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College Fund Wasted On Disney Trip Sparks Kid’s Quiet Rebellion, Parents Face It Years Later
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College Fund Wasted On Disney Trip Sparks Kid’s Quiet Rebellion, Parents Face It Years Later

College Fund Wasted On Disney Trip Sparks Kid’s Quiet Rebellion, Parents Face It Years LaterParents Say They’re “Not Obligated” To Give Child Money, Get A Taste Of Karma Years LaterParents Try To Take Advantage Of Successful Kid, Get Reminded Of The Unfair Hand They Played“They Want To Retire Early”: Parents Get A Big Fat ‘No’ After Denying Kid Their College Fund Years AgoEngineer Turns Parents’ Past Decisions Against Them When They Ask For Financial Aid“AITA For Not Helping My Parents Since I'm Not Legally Required To Do So?”Kid Watches Siblings Get Funded Through College, Gets Nothing, Forges Their Own Success StoryParents Seek Financial Help From Successful Child, Get Confronted With Past InjusticesPerson Refuses To Give Parents A Cent After Unfair Denial Of College Fund Leaves Them GrindingEngineer Uses Parents’ Words Against Them After They Come Begging For Financial Support
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In many places, education is not cheap; unless, of course, your hard work and outstanding achievements result in some sort of a scholarship.

The latter is what this redditor got, which meant that his parents didn’t have to spend the money they had been saving up on his education. However, they didn’t give said money to their son, either, saying that they were “not legally obligated” to do so. That’s why the son told them the same thing roughly a decade later. Scroll down to find the full story below.

Education often leaves quite a big hole in one’s pocket

Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)

These parents didn’t need to pay for their son’s education, but they didn’t let him spend the money on other things, either

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Image credits: Rick Han / pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits:  Salvador Escalante / unsplash (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: David Hahn / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Old-Conference295

Quite a few parents start to save up for their child’s education way in advance

Nowadays, education is quite costly, especially in the US, so it’s no surprise that it can leave quite a dent in one’s budget. That’s why many parents start saving quite early in case their offspring wants to continue studying after graduating high school.

According to a recent Northwestern Mutual Planning & Progress Study, two-in-three parents in the US try to cover at least part of the costs of their children’s studies; one-in-three aim to cover it all. Not only that, some of them—one-in-five, to be exact—are saving up to help their loved ones pay for higher education while paying back their own college loans.

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According to Education Data, parents’ savings and investments only make up roughly 7% (as of 2023) of college student tuition funding. The largest piece of the pie—roughly 58%—are covered by income, grants, scholarships, and other funds that do not need to be repaid, and the second largest (close to 20%) is covered using money that has been borrowed.

Putting themselves through higher education can cost a student tens of thousands of dollars

Image credits: JESHOOTS.COM / unsplash (not the actual photo)

If you’re wondering how much one has to save up to put themselves—or their child or loved one—through higher education, the answer is: a lot. According to Statista’s 2022 data, the average cost for tuition and fees at US higher education institutions was over $14,000 US dollars; and that does not include expenses for the room and board. With the latter, the price can rise to as much as $30,000 USD for a four-year degree in the US.

Though it’s important to mention that the price can differ not only based on the length of the studies or the field of study, but on the specific location in the country, too. Forbes suggests that out of all the states in the US, South Dakota, Montana, and Wyoming are the most affordable options respectively. As for the global situation, Norway, Taiwan, and Germany are reportedly some of the cheapest countries to study abroad.

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In the OP’s case, it wasn’t the price of the studies that was the cause of problems in the family. It was the fact that the parents didn’t want to share the money they saved once their son graduated high school, saying that they weren’t legally obligated to, which became the reason why their son didn’t want to share his savings later in life, either.

Many people believed that the son was not being a jerk for refusing to help his parents

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Some, however, took a different stance

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Thanks! Check out the results:

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Miglė Miliūtė

Miglė Miliūtė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

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Miglė Miliūtė

Miglė Miliūtė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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KatSaidWhat
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once again with YTA not seeing the point. Instead of saving the education money for retirement, they squandered it. Now they want to retire EARLY and want the son to pay for it. Not the other siblings, just him. Guy has worked hard for his life and money and is not obliged to pay for them to not work anymore out of choice. NTA. But the YTA people are.

Nota Robot
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, the guy said in a comment that he would help out in an emergency. I was already leaning heavily towards NTA, but that sealed it for me.

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Traveling Lady Railfan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a good story but not what I expected. I read the title as "parents say they're 'not obligated' to give child MONKEY, get a taste of karma years later ". There was no monkey. And I should have had my glasses on.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Dear parents, I have absorbed the lessons you carefully taught and explained to me. If you have any concerns, please do take your complaints to the policy makers. You'll find them easily accessible as they're conveniently based at your home address."

Papa
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't directly related to the story, but I was struck by OP saying he had worked with welders for three summers, and was an engineer. I can't stress enough how much benefit hands-on experience is for making someone a better engineer. I've worked with enough of them that don't have any to be confident with that statement.

Solandri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. My engineering college required everyone to take 2 semesters of shop class our freshman year (woodworking, metalworking). So we would know exactly what the blue collar guys tasked with fabricating our designs would have to go through. That practical knowledge has helped a lot, not just with my job, but also a lot of DYI stuff around the house, car, and boat.

