Alone. All alone. Moo

This needs to be at the top. Party Dog!

Poetic

I wish I could upvote this twice. I've started just using random things I see while driving or watching a movie.

Okay, thats actually a bloody good idea but id add a voice that asks "Did you FORGET something"

Ha!!

Absolutely! And forgo gooey cheese sauce that turns the chips into soggy mush - use grated cheese!

"A mask? Oh, I remember those wild times" - Proceeds to get into a Biohazard suit

Was actually thinking about this just today--men are screwed. They will always be found for that reason.

midly depressing

Social anxiety be like

Note there are no modern female leaders involved in instigating war

We shall call it "the consumption"

It's the hat

I hope we don't participate in WWIII too :(

You had me at “ Train raccoon navy…”

I burst out laughing. Thanks!

That's pretty smart imo

A what?

So many people responding angrily to a twitter joke here like the original poster would even see it

This reminds me of when I was at a McDonald's and there was a little kid refusing to leave the playground at 7pm. The mum said, "Thats fine, you can stay. The monsters come out soon". The kid beat her to the car.

Love 'em both.

Thank the Lord for 20/15 vision

exactly! everyone would be so much more healthier and hygienic if you washed your bloomin hands

I recently learned that acorns also sort of pop. I know it's not really a food, but it's fun to watch them explode out of a fire and zip around like burning hot missiles.

1. my wife 2. me

Good boi

The irony is that a lot of academic subjects work that way. Advanced academia is the ultimate pyramid scheme where they try and pull in lots of hopefuls to expensive levels of study to perpetuate their own purpose of teaching and finding replacements along the way. It's the biggest jerk circle on the planet.

Also printer ink is literally the most expensive substance by weight in the world.

Hahahaaa!

And like in Nailed It when they DONT FRIKIN GREASE OR BUTTER THE TRAY LIKE OFC ITS GONNA GET STUCK

Omg this just happened to me, I'm turning 50 this year

I wanted to start complaining about healthery not before turning 60 at least. I'm 39 now, and have just got to the point that my constant crying over health issues has lasted its first 10 years, after some alternatively talented surgeon fücked up my gallbladder removal ... poked a hole in my liver, and although I signed a form that I cannot sue them for things of that kind (minor damage done to adjacent inners), they tried to not tell me. I literally needed to threaten to go to court to make them hand me the report that, they said, is "not meant for your eyes at all, but your MD's ones" ... which is a lie in order not to look bad when doing bad. Thanks, whatever else you done wrong, it HURTS SINCE TEN YEARS STRAIGHT ... well, it would, hadn't I the means to avoid pain. Which is always a PITA to get ... accusery of "seeking the high", or even "selling the pills", or even "making it up altogether so you can skip work on the regular". Side note, I notworked due to sick 8 days since.

Just wait till you break some body part and it stays broken.

I've been practicing getting out of bed every day of my life, yet I fail to improve at this skill.

I'm dozing in bed at 2:30 in the afternoon reading this. Preach

Nooooo!

Occurs at 14 years old or younger sometimes.

Three phases of life 1 birth 2 what the hell is this 3 death. I'm In 2 but nearing 3!

You go to a hospital and bring home one of those little poop machines....

So you're telling me this isn't going to end?!

Happened to me in my childhood

You talking about Sleepy Joe?

Along time ago, my cousin and I went to a Halloween party. She is socially awkward, so she went as a mime and didn’t say a word to anybody.

How is this so true

"Maybe when you are older"

Easy to fix: Teach them how to wash their hands holding a gun, and how to vote holding a gun.

Fair enough

"If he was dying he wouldn't had written "argh", he would have just said it!" - Monty Python, Quest for the Holy Grail

Ha! I was like, Welcome to my world, bitches! 🤣 And I already know how to bake 😉

I just choked my laugh out - wonderful visiual.

Feeling this!