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In a 2018 Times opinion essay 'The Boys Are Not All Right,' American actor, comedian, and writer Michael Ian Black wrote: "The past 50 years have redefined what it means to be female in America. Girls today are told that they can do anything, be anyone. They've absorbed the message: They're outperforming boys in school at every level. But it isn't just about performance. To be a girl today is to be the beneficiary of decades of conversation about the complexities of womanhood, its many forms and expressions."
"Boys, though, have been left behind. No commensurate movement has emerged to help them navigate toward a full expression of their gender. It's no longer enough to 'be a man' — we no longer even know what that means."
Also, surveys from around the world find that males everywhere are reluctant to talk about their mental health and are far more likely to die by suicide than females.
Interested in the everyday implications of this, Reddit user Workdncsheets posted a question on the platform, asking "What are some things that are normal to men but mind-blowing to women?" and it immediately went viral. Here are some of the most popular replies among the 2.8K comments they've received.
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#1
I'm 39. I started down an entirely new career path in mid-January. I've had horrible imposter syndrome since day 1 but the new job feels good. My boss (who happens to be a woman) sent me the nicest most complimentary email thanking me for being such a good addition to the team and I sincerely cried because in all my years in the workforce nobody has ever appreciated me so much. I imagine to her it was just one of those things a good boss does - "hey, my employee did a good job, I should tell them!" I sent it to my dad when he asked me how the new job was going. Even HE cried out of pride. Men don't get compliments, and when we do, we really feel it.
Doctor Strange 8 months ago
Men don't get compliments. I can remember the last time I got an unsolicited compliment on my looks. I remember it clear as day. I was 6 years old. I'm 40 now.
#2
Two guy friends could spend the afternoon together, have a grand time, come home, and have their respective wives be absolutely bewildered that they didn’t learn anything about what’s going on in the other guy's life.
#3
The first time my wife showered with me she stops and says “it’s moving! Are you doing that? Why is it moving?” That was when I realized, if you don’t have a dong, you don’t know that they can move around as your testicles move, nor do you know that testicles move around all the time on their own. Particularly in an environment where the temperature is getting either hot or cold, like a shower. Balls move and balls itch. It’s what they do. And d***s have a mind of their own. Don’t ask me why it’s hard, I’ve been asking it that since I hit puberty.
ninjaTrashPandaBoom 8 months ago
Every boy has an embarrassing story or two of getting an erection at the worst possible time. Mine was doing a math problem at the chalkboard in class, BOING, guess who just woke up and decided to say hi to the world!
#4
Had a meetup with the boys for hours. not a single photo was taken.
Rocky Wheelwright 8 months ago
I wish everyone did this. Living your life through taking photos isn’t healthy. Be in the moment, don’t worry about your phone.
#5
Being single means no physical contact for extended periods. Or just me. I haven't been hugged in over 4 years. The last time I touched someone else was a handshake 5 months ago.
Multa Nocte 8 months ago
One of the things I love about living in France is all the bisous (kisses) that we (male and female) give and get in daily interactions.
#7
My wife continually asks me 'did anyone say anything about your shirt/hair/shoes/etc?'
No, no one says anything about my appearance.
#8
As a woman I can say something that blows my mind constantly about men is being able to leave the house with no bag. Just like keys and wallet in pockets. 0 inventory. Wild to me.
Kathy Richardson 8 months ago
I am a 59 year old woman and I discovered years ago the only thing I need is my wallet. Still have purses, just never use them.
#9
From what I am constantly told - the size of our standard pants pockets is mind-blowing.
#10
Long car rides with another dude, nobody says anything and nobody is mad.
LaserBrain 8 months ago
It's not always necessary to fill the quiet spaces with words. Some people don't understand that.
#11
Men just naturally have a level of strength that surprises women. Testosterone is a hell of a d**g.
For example: my wife has been going to the gym for a while now. She's noticeably stronger now and it's awesome for her. I actually commented and complimented it the other night. But me, a dumpy 45 year old man whose exercise is walking and carrying groceries, I'm still stronger than her just because I'm a guy.
VOTE if you live in the USA 8 months ago
As a female weightlifter, this annoys and astonishes me to no end! Dudes are just strong. It's amazing.
#12
Erection =\= Aroused.
It boggles their mind that just cause a guy gets hard doesn’t mean he is ready to go. Sometimes it just…happens.
