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50 Women Share The Things Others Say To Them Without Realizing They’re Offensive
Words can lift people up; but, just as equally, they can hurt. Sometimes, we might not even realize that the things we say to others are perhaps less than appropriate. That can be especially true when we make gender-specific comments, maybe even more so when they're directed towards women.
After all, the general public seems to think that women have it a bit worse than men at the moment. A recent survey by King's College London revealed that 48% of people in the UK think that it's harder to be a woman than a man today, while 14% say the opposite.
And the comments under a recent thread by netizen @rombesk might reflect just that. When the user posted the question "Name something people say to women without realizing it's offensive?" on Threads, almost three thousand women came prepared with answers. Scroll down and see what women are sick of hearing from strangers and people they know alike.
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#1
When a young woman says she doesn’t want to have children and the immediate response is, “you’ll change your mind.”
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#3
You should smile more. If you think I don’t smile enough around you, then you need to ask yourself why.
KnightOwl 1 month ago
18 months ago, I was walking down the street, I was very stressed and going through a very hard time and this random older guy stopped me and said "smile, it might never happen' and i proceded to scream at him until he literally ran away from me! I was on my way to stay overnight with my partner's mum because it was his funeral the next day and neither of us wanted to be alone. Ever since then I've had zero tolerance for comments like this.
#4
You cut your hair so short! What does your husband say about it?
Nothing. It’s not his hair. It’s my hair.
#5
When a man is home with his kids while the wife is out and it’s called babysitting or watching the kids. No, that mofo helped make those kids, he’s no babysitting he’s being a father.
Calane E. Vanya 1 month ago
"watching the kids" sounds normal to me. but English is not my first language.
BlackestDawn 1 month ago
Saying it just like that is normal, but (at least in USA) it is more often than not said in a way that implies it's the babysitting kind of "watching the kids" and not the parenting kind.
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SkyyCaramba 1 month ago
i say that in that way too, like "(whoever's) mom/dad is watching them" like just staying at home with them but I might be wrong :)
Kim Kermes 1 month ago
But if mom's at home with the kids do you say she's watching the kids? The point is that words are powerful and should be used accurately. For instance, when I'm at my injuredd bonus mum's house to help her when my bonus dad's out, I'm not "watching " her, or "sitting " her, I'm being there in case she needs something, or being a daughter.
Panda Panda Bo Banda 1 month ago
In English it implies that's your are merely supervising instead of parenting.
Craig Reynolds 1 month ago
It's called parenting. It's only babysitting or watching the kids when they are someone else's kids.
pug nose curly tail 1 month ago
Yes! I'd always say, "Babysitting? Are the neighbor kids coming over?
Glen Ellyn 1 month ago
I had to ask my (ex) husband to indeed "babysit" our children when, for once, I wanted to do the grocery shopping alone. I could finish the shopping in little more than half the time it took when they came with me. He always asked how long I'd be gone, because heaven forbid he should parent his own children for more than five minutes. 🙄😖
Beth Wheeler 1 month ago
Daddy time, a lot of kids don't get enough of it or their daddy isn't around at all.
Dread Pirate Roberts 2 days ago
And it's insulting to dads at the same time, making them sound incompetent or the "lesser" parent.
Joe Russo 1 month ago
I couldn't believe how much I got this from both men and women when I was first living here in Greece. I stayed home with our daughter, and was told multiple times by both genders that I was "a good helper for your wife" and "sounds like you're a great babysitter." And yes, every single time I responded, "Um, no, I'm her dad." I had no idea how to respond to the women telling me, "Your wife should never complain about you ever. My husband can't make tea." but I was thinking very loudly, "I bet if nobody ever made his tea, he'd learn..." and "No, I'm a regular dad, and your husband is a lazy a*s piece of ..." and then, of course, half of the time I was just thinking swear words.
PenguinQueen 1 month ago
Babysitting or watching the kids - Implies that the actual care giver isn't present and will be returning, this is only temporary so to speak. Taking away the full responsibility of the 'other' parent. In UK we use it interchangeably between sexes, though more so with men - as women are 'the default norm' when we subconsciously think of primary caregivers unfortunately.
tai 1 month ago
Dry your eyes, who on earth calls a dad a babysitter other than websites like this? And yes, watching the kids is an often used term in several countries for men and women.