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Grenelda Thurber
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing is, if you're doing well enough in school to get a full scholarship and then well enough to get through an engineering program at university, you don't have time to "goof around," as his parents thought he would be doing if he didn't have a job. It takes a lot of time to be a good student, no matter how "smart" you are. And when you play favorites with your kids, you're creating conflict. This guys parents have a lot of nerve expecting anything from him.

Pandroid Rebellion
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. They want him to fund an early retirement? I guarantee the grudge is not about the money. It is about being treated crappy and not being given any kudos or kindness.

Lisa Barbeau
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m on the fence about the money originally. To me he should have at least received some sort of stipend because he did work harder in school, just not necessarily the entire amount. The request for retirement funds really pisses me off. First because it is just plain entitled to think their kids owe them an early retirement but mostly because they have decided their breeder children are absolved.

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R Dennis
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am always amazed at parents who treat their children poorly then expect those same children to help them later.

Kim Kermes
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The YTA trolls need to read more carefully. OPs siblings got spending money and a place to live. OP had to work a strenuous job summers, siblings did not. OP chose a lucrative career, siblings did not. Siblings chose to have kids, OP as yet has not. OP owes parents nothing, certainly not the gift of early retirement. Had you been in OPs position, you'd likely be singing a different tune.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly the gift privilege of early retirement!!! The audacity is disgusting and I'm sure there wills are stated the same slighted biased way also

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Johanna Briggs
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My opinion people calling him the AH and that he didn't need the money. He DID need it so he could still live. He had his living covered and school. But, what about food regular needs like hygiene products cleaning and so own. He may not have needed for his education but he did need it to still live.

Jane Turley
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We started saving for our sons' educations when they were in diapers. They used up their 429s and they also have other funds. It is their money. We are retired. They have that money to buy a house or start a business. They are the future. We are the past. Move the money forward.

magekaz
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The YTA's are probably the parents! Don't give them a dime, they took advantage by not helping out their must ambitious kid and now they're giving you guilt...NTA.

Monica G
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet at their passing the parents will leave more to the two other siblings than to OP because those have "families" and burdens.

arthbach
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, tell them that they can use the money they saved for his education. :oD

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Brettargh
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely NTA for not wanting to give away hard earned savings for parents retirement. To me that is a bizarre and audacious request. My parents (now very separated) had polar opposite views on the meaning of equality; Mum's "all children must be given the exact same things" vs Dad's "all children should be given what they need in order to get the same opportunities." I lean more to the later; in this case that would mean the parents making sure none of the children should pay for uni. This is different from "we'll give each child $XX when they leave school". If they positioned it that way though, then it would be wrong to revoke that. In this day and age it's becoming more accepted in society through workplace accommodations etc. It's about building a level playing field - everyone has different needs. In the end, it's the outcome that matters, not the means. All three were given the opportunity to go to uni for free. It wouldn't be fair if one got more.

The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand what you are saying, but I think this situation is sort of a hybrid of your parents' theories. Look at it this way: the siblings case, their parents paid for tuition, but they had to work to earn money for incidentals. OP received a full scholarship, so parents didn't have to pay for tuition. However, if OP had to work to pay for incidentals, his grades could have suffered, possibly endangering his scholarship. Thereby m, the parents were not providing the equal opportunity to succeed of your father's theory. Although OP managed to find a solution by working outside of the school year, he did not get to take summers off or go on family vacations like his siblings. Even if the money had been spent on different aspects of his education, by denying him that college fund, his parents also denied him the equality of opportunity.

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Jaeger (Jaeger)
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"We can't let you use your money for things you want to do, so let's spend it all on a family trip to Disney land!! Oh also, later in your life wer going to need a lotta money for no reason!"

Ashley Wall
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I WISH I could give money to my Mama. She gave me life. She loved me and raised me and taught me and held me and ALL the things. If I were set financially, she wouldn't have to worry about a damn thing.

Matt
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad this guy had a spine and told them to get fücked

Ruth Watry
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents should have put the money in their retirement account, and with interest, they would have a nice chunk of change.

Broadredpanda
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The YTA brigade are off their heads!!! I wouldn't dare ask for help after they had a holiday on his fund. The others got two lots of the money. They aren't obligated to give him anything but it's the same when the shoe is on the other foot! I don't think children should be responsible to have their retirement fund so they can retire early. This man had to pay and put his everything into how he is now. No help from the parents, not a cent and they expect help now? They should have saved that money. Why should he give up on his own early retirement wish.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents don't need help. Help being the key word they're asking for a privilege of early retirement

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Ace
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't even get my head round the idea that parents would ask their children for money in anything other than desperate circumstances. The history is just a fine detail, the OP should not be expected to subsidise their early retirement even if he had received his college fund money.

raquel pereira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So basically you get punished for getting a scholarship? Anyway on the fence about should they or shouldn't they have spent the money, maybe should have saved it for their "early retirement". To ask you for money for an early retirement? No! Sorry! Emergency yes, but not that.

The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP said that his parents are both teachers, and since I'm inferring that this story takes place in the US, that means they must belong to a teacher's union, and should have a very generous retirement plan. Retiring early--even with support from OP--would be a really bad financial decision, as it could greatly reduce their retirement benefits over the long term. But it seems like these people have a history of bad financial decisions, so clearly NTA.

Kim Hessel
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a teacher in the US right now, I have to laugh. Retirement plans vary WILDLY from state to state, and plenty of us get really, really screwed over.

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Stckynote
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what goes around comes around. you put that negativity into the world, you're gonna get it back. nta, he did exactly what they taught him to.

