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“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread
Being kind, treating others with dignity, and respecting others’ boundaries—this sounds like common sense to many people. It’s how any civil and self-confident individual ought to behave. Unfortunately, common sense is in short supply at times… as is basic politeness.
One internet user asked the men of the r/AskReddit online community to open up and share the obvious red flags that they’ve noticed in other men. The question started an in-depth discussion about toxic masculinity, and we’ve collected some of the most egregious examples of it. Scroll down for a crash course on how to never treat other human beings.
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#1
Being a modern day Republican in the US. If he votes in favor of diminishing human rights, how do you think your relationship will go? Does he truly respect women if he is Ok with the removal of bodily autonomy? Will he respect your future kids if they are homosexual or transgender? I get that people change, but I would never set a girlfriend of mine up with someone I know to be republican.
#3
I really dislike men who start lusting and talking about a woman's a*s, breasts, etc. to me, trying to get me to agree. (And they'd assume that I would, since I'm a guy as well.)
Some people just can't keep those thoughts to themselves.
Edit: I really appreciate how I am not alone on this. Sometimes it feels like I am, since those perverts are often the loudest.
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
this one is top for me. in one of my workplaces it's extremely bad and most guys there act like animals. it's like they get paid to flirt and be perverted. I do my best to be respectful and lead by example, but often I find myself straight up telling them off because it's just too much. It's especially bad when they try to get me to assist and be their wingman. Like, dude, I'm a father of a 16yo daughter, I'm the opposite of your wingman. I will eat you alive, kid. F**k right off with that s**t.
The redditors revealed some of the most hurtful aspects of toxic masculinity they spied in other men, whether they were their friends or casual acquaintances. It’s the kind of behavior that is very obviously a red flag and would make practically anyone think hard about whether that’s the kind of company they’d like to keep.
Some of the most awful examples included guys who would constantly criticize their family, men who’d make fun of others (but couldn’t stand being the butt of jokes), uncontrollable flirts, and anyone not in control of their temper. Other red flags that caught people’s attention included guys who would never apologize, were arrogant, and trampled over other folks’ privacy and boundaries.
#4
"Women don't like good guys like me"
Good guys don't have to self assure themselves that they are good guys.
#5
Random guys I meet through work showing me nudes a girl has sent them.
Like seriously, those aren’t meant to be shared.
#6
Men who can joke about others but can’t take it.
(Can be applied to women too)
Chihuahua Mama 1 year ago
Especially when the jokes they make are just plain mean. My uncle is a prime example. He will mock anyone and everyone over just about anything, but don't you dare make even the slightest joke about him
At its core, toxic masculinity is the dark side of manliness and negatively impacts other people. According to WebMD, guys who embrace toxic masculinity are often homophobic, sexually aggressive toward women, violent, and promiscuous.
Moreover, proponents of toxic masculinity have a deep need for control and ‘dominate’ everyone around them, including their romantic partners. A 2017 report ‘The Man Box’ found that 46% of men ‘deserved’ to know where their partners were at all times.
#7
If you hear a little voice inside you that says "I can change this man", he is not the man for you.
#8
Bartender here...
- They don't respond well to the word "no"
- They argue for no other reason than to maintain their ego
- They use staring as a flirting technique
- They talk over you in conversation
- They get wildly uncomfortable when their partner is casually talking to somebody else in a public place
- They order Fireball, Hennessy, Patron, or a Long Island
- "What's the strongest you got bro?"
- Flashing money
Toxic men also often refuse to help out with the housework because they think it’s unmanly. Instead, they view household chores as something that only women ought to do. Around a fifth of American men believe they shouldn’t have to help out at home at all, according to ‘The Man Box’ report. The same report noted that just over a fifth of men thought that they should “use violence to get respect.”
Some guys also frown upon men who show their emotions because they consider that to be a sign of weakness. However, this is a very dangerous perspective because it makes men less likely to ask for help if they’re struggling with mental or physical health issues.