Sophia Pandia de Delphia 1 month ago
Who on earth? Dear God! "So I haven't heard it said around me, therefore it must not exist!" Idiot!
#6
“When are you going to start a family?” “Why don’t you have any kids?” “Why do you have so many kids?” “Why don’t you have more kids?” “Who’s the father?” “Where’s the father?” “Why don’t you want kids?” “Aren’t you being selfish by not having any kids?” “Aren’t you being selfish by having kids?” Leave. Our. Bodies. Alone.
Chris the Bobcat 1 month ago
A girl I knew was gang-raped when she was twelve and that the injuries she sustained meant she could never have children. When people would ask why she didn't want kids, she would tell them that she was gang-raped when she was twelve and that the injuries she sustained meant she could never have children. Then she would simply look at them while they fumbled for an even remotely appropriate response. Toughest person I've ever known. Hit and killed by a drunk driver while crossing the street. god was never on her side.
#7
I always have to remind my husband not to say to my teen daughter: wow i guess you were hungry! When she finishes all of her dinner
#8
While in Home Depot, I was picking out lumber for a project I drafted. I knew what I needed. Every 4 minutes a male staff member would ask if I needed help, or where my husband was at.
It got worse… When a different customer said “can I get help over here” and the old troll of an employee says “no I’m helping this young lady over here.”
I turned around and said “Excuse me. I said NUMEROUS TIMES I do not need help. Now why don’t you actually go help someone who is actually asking for help.”
#9
Dismissing ideas put forward by a woman, but when a man says the same thing suddenly its a good plan
Jill Rhodry 1 month ago
If a guy repeats my idea I just turn around and say something like - you understood that well gary, that's exactly what I was talking about
#10
You can't have an abortion because you aren't dying enough.
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
And if you are dying, too bad. Save the baby and let you die. What a time to be alive.
#11
While looking to buy an Audi S4 (sports package), 2 sales guys said to me separately: “That’s a lot of car for you.” I did buy the car btw. Picked a different salesperson and reported the other two guys to the manager!
MonsterMum 1 month ago
My husband and I went to buy a new car, one dealership ignored me, didn't look at me, didn't answer my questions, joined us for the test drive and put me in the back seat! We bought a car elsewhere unsurprisingly
#12
I helped her today...when it's just chores that need to be done...you're doing your job as a member of the household, not helping her
Toothless Feline 1 month ago
The only time Spouse and I call it “helping” is when one of us assists with a chore that’s normally the other’s responsibility. That’s okay to call “helping” in my book.
#13
When men will defend other men without even knowing them, just to disbelieve a woman they do know. Always explaining another man’s actions away and justifying what happens to us.
#14
You look good for someone who just had a baby.
You look good for your age.
Just say YOU LOOK GOOD.
Toothless Feline 1 month ago
“You look good for someone who’s about to feel a sharp pain between their legs.”
#15
When the assumption is the female will be the note taker, regardless of her rank.
#17
“You don’t know love/responsibility until you’ve had kids”
“You’re not an adult/mature until you’ve had kids”
#18
Me: no thank you I’m not interested im a lesbian
Them: nahhh don’t believe you, you just haven’t had good d*** yet
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
I forget who the comedian was, but he had this bit which went something like, "I hate it when men say they could turn a gay woman straight. Now, me, I could turn a straight woman gay, but..."
#19
When you've been on maternity leave and say "how was your break"
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
"Break? What break? Oh, my water? Yeah, it did break. It was really, really, messy. I'll show you the video if you like."
#20
Telling a woman to calm down
Lozza 2012 1 month ago
Never in the history of telling a women to calm down has a women ever calmed down. It has the opposite effect.
#21
Guy made me so mad once I ran out of words and to my great annoyance began to cry. Totally thrillled, he tried to wrap his arms around me and said, “see? What I love about women is their fragility.” I was thinking sir I would urge you to scoot for the door before I get any more ‘fragile’
#22
When people call me “young lady” I’m fifty years old. When you say that you’re just pointing out that I’m not in fact a young lady.