Dubnaught
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a fan of the disparagement of teacher at the end. Not sure what that was. Teaching is taxing af. There's a reason 50% quit within the first 5 years after going through gradschool to get there. #1 reason is burnout

Anna Drever
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People always come with the YTA judgment when it’s not their blinking money.

Marnie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you have to be strong to be a welder? I'm a software developer, and I'm really getting to hate this field. Hardly ever get to actually design and really code anything anymore.

Lizzy D
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are lots of tools and equipment for the brutal strength tasks. Just research and make sure the place you work at has them. Because you are already creative, have you considered a more artisanal bespoke welding practice?

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Mary Clouse
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When Parents set Down rules for their children they have to show they are the role models for those rules. Now some medical emergency or they need food or are you utilities? You’re gonna be shut off wow a few bucks won’t hurt but I agree. He’s not legally obligated. If the other two aren’t furthermore, he didn’t tell his brother and sister to go out and Get married and have children. Not his problem

Ash Conner
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean the guy said it was an emergency that he would absolutely help his parents. That to me is key because they raised him,. Understand the parents for maybe having to keep some for things that they need to use it with but then giving him the rest of the money. I would never keep the whole money from my kid at all. Fix some stuff in the house that they didn't have the money for of course use some of that money but don't keep all of it. I would never care if I got a full scholarship and my grandparents who raised me how to use the money for their house and then gave me the rest.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly the parents aren't asking for "help"they are asking for the privilege to retire early. I agree with another commenter saying when they pass away he'll probably get less if an inheritance too

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varwenea
Community Member
4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Out of three kids, the parents never gave money to only OP, but they want money only from OP. 🤨 When they decided to not give money to OP because OP got a full ride, they should have rewarded OP with an amount to help pay college incidentals, something significant like $2K, same as welder boss. I think funding home remodeling is a good thing; maintenance is a necessity. Disney world is ok if that's what everyone wanted; clearly it wasn't. They are asking for money only because they "want" to retire early, which is very different from having a "need". They saw a gravy train opportunity and wanted to milk it. Nope. OP is right.

Argle Bargle
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Way too many social workers that don't do squat for society. As an engineer you are extremely valuable. Good on you. Keep your money

M.
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a parent who genuinly cares about my own sons future...he is currently in gr8...I would be Absolutely humbled and incredibly proud if he worked as hard and did as well as you! You don't owe anyone anything. Shame on your parents asking you for help. You set firm - no regret boundaries snd enjoy continuing to invest in your own life. You deserve it & I'm proud of You☆

anime and wieardness
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! You are not legally obligated to just hand them money because THEY DIDN'T SAVE ENOUGH. If it was an emergency like their house is being repossed then yes. However, just to retire early, and only ask you and not your siblings. I agree with other posters you and your wallet are NOT A RETIREMENT PLAN. Obviously you're not the a..hole, your parents are.

Kate
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute. He didn't get the money...so now he has to PAY the money? How does that work??!

Nel Cameron
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get it. I have siblings and one was always treated better or differently. I know what inequality feels like. I think OP should have received his college fund, regardless. If he got a full ride scholarship, he deserved it! He would have used that money for a different purpose. Like a down payment on a home. It sounds to me like the OP was a hard working, responsible person. His parents used money set aside for him, they now have to wait to retire. Boo hoo. OP was certainly NTA.

Jenny Begnell
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do parents do with the college fund if the kid doesn't go to college? Do they keep it in case they want to go later? Do they give it to them anyway for a deposit on a house or something? Do they use it for the next kid? Do they spend it on themselves?

Hoshi Reed
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If HannaMashida believes that if someone has a full ride then they don't need the money then they should also believe the parents don't *NEED* to retire *EARLY* and the family didn't *NEED* a trip to Disney. If he sees the college money as a *want* because he had scholarships then Disney and early retirement are even bigger *WANTS*

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve never heard of parents asking their children to fund their early retirement. How very bizarre and entitled. Seriously narcissistic people. Teachers have very good pension plans.

Kim Hessel
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahaha where do you live that teachers still get pensions? We don't get pensions, the default amount they put in savings for us is a joke so if no one tells us that that's something we need to watch for we can waste our careers thinking we're saving enough when we're not. And at least where I live, they factor social security in as half your retirement savings. Oh, and we make 20k less than other professionals with similar levels of education, so we can't save nearly as much as other educated professionals. Not saying the parents were right in everything, but we do NOT get good retirement plans in the vast majority of states. Pensions have long been done away with across the country.

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Vira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm I disagree with most points, here. The parents saved money for their child's future. They assumed it would be college, but it could have been any number of things. The child asked if the money could be used for other expenses. My impression was that they wanted to use it for housing, and general life expenses. They worked hard so they could get a full ride. Their parents instead said ,"no it was never yours to use, unless it was for classes." I guess that's a stance you can take but to then use it on personal frivolity instead of a trust, or for that coveted early retirement... That kind of rubs salt in the wound. It would feel like the child is being punished for working hard to earn their education. Also, regardless of the reason behind OP's stance, there's no emergency here. It's OP's parents wanting to take money that was never theirs for a personal frivolity. This is wildly different from OP thinking that they were working hard for education AND going to have extra money for

Vira
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Living expenses, and whatever else. It's like working really hard on having everything paid for, and then not getting half of it because of a technicality. "Your siblings were lazy so we helped them, but you worked hard, so you get nothing. By the way, pay us so we cab go on vacation, and retire early."

