Your loved ones’ support can make a huge difference in every area of your life, whether you’re aiming for the stars with your projects or having to deal with a health scare. However, there are limits to what you can ask for: the world doesn’t stop turning just for you. And it’s best to not make mountains out of molehills just for the sake of sympathy.

Redditor u/Inevitable-Trip3538 recently went viral on the AITA subreddit after sharing how her boyfriend got mad at her when she didn’t cancel her plans once she learned about his medical diagnosis. It turns out that the man has anemia. Scroll down for the full story. Bored Panda got in touch with dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, and he shed some light on our questions about neediness and passive-aggressive behavior. Read on for his insights on the importance of Independent Confidence.

It feels wonderful to have your significant other support you when you urgently need them. However, not everyone has the same definition of urgency

Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)

A woman shared how her boyfriend expected her to cancel her social plans after he was diagnosed with anemia

Image credits: Nguyễn Hiệp (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Vishnu R Nair (not the actual photo)

There are some bigger relationship issues at play here than a medical diagnosis

Like in most cases with AITA posts, the story isn’t the actual story. The woman’s tale about what happened isn’t just about anemia: it’s about passive-aggressive behavior, power and control in relationships, personal boundaries, and the need for attention.

We all want to be loved, respected, and cared for. It’s natural. However, no matter how wonderful we might be, we simply can’t expect our significant others to prioritize us 24/7. We’re all individuals, with our very own needs, goals, and responsibilities. No matter how much we love someone, we can’t sacrifice all of our plans to focus exclusively on them and them alone. It’s not practical. It’s not healthy.

Dating expert Dan, from The Modern Man, noted that most people can sense when they’re being too demanding of their partner. “Yet, the problem is that when a person is emotionally needy, they will usually have a difficult time stopping themselves from being so demanding,” he explained to Bored Panda that emotional neediness is when someone needs the other person to reassure, comfort, or support them in order to feel normal.

“It is fine to expect love and support in a relationship, but you can’t ever demand it and shouldn’t ever rely on it to feel okay. If you demand it, need it, or are relying on it, then you are a needy person,” Dan said.

“The best approach is to have what I call Independent Confidence, where you are confident and feel good about yourself regardless of what the other person says or does.” An example of this would be the other person feeling down and being distant. You, however, don’t see that as a rejection of you. Instead, the dating expert said, you understand that they’re feeling down and give them time to get back on track. In short, you don’t need them to show you lots of love, affection, and attention when they aren’t in the mood to do so.

However, the founder of The Modern Man pointed out that if a person has Dependent Confidence, “they will usually only be able to feel confident in a relationship if the other person constantly reassures, comforts or supports them.”

Unfortunately, people like that are “seen as needy and often very annoying in a relationship.” The dating expert added that they “become more of a burden than a benefit to be with and as a result, a breakup usually follows.”

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Bored Panda also wanted to get the expert’s opinion on approaching passive-aggressive behavior and tension in relationships. “The couple needs to understand that neither of them has to do anything in the relationship. A romantic relationship is not a forced situation where they must do X or Y. There are no rules like that,” the founder of The Modern Man said.

“It’s best when each person has the choice to show love, respect, or affection, rather than feeling like they ‘have to’ in order to make the other person feel okay. That way, the relationship feels natural, relaxed, and free, rather than forced. When that kind of relationship dynamic develops, both people are able to be themselves, rather than having to put on an act to make the other person feel okay.”

Making mountains out of molehills isn’t the way to go

Health conditions are nothing to laugh at. However, there’s definitely a hierarchy of urgency here. It’s perfectly reasonable to reach out to your nearest and dearest for support. What isn’t quite so reasonable is to expect absolutely everyone to cancel their plans (which they were really looking forward to) just to be with you in your time of ‘need.’

To put it somewhat bluntly, anemia is nowhere near in the same ballpark as, say, learning that you have cancer, a heart condition, or a genetic disease.

Anemia is a health issue and it can be dangerous, but it is fairly easily treatable. Cancer is something that you cancel plans for. Anemia is something that you simply… treat… and then you get on with your life. Yes, it can be scary to learn that something’s wrong with your body. But making the situation seem more urgent than it actually is smells of manipulation and desperation. All we’re saying is that, yes, it can be frightening, but we wouldn’t be acting all passive-aggressive if our partners didn’t drop out of their social events because, say, our cholesterol levels were too high or we had a significant vitamin D deficiency.

Treating anemia is fairly straightforward

You can treat anemia in two main ways: either with iron tablets or by eating iron-rich food. If you have anemia, some of the symptoms include having pale skin, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and lacking energy. There are other types of anemia, but iron deficiency is by far the most common one.

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Aside from taking the iron tablets your doctor will prescribe you, you can supplement your iron intake by eating dark-green leafy veggies (e.g. watercress and kale), cereals, meat, dried raisins, and pulses (e.g. lentils, peas, and beans). You should also aim to consume less milk and dairy, tea and coffee, as well as wholegrain cereals, because they make it harder for your body to absorb iron. If left untreated, anemia can affect your immune system and may even lead to heart failure.

The woman shared some more information in the comments of her post

Here’s how the internet reacted after people read her story

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