#23
Are you sure your very real physical pain isn’t it just because you’re a bit emotional right now. You must just be stressed. When was your last period?
Peeka_Mimi 1 month ago
I was diagnosed fat. I had problems breathing out of my nose. I spent 30 minutes getting reamed for being overweight and eventually getting allergy meds. Went to a different doctor and yep I needed surgery for deviated septum, nasal vessel collapse, and hyperdevelopment of nasal bones. They had to harvest cartilage off of my ear to rebuild my nose. I should probably sue first Dr for malpractice.
#24
When a man is given financial awards & accolades for just doing his job and the woman has to do 10,000 times more just to get nothing.
Nice Beast Ludo 1 month ago
The woman has to do 10,000 times more just to see the man get awards and accolades
#25
"Can I speak with your husband?" About buying a car, bank accounts, household repairs, etc.
Toothless Feline 1 month ago
“You’ll need a psychic. I kılled him last week for being sexist.”
#26
Constant mansplaining. Please stop telling me how to do things when I haven’t asked.
#27
“i’m not really into the drama” when you’re sticking up for yourself in a kind and professional manner but assuming it’s “drama” bc you’re a woman
#28
Maybe they realize it’s offensive but I hate when people on the internet say the only reason mothers work is because they are selfish and want luxury stuff, as if we are not working hard to provide for our families just like men do.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 month ago
Yeah, I'm working so we have a roof over our heads, food and clothes, so I must be a terrible mother
#29
What she meant to say was….
#30
Calling us “sweetheart” or “honey” when they aren’t family or our significant other…. It’s like I’m sorry but I’m not your sweetheart and we’re full grown women not little girls
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
The only time it's acceptable for somebody to call anyone else "honey" or "sweetheart" is when that somebody is a 60-year-old waitress named "Bobbi Sue" in a rural diner somewhere in the Deep South.
#31
Male boss referring to staff of women made up of specialists and licensed professionals ‘the girls’. A woman wouldn’t walk into a boardroom of men and address them as boys.
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
How about "The Specialists" or "The Professionals?" Why bring gender into it at all?
#32
Started my new job a few weeks ago alongside another trainee who was a male. During training our lead asked us, "Have you guys ever purchased car parts?"
*looks at me* "You probably haven't right?"
*looks at male trainee* "You probably have."
???????????
#33
“You’re just going to have to forgive him and move on with the relationship,” after he’s been found cheating.
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
It's OK to forgive him eventually...as you're walking away from the grave site...
#34
“Would you get drunk for me at least once time?” “I really want to see you drunk” “I bet you’d be really fun drunk” - I have never drunk alcohol in my life yet men say this to me all the time
#35
When they tell you "you're too smart for your own good, and guys don't like women who are smarter than them." Or "you ask too many questions, just hush up and listen."
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
"Guys don't like women who are smarter than them." "And women don't give a f**k what guys don't like."
#36
When people find out you’ve had a C section and say something about “taking the easy way out”
Nice Beast Ludo 1 month ago
Ha! I was in labor for over 20 hours, the epidural didn't work AT ALL (I think the needle slipped out and the medicine never went into my spine) so I felt everything. Was 9 cm dilated and then went suddenly back to 3 cm. Had to have a C-section and go through labor pretty much. Having your stomach and uterus cut open, baby pulled out, sewed back up then have your skin stapled back together IS IN NO WAY EASY! at least your body was made to recover from natural delivery. Recovery from a C-section is HELL and the second time was more painful than labor was the first time
#37
“Why are you so emotional?” When really you’re passionate and care deeply for others.
#38
When one of my clients (I'm an attorney) suggests I should consult with one of the "more experienced" attorneys in my firm. I am one of the most experienced attorneys in my firm, so I know they mean they want me to ask a man.
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
"Right, let me go get them." Walk out of the room. Walk back in. "I have consulted with myself and we are in agreement."
#39
Having to say “no” multiple times as a single female homeowner to vendors stopping by. But when I say my “husband” handles that and he’s not here, they don’t continue their sales pitch and just leave.