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The Starsong Princess
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents blew the college money. Most people rollover unused 529 money into their retirement account to avoid the tax hit. If they did that, they’d probably be able to retire a few years early.

Carole G.
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta be smart enough to save for retirement. That being said, they got what they gave. NTA

Kim Hessel
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly shocked it's not ESH. Parents are AH for not treating each child equally and using the money to support their third child in a different way, since he didn't need it for school. Using it on that child would have been the fair thing to do. Also AH for assuming their child will fund their retirement just because he doesn't have a family. Child is AH for assuming money that his parents had saved was entirely at his discretion when he wasn't paying for school. Also AH for not recognizing how badly teachers and social workers get screwed over in terms of retirement regardless of how hard they work. Often times pensions get ripped away or the "default" amount a county sets to be deposited into retirement funds is a joke, and no one has any way of knowing unless they know to dig into it. Everyone sucks here, they all need some family therapy.

Barbara Saunders
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leaving aside the whole college fund debacle, why would the parents ask the kid to jeopardize their own savings for family, retirement, or whatever else life might bring so that the parents can retire early?

Rebecca Joan
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Parents should have given OP his money like the siblings did regardless of whether or not he got a free ride to college. Now the show is on the other foot and OP shouldn’t be spiteful? 🤣

Nitka Tsar
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forget the college fund. I can understand THAT. But expecting their children to pay for their EARLY retirement? And one ONE of three children at that! No no no! And what would they have done, if child no 3 went the same route as the other two? Would they expect all children to pay? Or none?

CCLoos
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up in a *kinda* similar situation. I was the sixth of seven kids and the first five got to go wherever they wished for school. When my time came, my parents did not have the money. Let me tell you, it was extremely difficult to be treated differently, even though there was a reason. I probably spent as much money on therapy as I would have on college dealing with it. But no way in h e l l would my parents have asked me or any of my siblings for money to retire early.

tjames19701962
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't matter of he had a full ride. The money was for his education. Parents gave money for education to siblings... now parents don't want to take money from the siblings? Parents put nothing towards posters education. Not the posters fault Parents haven't got enough to retire.

Lindsay A
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's his money so it's up to him what to do with it. The education money is irrelevant as it wasn't his. However, what they used it for has caused him to feel resentment and punished for working hard. I doubt the parents even realised how deeply they hurt him back then. It helped stoke his fire to succeed alone though! Silverlinings

Heyday
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teachers do not get summers off! They continue their education and have jobs.

Riah Jane
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for not giving the money nor for being upset that his parents treated him unfairly compared to siblings. To say he isn't holding a grudge though is a lie based on his wording.

Jianna Frantz
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, he needs to let go of that grudge, but they need to not treat him differently because he's "single and richer". They seem slightly entitled because they got defensive, but that could be from him holding a grudge and "throwing it back in their face". He doesn't seem quite like an AH from his POV, but it does almost seems like a, "Well, well, well... remember when you didnt want to give me money that I didn't need and instead you used to gift everyone a nice vacation and new renos, since they all did college and the family was doing well in money and success. But now you're crawling to me to retire early because I'm rich, single, and successful? THAT'S rich!"...kind of story.

deletemyaccount
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody is TA here the parents aren't obligated to pay for the children's education and children are not obligated to pay for the parents retirement.

David Morgan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmn, tough one. If the parents set aside the money and it wasn't needed, then a smart decision would have been to hold the money for things like medical problems or further education beyond college. It's their money and they can do whatever they want with it because they earned it. However the same applies to you - if you HAD gone on the trip, you would be the AH. Since you didn't, you haven't been hypocritical. You earned YOUR money so you can choose how to spend it. IMO it's a bit coldhearted to bring up the issue after all these years (you didn't lose out on anything since you studied hard for you, not to qualify for college scholarships) but it's your choice.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cold-hearted?? For what not giving them the privilege to retire early? He stated he would help them in emergency.

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Mary S
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All are TAH. Parents had a right to spend it, since the money wasn't for other things. They sacrificed a lot during the time they saved it and went withouts. His his costs were covered. His parents remained generous. He should have embraced the extra luxury of a fancy vacation and memories with his family.They were TAH for asking for support when they were still capable of handling their own. They should have planned better. Don't ask your kid to support you, while you're still working. And OP is TAH for still looking at it from the childhood trauma point, as an adult. Not all kids have equal needs. Who told him everything had to be perfectly 1/3 between every sibling?

Meskerem Gebregiorgis
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, the parents should have saved the money for their retirement instead of going on vacation but they also renovated their home with some of the funds which means that they didn't blow off all of the money for entertainment. On another note, the son, whether they paid for his college or not and weather his siblings were not able to contribute to their parent's retirement or not, should have helped his parents IF he has the money. How about the 18 years that his parents spent their hard earned money raising him and setting him up for success. If they didn't give him the proper environment, principles and values, support not to mention paying for everything until the age of 18, this guy would have never studied well, been successful and gone to a great school on a scholarship. This claim that he was the sole contributor to his success while not acknowledging the tremendous role that his parents played is not only selfish and narrow mindedness but also petty & irresponsible

BK BigFish
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was born and raised in America, but my parents are from a different culture, and I spent years in their country too. I find it more than a little unsettling how the OP, and everyone else here, seem to be arguing that parents and children are nothing more than contractual parties. That's quite an American attitude, while the rest of the world is more interdependent. Families help each other out when they can, not just in emergencies, not out of obligation, but out of, well, love for one, but also because families are genetically related and we are programmed to work together. In America, in particular, there is little government safety net. Remove the family safety net, and what's left?