Dirk Daring 8 months ago
Also we're not always ready to pop a rod at the drop of a hat. We're not actually ready for intimate relations 100% of the time. I had a girlfriend who took it very personally and would get angry when I simply wasn't in the mood. It felt very demeaning to me.
#13
My friends who I haven't seen in YEARS went camping with me recently for four days. I got back and my wife asked me what's been going on in their lives. I pondered and said that I don't really know beyond some got married at some point, one had a kid but I don't know when, and that we mainly talked random stuff. One night we had ended up making a tier list of dipping sauces over three hours.
#14
In general (the men I know), discussing a partners body or intimate relationship details would be crossing a line and is at best weird, and at worst a betrayal.
#15
Having to suppress emotional responses, anxiety, depression otherwise being considered a loser, weak and worthless.
GettingCereal 8 months ago
Is this why so many men don't talk about their private lives with their friends? :-(
#16
We clean off s**t stuck to the inside of the toilet bowl when we p**s. It ain’t much but it’s honest work.
BoredPossum 8 months ago
Yep, universally used. It's like catching a ghost with a proton pack, you aim with the beam. But don't cross the beams.
#17
I don't remember the birthday of my best friend of 12 years. i just know its in January.
Dark Pearl 8 months ago
what is even the point of male friendships? none of you clearly know anything about each other and it seems to me that these connections aren't truly meaningful. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just genuinely confused
#18
The expectation to help in certain situations, especially as a big guy.
I went to retirement party for a person I never met before (invited by a friend). Literally minutes after I showed up, some random lady came up to me and *told* me to come with her because she needed something carried somewhere.
After I helped the woman above, I remember my (female) friend was kinda surprised that this woman just demanded I help her, without knowing who I was at all. I don't mind helping. On some level it's nice (?) knowing that I look strong enough to help people do things they physically can't. But this happens ALL. THE. TIME. Which also surprised her.
PHOTOBOB 8 months ago
I can't count the number of times I have helped women in stores reach things because I am tall. Just the other day in the grocery store a woman said "excuse me...". I looked and just said "the blue one?". She was surprised that I did not mind helping. Lady. You would not believe how many times I have done this.
#19
That we don’t socialize/talk/bond with other guys in the bathroom.
No talking in the bathroom. You go in, take care of business, wash your hands, and get out.
No standing next to another dude at the urinal unless you have no choice.
Women’s behavior in the bathroom is considerably different than men’s behavior, or so I’ve been told.
#20
My female friends don’t roast each other like I do with my friends. It’s all in good fun, but I can’t joke with them like I do with my male friends.
Indosidius 8 months ago
As a man, I noticed that women can be...... sensitive..... about roasting. They take it very personal. So I don't roast them. Then they complain that I am different with them than with my male friends. So I roast them, then they get all offended and tell me to not be so personal. I think women are doing it to unbalance men, and I will die on this hill
#21
How much stress some of us feel trying to be providers.
Which probably isn't mind-blowing to single mothers.
#22
Apparently just thinking of ”nothing”. Total zoning out.
#23
The complete f*****g mystery that is flirting.
The anxiety of approaching someone you're interested in and making the first move. Straight women act like it's nothing but I have known Bi women who get as anxious as any man who approaches a woman.
Getting kicked in the balls.
Knowing that when you shake hands with another man that when he squeezes your hand he is sizing you up. Deciding whether or not he could take you in a fight.
Understanding that being told "be yourself" is the equivalent for women of "he'll like you for your personality".
If you see a woman, let's say at work, openly crying she may be having anything from a tough day to having suffered a serious personal loss. Where as if you see a man doing this at work he's probably 6 minutes from s*****e. Not having the freedom to cry is so worked into the concept of manhood that most men can't even when they want to.
BoredPossum 8 months ago
I agree with everything except the handshake. A handshake tells me if the person is nice, trustworthy, considering himself above, below or equal to me, and if he is an a$$hat or not.
v 8 months ago
So...except for the fight part of it, you're using a handshake to size the other person up.
Load More Replies...
keyboardtek 8 months ago
That sizing up to see if they can take you in a fight is generally gone once a normal male gets past puberty. If that is still happening as an adult, you must be in MAGA land.
Did I say that out loud? (he/him)cis/het 8 months ago
The important word being "normal."
