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“I Have A Very Big Problem With This”: New Mom Starts A Discussion After Sharing That Her MIL Wants To Get A Tattoo Of Grandkid’s Footprint
Tattoos can be a wonderful way to commemorate an important event or show a loved one how much you care about them. However, before you get someone’s name or footprint inked on your body, it’s probably a good idea to run this by them… or their parents.
A mom, who recently gave birth to her first child, turned to the r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit for advice on how to deal with her mother-in-law. You see, they’re not at all close, but the MIL has plans to get the baby’s footprint tattooed on her. And the mom was unsure if she was overreacting to this. Read on for the full story, as well as to see what tips internet users gave the OP.
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Births are a cause for celebration, and one way that people show their love for babies is by getting tattoos
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
However, one mom felt uncomfortable that her mother-in-law wants to tattoo the newborn’s footprint on her body
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: I_Have_A*al_Leakage
The internet helped the mom see the situation from a variety of perspectives
The r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit, where the mom shared her story, is an online community that’s a safe space for people to vent about their mother-in-laws “who are the worst.” Members try to support each other and give useful advice. The group has been helping everyone deal with “nasty, cruel, toxic” MILs all the way since 2015.
According to the OP, this was her very first time posting there. Everyone was very friendly and helpful, helping the mom see all of the angles. Broadly speaking, they urged her to set some clear boundaries with her mother-in-law, instead of avoiding the issue altogether. And even though some redditors were unsure about what was “so intimate” about a footprint, many of them believed that it was up to her to decide whether someone else should or shouldn’t get a tattoo like that. Others, however, thought the mom may have been acting a tad too sensitive in this particular case.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
People clash with their in-laws more often than with their own parents
The author of the post mentioned that she and her mother-in-law aren’t close. And that’s not very surprising: many people have tense relationships with their in-laws. A recent study published in the Evolutionary Psychological Science journal found that people, regardless of gender, argue more with their MILs than with their own mothers.
According to ‘Choosing Therapy,’ some reasons why a MIL might be overbearing include having a controlling nature, being narcissistic, or having an authoritative or authoritarian parenting style. As such, some mothers-in-law are bound to have sky-high expectations for others and might dole out more criticism than praise. Or, in other words, no matter how hard you try, nothing will ever be good enough for them.
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
It’s not hard to spot an overbearing MIL
Some red flags that you might be dealing with an incredibly overbearing MIL include a total disrespect of your boundaries. She might show up at your place unannounced and start doing things ‘her way’ to show her dominance. Moreover, she will also most likely ignore your subtle hints that you want her to leave.
Meanwhile, overbearing mothers-in-law will also be incredibly judgmental, insist that they’re always right, and will find ways—either subtle or overt—to pressure you into doing what they want. Their excuse for overstepping any and all boundaries might be that they care about the family. However, they might simply want to be at the center of attention and get praise for all of their ‘help.’ Alternatively, they might not be aware that they’re being domineering or that they’re doing something wrong.
Marriage.com suggests taking things in stride and having an open conversation with your MIL if she doesn’t seem to be taking any of your hints about boundaries. You need to lay out the ground rules without attacking your MIL, and you both have to come to some sort of compromise, so you can coexist moving forward.
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
The mom shared some more information in the comments
Her post started a discussion, and the readers had different opinions
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What do you think ?
Mad Dragon 2 years ago (edited)
I don't think a footprint is intimate, and I doubt there would be anything that would identify it as belonging to this particular child rather than any other baby of similar age. It would take a rather amazing tattoo artist to capture all the unique swirls and lines of this tiny baby's foot. That being said, OP is under no obligation to provide MIL with a copy of her child's footprint.
Rhonda West 2 years ago
Me too. But I don't have kids so maybe I'd feel differently if I did. But if the MIL is going to have a badly done tattoo on her back, op can just give her any old footprint. MIL isn't going to be looking at it much anyway, so what's the difference?