I frequently don’t feel respected by sales men, like my “no, I’m not interested” carries less weight than a man’s. One of my favorite relationship moments was when a guy I had been dating asked me my opinion in the middle of a roofing sales pitch, it wasn’t even my roof we were discussing.
#40
When I'm in the middle of saying something and man talks over me. So rude and tells me they do not value me
Wang Zhuang 1 month ago
I admit I struggle with this, but I do this with everyone, not just with women. Sometimes I get excited about making a point, so when I see someone pause in the middle of talking, I will eagerly take advantage of it just so I can say my piece. I've realized this flaw about myself and I'm really working on it.
#41
When men get offended by anything suggesting they might have a feminine trait or like they wouldn’t want to wear a pink shirt because it’s considered a girl color. As if it’s lesser just because it’s associated more often with women.
#42
anytime i’m speaking on something im very knowledgeable and passionate about and someone feels the need to question me down to the littlest detail to “test” me or says “why, how, explain” in response to me talking. i’d go as far to say its outright misogyny.
#43
i’m tired of hearing “you’re so pretty but you gotta take that thing (my septum piercing) out of your nose, it’s not doing you any favors” if you wanna tell someone you think they’re pretty, just tell them you think they’re pretty. why insult a choice they clearly made, and one that personally i’m happy with?
#44
“Do you have kids?”
“No.”
“What are you waiting for?”
#45
When a colleague appologizes for cursing or discussing something vagueliy offesive. Asking forgiveness from the only woman present (you). And you are left pondering what would happen if you caved to the intrusive thoughts and staged a gasping faint..
Beak Hookage 1 month ago (edited)
As beloved as Silence of the Lambs is, one of its best moments is easy to miss - when Jack Crawford tells the other cops they shouldn't be talking about "these kinds of sex crimes" in front of a woman (ie Starling). She's visibly offended, and later on when he apologises saying it was just a cover to make them go away she correctly tells him that those cops take their example from him so therefore it does matter. It doesn't help of course that they'd already been giving her the side-eye before that happened, so Crawford, intentionally or not, encouraged their sexism.
#46
Asking a SAHM "when are you going back to work?" As if what a mom does isn't contributing to the family..
#47
“You’re strong for a girl”
Upstaged75 1 month ago
I had an obnoxious Russian coworker who made a huge fuss about me using a screwdriver to mount something on the wall. Like he'd never seen a woman use tools before. I really wanted to kick him in the nuts. Hard.
#48
“You need to act ladylike.”
Beak Hookage 1 month ago
Lady implies that I am a member of the nobility and therefore above even looking at riff-raff like you, buddy boy.
#49
Acting surprised when they find out we're smart & know things
Clown fish 1 month ago
Try being blonde and a woman they still don't believe me when I say stuff
#50
"You look great. Have you lost weight?"
Poll Question
How do you feel about the survey result that 48% of people think it's harder to be a woman today?
I completely agree
It reflects my own experience
I have mixed feelings
I disagree with this statement
What do you think ?
Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
I remember when my parents got divorced in the 70's, when I was in the single-digits. My mom, who had been working all of her life, struggled to establish her own financial and credit history, because women couldn't have lines of credit. Something unthinkable in this day and age was very real back then. It really hasn't gotten THAT much better 50 years later.
Lyone Fein 1 month ago (edited)
It will take more than 50 years to undo thousands of years of global culture. This goes for all longstanding (and often subconscious) prejudices: gender discrimination, religious hierarchies, anti-queer beliefs, antisemitism, racism, ablism, etc. These have been around longer than most writing systems. We just need to keep working generation by generation to overturn the hatred and make a better world.
Nice Beast Ludo 1 month ago
Ok I have issues with the poll question. It's an incomplete question. Do you agree with the 48% who think it's harder to be a woman today? As opposed to what? The 1950s? Being a man? Yesterday?
Nils Skirnir 1 month ago
Harder than when? I know my great grandmother had a harder time than my daughter, but right now compared to 2015? Probably.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 1 month ago
Noel Coward to Gertrude Lawrence: "Dressed like that, dear, you almost look like a man." Gertrude Lawrence: "Oh Noel, I was about to say the same thing to you."
