At the cost of living now? Plus she's paying for a funeral. That really eats a chunk of change. Anytime you have kids your life goes on hold for a while. He should work while going to school, or just work for 5/6 years.

John Beck- this is a 12yr-old boy. He goes to school during the day; Fiance can get a pt job while he's at school, because he can't spend time with him when he's in school. Independent adults with a child to care for don't always have the luxury of not working so they can go to college full-time. His refusal to apply for SS Survivors benefits is irresponsible, stupid, and asinine. It's income he doesn't have to do anything to receive and it could easily be ~$1k/mo for his brother (he may also be able to receive survivors benefits as the legal guardian of his brother). He's not ready to be a parent, partly because he can't seem to grasp the concept of sacrificing your wants and needs to support a child, and also because his go-to was a tantrum and ultimatum.

OP calculated what he paid to support her, then deducted the funeral expenses she recently paid, and is sending him the balance ($3500). It shows how HE handles a crisis. Their agreement about support while in college involved just the 2 of them. The brother meant the agreement needed to be adjusted. She asked him to get a pt job and/or SS Survivors benefits to help, but he threw a tantrum. She didn't renege on the agreement. The entire situation changed; she tried to update the agreement to factor in the changes. If they already had a 2-bed place, then the kid's arrival wouldn't impact their rent, but they don't so it's reasonable to expect him to work pt to help with the extra ~1k+ they hadn't expected when they originally made their agreement. Fiance shouldn't take in his brother bc he's not grown-up enough to accept that sometimes your plans have to change as life changes. He's an 8yr-old in a late-20s man's body.

She tried to show him all aspects of what taking in a child would mean, laying out space concerns, financial reposibilities.. She was WILLING to take in the little boy and said what would need to be done to make it work, but fiancee had to contribute to make it work. HE WAS UNWILLING to even contribute a little, like a part-time job. HE was the one unwilling to contribute because 'she didn't emwork while shecwent to school'. But maybe she would have if they'd had to take his little brother in while she was in school.. So he refuses to work in order to take in his little brother, expecting her to support THEM BOTH financially and emotionally. That poor little kid is getting s**t on by life and his own family.

Oh yes, because her feelings don't matter only his and the boys, neither of which will be contributing a single cent. She is shelling out over 10k already just because she feels it is right. Forcing a child onto her that isn't her responsibility isn't fair or even remotely ok. The child does deserve better, but can you honestly say that the child, by virtue of existing, automatically means that op deserves to have to raise two kids? The fiancé wanted to go to school, and not contribute at all to HIS OWN BROTHER. She isn't in the wrong for standing up for herself. If the fiancé wants to care for his brother, I encourage it, but this isn't what's happening. He wants to do whatever while forcing op to take over everything and essentially be an atm.

Rachel, he fundamentally changed the relationship by adding a third person and now does not want to do HIS part. He does not want to change anything about HIS commitment! OP is reimbursing him. He is not compromising. All he wants is the child added to the family and nothing about his life to change.

If I were the fiance, I would have done what Kathryn said (I thought the VERY same myself). This man is just not being real. If you care about your brother that much, why can't YOU compromise? It's YOUR IDEA to take your brother, then you should take the MORE active part to make the plan works. Instead, he tells her about not having to work while studying. But that was not a third human being involved. It's comparing apples and oranges. That's emotional blackmail. You don't do that in a healthy relationship.

She isn't wrong. From the beginning, they both decided no kids, yes, he took care of her and she was going to do the same thing for him, but adding a kid wasn't the deal. And, she didn't flat out said no, she has let him know that by doing this, he has to get a job and he has to help with his brother, but he didn't want to compromise with her on anything, just shows that she was going to be the main person that's going to have to take care of everything and that is totally not fair on her. Again, a woman having to make the change not the man, not every woman wants kids, to take on such a responsibility and shouldn't be judged if she doesn't want the responsibility, she didn't ask for it. She aanted to compromise and he didn't, so she made a GREAT CHOICE TO LEAVE HIM, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, it was there in the beginning, when he refused to change so both can do it, and worse of all he made a ultimatum, nit good for a relationship. So, YAY!!! Don't feel bad, you are not the a@*%,

How was he stepping up to care for his brother? He literally told someone else to do it and he gets patted on the back like a saint? All he did was tell his fiance to pay for everything - a fiance literally paying for the funeral of his parents. He is literally hinging his brothers well being on his fiance paying for EVERYONE because it "isn't fair" that she didn't work when he was just supporting two people. If he wants to step up he could make an effort, be a caretaker, and not whine that it isn't fair. It's his brother. He could've scheduled less classes so to both work toward his degree and still have a part time job to be CERTAIN his brother gets everything he needs. But no. He wants his cake, eat it and make sure someone else pays for it because "it's not fair" that HE sacrifices for his little brother. Oof this guy disgusts me. I HATE people acting morally right while using somebody else as their mule to get it done.

She's not selfish, just practical. Her fiance is emotional which prevented him from seeing the big picture. The picture is clear now that he's on his own. Their contract was for 2. Because a third person must be accommodated, that contract is void. She didn't say no to caring for the younger brother. She understands that caring for an additional person requires major changes and sacrifices that her fiance doesn't want to make.

