TED talk
#16
The lack of understanding that things put on the internet are public forever.
#17
They've been so coddled and raised in front of screens rather than interacting in the real world that ANYTHING gives them anxiety.
Talking to people, trying something new, going somewhere, literally anything can make them shut down.
#18
The self victimization, clinging to whatever label they think will shield them from criticism, learned helplessness, refusal to consider viewpoints that doing align with their worldview. I could go on.
Tim Fawcett 8 months ago
Yeah, but that isn't exclusive to them - just look at the right wing of politics.
#19
The need to document every thought, bite of food, outfit change , papsmear , and things that leave them " literally shaking right now".. like the lady at Starbucks calling you sir when clearly you're a they/them with a beard.
Corvus 8 months ago
No one's pronouns are written on their foreheads in big red letters, so it makes no sense to be "outraged" when someone doesn't know them.
TheRealFrappuchinoTheHedgehogr 8 months ago
I have a friend that when we were at the mall while his friend was getting a dress for prom he said “you can never know someone’s gender anymore and they get mad if you get it wrong”
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Bored Retsuko 8 months ago (edited)
"LiTeRalLy ShAkInG rIgHt NoW" lol, this is true. Though I must admit I'd probably have shared a lot of BS if internet and social media had been a thing when I was young.
TheBlueBitterfly 8 months ago
I think the only time I've uttered those words was when I got robbed at work. Because I was, indeed, shaking. And giggling uncontrollably because then entire thing was so absurdly traumatic (sorry, I used the trauma word, but I think it applies to that situation) I just kinda lost it.
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Dragons Exist 8 months ago
Exactly, and since 5% of people in the US are trans don't blame me for not assuming you are trans
CascadedFalls 8 months ago
As long as you use their preferred pronouns once they tell you.
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Craig Reynolds 8 months ago
At this point, the solution is simply to say "how can help you" and never address them in any other way. Don't give a FK about their preferred pronouns and just treat them generically, unless wearing an actual name tag.
gilded panda 8 months ago
Yeah this pronoun stuff is getting annoying. At first I didn’t care but with e people getting so offended if you guess wrong it’s just annoying
Montanavanna 8 months ago
I have trained myself to use them for everyone because how can that be offensive, right? And I gotta say, when you present with both a male and female appearance, it can be confusing when figuring out how to address you without causing offense. Cause guess what, babe, ain't nobody trying to hurt your feelers by choosing the wrong pronoun. We are all trying to navigate the world the best we can.
nottheactualphoto 8 months ago
It's sometimes not a matter of purchasing, but a matter of clarity. When a story uses "them," it's often not clear whether the narrator is talking about the protagonist or the corporation.
Load More Replies... #20
I’m in my forties and I manage a small group of people who are in their 20s to early thirties. What I notice most is how anxious and fearful they seem to be. Everyone is out to get them. I often get approached by subordinates who want me to do something about a colleague who is doing them wrong in some way. After I gather more information, it almost always is a case of poor assumption about someone else’s intentions, coupled with a desire to jump to the worst case scenario. If I ask them a series of probing questions about other possible interpretations they often admit they didn’t consider those possibilities. The other thing is too much bravado - over confidence in their knowledge, skill or ability in an area. I think it’s potentially a defense mechanism to combat the fear and the people they think are out to get them.
#21
We were saying what we would do if we won the big lottery jackpot. The new 22 yr old hire said he’d become an influencer. Can you imagine winning a billion at 22 and that’s what you would do. Not start a business, travel the world, charity, sports, property… Learn something… but become an influencer… with a billion dollars. I mean like he’s gonna hire a marketing company to fabricate interest in his social media? He’s gonna spend money on stupid things to make people cringe or rage comment? With a billion dollars.
Just thought that was a weird and low bar and was hard to understand.
TheElderNom 8 months ago
Isn't it a lot like the old wish to become famous? That was literally a lot of people's dream when I was younger, including people older than me. Not to become famous *for* something but just to be famous.
#22
They don’t “go out”. Their friends are on social media or online, so there’s very little “going out”. Also, a marked disinterest in dating.
27RatsStackedInATrenchcoat 8 months ago
Believe me, I would have loved to go out, and so would have most of my friends. The problem were parents that thought it wasn't safe for us to go anywhere, and they definitely didn't want to tag along to the arcade, so we didn't go.
#23
I don't understand why most of them want to look rich with expensive s**t and most of them act like they run businesses or something.
They take pictures with cars that are not theirs for example.
Dude chill, you're 16.
René Sauer 8 months ago
Well, the take pictures with the cars is not bad in itself. If it´s something really rare or expensive you don´t usually see. But if they act online like they own it, now that´s stupid.
#24
Why aren't they voting!?! Do they not know how much power they could have? Willing to go to protests (and that is a good thing) but not willing to go to the voting booth (and that's a bad thing).
René Sauer 8 months ago
Maybe it would help (assuming this OP is american) having more then two candidates to chose from...
