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Cheater Wrecks His Family, Then Expects Ex To Get A Gift For His Affair Kid, Gets A Reality Check
Infidelity can destroy entire families. When your partner cheats on you, it’s not just you who gets hurt. If you had children together, the fallout can affect them, too. Meanwhile, if your ex had any kids outside your marriage, then it could complicate any interactions with them even further. That being said, it’s no child’s ‘fault’ that they were born because someone cheated.
An anonymous woman, a mother of three, went viral after asking the AITAH online community for help regarding a very sensitive situation. She explained how her ex-husband tried to guilt-trip her into buying gifts for his “affair child.” Then, when she refused, he lashed out. You’ll find the full story as you scroll down. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for further comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
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Co-parenting can be incredibly difficult with an ex who cheated on you. Boundaries are essential, no matter what
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
An anonymous woman shared how she refused to buy her husband’s “affair child” an Xmas present, and how this made him lash out
Image credits: volodymyr-t / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NovelDot112
Losing your job is very stressful, but there are solutions if you’re struggling, from temporary work to charity
The woman’s story went viral on the AITAH subreddit. At the time of writing, it had 11k upvotes and got a whopping 5.4k comments. Later, the story spread to other corners of the internet.
Most internet users who read the woman’s post were very supportive of her and how she handled the entire situation. They thought it was unfair of her cheating ex-husband to blame her for his own financial shortcomings.
Many readers pointed out that if money was tight, the man could have gotten temporary work to save up at least some money for Xmas. Others noted that desperate parents can also reach out to local charities for support.
In short, there are always plenty of options for parents in need, but it requires them to set their pride aside. Accepting charity, whether from an organization or the local community, can be difficult—but if your goal is for your child to have a wholesome Christmas celebration, then that should be the priority, not how you feel about the situation.
It’s also obvious that it’s not fair for anyone to blame their ex for their own financial problems. Losing your job is tough. It’s one of the most stressful things that can happen to anyone. And it can be even tougher when you’re a single parent with a small child to look after.
If you’re struggling to find a new job, you may need to develop new skills in order to change career paths
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
It’s difficult to get out of a situation like that, but not impossible. The author mentioned that her ex lost his job in January, meaning that he’s been jobless for nearly a year. This indicates that he might be working in an industry that’s struggling or that he’s not putting in ‘enough’ effort into the job search.
This is easier said than done. Changing jobs is hard. But if you can’t find work, you may need to upskill or look for work in other towns, areas, and even states. If you’re an incredibly skilled worker in an industry that is losing its steam, you will need to adapt sooner or later.
There are various government programs and charitable labor-oriented organizations that offer tools, guidelines, and advice for anyone hoping to change jobs. That’s on top of all the free online sources that everyone with an internet connection has access to.
The internet is full of free and paid courses that can help you develop new skills, and you can always study independently, too. It’s a question of focus, perseverance, discipline, and will, not of resources.
The job market in the US is in a peculiar situation right now. Unemployment is up, but wage growth is outpacing inflation
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
As reported by CNN, the US government’s latest employment figures indicate that the nation’s job market “remains in good shape overall.”
On average, in the six months through November 2024, employers added around 143k jobs a month. Though unemployment is up from a year ago, it’s still historically low. Meanwhile, wage growth continues to outpace inflation. But some numbers are worrying.
Average hourly earnings rose 4% in November 2024 compared to the year before. Though, to be fair, in November 2023, average hourly earnings rose 4.3%. Meanwhile, the number of Americans unemployed for 26+ weeks rose to 1.66 million last month, the highest since January 2022.
Furthermore, the labor market may still not have fully recovered from the Covid-19 pandemic. Currently, the labor force participation rate (how many Americans are employed or actively looking for a job) fell in November 2024 to 62.5%.
What are your thoughts about the entire situation, dear readers? Do you think the author handled the situation right? Would you have done anything differently if you were in her shoes? What do you think her ex should do to get back on his feet and take better care of his daughter? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
The author shared some additional context while interacting with her readers
Most internet users were supportive of the woman. Here’s how they saw the situation
A few people thought that everything could have been handled differently
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Gavin Johnson 12 months ago (edited)
Weaponising children is low. Their children have a sister, they should be encouraged to accept her and the adults need to step up and be mature about it. What’s happened with the idiot adults shouldn’t be visited on any of the children. My ex and I share a daughter, she’s the most important person in our relationship, we failed as a married couple but that’s no reason to mess her life up by being angry or bitter parents. My wider family has ‘half’ brothers and sisters in it, adopted children and foster children, they are all family and the ‘half’ or adopted bit is not mentioned, they are brothers and sisters.