Sandra Lira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People with money, people without money, people period in general looking for others to affirm their lack of character. No A.H. your Parents are not after 18 legally responsible for you. But morally yes they are. You sound like a bitter butt hole! Mommy and Daddy didn't do what you wanted now it's payback. Go on. Pay them back you selfish little s**t. Some people grow older. Some people unfortunately never grow up. Your an overgrown little kid. Engineering Genius or no your just a miserable little brat in a big body.

Glenda Smith
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is perfectly within his rights to refuse funding his parents retirement. He is however an AH for thinking his parents should have given him their hard earned money to play on. They saved for his education meaning they made sacrifices for YEARS to make sure he had a good opportunity to set up his life. By putting a chunk of money into their home, they likely increased their homes value, and did in fact solidify their own space for retirement as well as increase their children's inheritance. OP is grossly entitled.

Jim Lovra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could go both ways. On the one hand, during his 18 years living with his parents, where did he develop the drive to study hard and earn the scholarship? Who taught him the value of a good education? And, putting away money for a scholarship doesn't mean the money is his. On the other hand, what are his parents expectations from him? They want to retire early so why is he obligated to help them do that; and how much do they want? Seems like with him throwing the line back at his parents, he's harboring some pretty clear resentment towards his parents with some added sibling resentment as well. Personally, the lack of love between all involved points to some deep seated issues that go beyond this one issue and one could say both sides have some a-hole tendencies. But it's also the family dynamics that have been established over a lifetime.

Cassandra Reese
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where did he develop the drive? Himself, obviously. Whether you're parents are good or bad everything you are depends on how you decide to make yourself. You can turn out great despite bad parents and s**t despite great parents. I turned out pretty good despite some really c**p parents and it's infuriating that most people assume it's because "I was taught right". Let's start giving credit where credit is due, the individual in question.

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Captain Kyra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH, he didn't need the money his parents saved, they don't need the money he's making. Why is this even a question?

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once again with YTA not seeing the point. Instead of saving the education money for retirement, they squandered it. Now they want to retire EARLY and want the son to pay for it. Not the other siblings, just him. Guy has worked hard for his life and money and is not obliged to pay for them to not work anymore out of choice. NTA. But the YTA people are.

Nota Robot
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, the guy said in a comment that he would help out in an emergency. I was already leaning heavily towards NTA, but that sealed it for me.

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Traveling Lady Railfan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a good story but not what I expected. I read the title as "parents say they're 'not obligated' to give child MONKEY, get a taste of karma years later ". There was no monkey. And I should have had my glasses on.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Dear parents, I have absorbed the lessons you carefully taught and explained to me. If you have any concerns, please do take your complaints to the policy makers. You'll find them easily accessible as they're conveniently based at your home address."

Papa
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't directly related to the story, but I was struck by OP saying he had worked with welders for three summers, and was an engineer. I can't stress enough how much benefit hands-on experience is for making someone a better engineer. I've worked with enough of them that don't have any to be confident with that statement.

Solandri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. My engineering college required everyone to take 2 semesters of shop class our freshman year (woodworking, metalworking). So we would know exactly what the blue collar guys tasked with fabricating our designs would have to go through. That practical knowledge has helped a lot, not just with my job, but also a lot of DYI stuff around the house, car, and boat.

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Grenelda Thurber
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The thing is, if you're doing well enough in school to get a full scholarship and then well enough to get through an engineering program at university, you don't have time to "goof around," as his parents thought he would be doing if he didn't have a job. It takes a lot of time to be a good student, no matter how "smart" you are. And when you play favorites with your kids, you're creating conflict. This guys parents have a lot of nerve expecting anything from him.

Pandroid Rebellion
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. They want him to fund an early retirement? I guarantee the grudge is not about the money. It is about being treated crappy and not being given any kudos or kindness.

Lisa Barbeau
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m on the fence about the money originally. To me he should have at least received some sort of stipend because he did work harder in school, just not necessarily the entire amount. The request for retirement funds really pisses me off. First because it is just plain entitled to think their kids owe them an early retirement but mostly because they have decided their breeder children are absolved.

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R Dennis
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am always amazed at parents who treat their children poorly then expect those same children to help them later.

Kim Kermes
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The YTA trolls need to read more carefully. OPs siblings got spending money and a place to live. OP had to work a strenuous job summers, siblings did not. OP chose a lucrative career, siblings did not. Siblings chose to have kids, OP as yet has not. OP owes parents nothing, certainly not the gift of early retirement. Had you been in OPs position, you'd likely be singing a different tune.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly the gift privilege of early retirement!!! The audacity is disgusting and I'm sure there wills are stated the same slighted biased way also

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Johanna Briggs
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My opinion people calling him the AH and that he didn't need the money. He DID need it so he could still live. He had his living covered and school. But, what about food regular needs like hygiene products cleaning and so own. He may not have needed for his education but he did need it to still live.

Jane Turley
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We started saving for our sons' educations when they were in diapers. They used up their 429s and they also have other funds. It is their money. We are retired. They have that money to buy a house or start a business. They are the future. We are the past. Move the money forward.

magekaz
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The YTA's are probably the parents! Don't give them a dime, they took advantage by not helping out their must ambitious kid and now they're giving you guilt...NTA.