#25
Why do they go to the movies only to scroll through their phone the *entire time*?
#26
Everything seems to have to have a label. Not just people and groups, but every concept or just generic thing that is popular has to be given a label or a hashtag. I find it so weird, especially when it's something that people have been doing forever, but now Gen Z have discovered it, it's got some brand new buzzy hashtag label as though it's just been invented.
The Original Bruno 8 months ago (edited)
In Gen Z, the greatest taboo is to lack any victim status at all. You are entitled to no opinions of your own, so artistic expression, no struggles, no empathy, no pleasures, nothing. You are enemy to all around you. It doesn't matter if you grew up as the only kid whose parent couldn't afford to let you go to the ice cream truck, and you took out loans to put yourself through college, and you wasted decades dumping money down the shitter because you rented instead of getting parents to give you a downpayment, you still get to be lectured by people with wealthy parents who got a Harvard education and never had to work a day in their life about how "privileged" you were to have to stick playing card in the bottom of your shoes so your socks didn't show through the holes when you went on a job interview.
#27
Speaking mostly for the middle schoolers I work with, but not caring about being smart, understanding the world, achieving success, or having empathy. I cannot fathom what keeps them going without caring about anything. I don't know how to motivate these kids when things like getting something wrong loudly and publicly doesn't even give them pause or introspection. They just move on and continue not caring about what really is right and wrong?
#28
They’ve apparently lost the ability to step outside their comfort zone, I think. All that happens have to be safe and secure, otherwise it gives severe anxiety. No need for exploration, adventure.
cerinamroth 8 months ago
This is partly because of the 24-hour news cycle and its incessant drip-drip of "danger, danger everywhere". I would say it doesn't apply to all countries. I see much more appetite for adventure and exploration here in Germany than in my home country of the UK. I think it's because kids are expected to mess up and get themselves out of it, and to take risks (within reason).
#29
Will never understand the constant need for *external* stimulation.
I’m quite happy just to ponder my own thoughts. Love flying, because it gives me several hours to think on s**t without distraction.
Ask young people to put down their phone? It’s as if you asked them to chop off their left hand.
TheAmericanAmerican 8 months ago
Yea this one's true... I struggle with not having my phone on my 24/7 and I still remember the world pre-smartphone AND pre-internet!
#30
I'm manage a lot of fresh graduates in my job, and I don't understand how in the space of just 2 years (during Covid) we went from great graduates, able to operate independently and work things out themselves to graduates who need their hand held for the most basic tasks.
v 8 months ago
Take some online courses and you'll understand. The only thing that is learned, not directly taught though, is becoming better at performing online searches to get the answer. They were heading toward this same type of online learning environment prior to COVID, the lockdown simply drove the final nail home.
#31
How someone can be over the age of 25 years and is very comfortable to be financially taken care of by another person like parents, other relatives or a spouse.
#32
Why they can navigate through an entire digital universe with ease but can't seem to find the kitchen without a GPS.
#33
The rapid pace of technological advancement leaves me baffled. How do they effortlessly navigate through endless streams of information while maintaining attention spans shorter than a goldfish?
#34
They don’t seem to care about learning to drive. I couldn’t wait to learn to drive and we didn’t even own a car.
cerinamroth 8 months ago
Interesting - I suppose it depends where you live. I have never driven and have no interest in it, but I'm 42 and I live in a country that has good public transport.
#35
Their dependency on authority and lack of self-reliancy.
You have access to all the world's knowledge in your pocket, but you are only using it as a toy and when you need to learn something you are looking for a teacher.
MushroomHead22 8 months ago
not really. kids these days will whip out that phone to prove you wrong in an instant. the problem is they don't retain the info they are proving.
#36
The rule following! Oh my gosh. The rules. They're so sweet about it too.
I have this discord server. It's 18+ but it's more or less safe for work. I just wanted an adults only group.
Someone joined one day and immediately left. But they messaged me and said, "Sorry, I didn't realize it was 18+ I'm only 16."
Like? My generation did not care. We broke the little rules. We claimed to be 18, we pirated movies and TV shows.
But these new kids follow the rules. I wanna teach them a little bit of rebellion. But I think they're sweet kids.
Some of them do rebel and break rules of course. But most of the ones I've seen online seem nice and polite.
I hope they maintain that. I hope they find a kinder world than I did.
What do you think ?
Vincent Philippart 8 months ago
I know people always have complained about the youth, but we are living a measurable catastrophy. Exams questions in university from just 10 years ago cannot be reused because they have become too difficult or too hard to understand for kids today. Touch screens and social media are poisons for developing brains.
Lara Verne 8 months ago
Pople complaining about youg generation doing exactly the same things as they did?
Jill Rhodry 8 months ago
Or complaining about the consequence of how they parented - or how the kids were parented.