Meanwhile, a man who is perfectly comfortable in his own skin and an example of healthy masculinity is someone who embraces his emotions, isn’t afraid of his own feminine aspects, and self-reflects on his actions. He’s also respectful of other people’s boundaries and doesn’t mind other people challenging his opinions.
#10
Thinking their entitled to a GF just because they’re a male
Biljana Malesevic 1 year ago
Thinking they are entitled to GF who looks like supermodel, just because they're male.
#12
I look at how a man treats 'unattractive' women and other men, especially in places like restaurants.
It's all well and good if he's polite and nice towards a waitress who's attractive but try pay closer attention to how he treats those he doesn't see in that same way and see if you can spot a stark difference!
D. Pitbull 1 year ago
Thank goodness this is something at least one other guy notices and is not cool with. I admit I get more than a little annoyed at 'friends' who have watched and shrugged off when I (or another 'plain' person... or person they can't 'gain' from) are mistreated to inhuman levels ... it's like they're agreeing "If you're not attractive, why does it matter if they're rude to you?" - I've given them the "What the actual heck? Thanks for having my back, buddy... let me give the knife back to you." and they just "huh? What... I didn't see anything".
#13
Believe me, I'm a nice guy.
Ingo Sauer 1 year ago
Actions speak louder than words. Some sayings stick around for a reason.
#14
Talking about how many women they've shagged without being asked.
Describing a woman like a piece of meat rather than just saying "she's nice/hot" i.e "look at the tits on that" or "love to tap that a*s"
Always wanting to get shitfaced when out rather than just have a few drinks.
Getting into fights.
Gardener of Weeden 1 year ago
Nothing wrong in admiring beauty, but remember - many times the true beauty is hidden by a plain wrapper.
#15
Constantly s**t talking their wife or girlfriend. Always saying how horrible they are and such a b***h. Then I finally meet them at a get together or something and they are always nice. The guy will act completely different around her also, “yes dear” type of s**t. Then back at work the next day s**t talking her. Grow the f**k up
David Leick 1 year ago
The ole' ball n' chain c**p. Dude, if it's that bad then get a divorce and shut up. Or just shut up.
#17
Going out with younger women with a large age gap. It suggests to me that they like control and manipulation and compliance.
Mark Bayliss 1 year ago
Can't agree with this. I know a couple of couples where the man is 15 - 20 years older and they are probably the happiest couples I know.
#18
Routinely acting like a pouty manbaby.
We all have bad days, but I’d steer clear of the guys who very frequently have sour tempers and are very quick to anger. That’s the type of guy who will hit you, punch holes in the wall, drink and drive after every fight, etc
#19
Never apologizing
Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 1 year ago
Always blames someone/something else. Yup, we all know someone like that!
#20
I had a friend who I confronted for cheating on his wife. He said it's a part of his culture and his people do it all the time. He's no longer my friend.
#21
Calling women "bitches", and not in the sense of "she's being a b***h" but in the general sense as if "b***h" is a synonym for "woman".
#22
Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It's one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It's another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.
#23
Using phrases like "do you know who I am?"
Constantly talking about themselves and how desirable they are (to women, recruiters, hiring managers, etc)
*Only* being nice to certain groups of people (women, leaders, minorities, white people, etc)
#24
Quotes Joe Rogan/ Andrew Tate etc. regulary.
Snorky The Pig 1 year ago
Quotes andy at ALL! I don't know Rogan, but whoever quotes Tate should only have the sense to do so disparagingly!
#25
Trying to flirt with friend's girlfriend.
Lauren Caswell 1 year ago
Or text their ex gf when they break up. I simply texted a list to my last ex, like dudes u may not wanna trust. I did my part, he could believe me or not 🤷♀️
#26
Proclaiming they are an alpha male and treat women like objects instead of people.
Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 1 year ago
If you have to proclaim you are an 'Alpha male', you aren't.
#27
Any man who talks about things like "the natural order" or "the natural hierarchy" is probably an a*****e. Nature is an unruly bush, not a "hierarchy". People who speak of "the natural order" are usually promoting something much darker than that, and they use the concept of "the natural order" as their excuse.