Petra Schaap 1 month ago
For the Dutch: men adressing women they dont know "meisje" I always respond with "jongetje!" Translation doesnt work well here.
SkyyCaramba 1 month ago
I need to vent. So, I play bass in my school orchestra, I go to private lessons, bass is my fave thing ever. I do not claim to know everything about it, but I bet I know more about it than this cellist who likes to mansplain the double bass to me. he's my ex too, so i'm already pissed off at him. And it's gotten to the point where I genuinely want him to switch out of the class I'm in because all he does is act like I'm being "aggressive" now, if you know me, I can be almost murderous when i'm mad. I hate being told to calm down especially. so he better hope I don't start my period, cuz I am this close to telling him to shut up and go back to playing his stupid trombone (no offence to any trombones here)
murmelinpaiva 1 month ago
I have been asked when my baby is due at least twice , and I was not pregnant.
Ashlie Benson 1 month ago
"You'd look so much better with a bit of make-up!" or "You should wear make-up more often!" drive my crazy.
Disgruntled Panda 1 month ago
Used to be in charge of the high end watch department at the jewellers I (briefly) worked. The number of times men would simply not accept technical info from me but would ask to speak to a man...
Tyranamar Seuss 1 month ago
I agree some of the things on this list were not offensive. Especially all the people bitching about having to go through the steps of a basic medical work up. Sorry folks, there are things as medical professionals we need to know.
Load More Replies... Bacon Tentacles 1 month ago
I remember when my parents got divorced in the 70's, when I was in the single-digits. My mom, who had been working all of her life, struggled to establish her own financial and credit history, because women couldn't have lines of credit. Something unthinkable in this day and age was very real back then. It really hasn't gotten THAT much better 50 years later.
Lyone Fein 1 month ago (edited)
It will take more than 50 years to undo thousands of years of global culture. This goes for all longstanding (and often subconscious) prejudices: gender discrimination, religious hierarchies, anti-queer beliefs, antisemitism, racism, ablism, etc. These have been around longer than most writing systems. We just need to keep working generation by generation to overturn the hatred and make a better world.
Nice Beast Ludo 1 month ago
Ok I have issues with the poll question. It's an incomplete question. Do you agree with the 48% who think it's harder to be a woman today? As opposed to what? The 1950s? Being a man? Yesterday?
Nils Skirnir 1 month ago
Harder than when? I know my great grandmother had a harder time than my daughter, but right now compared to 2015? Probably.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 month ago
Noel Coward to Gertrude Lawrence: "Dressed like that, dear, you almost look like a man." Gertrude Lawrence: "Oh Noel, I was about to say the same thing to you."
Petra Schaap 1 month ago
For the Dutch: men adressing women they dont know "meisje" I always respond with "jongetje!" Translation doesnt work well here.
SkyyCaramba 1 month ago
I need to vent. So, I play bass in my school orchestra, I go to private lessons, bass is my fave thing ever. I do not claim to know everything about it, but I bet I know more about it than this cellist who likes to mansplain the double bass to me. he's my ex too, so i'm already pissed off at him. And it's gotten to the point where I genuinely want him to switch out of the class I'm in because all he does is act like I'm being "aggressive" now, if you know me, I can be almost murderous when i'm mad. I hate being told to calm down especially. so he better hope I don't start my period, cuz I am this close to telling him to shut up and go back to playing his stupid trombone (no offence to any trombones here)
murmelinpaiva 1 month ago
I have been asked when my baby is due at least twice , and I was not pregnant.
Ashlie Benson 1 month ago
"You'd look so much better with a bit of make-up!" or "You should wear make-up more often!" drive my crazy.
Disgruntled Panda 1 month ago
Used to be in charge of the high end watch department at the jewellers I (briefly) worked. The number of times men would simply not accept technical info from me but would ask to speak to a man...
Tyranamar Seuss 1 month ago
I agree some of the things on this list were not offensive. Especially all the people bitching about having to go through the steps of a basic medical work up. Sorry folks, there are things as medical professionals we need to know.
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