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“Do Not Speed Read This”: Bride Refuses To Invite Autistic Sister To Her Wedding As She Can’t Comprehend Boundaries
Getting married is one of the most joyous occasions in a person’s life. And there is nothing surprising when the bride and groom do everything to make sure that this day goes without any disruptions or unwanted surprises. Some say that this is nearly impossible, but one will always try to foreshadow and prepare for any unexpected things.
One Reddit user decided to share her own struggle that she has to go through before her wedding. The title that asked: “AITA for not wanting my disabled sister at my wedding?” has gained a lot of attention and other people’s opinions and advice.
More Info: Reddit
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For some people, their wedding day is one of the most important and joyous days in their life, so there is nothing weird about wanting it to be perfect
Image credits: Ryan Polei
The woman started her story by telling about her 21-year-old sister who has severe autism. The sister who she presented as Anna has been living with their parents as she isn’t capable of taking care of herself. Her sister shared that Anna struggles to communicate with others and also finds it hard to keep her boundaries.
The user continued her story by saying that in 3 months, she is getting married to her fiancé Michael. It is going to be a small wedding at his parents’ farm, in a barn. Since the celebration is not going to be very big, it is easier and faster to plan, so the bride already sent out the invitations, but she decided not to invite her sister Anna.
A Reddit user decided to ask people online if she is right for not inviting her severely autistic sister to her wedding
Image credits: PriyrPo
The narrator continued to explain why she didn’t want her sister to come to the wedding. As Anna has a severe disorder, she finds it hard to keep her boundaries around other people, especially her sister’s fiancé. The woman shared that her sister likes to take his hand, hug and kiss him, and sees Michael as her comfort person. And in case Anna is not allowed to do what she wants, she gets terribly frustrated. Because of her autism, it’s hard to talk about these things to her and explain why she can’t have what she wants.
Image credits: PriyrPo
The bride-to-be shared that it’s hard to manage her sister’s behavior, especially around her fiancé, so she thinks it’s best if the sister just skipped the wedding
Image credits: PriyrPo
Because of this reason, the user said she doesn’t want her sister to be at the wedding as it wouldn’t be comfortable for her, her fiancé, and even Anna herself. When the bride explained all of her concerns to her parents, they were upset with her decision.
The bride’s parents called her “selfish” and inconsiderate as her sister might never be able to experience such a day herself, so leaving her out of this is a cruel thing to do. When it came to Anna harassing Michael, the parents again weren’t on their side, saying that this is something both she Michael should understand.
The bride’s parent’s didn’t like this idea because they don’t find her sister’s behavior towards the fiancé weird or unpleasant
The family couldn’t reach an agreement even though the bride tried to offer multiple ways out of this situation
Image credits: PriyrPo
After a while, the parents contacted the bride telling her that they won’t be attending the wedding after all and asked Michael not to visit them anymore. They tried to justify Anna’s behavior by telling her that this is how every woman her age feels; it’s just that she has a problem with expressing herself in a more appropriate way and it’s just something that the couple has to understand.
Image credits: PriyrPo
When the bride tried to suggest a few more ways out of this situation, for example, showing the wedding through a webcam or hiring someone to take care of Anna during the wedding, the parents declined all of her efforts. The discussion came to the point where the user had to tell their parents that she has had to put up with this for a long time and wants this one day for herself and in the future, she doesn’t want to take responsibility for being her keeper.
Image credits: PriyrPo
This sincere truth made the parents even more frustrated and so the user doesn’t know how to act so that everyone will remain happy in this situation. The woman showed that she loves her sister and she doesn’t want any bad comments sent along her way, she just wants what is best for everyone.
A lot of people supported the bride, telling her that this is not how her parents should act and that they should understand that the woman and her soon-to-be husband want to have a celebration and a life of their own. What do you think about this story? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
People online were expressing their support for the bride, pointing out that her parents are the ones who don’t understand the scope of the issue
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What do you think ?
Terilee Bruyere 3 years ago
As a parent of two children on the spectrum, one on the severe end, I honestly don't blame the bride for asking that her sister not attend. Not only is it stressful for other people it's also potentially extremely stressful for her sister, who would likely be overwhelmed by the chaos that even a very quite wedding has. Perhaps a small ceremony at home at a later date for her sister to be included in would be nice but the parents have to understand that this is not just because the fiancé seems the target of affection but for the sister who would have trouble with understanding why she cannot do things her way at this time. The only a$$hole-ish thing is the parents wanting to force BOTH their daughters and their future son-in-law in a potentially very uncomfortable situation.
Otter 3 years ago
That was my biggest concern, how would an autisgic person with "social discomvort" cope with a wedding? Or worse, a wedding reception?
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SumoNinja 3 years ago
The parents seem to be completely ignoring Michael in this. no matter what the reason, no is likely to be comfortable with that level of forced intimate contact. Even if she has no idea that what she is doing is inappropriate, the impact on him is real. Being accommodating to people with disabilities has to have some limits especially when it directly impacts another person. And as someone else said, imagine if the gender roles were reversed. This wouldn't even be a debate.
BoopBoop 3 years ago
Absolutely. He is entitled to not wish physical contact with anyone, including the sister, her parents, his parents, anyone. Men are entitled to bodily integrity, just like women are.
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Desiree McKinnon 3 years ago
My brother-in-law is autistic. When it came down to his invitation to the wedding I talked to my future in-laws (his parents) about it. As my husband's brother he should be there. They assured me that the crowd of people he didn't know would only upset him. I didn't want to do that so I left it to their assessment. Your sister is not to blame for her actions, she has no way of knowing what she's doing is making people uncomfortable. Your parents, however, DO. It seems that they are insisting that the 'disabled' sister be put before anyone else and damn the rest of the world. That's wrong on so many levels.
Terilee Bruyere 3 years ago
As a parent of two children on the spectrum, one on the severe end, I honestly don't blame the bride for asking that her sister not attend. Not only is it stressful for other people it's also potentially extremely stressful for her sister, who would likely be overwhelmed by the chaos that even a very quite wedding has. Perhaps a small ceremony at home at a later date for her sister to be included in would be nice but the parents have to understand that this is not just because the fiancé seems the target of affection but for the sister who would have trouble with understanding why she cannot do things her way at this time. The only a$$hole-ish thing is the parents wanting to force BOTH their daughters and their future son-in-law in a potentially very uncomfortable situation.
Otter 3 years ago
That was my biggest concern, how would an autisgic person with "social discomvort" cope with a wedding? Or worse, a wedding reception?
Load More Replies... SumoNinja 3 years ago
The parents seem to be completely ignoring Michael in this. no matter what the reason, no is likely to be comfortable with that level of forced intimate contact. Even if she has no idea that what she is doing is inappropriate, the impact on him is real. Being accommodating to people with disabilities has to have some limits especially when it directly impacts another person. And as someone else said, imagine if the gender roles were reversed. This wouldn't even be a debate.
BoopBoop 3 years ago
Absolutely. He is entitled to not wish physical contact with anyone, including the sister, her parents, his parents, anyone. Men are entitled to bodily integrity, just like women are.
Load More Replies... Desiree McKinnon 3 years ago
My brother-in-law is autistic. When it came down to his invitation to the wedding I talked to my future in-laws (his parents) about it. As my husband's brother he should be there. They assured me that the crowd of people he didn't know would only upset him. I didn't want to do that so I left it to their assessment. Your sister is not to blame for her actions, she has no way of knowing what she's doing is making people uncomfortable. Your parents, however, DO. It seems that they are insisting that the 'disabled' sister be put before anyone else and damn the rest of the world. That's wrong on so many levels.
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