Monica G
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet at their passing the parents will leave more to the two other siblings than to OP because those have "families" and burdens.

arthbach
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, tell them that they can use the money they saved for his education. :oD

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Brettargh
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely NTA for not wanting to give away hard earned savings for parents retirement. To me that is a bizarre and audacious request. My parents (now very separated) had polar opposite views on the meaning of equality; Mum's "all children must be given the exact same things" vs Dad's "all children should be given what they need in order to get the same opportunities." I lean more to the later; in this case that would mean the parents making sure none of the children should pay for uni. This is different from "we'll give each child $XX when they leave school". If they positioned it that way though, then it would be wrong to revoke that. In this day and age it's becoming more accepted in society through workplace accommodations etc. It's about building a level playing field - everyone has different needs. In the end, it's the outcome that matters, not the means. All three were given the opportunity to go to uni for free. It wouldn't be fair if one got more.

The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand what you are saying, but I think this situation is sort of a hybrid of your parents' theories. Look at it this way: the siblings case, their parents paid for tuition, but they had to work to earn money for incidentals. OP received a full scholarship, so parents didn't have to pay for tuition. However, if OP had to work to pay for incidentals, his grades could have suffered, possibly endangering his scholarship. Thereby m, the parents were not providing the equal opportunity to succeed of your father's theory. Although OP managed to find a solution by working outside of the school year, he did not get to take summers off or go on family vacations like his siblings. Even if the money had been spent on different aspects of his education, by denying him that college fund, his parents also denied him the equality of opportunity.

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Jaeger (Jaeger)
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"We can't let you use your money for things you want to do, so let's spend it all on a family trip to Disney land!! Oh also, later in your life wer going to need a lotta money for no reason!"

Ashley Wall
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I WISH I could give money to my Mama. She gave me life. She loved me and raised me and taught me and held me and ALL the things. If I were set financially, she wouldn't have to worry about a damn thing.

Matt
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad this guy had a spine and told them to get fücked

Ruth Watry
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents should have put the money in their retirement account, and with interest, they would have a nice chunk of change.

Broadredpanda
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The YTA brigade are off their heads!!! I wouldn't dare ask for help after they had a holiday on his fund. The others got two lots of the money. They aren't obligated to give him anything but it's the same when the shoe is on the other foot! I don't think children should be responsible to have their retirement fund so they can retire early. This man had to pay and put his everything into how he is now. No help from the parents, not a cent and they expect help now? They should have saved that money. Why should he give up on his own early retirement wish.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents don't need help. Help being the key word they're asking for a privilege of early retirement

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Ace
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't even get my head round the idea that parents would ask their children for money in anything other than desperate circumstances. The history is just a fine detail, the OP should not be expected to subsidise their early retirement even if he had received his college fund money.

raquel pereira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So basically you get punished for getting a scholarship? Anyway on the fence about should they or shouldn't they have spent the money, maybe should have saved it for their "early retirement". To ask you for money for an early retirement? No! Sorry! Emergency yes, but not that.

The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP said that his parents are both teachers, and since I'm inferring that this story takes place in the US, that means they must belong to a teacher's union, and should have a very generous retirement plan. Retiring early--even with support from OP--would be a really bad financial decision, as it could greatly reduce their retirement benefits over the long term. But it seems like these people have a history of bad financial decisions, so clearly NTA.

Kim Hessel
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a teacher in the US right now, I have to laugh. Retirement plans vary WILDLY from state to state, and plenty of us get really, really screwed over.

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Stckynote
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what goes around comes around. you put that negativity into the world, you're gonna get it back. nta, he did exactly what they taught him to.

Dubnaught
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a fan of the disparagement of teacher at the end. Not sure what that was. Teaching is taxing af. There's a reason 50% quit within the first 5 years after going through gradschool to get there. #1 reason is burnout

Anna Drever
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People always come with the YTA judgment when it’s not their blinking money.

Marnie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you have to be strong to be a welder? I'm a software developer, and I'm really getting to hate this field. Hardly ever get to actually design and really code anything anymore.

Lizzy D
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are lots of tools and equipment for the brutal strength tasks. Just research and make sure the place you work at has them. Because you are already creative, have you considered a more artisanal bespoke welding practice?

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Mary Clouse
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When Parents set Down rules for their children they have to show they are the role models for those rules. Now some medical emergency or they need food or are you utilities? You’re gonna be shut off wow a few bucks won’t hurt but I agree. He’s not legally obligated. If the other two aren’t furthermore, he didn’t tell his brother and sister to go out and Get married and have children. Not his problem

Ash Conner
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean the guy said it was an emergency that he would absolutely help his parents. That to me is key because they raised him,. Understand the parents for maybe having to keep some for things that they need to use it with but then giving him the rest of the money. I would never keep the whole money from my kid at all. Fix some stuff in the house that they didn't have the money for of course use some of that money but don't keep all of it. I would never care if I got a full scholarship and my grandparents who raised me how to use the money for their house and then gave me the rest.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly the parents aren't asking for "help"they are asking for the privilege to retire early. I agree with another commenter saying when they pass away he'll probably get less if an inheritance too

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varwenea
Community Member
4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Out of three kids, the parents never gave money to only OP, but they want money only from OP. 🤨 When they decided to not give money to OP because OP got a full ride, they should have rewarded OP with an amount to help pay college incidentals, something significant like $2K, same as welder boss. I think funding home remodeling is a good thing; maintenance is a necessity. Disney world is ok if that's what everyone wanted; clearly it wasn't. They are asking for money only because they "want" to retire early, which is very different from having a "need". They saw a gravy train opportunity and wanted to milk it. Nope. OP is right.