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Jessica Shookhoff 8 months ago
What's so weird, is that men crying being considered 'weak' is a relatively recent development. "[T]he gender gap in crying seems to be a recent development. Historical and literary evidence suggests that, in the past, not only did men cry in public, but no one saw it as feminine or shameful." Maybe the only way to really change this is for men who have sons, when they cry, comfort and support them, and don't do to them what was done to you? But women also really need to support boys and men when they cry and not be judgy, shaming, or turn a blind eye to it. https://aeon.co/essays/whatever-happened-to-the-noble-art-of-the-manly-weep
Trophy Husband 8 months ago
My uncle is a farmer who has the strongest grip I have ever felt. As a kid, my hand would hurt for hours. I don't always remember to get firmly, not that I can't (well, I can't do it like my uncle, but you know), but I'll just forget to do it. So if I'm meeting someone new at work, I try to remind myself.
Jaybird3939 7 months ago
Watched one of those "men having period pain machines" shows. Cranked up to 8 maybe 9, the guy said that was worse than being kicked in the balls. As someone with endometriosis, I think I'd be able to handle a pretty high number, but I thought that was interesting.
Stephanie Barr 7 months ago
Depriving men of the expression of non-anger emotions has really done considerable harm.
Albert Roberts 8 months ago
What's the point of getting someone if you're not being yourself? Who do they love then? Not you.
Donna Peluda 8 months ago
I don´t get the hand shake bit. And yes girls if we seem a bit clumsy and tongue tied we really like you. It easy to approach a woman if you are not to bothered about.
Tim Crowhurst 8 months ago
While some men not crying is a social pressure thing, for others it's a biological thing triggered by puberty - i.e. increased testosterone sometimes blocks the ability to cry. It doesn't shut down the tear ducts (I still cry when I'm chopping onions, when my hayfever is bad, etc.) or stop other physiological responses to those emotions (we still get choked up) but the link between joy/sadness and crying is blocked. This was first identified by trans men, some of whom lose the ability to cry within a few weeks or months of testosterone therapy, and years after they started publicly identifying and living as men.
#24
My wife didn’t realize she’d been seeing this for years in various guys until she asked me what it was. I call it the “Howdy Pardner” - when you realize one or both of the twins is stuck to your leg so you kinda haunch out like a cowboy walking with his spurs on for just a split second and everything unsticks.
#25
How disposable we feel. Like Chris Rock said, "Only women, children, and puppies are loved unconditionally ".
#26
Mainly mind blowing to my wife.
When something in the house breaks, needs repairing, repainting, generally attended to. I don't have an automatic man signal straight to my brain that tells me what to do.
I have to go away, watch YouTube videos, read methods, roam around B&Q for a solution. It takes failed attempts and roaming around the offending situation cursing to myself when no one around untill I either fix it. Or call another male via form of payment to fix it because I'm out of my depth.
My wife is under the impression her role is to identify something is wrong and just hand it to me because I will "know what to do".
#27
Struggling to do something in public and no one coming over to assist you.
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
Sadly, attractive people get customer service, the rest of us struggle along.
#28
Living in an apartment with a tv and no furniture. Lol!!!
#29
Saying that you are or being sad and being completely ignored. Getting zero likes on social media for a post.
#30
Going a long period of time without sex or a relationship. For some reason, women think it's easy for men to find someone. They think there is someone out there that would do it or we can just pull women at will.
What do you think ?
Gustav Gallifrey 8 months ago (edited)
When, at work, the subject of conversation turns to sex, and women are taking part in it it, any man with an ounce of sense has to immediately excuse himself and leave the vicinity. Because, one day, one of those ladies may take a dislike to that man, and all she has to do is say 'sexual harassment' and he's guilty until proven innocent (and the label will probably still linger, anyway). For him to have taken part in that discussion, even to have remained within hearing distance of it, will just be another bit of 'evidence' for the case against him.
BookFanatic 8 months ago
Yes. For a while there was one man who worked in our 17-person department. He said it was exhausting having to constantly have to rethink every word out of his mouth & double- and triple-check his interactions with us. Looking back, I'm not sure if we were a bunch of over-reacting ovary owners...or he was being cautious.
Load More Replies...
Mike F 8 months ago
This was cool overall, but, as usual, 1 or 2 individuals have to weigh in with something nasty to say. Jiminy Cricket, can't some folks just STFU and enjoy a post without making it a battle of the sexes, US vs the world, or some other cr@p? Lighten up people and stop looking for axes to grind.
kathleen pool 8 months ago
Seems like a lot of one-upmanship. We just have differences, it doesn't always have to be about "I have it worse than you do"
Load More Replies... Jessica Shookhoff 8 months ago
This whole post, overall made me sad. It doesn't mean there isn't still a lot of discrimination against women, cause there is (as in, only~2.5% of reported rapes result in a conviction and jail time or that women who get divorced are much less financially secure than men; "the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/; etc) But it feels so wrong to still hear that men don't feel like they can cry. Or that they never really get compliments. I just feel really sad about that. Also, just fyi, men like flowers, too! I usually get my partners sunflowers or tulips and they always seem to really like the gesture. Just saying.
v 8 months ago
Do you see what you did? At least half of your post about being sad about how men are viewed by society doesn't even have anything to do with the topic of your own post.