Biljana Malesevic 1 year ago
usually "natural order" is about men being "much better" than women or men having control over women.
#28
When they blame all their problems on women.
#29
Trying to break your hand with the handshake when they meet you.
I prefer a firm handshake, but when they're squeezing so hard you can feel your bones and tendons move and your hand hurts afterward, that's just ridiculous. It's just machismo b******t to exert dominance by way of physical pain.
Last guy that did it to me (it was at work) I just straight called him out right there. "Oh, so youre one of those hard handshake guys? Why do you do that?" As I shake the pain out of my hand. Was a very awkward professional relationship afterward but he never f****d with me.
#30
When you handshake and he forcefully twists his hand on top and yours on bottom.
I instantly don't trust him
Michael P (Perthaussieguy) 1 year ago
Trying to prove he's an 'Alpha Male'. Same here, instant red flag.
#32
Throwing their friends under the bus when women are around. Really struggled to deal with guys I thought were my friends doing this when I was younger. It’s like a switch goes off in them when attractive women are around and all bets are off.
Also not making an effort to be friends or even just nice be to people that don’t have anything to offer them. There are plenty of guys at my job that only talk to guys their age or attractive women, like if they can’t hangout or date them they’re not worth interacting with.
#33
The three F’s will earn an F from me if all they talk about is fighting, fornicating, and frustrations.
I want nothing from their friendships.
Have a life, you’re a lot more interesting if you do things. Because if you do things, you have things to talk about, to relate with, and experiences to share.
Again… have a life, be able to tell a story.
#34
Just being an a*****e at the gym. How bout you don’t stand 4 inches away from me talking with your friends?
#35
Clenched jaw and crossed arms. If you're showing me intimidation signals I'm going to ignore you until you go away.
What do you think ?
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
a big one for me that I see a lot of now that my kids are teenagers and involved in a lot of sports: that one dad who takes sports too seriously. when your kid comes off the baseball field and instead of going straight to the dugout to be with his coach and team, he walks around the the back of the fence to chat with dad between every inning, it's a problem. When your kid looks at you for feedback after every mistake they make, it's a problem. Not only is it super annoying to the rest of us trying to be healthy parents, but it's a really stupid way to parent. 100% going to backfire on you dude.
El Howard 1 year ago
My dad tells the story of his coworker who started screaming "We're not out here for the fun of it!"... at the recreational softball game.
Load More Replies...
JustinTime 1 year ago
People who were in the military and make sure everyone knows they were in the military
Surenu 1 year ago
I've been accused of that because of certain speech mannerisms. Speech mannerisms are difficult to change though.
Load More Replies...
David Leick 1 year ago (edited)
You can make your own threads on BP. You know that, right?
Load More Replies...
Lauren Caswell 1 year ago
Being a misandrist does not in any way help anyone. It's not the way to fight misogyny. We want equal respect then we respect equally
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
a big one for me that I see a lot of now that my kids are teenagers and involved in a lot of sports: that one dad who takes sports too seriously. when your kid comes off the baseball field and instead of going straight to the dugout to be with his coach and team, he walks around the the back of the fence to chat with dad between every inning, it's a problem. When your kid looks at you for feedback after every mistake they make, it's a problem. Not only is it super annoying to the rest of us trying to be healthy parents, but it's a really stupid way to parent. 100% going to backfire on you dude.
El Howard 1 year ago
My dad tells the story of his coworker who started screaming "We're not out here for the fun of it!"... at the recreational softball game.
Load More Replies... JustinTime 1 year ago
People who were in the military and make sure everyone knows they were in the military
Surenu 1 year ago
I've been accused of that because of certain speech mannerisms. Speech mannerisms are difficult to change though.
Load More Replies... David Leick 1 year ago (edited)
You can make your own threads on BP. You know that, right?
Load More Replies... Lauren Caswell 1 year ago
Being a misandrist does not in any way help anyone. It's not the way to fight misogyny. We want equal respect then we respect equally
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