Exactly! From what i can read her Ap was good parents to her. All the people here saying "she is not entitled to this and that" , no of course not. But by pushing her AP out of her life, after (What appears in her text) a good upbringing with loving parents, then she shows nothing but hatred and lack of forgiveness

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They stopped the biological parents from contacting her throughout her childhood, and when (as an adult) she tried to reach out they still did not offer any assistance. In addition, it was the adoptive parents who said they would not attend the wedding; it was they who “went nuclear”. They have also turned their daughter’s adoptive family against her, making it clear that any love or support they have for her is entirely conditional. If they loved her, if they supported her, they would have made different choices. They did not. Their child did not matter - what the OP wanted, what the OP needed. What mattered was their own desires.

Nowhere does OP say APs refused to offer assistance. She only says she decided to reach out to bio parents at 23. For all you know the APs had no idea that OP was even looking for her bio parents. And she went nuclear first when she decided to go low contact and again when she decided to ask her bio dad to walk her down the aisle alone. AND she’s the one deciding now to cut them out of any future grandchildren’s lives. Unconditional love goes both ways - if she loves them, she’d make an effort to understand where they are coming from - she’d make an effort to look back across her whole life with them being there for her (which - again - she admits in the post!). But no - it’s all about her. Her parents don’t matter because she has the Other Mother and the Other Father waiting in the wings.

How did they want to control her? Not letting her biological parents contact her, not supporting her in trying to contact her biological family, refusing to attend her wedding unless it was to their own liking, turning the wider family against her…

I agree!

Their prerogative as to whom their children pursue relationships with? Parents do not get to choose their child's friends and lovers. Lmfao.

Clearly, Sera, you must be either all of 13, or you have the reading comprehension of a 13-year-old. At 23, it is obviously different, but as a CHILD, her parents ABSOLUTELY have the prerogative as to whom she has a relationship with. That’s like Parenting 101.

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No Paul, you obviously have the social comprehension and lack of compassion of someone who has never considered the adoption triad from the child's perspective or read the research on the trauma caused.

“Parents - ANY parents - may not “own” their kid, but it is ABSOLUTELY their prerogative as to whom their kid pursues relationships with.” Not when they are a 23-year-old adult. Still less do they have the ability to dictate their child’s wedding to them.

Ron, I have made it abundantly clear that at 18 years old it is very different. My POINT is that she’s mad that they were not open to her parents pursuing a relationship with her as a CHILD. Take a hot minute and put yourself in their shoes: you adopted a child. You don’t know their parents from Adam. They reach out to you saying they want to be part of your kids life. Ok, on the surface that sounds great! But then you let them in. Next thing you know, your daughter is saying she wants ice cream for dinner. Her “REAL” mom and dad would let her have ice cream for dinner! Bedtime at 9? No. My REAL mom and dad have bedtime at 11! College? My REAL mom and dad didn’t go to college and THEY turned out fine! And maybe that IS all fine. BUT it wasn’t the values YOU expected to raise for YOUR child. And make no mistake - she’s YOUR child. Not theirs. They gave her up, remember? So you tell me, Ron: how would you feel if your daughter suddenly started undermining YOUR parenting?

I agree with you, Paul, and will also add that in addition to potentially undermining their parents, there are also the very real considerations that bio parents could have been abusive, or addicted, or any number of other things a reasonable person would want to protect their child from.

There is a big difference between adoptive parents and foster parents that I think people here miss. These parents voluntarily gave up custody of their child. I don't think any adoptive parent wants the biological parents to be in the picture as this can create major problems in the relationship with their child

@Emma - Not knowing bio family or anything about their origins has caused a lot of trauma and heartache for a lot of adopted children and changed the course of their lives - the research is in, complete abandonment at birth, if it can be avoided, is best for the child and to have some sort of contact with the family of origin if possible - and yes, this was known back in the 90's when OP was born.

He is an adult and is not entitled to walk anyone down the aisle. He also chose to be actively unhelpful in his child's wish to seek out her birth parents by withholding information. He doesn't care about her feelings and I don't care about his.

APs protected THEIR feelings, not their child - by their own admission, they refused contact because they were scared she would like them better, not because they were concerned about anything else, and they continued this behavior INTO THEIR CHILD'S ADULTHOOD. It is also NOT a parent's job to protect their child from ~everything~ at all costs. That is an extreme form of helicopter parenting that creates children with no personal resilience or coping skills because mommy and daddy have smoothed the road before them to the point that they'll never stumble. That is unhealthy.

Sure. But they made their decisions based on the fear that she would like these people better than them, not because they believed they would be a bad influence and that it was in her best interest. They put THEIR insecurity over her desire to know the people that made her. They have had SEVEN years to come to terms with the reality that she knows them and has a relationship with them and still can't even put her wishes first for HER OWN WEDDING.