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R Dennis 2 years ago
OP is EXHAUSTING! Of course she was more involved in her daughter's birth, for the same reason OP's mother was probably more involved in hers, because it was her daughter giving birth. According to my wife and stepdaughter (both mothers) they only want their mother and their spouse there, period. Given that we live in covid times, and respecting a new mother's need to recover, four weeks isn't that long. I don't know if the MIL is as bad as OP says, but OP definitely is extra.
brandyy17 2 years ago
the reason the OP is bothered is bc the child isnt just hers its the MIL son's child too. the OP even says her husband was hurt by his mothers choice to not b there. id honestly b hurt if my MIL didnt show up wen i finally have kids. the OP also says the MIL is more active in her daughters childs life then in the OP's childs life which makes it seem like the MIL's daughter is the favorite. theres alot of issues here that she doesnt explain well. unless uve been thru the issue u cant really spot them. ive dealt with the favoritism so i can pick it out from a mile away. im 1 of 4 and the oldest is the favorite. the grandkids from my sister r treated differently then the ones from my brothers or other sisters. my oldest sisters kids r spoiled by my dad while all the other grandkids r spoiled but not "let me help pay for their college" spoiled. my sister declined my dads offer but still wen my sister closer to my age had her son about to go to college my dad didnt give her the offer and this paticular sister has money trouble as well as health issues so she couldve used the help since shes a single mom too. some parents make it obvious others dont but the OP's MIL clearly favors her daughter over her son.
Load More Replies...
CatWoman1014 2 years ago
I don’t see the big deal. She’s wanting to commemorate her grandchildren in tattoo form. I think it’s kind of sweet, even if poorly done. That’s just me though. He’s her child so if it’s something she doesn’t feel comfortable with I suppose it’s ultimately her decision since it’s her child.
Allison B 2 years ago
Agreed. Also while OP says she wouldn't want anyone to get a tattoo of baby's footprint I do believe part of her not liking it is because it's MIL
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Matt Rustebakke 2 years ago
How petty can people get? It doesn't sound like the MIL is the issue here.
BlueEyesWhiteDragon 2 years ago (edited)
This is so sad. This could be a time to extend the laurel branch or just say, 'It hurt that you didn't just ask me directly for my child's footprint and assumed I'd be comfortable giving it to you'--which is the real issue here. No doubt the MIL is a handful, but I feel OP isn't drama-free either. Sometimes, if a person decides they don't like someone, they will develop the habit of interpreting everything that person does negatively, even if the actions are positive or neutral. MIL is damned if she tries to be involved and damned if she tries to give OP space. When I was growing up, my immediate family didn't get along with my dad's side of the family. As a result, I don't know anyone on that side of the family or have any valuable stories and histories to pass along. I'm not saying this behavior would become something like that, but it would be a shame if it did.
MidnightProphecy 2 years ago
It's a footprint tattoo it's hardly intimate I don't see why she's so bothered, it's not like she's trying to name the kid
Beachbum 2 years ago
You are all weird. MIL does NOT belong at the birth unless specifically invited. A foot tattoo??? Dear Lord and who cares? It’s a baby foot, it’s not like it’s going to have his actual prints. I think you dislike your MIL and are looking for reasons to further your dislike.
zak 2 years ago
Every baby footprint literally looks identical, it is not the least bit intimate. Also, anyone can make one using the side of their hand; I did this on fogged windows/mirrors all the time when I was a kid: Make a fist, rotate your hand so that your thumb is on top. Press the bottom side (where your pinky finger is) onto the fogged glass. That gives you the foot, and then just take the tip of your finger to add the toes. Easy peasy, and if you do a bunch it looks like a ghost baby is walking on your mirrors 😁
Mad Dragon 2 years ago (edited)
I don't think a footprint is intimate, and I doubt there would be anything that would identify it as belonging to this particular child rather than any other baby of similar age. It would take a rather amazing tattoo artist to capture all the unique swirls and lines of this tiny baby's foot. That being said, OP is under no obligation to provide MIL with a copy of her child's footprint.