Argle Bargle
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Way too many social workers that don't do squat for society. As an engineer you are extremely valuable. Good on you. Keep your money

M.
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a parent who genuinly cares about my own sons future...he is currently in gr8...I would be Absolutely humbled and incredibly proud if he worked as hard and did as well as you! You don't owe anyone anything. Shame on your parents asking you for help. You set firm - no regret boundaries snd enjoy continuing to invest in your own life. You deserve it & I'm proud of You☆

anime and wieardness
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! You are not legally obligated to just hand them money because THEY DIDN'T SAVE ENOUGH. If it was an emergency like their house is being repossed then yes. However, just to retire early, and only ask you and not your siblings. I agree with other posters you and your wallet are NOT A RETIREMENT PLAN. Obviously you're not the a..hole, your parents are.

Kate
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute. He didn't get the money...so now he has to PAY the money? How does that work??!

Nel Cameron
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get it. I have siblings and one was always treated better or differently. I know what inequality feels like. I think OP should have received his college fund, regardless. If he got a full ride scholarship, he deserved it! He would have used that money for a different purpose. Like a down payment on a home. It sounds to me like the OP was a hard working, responsible person. His parents used money set aside for him, they now have to wait to retire. Boo hoo. OP was certainly NTA.

Jenny Begnell
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do parents do with the college fund if the kid doesn't go to college? Do they keep it in case they want to go later? Do they give it to them anyway for a deposit on a house or something? Do they use it for the next kid? Do they spend it on themselves?

Hoshi Reed
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If HannaMashida believes that if someone has a full ride then they don't need the money then they should also believe the parents don't *NEED* to retire *EARLY* and the family didn't *NEED* a trip to Disney. If he sees the college money as a *want* because he had scholarships then Disney and early retirement are even bigger *WANTS*

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve never heard of parents asking their children to fund their early retirement. How very bizarre and entitled. Seriously narcissistic people. Teachers have very good pension plans.

Kim Hessel
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahaha where do you live that teachers still get pensions? We don't get pensions, the default amount they put in savings for us is a joke so if no one tells us that that's something we need to watch for we can waste our careers thinking we're saving enough when we're not. And at least where I live, they factor social security in as half your retirement savings. Oh, and we make 20k less than other professionals with similar levels of education, so we can't save nearly as much as other educated professionals. Not saying the parents were right in everything, but we do NOT get good retirement plans in the vast majority of states. Pensions have long been done away with across the country.

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Vira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm I disagree with most points, here. The parents saved money for their child's future. They assumed it would be college, but it could have been any number of things. The child asked if the money could be used for other expenses. My impression was that they wanted to use it for housing, and general life expenses. They worked hard so they could get a full ride. Their parents instead said ,"no it was never yours to use, unless it was for classes." I guess that's a stance you can take but to then use it on personal frivolity instead of a trust, or for that coveted early retirement... That kind of rubs salt in the wound. It would feel like the child is being punished for working hard to earn their education. Also, regardless of the reason behind OP's stance, there's no emergency here. It's OP's parents wanting to take money that was never theirs for a personal frivolity. This is wildly different from OP thinking that they were working hard for education AND going to have extra money for

Vira
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Living expenses, and whatever else. It's like working really hard on having everything paid for, and then not getting half of it because of a technicality. "Your siblings were lazy so we helped them, but you worked hard, so you get nothing. By the way, pay us so we cab go on vacation, and retire early."

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The Starsong Princess
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents blew the college money. Most people rollover unused 529 money into their retirement account to avoid the tax hit. If they did that, they’d probably be able to retire a few years early.

Carole G.
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta be smart enough to save for retirement. That being said, they got what they gave. NTA

Kim Hessel
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly shocked it's not ESH. Parents are AH for not treating each child equally and using the money to support their third child in a different way, since he didn't need it for school. Using it on that child would have been the fair thing to do. Also AH for assuming their child will fund their retirement just because he doesn't have a family. Child is AH for assuming money that his parents had saved was entirely at his discretion when he wasn't paying for school. Also AH for not recognizing how badly teachers and social workers get screwed over in terms of retirement regardless of how hard they work. Often times pensions get ripped away or the "default" amount a county sets to be deposited into retirement funds is a joke, and no one has any way of knowing unless they know to dig into it. Everyone sucks here, they all need some family therapy.

Barbara Saunders
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leaving aside the whole college fund debacle, why would the parents ask the kid to jeopardize their own savings for family, retirement, or whatever else life might bring so that the parents can retire early?

Rebecca Joan
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Parents should have given OP his money like the siblings did regardless of whether or not he got a free ride to college. Now the show is on the other foot and OP shouldn’t be spiteful? 🤣

Nitka Tsar
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forget the college fund. I can understand THAT. But expecting their children to pay for their EARLY retirement? And one ONE of three children at that! No no no! And what would they have done, if child no 3 went the same route as the other two? Would they expect all children to pay? Or none?

CCLoos
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up in a *kinda* similar situation. I was the sixth of seven kids and the first five got to go wherever they wished for school. When my time came, my parents did not have the money. Let me tell you, it was extremely difficult to be treated differently, even though there was a reason. I probably spent as much money on therapy as I would have on college dealing with it. But no way in h e l l would my parents have asked me or any of my siblings for money to retire early.

tjames19701962
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't matter of he had a full ride. The money was for his education. Parents gave money for education to siblings... now parents don't want to take money from the siblings? Parents put nothing towards posters education. Not the posters fault Parents haven't got enough to retire.

