As a former mental health counselor, one of the major focuses of therapy is taking responsibility for how your issues may have affected your loved ones. Accepting that while you may be making huge changes, you need to let those you hurt come to you on their own terms, if they choose to do it at all. Communicate that you’re open to reconciling, but then let it go. OP is 100% in the right to go NC. Keep up those amazing boundaries OP!

He took time to heal. So you're entitled to do the same. No one set a deadline on him, so they can't put one on you, either.

There is a reason why bridges are burned and never rebuilt. People ought to respect that it's the wish of the abused party, something OP's sh*tbag family doesn't understand nor respect. Ought to tell them to go entertain her "father" for the rest of his days and leave her alone. Otherwise, just plain strap a restraining order in place if they decide to get ugly.

Let me get this straight. They LIED to him to make him feel better, which inadvertently left him with a completely diluted observation that everything between you both is fine? They're all toxic, and you need to reevaluate your relationship with all of them. Also, if mental illness was so easily forgivable, then a lot less people would be in prison today. They still have to pay their debt to society and be held accountable for thier actions.

Holding on to a resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. This is going to color all your relationships going forward. I'm speaking from experience. My father was an alcoholic and an abuser. Find some peace about it within yourself (he never needs to know).

100% NTA. She is absolutely in the right. Now can she choose to show compassion. Forgiveness is as much about setting yourself free. It does not mean you have to forget or trust.

my parents put me thru alot of mental and emotional abuse. only reason im still talking to them is bc wen found out thru my therapist my parents didnt even realize they were doing so. my mom would do therapy sessions with me and every time the abuse happened my therapist would point it out. my mom would cry and apologize all the way home. she b a wreck for the next few days. my dad was always working so my mom had to watch him. the thing is they never got truly better until i met my now husband. he started calling them out on their s****y behavior. wen they noticed he was never taking their side and how angry hed get they decided that any conversations shouldnt b too personal and if i wanted to take personal it was up to me to start the conversation. i dont blame the OP for acting the way they did. they r 100% in the right to act that way.

A bridge requires sturdy posts on both ends. If OP is uncomfortable with creating the bridge, it will not hold and be a waste of time for both parties.

NTA! You are a survivor of abuse. You have a completely valid reason for going no contact with the person who abused you. Your family members who are pressuring you to have contact with the person that hurt you are acting like AHs. Stay strong and continue to do what makes you happy. I am a survivor who also chose to go no contact with the people who hurt me. I hope your family members will start to respect you and your boundaries very soon. I am sending positive vibes and virtual hugs to you. 💜

I have a similar problem with my own Dad. I was the golden child and my bro abused, and even as a kid I knew it was screwed up. My bro keeps telling me how much he has changed and I should talk to him, and now my Mom has taken up the same mantra. Supposedly if my bro can make peace with him I should. Somehow they don't understand when I say I *did* let it go and I'm not mad, it doesn't mean I want to start over. I just don't. This is what letting go IS.

NTA, but I can tell OP that holding onto anger is corrosive to the sole, it can turn you into a bitter person. You don't need to talk to him or forgive him either. But forgive yourself for being angry over your childhood, put it down and move on, find your own happiness

I'm on the fence about the Daughter and the Father in this story. But the Brother is an a*s. He should never have made up that story to make his Dad happy. It's brutal but it's far better to be honest and tell him up front that she hasn't come to terms with the past and doesn't want to be here. And that's far less brutal than having her call and break it over speaker during the party. As for the Daughter and Father, I'm on the fence because I do agree that it's her decision to make. But at the same time refusing to speak to him even once means she doesn't ever get to see him as a genuine Father, only as an a*****e one. So she could potentially have a few good years worth of memories of him instead of just the bad ones.

I think the easiest way to explain this to people is the step in AA that covers making amends, as it's been discussed in so many tv shows & movies. Making amends is a person's way of apologizing for all the things they did wrong while they were under the influence of drugs & alcohol (though it could really apply to anything). BUT- & here's the big caveat- the person making the amends knows from the outset that just b/c you are offering your heartfelt apologies doesn't mean (or require) that everyone is going to accept them w/ open arms. That's part of the downside of taking responsibility for your actions. Some things just can't be fixed & a person in recovery or any type of therapy needs to deal w/ this. As someone who's bipolar, I've burned bridges over the years that I know I can't rebuild, & that's guilt I've dealt w/ in therapy

Sounds like Dad has simply learned new tricks, e.g. manipulation and gaslighting. A parent can ASK for forgiveness. There's nothing wrong with asking. But EXPECTING to be forgiven and DEMANDING to be forgiven indicate, to me, that they don't understand the seriousness of what they did wrong. A person has to understand that they aren't owed forgiveness, and in the case of child abuse, honestly: don't deserve it. If they don't get it: they should move on and accept it.

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It is on them. She need help though