Bringing home a newborn often evokes various feelings we didn’t even know we had, in addition to awakening our sense of alertness – we wish to protect our child from any possible harm directed their way. However, we might as well question whether there are some limits to our protectiveness that might benefit the child as well as others around us, especially when the baby is not the only child in one’s family. This was the problem of this Redditor and his wife, when they took their baby home and disagreed about who is allowed to hold their little one.

More info: Reddit

The couple’s joy of having a baby was challenged as they disagreed about who is allowed to hold their baby

Image credits: TerriC (not the actual photo)

The baby’s dad was about to give the newborn to their 14-year-old son, but his mom said no

Image credits: FairIsFair1

Image credits: PublicCo (not the actual photo)

Image credits: FairIsFair1

The mother wasn’t comfortable with anyone but the parents holding their baby yet, so the father let it go

Image credits: photographybycarlossan (not the actual photo)

However, when his wife’s sister came over, the father said he wasn’t comfortable with her holding their baby yet

Upon bringing home their beautiful baby, the father was about to let his 14-year-old son hold him, but his wife refused. She said she wasn’t comfortable with anyone but the baby’s parents holding him yet.

Even though the baby’s father wasn’t happy about it, he respected her being anxious about how vulnerable their baby was, so he let it go. However, when his wife’s sister came over and wished to hold the baby, he said she could not.

Although his wife argued that her sister was a special case, the man insisted that he wasn’t comfortable with anyone but the parents holding the baby yet. So his wife’s sister was offended and left. The man’s wife wasn’t happy with the outcome, calling her husband a jerk; however, he argued he was just being consistent.

The story got 21k upvotes on Reddit and commenters backed the father for standing up for his son, encouraging him not to “let his wife start a rift between siblings this early”. A Redditor under the name ThrowAwayJudge810 commented that “half siblings can love each other just as much as full siblings, but not if mom is constantly pushing one away.”

Redditor Dacookies claimed that her oldest brothers were the first ones to hold her when her mom brought her home, while another Redditor under the name only_rak added he wouldn’t give the memory of holding his little sister away for anything.

The baby’s mother argued that her sister was a special case, but the father disagreed, so SIL got angry and left

Image credits: sweetlouise (not the actual photo)

The mom called her husband a jerk, but her husband answered that he was just being consistent

Health Partners warn second-time parents that while going through all the troubles and excitement associated with preparation for a newborn, one might be tempted to “wing it” when it comes to the first meeting of the baby and their older child – planning that first meeting is just as important.

They note that, while one cannot be sure how the older child will react to their younger sibling, they are likely to have some big feelings that day. They emphasize the importance of keeping the first meeting between the new siblings positive.

A parent might find oneself holding their breath when letting their older kid hold the baby. However, while being cautious and therefore a little nervous is normal, one should try to stay positive to avoid stress rubbing off on the older child. 

Parents are advised to avoid saying phrases like “stop that” or “don’t do that”, which might make them feel afraid to interact with the baby or feel angry that the baby always gets them in trouble. Replacing such phrases with positive affirmations like “Can you show me how gentle you can be with the baby?” can be helpful.

Additionally, The Everymom advises not to hold the baby during the introduction to their older sibling, and thus avoid making the older child feel like they have been replaced by the newborn. They suggest having the baby in a bassinet or laying on a blanket for a more neutral introduction.

Finally, they suggest having some special one-on-one time with the older child with an activity just for them. HealthPartners also emphasize the importance of finding some small ways to make the older child feel special by letting them be part of baby preparation, as being involved will help them feel valued and responsible.

Redditors shared their take on the situation

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