Lindsay A
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's his money so it's up to him what to do with it. The education money is irrelevant as it wasn't his. However, what they used it for has caused him to feel resentment and punished for working hard. I doubt the parents even realised how deeply they hurt him back then. It helped stoke his fire to succeed alone though! Silverlinings

Heyday
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teachers do not get summers off! They continue their education and have jobs.

Riah Jane
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for not giving the money nor for being upset that his parents treated him unfairly compared to siblings. To say he isn't holding a grudge though is a lie based on his wording.

Jianna Frantz
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, he needs to let go of that grudge, but they need to not treat him differently because he's "single and richer". They seem slightly entitled because they got defensive, but that could be from him holding a grudge and "throwing it back in their face". He doesn't seem quite like an AH from his POV, but it does almost seems like a, "Well, well, well... remember when you didnt want to give me money that I didn't need and instead you used to gift everyone a nice vacation and new renos, since they all did college and the family was doing well in money and success. But now you're crawling to me to retire early because I'm rich, single, and successful? THAT'S rich!"...kind of story.

deletemyaccount
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody is TA here the parents aren't obligated to pay for the children's education and children are not obligated to pay for the parents retirement.

David Morgan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmn, tough one. If the parents set aside the money and it wasn't needed, then a smart decision would have been to hold the money for things like medical problems or further education beyond college. It's their money and they can do whatever they want with it because they earned it. However the same applies to you - if you HAD gone on the trip, you would be the AH. Since you didn't, you haven't been hypocritical. You earned YOUR money so you can choose how to spend it. IMO it's a bit coldhearted to bring up the issue after all these years (you didn't lose out on anything since you studied hard for you, not to qualify for college scholarships) but it's your choice.

Jean Manske
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cold-hearted?? For what not giving them the privilege to retire early? He stated he would help them in emergency.

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Mary S
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All are TAH. Parents had a right to spend it, since the money wasn't for other things. They sacrificed a lot during the time they saved it and went withouts. His his costs were covered. His parents remained generous. He should have embraced the extra luxury of a fancy vacation and memories with his family.They were TAH for asking for support when they were still capable of handling their own. They should have planned better. Don't ask your kid to support you, while you're still working. And OP is TAH for still looking at it from the childhood trauma point, as an adult. Not all kids have equal needs. Who told him everything had to be perfectly 1/3 between every sibling?

Meskerem Gebregiorgis
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, the parents should have saved the money for their retirement instead of going on vacation but they also renovated their home with some of the funds which means that they didn't blow off all of the money for entertainment. On another note, the son, whether they paid for his college or not and weather his siblings were not able to contribute to their parent's retirement or not, should have helped his parents IF he has the money. How about the 18 years that his parents spent their hard earned money raising him and setting him up for success. If they didn't give him the proper environment, principles and values, support not to mention paying for everything until the age of 18, this guy would have never studied well, been successful and gone to a great school on a scholarship. This claim that he was the sole contributor to his success while not acknowledging the tremendous role that his parents played is not only selfish and narrow mindedness but also petty & irresponsible

BK BigFish
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was born and raised in America, but my parents are from a different culture, and I spent years in their country too. I find it more than a little unsettling how the OP, and everyone else here, seem to be arguing that parents and children are nothing more than contractual parties. That's quite an American attitude, while the rest of the world is more interdependent. Families help each other out when they can, not just in emergencies, not out of obligation, but out of, well, love for one, but also because families are genetically related and we are programmed to work together. In America, in particular, there is little government safety net. Remove the family safety net, and what's left?

Sandra Lira
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People with money, people without money, people period in general looking for others to affirm their lack of character. No A.H. your Parents are not after 18 legally responsible for you. But morally yes they are. You sound like a bitter butt hole! Mommy and Daddy didn't do what you wanted now it's payback. Go on. Pay them back you selfish little s**t. Some people grow older. Some people unfortunately never grow up. Your an overgrown little kid. Engineering Genius or no your just a miserable little brat in a big body.

Glenda Smith
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is perfectly within his rights to refuse funding his parents retirement. He is however an AH for thinking his parents should have given him their hard earned money to play on. They saved for his education meaning they made sacrifices for YEARS to make sure he had a good opportunity to set up his life. By putting a chunk of money into their home, they likely increased their homes value, and did in fact solidify their own space for retirement as well as increase their children's inheritance. OP is grossly entitled.

Jim Lovra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could go both ways. On the one hand, during his 18 years living with his parents, where did he develop the drive to study hard and earn the scholarship? Who taught him the value of a good education? And, putting away money for a scholarship doesn't mean the money is his. On the other hand, what are his parents expectations from him? They want to retire early so why is he obligated to help them do that; and how much do they want? Seems like with him throwing the line back at his parents, he's harboring some pretty clear resentment towards his parents with some added sibling resentment as well. Personally, the lack of love between all involved points to some deep seated issues that go beyond this one issue and one could say both sides have some a-hole tendencies. But it's also the family dynamics that have been established over a lifetime.

Cassandra Reese
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where did he develop the drive? Himself, obviously. Whether you're parents are good or bad everything you are depends on how you decide to make yourself. You can turn out great despite bad parents and s**t despite great parents. I turned out pretty good despite some really c**p parents and it's infuriating that most people assume it's because "I was taught right". Let's start giving credit where credit is due, the individual in question.

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Captain Kyra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH, he didn't need the money his parents saved, they don't need the money he's making. Why is this even a question?

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