Angie May 12 months ago
The part where she insists that she doesn't discourage her kids from having a relationship with the half-sister but "can't bring herself to encourage it" says it all. The kids don't need her to discourage it because they can probably pick up on the fact mom doesn't want them to be close to her. If that's the energy she's giving out kids are smart enough to read into it, especially at 9 and 11. I feel bad for that poor little girl.
Load More Replies...
Julia Cargile 12 months ago
I'll get the child a present if you give me the address. You're mean.
Zoe Vokes 12 months ago
Yes she comes across as mean but the ex is putting all the responsibility for this child’s present on OP for some reason. He couldn’t ask any friend, neighbour or random person in his life for help rather than insist it’s his ex’s responsibility - the ex who is clearly still upset and angry at him for cheating and breaking up their family. It’s not the innocent child’s fault but I don’t know why he’s trying to blame OP for the situation. He called her cruel and a selfish b**ch yet he hurt his entire family including his kids without caring by having an affair. I think OP should have got his daughter something but she isn’t obligated to. Her ex must have somebody he’s closer to in his life than his bitter, angry ex. Is it because she’s a mother that she’s supposed to feel maternal love for all children?
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Ash 12 months ago
NTA, because OP has no ethical duty to do any more than she is doing. ...That being said, I don't think it would hurt to demonstrate to her kids that it's okay to be friends with their half-sister and not exclude her, and it would be good to ask them if they want to get her a gift for Christmas and help them do that. OP has no requirement to have a relationship with the child, but I do think it actually is mean for her kids to ignore her and avoid her completely when they're in the same house. NTA but it might be a good idea for OP to sit down and have a good think about how the child should be treated rather than what the ex deserves (nothing).
Kate Johnson 11 months ago
The sad reality is, when adult are selfish pos and have affairs and babies from affairs, the children suffer. It's NOT the fault of the injured party here, the one who was lied to and cheated on, to "make things work" for the scumbag cheater. She has no obligation whatsoever to facilitate anything regarding the affair baby. Any efforts in that direction are going to be seen by him as her "signing on" to help him out with his kid. BIG MISTAKE.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 12 months ago
Sorry but I don't see any reason or obligations for OP to buy the affair child's gift. It's nervy of him to ask in the 1st place. It's not her kid and he can go to an organization for help to get a gift for his child. He can go after the MOTHER OF HIS CHILD to get a gift. Not my child=not my responsibility. HOW DARE HE CALL OP CRUEL AND SELFISH WHEN HE COULDN'T KEEP HIS PANTS ON AND HAD AN AFFAIR IN THE 1ST PLACE
Caitlin 11 months ago
Yeah it’s not her responsibility, but neither are the kids you donate toys to at a toy drive. Or the disadvantaged kids you donate money to at charity raffles. She could have a bloody heart, Jesus Christ
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Agat 12 months ago (edited)
Maybe it's just me but the resentment towards the little girl practically drips from this post. I wouldn't want to be like the OP. I feel like she's happy deep down that her ex's daughter won't really have Christmas, and that it kills her ex.
TribbleThinking 12 months ago
I think it's more nuanced than that. She mentioned that he initially expected to add the little girl to her brood to look after like simply one more addition to the puppy pile. So this Christmas tantrum is a continuation sliver of that wedge. She isn't fighting against simply one little gift for a little girl, but yet another more episode of "yeah, but YOU are the one who can make a difference to this tiny wee bairn's life if you'd just take responsibility, as I've been telling you for YEARS, you heartless woman".
Load More Replies... Gwyn 12 months ago (edited)
NTA. He just happened to have this $1 toy with him when he dropped off the kids? No, he planned to bring it, to try to manipulate you. I don't believe for a moment that he only had one dollar to spend on his daughter. And he has many other options as other commenters said to get gifts from charities if he's actually that hard up. He's looking for someone to blame for his situation and trying to make everyone else the bad guy. And if he doesn't get his other kids gifts and they resent him, that's his own fault too. And by the way not having Christmas gifts isn't the end of the world. I had very little growing up and I understood. What she doesn't have and needs is a stable family, and that's her Dad's fault entirely.
