Alone. All alone. Moo

This needs to be at the top. Party Dog!

Poetic

I wish I could upvote this twice. I've started just using random things I see while driving or watching a movie.

Okay, thats actually a bloody good idea but id add a voice that asks "Did you FORGET something"

Ha!!

Absolutely! And forgo gooey cheese sauce that turns the chips into soggy mush - use grated cheese!

"A mask? Oh, I remember those wild times" - Proceeds to get into a Biohazard suit

Was actually thinking about this just today--men are screwed. They will always be found for that reason.

midly depressing

Social anxiety be like

Note there are no modern female leaders involved in instigating war

We shall call it "the consumption"

It's the hat

I hope we don't participate in WWIII too :(

You had me at “ Train raccoon navy…”

I burst out laughing. Thanks!

That's pretty smart imo

A what?

So many people responding angrily to a twitter joke here like the original poster would even see it

This reminds me of when I was at a McDonald's and there was a little kid refusing to leave the playground at 7pm. The mum said, "Thats fine, you can stay. The monsters come out soon". The kid beat her to the car.

Love 'em both.

Thank the Lord for 20/15 vision

exactly! everyone would be so much more healthier and hygienic if you washed your bloomin hands

I recently learned that acorns also sort of pop. I know it's not really a food, but it's fun to watch them explode out of a fire and zip around like burning hot missiles.

1. my wife 2. me

Good boi

The irony is that a lot of academic subjects work that way. Advanced academia is the ultimate pyramid scheme where they try and pull in lots of hopefuls to expensive levels of study to perpetuate their own purpose of teaching and finding replacements along the way. It's the biggest jerk circle on the planet.

Also printer ink is literally the most expensive substance by weight in the world.

Hahahaaa!

And like in Nailed It when they DONT FRIKIN GREASE OR BUTTER THE TRAY LIKE OFC ITS GONNA GET STUCK

Omg this just happened to me, I'm turning 50 this year

Along time ago, my cousin and I went to a Halloween party. She is socially awkward, so she went as a mime and didn’t say a word to anybody.

How is this so true

"Maybe when you are older"

Easy to fix: Teach them how to wash their hands holding a gun, and how to vote holding a gun.

Fair enough

"If he was dying he wouldn't had written "argh", he would have just said it!" - Monty Python, Quest for the Holy Grail

Ha! I was like, Welcome to my world, bitches! 🤣 And I already know how to bake 😉

I just choked my laugh out - wonderful visiual.

Feeling this!

Okay, that explains the Platypus then . . . . . .

Chances are high we'll move to the left though

And then keep standing just at the door occasionally knocking again or trying the handle, even after the person inside has said "Occupied". Bonus points for having others with you and having the conversation "Did someone answer? I'm not sure anyone is in there. The light is on though. Did you try knocking? Maybe try the door again" >.< So helpful

This little piglet didn't go to market to shop there! ;_; (as I just had to learn today).

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather skid in broadside in a cloud of dust, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! WHAT A RIDE!" 😃☠

Passive aggressive dining out

This is so true.....lol

Why stop ? It's cute 😍

I call BS no one dislikes Sonic and how'd they just happen to have all the right colors

This is a definitely true story that actually happened.

which one did you do? I can't tell the difference

Don't see any problem there, except maybe they're too beige?

It's a ... hedgehog.