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Kathleen McGann 8 months ago
I wonder if all of these are from the US. Because I spend my days with about 60 GenZers and none of them are anything like this. They're very self sufficient and self reliant.
Linden 8 months ago
I was wondering that too. The Gen Zers I know are amazing, resourceful, kind, self-assured, incredibly aware and fill me with hope.
Load More Replies... Ash 8 months ago (edited)
This is a rant, and feel free to ignore me, but I just LOVE how every time I, a person with PTSD, tries to inject some reason and educate people on the gray areas, moral complexity, and actual statistics of PTSD into a conversation about triggers, I get a million downvotes and people telling me that I'm the problem. I understand that a lot of people are ignorant. I understand that a lot of people have poor reading comprehension. But for Christ's sake. I feel like no one seems capable of complex ethical discussion - or compassion - anymore. The word "trigger" freaking triggers people.
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 8 months ago
I see these things sometimes. The deer in headlights look when you try to speak to them, the self-absorption. But 5 of my 11 neighbors in my close knit apartment building are Gen-Z, and they’re engaged, competent and worldly, AND more sensitive and aware than previous generations. In retail situations I see a pretty clear split: half can’t communicate effectively, half are focused and engaged, and so genuinely warm and friendly.
Daycare Attendant Sun 8 months ago
BP is guilty of this. Look at any comment section on here, and a number of the replies are fearmondering/doomerism/blatant misinformation. It's not cute--you legit need to talk to someone and log off, and this is coming from someone who has an actual diagnosed panic disorder. Get off Reddit, get off places that actively trigger you (a legitimate psychology term despite being misused for every little thing) and focus on things that ACTUALLY make you happy. The world isn't as bad, or as dangerous, or as horrible as you all make it out to be. No worse than it was 50 years ago (if anything, we're far better today). You simply see news in real-time versus the days/weeks/months it used to take. Leaned helplessness is very real. But I won't abide it either.
William Teach 8 months ago
Using the phone loud in the bathroom, either playing videos or talking to someone. I've hung up on customers calling me from the bathroom
Rodney McKay 8 months ago
At 70, I of course often wish that I was younger. But I am so very glad to have learned self-reliance and courage by growing up in the 1950s-60s. Fortunately, I retired early and never had to work with any of today's idiots.
Vincent Philippart 8 months ago
I know people always have complained about the youth, but we are living a measurable catastrophy. Exams questions in university from just 10 years ago cannot be reused because they have become too difficult or too hard to understand for kids today. Touch screens and social media are poisons for developing brains.
Lara Verne 8 months ago
Pople complaining about youg generation doing exactly the same things as they did?
Jill Rhodry 8 months ago
Or complaining about the consequence of how they parented - or how the kids were parented.
Load More Replies... Kathleen McGann 8 months ago
I wonder if all of these are from the US. Because I spend my days with about 60 GenZers and none of them are anything like this. They're very self sufficient and self reliant.
Linden 8 months ago
I was wondering that too. The Gen Zers I know are amazing, resourceful, kind, self-assured, incredibly aware and fill me with hope.
Load More Replies... Ash 8 months ago (edited)
This is a rant, and feel free to ignore me, but I just LOVE how every time I, a person with PTSD, tries to inject some reason and educate people on the gray areas, moral complexity, and actual statistics of PTSD into a conversation about triggers, I get a million downvotes and people telling me that I'm the problem. I understand that a lot of people are ignorant. I understand that a lot of people have poor reading comprehension. But for Christ's sake. I feel like no one seems capable of complex ethical discussion - or compassion - anymore. The word "trigger" freaking triggers people.
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 8 months ago
I see these things sometimes. The deer in headlights look when you try to speak to them, the self-absorption. But 5 of my 11 neighbors in my close knit apartment building are Gen-Z, and they’re engaged, competent and worldly, AND more sensitive and aware than previous generations. In retail situations I see a pretty clear split: half can’t communicate effectively, half are focused and engaged, and so genuinely warm and friendly.
Daycare Attendant Sun 8 months ago
BP is guilty of this. Look at any comment section on here, and a number of the replies are fearmondering/doomerism/blatant misinformation. It's not cute--you legit need to talk to someone and log off, and this is coming from someone who has an actual diagnosed panic disorder. Get off Reddit, get off places that actively trigger you (a legitimate psychology term despite being misused for every little thing) and focus on things that ACTUALLY make you happy. The world isn't as bad, or as dangerous, or as horrible as you all make it out to be. No worse than it was 50 years ago (if anything, we're far better today). You simply see news in real-time versus the days/weeks/months it used to take. Leaned helplessness is very real. But I won't abide it either.
William Teach 8 months ago
Using the phone loud in the bathroom, either playing videos or talking to someone. I've hung up on customers calling me from the bathroom
Rodney McKay 8 months ago
At 70, I of course often wish that I was younger. But I am so very glad to have learned self-reliance and courage by growing up in the 1950s-60s. Fortunately, I retired early and never had to work with any of today's idiots.
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