Anxious&Bored Bear 12 months ago
It won't end with a gift or 2 for this Christmas. Ex won't be able to afford birthday presents, either, or Easter clothes/basket, etc. Then it will be he needs a sitter for whatever reason. Ex is trying to get out of his responsibilities and OP needs to enforce boundaries now.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 12 months ago (edited)
Document all this in the parenting app if there is the facility for it, taking the opportunity to point out that he's got a cheek to ask you this behind the judge's back and pointing out that he could make her something. He had all this extra time for an affair, where's it all gone? If he genuinely thinks that someone else is OBLIGATED (not simply a soft target he can be aggressive to), then he should go after the affair partner, or be man enough to say what he has to say in court. It's not just about this one present, there will be more incidents to document that will show his continued conviction that if you'd just submit and accept responsibility for her, his and her lives will be so very much easier and nicer.
Cecilie Hammershøy 12 months ago
Nta for the present but she's an a*s for not helping her kids with the relationship with their half sister. Ignoring is also bullying.
Betsy S 12 months ago
That relationship is up to their father to encourage. They are all HIS kids.
Load More Replies...
Gen X Feral 12 months ago (edited)
The husband is a piece of loser trash, but his kid is the real victim hear. I DESPISE my daughter's sister-in-law, she went to jail and her 4 y.o old wasn't going to get jack sht for Christmas. I just happened to have a Barbi house and some Barbies I was going to return, but I gave them to the daughter of my enemy instead. I desperately needed the money back for those toys , but keeping the Christmas spirit alive is critical for children.
ZombieMommy 12 months ago
She is 100% behind those children not having a relationship with their half sister. She's mad about him cheating and being petty and hateful to a 4 year old. "I don't want them to have a relationship with her" then tries to backpedal. Also mentioning the "quality of life" because he makes less money now. Gross. Not obligated to give a gift but if I was in the situation that baby girl would be treated just as good as her siblings, none of this is her fault.
Lyoness 11 months ago
Couldn't agree more. Is OP justified in being pissed at her ex? Yes. Should she feel obligated to get this kid a present? No. But should she have a little empathy for a 4 year old? Also yes. But I don't think a present is the problem, it's that her kids are clearly never going to accept her ex's AC. They'll mirror Mum's behaviour and that toddler will never understand why her half siblings hate her. I think OP needs to take a hard look at who she's blaming here. It's not the kid's fault, it's her exes.
Load More Replies... Gavin Johnson 12 months ago (edited)
Weaponising children is low. Their children have a sister, they should be encouraged to accept her and the adults need to step up and be mature about it. What’s happened with the idiot adults shouldn’t be visited on any of the children. My ex and I share a daughter, she’s the most important person in our relationship, we failed as a married couple but that’s no reason to mess her life up by being angry or bitter parents. My wider family has ‘half’ brothers and sisters in it, adopted children and foster children, they are all family and the ‘half’ or adopted bit is not mentioned, they are brothers and sisters.
Angie May 12 months ago
The part where she insists that she doesn't discourage her kids from having a relationship with the half-sister but "can't bring herself to encourage it" says it all. The kids don't need her to discourage it because they can probably pick up on the fact mom doesn't want them to be close to her. If that's the energy she's giving out kids are smart enough to read into it, especially at 9 and 11. I feel bad for that poor little girl.
Load More Replies... Julia Cargile 12 months ago
I'll get the child a present if you give me the address. You're mean.
Zoe Vokes 12 months ago
Yes she comes across as mean but the ex is putting all the responsibility for this child’s present on OP for some reason. He couldn’t ask any friend, neighbour or random person in his life for help rather than insist it’s his ex’s responsibility - the ex who is clearly still upset and angry at him for cheating and breaking up their family. It’s not the innocent child’s fault but I don’t know why he’s trying to blame OP for the situation. He called her cruel and a selfish b**ch yet he hurt his entire family including his kids without caring by having an affair. I think OP should have got his daughter something but she isn’t obligated to. Her ex must have somebody he’s closer to in his life than his bitter, angry ex. Is it because she’s a mother that she’s supposed to feel maternal love for all children?
Load More Replies... Ash 12 months ago
NTA, because OP has no ethical duty to do any more than she is doing. ...That being said, I don't think it would hurt to demonstrate to her kids that it's okay to be friends with their half-sister and not exclude her, and it would be good to ask them if they want to get her a gift for Christmas and help them do that. OP has no requirement to have a relationship with the child, but I do think it actually is mean for her kids to ignore her and avoid her completely when they're in the same house. NTA but it might be a good idea for OP to sit down and have a good think about how the child should be treated rather than what the ex deserves (nothing).