Rhonda West 2 years ago
Me too. But I don't have kids so maybe I'd feel differently if I did. But if the MIL is going to have a badly done tattoo on her back, op can just give her any old footprint. MIL isn't going to be looking at it much anyway, so what's the difference?
Load More Replies... R Dennis 2 years ago
OP is EXHAUSTING! Of course she was more involved in her daughter's birth, for the same reason OP's mother was probably more involved in hers, because it was her daughter giving birth. According to my wife and stepdaughter (both mothers) they only want their mother and their spouse there, period. Given that we live in covid times, and respecting a new mother's need to recover, four weeks isn't that long. I don't know if the MIL is as bad as OP says, but OP definitely is extra.
brandyy17 2 years ago
the reason the OP is bothered is bc the child isnt just hers its the MIL son's child too. the OP even says her husband was hurt by his mothers choice to not b there. id honestly b hurt if my MIL didnt show up wen i finally have kids. the OP also says the MIL is more active in her daughters childs life then in the OP's childs life which makes it seem like the MIL's daughter is the favorite. theres alot of issues here that she doesnt explain well. unless uve been thru the issue u cant really spot them. ive dealt with the favoritism so i can pick it out from a mile away. im 1 of 4 and the oldest is the favorite. the grandkids from my sister r treated differently then the ones from my brothers or other sisters. my oldest sisters kids r spoiled by my dad while all the other grandkids r spoiled but not "let me help pay for their college" spoiled. my sister declined my dads offer but still wen my sister closer to my age had her son about to go to college my dad didnt give her the offer and this paticular sister has money trouble as well as health issues so she couldve used the help since shes a single mom too. some parents make it obvious others dont but the OP's MIL clearly favors her daughter over her son.
Load More Replies... CatWoman1014 2 years ago
I don’t see the big deal. She’s wanting to commemorate her grandchildren in tattoo form. I think it’s kind of sweet, even if poorly done. That’s just me though. He’s her child so if it’s something she doesn’t feel comfortable with I suppose it’s ultimately her decision since it’s her child.
Allison B 2 years ago
Agreed. Also while OP says she wouldn't want anyone to get a tattoo of baby's footprint I do believe part of her not liking it is because it's MIL
Load More Replies... Matt Rustebakke 2 years ago
How petty can people get? It doesn't sound like the MIL is the issue here.
BlueEyesWhiteDragon 2 years ago (edited)
This is so sad. This could be a time to extend the laurel branch or just say, 'It hurt that you didn't just ask me directly for my child's footprint and assumed I'd be comfortable giving it to you'--which is the real issue here. No doubt the MIL is a handful, but I feel OP isn't drama-free either. Sometimes, if a person decides they don't like someone, they will develop the habit of interpreting everything that person does negatively, even if the actions are positive or neutral. MIL is damned if she tries to be involved and damned if she tries to give OP space. When I was growing up, my immediate family didn't get along with my dad's side of the family. As a result, I don't know anyone on that side of the family or have any valuable stories and histories to pass along. I'm not saying this behavior would become something like that, but it would be a shame if it did.
MidnightProphecy 2 years ago
It's a footprint tattoo it's hardly intimate I don't see why she's so bothered, it's not like she's trying to name the kid
Beachbum 2 years ago
You are all weird. MIL does NOT belong at the birth unless specifically invited. A foot tattoo??? Dear Lord and who cares? It’s a baby foot, it’s not like it’s going to have his actual prints. I think you dislike your MIL and are looking for reasons to further your dislike.
zak 2 years ago
Every baby footprint literally looks identical, it is not the least bit intimate. Also, anyone can make one using the side of their hand; I did this on fogged windows/mirrors all the time when I was a kid: Make a fist, rotate your hand so that your thumb is on top. Press the bottom side (where your pinky finger is) onto the fogged glass. That gives you the foot, and then just take the tip of your finger to add the toes. Easy peasy, and if you do a bunch it looks like a ghost baby is walking on your mirrors 😁
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