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Glad I am not alone with that view. Like to give an ultimatum and not considering jobbing aside is wrong, but basically her whole maths and fairness attitude is extremely heartless. A 12 year old lost both his parents, is supposedly traumatized and now thrown into a unsteady living situation in which HE has to care instead of being cared for, got no room for mourning etc (btw. how are people so quick to absolve OP but blame the aunt for not caring better - as she couldn´t step in to pay for the funeral, chances are she is pitch poor). His loving brother wants to step in and instead of supporting him, his girlfriend wines about how unfair the situation is for HER (ask the orphaned 12 year old) and starts writing exel sheets. That´s not how love works...

She already said it was tough on them financially just for the 2 of them. She's asking him to make 1100 a month to offset the higher rent so the boy can have his own room. The only reason she did the excel sheet, was because he said her asking him to work wasn't fair, since she didn't have too. She financially can not do it, and is only asking for peanuts to help. He could get a weekend job and still go to school full time, and help out with his brother. She would be paying much more than him, plus his college, school fees for the brother, extra clothes, food and stuff. 1100 is nothing but a drop in the hat.

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They saved up for a nice house in the future so it´s obviously not THAT tough. She went first to get her education which gave her a four year head start and now she will walk away with him getting nothing but the funeral and such payed for in return.

"Love" does not feed 3 mouths, and it's honestly disgusting how you'd blame a woman, when she made her expectations very clear when entering the relationship, to take on the role of a single parent of two and put in much more effort than her fiance's ever had. Sure, it looks bad that her reaction to her orphaned brother-in-law was to make excel sheets and crunch numbers, but that's what someone who isn't a careless idiot does in the face of financial instability — the fiance seems to be taking lightly what raising a child means, which proves further that OP would be left alone as a single mother of a child and a manbaby. You people act like she's unwilling to help, when she showed her love plenty by being willing to compromise on paying for a child she made clear she never wanted. Again, "love" DOES NOT put food on the table.

Wait, you think that having a budget means that you can't love someone? Relationships are about love, but they're about practical things, too. This isn't Disney. People have to eat.

Exactly. OP's worrying about at least 3 people, her fiance is worried about #1 (himself), and some people in the comments over here just crying about the excel sheets she made...

Let me start by saying that yes, it is noble and kind that OP's fiance wants to step in and help his little brother after such a tragedy. He "wants" to help. He's just unwilling to compromise with OP with caring for the boy. He's content with not only having OP provide for him while he's off at college (which is what she agreed to, that's not the thing she seemed to have an issue with), but to provide everything little bro may need for the foreseeable future, as well. He's not even willing to get a part-time job to alleviate some financial stress? OP's fiance is kind in the sense of "thoughts and prayers", but doesn't wants to seem to take any kind of action in ACTUALLY contributing anything in terms of care for the boy. Just wants OP to do it. That's not how love works, either...

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I agree. Crazy everyone supports her. Maybe if they were dating for a short time and not engaged, but really? Your fiances father and stepmother just died and his little brother is now orphaned, and her fiance is probably himself not doing well and suffering that loss too, and her solution is just to tell him unless he restructures his schooling and gets a job (which he'd never be able to see her or the brother then if he's always working or at school) then no. It's just unbelievable to treat someone you were going to marry like that. And to map out all the expenses like that? It's near impossible for someone to only add $300 for an extra person. Utilities and groceries combined would exceed that, not to mention she's absolutely not factoring in that he also would have payed her 'half of rent' on top of the 300. So to say she only 'owes him' 1500 is a bold lie, he also sacrificed his own 4 years to allow her to go to school while he worked to support her.

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This happens all the time, as soon as you start to crunch numbers on who owes who what. The relationship is doom, those type of people never know what love really is. Where you just take the loss on some stuff because you love them. From everything she said before she moved out you can tell there was no love there. It was just a relationship to convince and profit. Now the guy is wrong for not getting a job but the young boy can also get a job. I grew up working you get then that. Although it is not a great life you suffer to help each other out because you love each other. But she can will never see that and he will have to see that now that he is alone. Being poor suck because everyone around you is also poor and it brings out the worse in people.

Yes! She should move out, it's not fair to her, he wants his brother to come live with him and so he should also HELP OUT TOO!!! She shouldn't have to do it alone, he doesn't want to compromise with her, just have her do it all herself, that is not fair at all! HE IS THE SELFISH ONE, not her. Let's get that straight don't get it twisted.

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She should move out for sure and he doged a bullet! This lady sounds like she's scraping for sympathy by adding he's unwilling to help at all. I highly doubt that, he suggested they make it work and figure it out, not she does everything. He only asked for financial support which he gave her. In marriage you make vows and you make sacrifices for one another. She did not love him at all with how easily she dropped him and walked away.

He is asking for financial support for an extra person too, along with her paying for the funeral. She has no problems with that. She would just like him to make 1100 a month to offset the new living arrangements. That's not even counting how much the brother is actually going to cost in food and other expenses. She made a sheet to prove how she was being more than fair when he whined about how he shouldn't have to work. After she dropped $ on his parents funeral and was still willing to pay for his college and everything he wants to give her a my way or the highway ultimatum? Nope. I would have left too.