Kate Johnson 11 months ago
The sad reality is, when adult are selfish pos and have affairs and babies from affairs, the children suffer. It's NOT the fault of the injured party here, the one who was lied to and cheated on, to "make things work" for the scumbag cheater. She has no obligation whatsoever to facilitate anything regarding the affair baby. Any efforts in that direction are going to be seen by him as her "signing on" to help him out with his kid. BIG MISTAKE.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 12 months ago
Sorry but I don't see any reason or obligations for OP to buy the affair child's gift. It's nervy of him to ask in the 1st place. It's not her kid and he can go to an organization for help to get a gift for his child. He can go after the MOTHER OF HIS CHILD to get a gift. Not my child=not my responsibility. HOW DARE HE CALL OP CRUEL AND SELFISH WHEN HE COULDN'T KEEP HIS PANTS ON AND HAD AN AFFAIR IN THE 1ST PLACE
Caitlin 11 months ago
Yeah it’s not her responsibility, but neither are the kids you donate toys to at a toy drive. Or the disadvantaged kids you donate money to at charity raffles. She could have a bloody heart, Jesus Christ
Load More Replies... Agat 12 months ago (edited)
Maybe it's just me but the resentment towards the little girl practically drips from this post. I wouldn't want to be like the OP. I feel like she's happy deep down that her ex's daughter won't really have Christmas, and that it kills her ex.
TribbleThinking 12 months ago
I think it's more nuanced than that. She mentioned that he initially expected to add the little girl to her brood to look after like simply one more addition to the puppy pile. So this Christmas tantrum is a continuation sliver of that wedge. She isn't fighting against simply one little gift for a little girl, but yet another more episode of "yeah, but YOU are the one who can make a difference to this tiny wee bairn's life if you'd just take responsibility, as I've been telling you for YEARS, you heartless woman".
Load More Replies... Gwyn 12 months ago (edited)
NTA. He just happened to have this $1 toy with him when he dropped off the kids? No, he planned to bring it, to try to manipulate you. I don't believe for a moment that he only had one dollar to spend on his daughter. And he has many other options as other commenters said to get gifts from charities if he's actually that hard up. He's looking for someone to blame for his situation and trying to make everyone else the bad guy. And if he doesn't get his other kids gifts and they resent him, that's his own fault too. And by the way not having Christmas gifts isn't the end of the world. I had very little growing up and I understood. What she doesn't have and needs is a stable family, and that's her Dad's fault entirely.
Anxious&Bored Bear 12 months ago
It won't end with a gift or 2 for this Christmas. Ex won't be able to afford birthday presents, either, or Easter clothes/basket, etc. Then it will be he needs a sitter for whatever reason. Ex is trying to get out of his responsibilities and OP needs to enforce boundaries now.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 12 months ago (edited)
Document all this in the parenting app if there is the facility for it, taking the opportunity to point out that he's got a cheek to ask you this behind the judge's back and pointing out that he could make her something. He had all this extra time for an affair, where's it all gone? If he genuinely thinks that someone else is OBLIGATED (not simply a soft target he can be aggressive to), then he should go after the affair partner, or be man enough to say what he has to say in court. It's not just about this one present, there will be more incidents to document that will show his continued conviction that if you'd just submit and accept responsibility for her, his and her lives will be so very much easier and nicer.
Cecilie Hammershøy 12 months ago
Nta for the present but she's an a*s for not helping her kids with the relationship with their half sister. Ignoring is also bullying.
Betsy S 12 months ago
That relationship is up to their father to encourage. They are all HIS kids.
Load More Replies... Gen X Feral 12 months ago (edited)
The husband is a piece of loser trash, but his kid is the real victim hear. I DESPISE my daughter's sister-in-law, she went to jail and her 4 y.o old wasn't going to get jack sht for Christmas. I just happened to have a Barbi house and some Barbies I was going to return, but I gave them to the daughter of my enemy instead. I desperately needed the money back for those toys , but keeping the Christmas spirit alive is critical for children.
ZombieMommy 12 months ago
She is 100% behind those children not having a relationship with their half sister. She's mad about him cheating and being petty and hateful to a 4 year old. "I don't want them to have a relationship with her" then tries to backpedal. Also mentioning the "quality of life" because he makes less money now. Gross. Not obligated to give a gift but if I was in the situation that baby girl would be treated just as good as her siblings, none of this is her fault.
Lyoness 11 months ago
Couldn't agree more. Is OP justified in being pissed at her ex? Yes. Should she feel obligated to get this kid a present? No. But should she have a little empathy for a 4 year old? Also yes. But I don't think a present is the problem, it's that her kids are clearly never going to accept her ex's AC. They'll mirror Mum's behaviour and that toddler will never understand why her half siblings hate her. I think OP needs to take a hard look at who she's blaming here. It's not the kid's fault, it's her exes.
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