I'll get the child a present if you give me the address. You're mean.

Maybe it's just me but the resentment towards the little girl practically drips from this post. I wouldn't want to be like the OP. I feel like she's happy deep down that her ex's daughter won't really have Christmas, and that it kills her ex.

NTA. He just happened to have this $1 toy with him when he dropped off the kids? No, he planned to bring it, to try to manipulate you. I don't believe for a moment that he only had one dollar to spend on his daughter. And he has many other options as other commenters said to get gifts from charities if he's actually that hard up. He's looking for someone to blame for his situation and trying to make everyone else the bad guy. And if he doesn't get his other kids gifts and they resent him, that's his own fault too. And by the way not having Christmas gifts isn't the end of the world. I had very little growing up and I understood. What she doesn't have and needs is a stable family, and that's her Dad's fault entirely.

Document all this in the parenting app if there is the facility for it, taking the opportunity to point out that he's got a cheek to ask you this behind the judge's back and pointing out that he could make her something. He had all this extra time for an affair, where's it all gone? If he genuinely thinks that someone else is OBLIGATED (not simply a soft target he can be aggressive to), then he should go after the affair partner, or be man enough to say what he has to say in court. It's not just about this one present, there will be more incidents to document that will show his continued conviction that if you'd just submit and accept responsibility for her, his and her lives will be so very much easier and nicer.

She is 100% behind those children not having a relationship with their half sister. She's mad about him cheating and being petty and hateful to a 4 year old. "I don't want them to have a relationship with her" then tries to backpedal. Also mentioning the "quality of life" because he makes less money now. Gross. Not obligated to give a gift but if I was in the situation that baby girl would be treated just as good as her siblings, none of this is her fault.

Those saying YTA would be saying otherwise if this happened to them. NTA at all since this was the ex's doing. If her kids want to be friends with the affair kid then that is up to them as she stated, if not she's not going to force it. The ex can try and contact the mom's side of the family if he really cares for this kid. It's not his ex wife's responsibility to.

it really kills me when parents won't apply for things like Toys for Tots or food pantries, yet ask certain people to just give them things. Put your damn pride aside and do whatever it takes to do right by your children. I see it all the time on facebook - my kids are hungry, my kids won't have anything for Christmas if you people don't give us something.... when the internet access they're using to beg is the same internet they could use to find these services.

She doesn't need to give a s**t about someone else's kud. Not her responsibility. And if they want to encourage the siblings to have a relationship the cheating dad should do that, not the woman that was cheated on.

There are several hundred thousand kids with only one parent. Are you to be expected to get them gifts too? Personally, I'd like a puppy. It isn't your kid. You can't force your kids to like their half sibling, and trying to will make them resent her. The ex made the decision to cheat. That decision means he no longer gets to have you as a helper in his life. Its the xmas season. plenty of temp work to be found. Would it have been kind of you to get that kid a gift? Absolutely. Just like you'd be a doll for getting any kid you don't know, and aren't responsible for a gift. Its just not something you are required to do. NTA. Ex needs to grow up and act like an adult. I feel sorry for the little kid, to have such trash parents.

We don't talk to my SIL (1) anymore, mostly because her (recently) ex ruined our relationship over jealousy about how well I bonded with their child(1). At the time, we were childless and made a lot of effort to spend time with them. For the first time in several years, we were in her company again. We didn’t speak, but maybe it was a step forward? Anyway, I was keeping my daughter and another niece (SIL(2)’s child, who’s the same age) entertained so my wife could spend time with her siblings. Then, SIL(1)’s other daughter(2)—who I’ve never met before—came over and wanted to join in. Tricky situation 😶. Should I exclude her? Of course not. As an adult, you rise above the tension and do what’s right.

She doesn't owe anything to the girl. I do feel bad for the girl if everyone in her life treat her bad

There is a 4yo Girl without a present and without a real Family, so for me there is no question. I would give her something as a stranger if I could - BUT that does not solve any problem - there are MANY AHs here….

NTA for not buying the little girl a gift. But OP is a major league AH for blocking her children from having a relationship with their sibling and interfering with their relationship with their dad. She sounds like a heartless person who is taking out her well placed anger against her ex on a 4 year old.

Do yourself a favor and spend even less time thinking about that child and that man than it took you to write this story. You know you're not wrong. Just more evidence that your old man is still weak Af. If you really want to see his head explode, go get yourself on a dating app (firemen welcome) and have new daddy drop your kids off at the next weakazdaddy weekend.

The affair kid is not OPs problem. Why is the kid's mom's side of the family or the ex's family not being asked for help? Why is this OPs problem?

He wanted OP to co-parent his affaire child ? Wut the actual ?

Sometime you have to be the bigger person. Its just a child she didnt ask any of this. But she is the one that surfer the most from it. MIL that dont like her, sibblings that are not encourage to accept her, no mother. A father struggeling. Even though she is not yours caint you have empathy. Im sure it wasent easy on you and youre Precious ones too. But that little girl should not represent and feel that she is the reason of the breakup of youre family. You had the chance to do something meaningfull. Positive for her. that would have meant a lot for that little one. Come on ! I have the same situation here but you know what I dont see my daughter big-sis badly because of what happened between her dad and I. You are holding negative émotion and perception at a child. Hold it as much as you want against the dad but let the child be. I do my best so my daughter and his have the best relation ship because no matter you like it or not she is her sister. She deserve respect, care, love. What you are teaching to your child is not ok! I as a mom am hurt toward your dad. And sorry that this little girl is the result of your pain . But teach your children forgiveness instead of bitterness. Teach them kindness instead of rejecting. It might not be youre daughter but THE WAY YOU ACT TOWARDS HER are setting an exemple to youre children and a pretty s****y one. REGARDING CHRISTMAS WOW WAY THE GO ON CHRSTMAS SPIRIT! Im sure you are a great mom , and you would do anything for your children. But dont you think you could try to incluse her a bit more and try to be nicer to her? that little girl is the sister of youre childs! Will always be.Please find a way to heal the damage this man had cause you. Im sure deep down inside of you, you are a wonderfull person snd a great mom! Do not transfert youre sadness on a innocent child♥️

I have to shake my head. The degree of lack of compassion that resonates with op and many of the commenters is atrocious. The children are the innocents here and op and the ex are both using their kids as pawns. Christmas is a time of love and giving. I don't care that that 4 year old was someone's affair child. Get over it! She's a child and its Christmas. Its not going to hurt op to open up her emotionally resentful wallet and bring joy to a child. People, nowadays, are selfish and self centered. OP is just mean spirited and taking it out on a 4 year old. Kids are smart and will pick up on her not encouraging them to include their sister. They will know that she doesn't want them including that poor child in anything. Resentment is ugly and its made op ugly in thought and deed.

Do you have to buy her a gift? No. Should you do it anyway because it would be the kind thing to do? Yes.

All the YTAs are clinically insane. The seem to forget this girl is the living proof of his cheating. Of course OP is angry, who wouldn't be ? A saint maybe? I would have asked full custody of my children and never wanted to see him again

it sounded to me as if she just doesnt talk to her kids about what they do at their dad's or ask questions about the other kid. From that standpoint, she neither encourages or discourages a relationship w/ sister. If she's vocal to her kids about it...'I don't care either way what you do, but I won't and can't encourage it' would be inappropriate. But she is NTA in not getting the kid a gift. I wouldn't either, and I am considered a very generous person. Yeah the kid is innocent but still a reminder of the affair and how her ex ruined their whole family. Not her problem. Her ex got himself into this situation, he can figure it out. It's called karma.