Load More Replies... TheAmericanAmerican 8 months ago
For all my struggling brothers out there who don't know "how to be a man", just be like Uncle Iroh from The Las Airbender and life will improve
Guess Undheit 8 months ago (edited)
The most pathetic part about ALL of those statements is that they are afraid of doing ANYTHING that might be perceived as caring, emotional, courteous, or seen as ceding ground to others. They are TERRIFIED of being seen as anything but dominant, that it will somehow emasculate them to ask for help or defer to others. [ ............................... ] I watch a lot of car crash videos, and most of the crashes could be prevented if males were willing to let someone merge in front, or lift off the accelerator for half a second and concede the space to the other car. But no, they're all insecure and pathetic males who "think" they're being emasculated if they don't prove dominance. They would rather be stupid and crash than be seen as smart and "weak".
ColdSteelRonin 7 months ago
What you're describing is the average schmuck, not the average man although I will concede that there is overlap
Load More Replies...
Snow_White 8 months ago
I get the feel that the people commenting on here are on the same level as being an aggressive vegan who supports halal meat.
Snow_White 8 months ago
These poor men really been suffering from these horrendous problems all these years and no one offers any real support.
Gustav Gallifrey 8 months ago (edited)
When, at work, the subject of conversation turns to sex, and women are taking part in it it, any man with an ounce of sense has to immediately excuse himself and leave the vicinity. Because, one day, one of those ladies may take a dislike to that man, and all she has to do is say 'sexual harassment' and he's guilty until proven innocent (and the label will probably still linger, anyway). For him to have taken part in that discussion, even to have remained within hearing distance of it, will just be another bit of 'evidence' for the case against him.
BookFanatic 8 months ago
Yes. For a while there was one man who worked in our 17-person department. He said it was exhausting having to constantly have to rethink every word out of his mouth & double- and triple-check his interactions with us. Looking back, I'm not sure if we were a bunch of over-reacting ovary owners...or he was being cautious.
Load More Replies... Mike F 8 months ago
This was cool overall, but, as usual, 1 or 2 individuals have to weigh in with something nasty to say. Jiminy Cricket, can't some folks just STFU and enjoy a post without making it a battle of the sexes, US vs the world, or some other cr@p? Lighten up people and stop looking for axes to grind.
kathleen pool 8 months ago
Seems like a lot of one-upmanship. We just have differences, it doesn't always have to be about "I have it worse than you do"
Load More Replies... Jessica Shookhoff 8 months ago
This whole post, overall made me sad. It doesn't mean there isn't still a lot of discrimination against women, cause there is (as in, only~2.5% of reported rapes result in a conviction and jail time or that women who get divorced are much less financially secure than men; "the key domain in which large and persistent gender differences emerged were women’s disproportionate losses in household income and associated increases in their risk of poverty and single parenting. Taken together, these findings suggest that men’s disproportionate strain of divorce is transient, whereas women’s is chronic." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/; etc) But it feels so wrong to still hear that men don't feel like they can cry. Or that they never really get compliments. I just feel really sad about that. Also, just fyi, men like flowers, too! I usually get my partners sunflowers or tulips and they always seem to really like the gesture. Just saying.
v 8 months ago
Do you see what you did? At least half of your post about being sad about how men are viewed by society doesn't even have anything to do with the topic of your own post.
Load More Replies... TheAmericanAmerican 8 months ago
For all my struggling brothers out there who don't know "how to be a man", just be like Uncle Iroh from The Las Airbender and life will improve
Guess Undheit 8 months ago (edited)
The most pathetic part about ALL of those statements is that they are afraid of doing ANYTHING that might be perceived as caring, emotional, courteous, or seen as ceding ground to others. They are TERRIFIED of being seen as anything but dominant, that it will somehow emasculate them to ask for help or defer to others. [ ............................... ] I watch a lot of car crash videos, and most of the crashes could be prevented if males were willing to let someone merge in front, or lift off the accelerator for half a second and concede the space to the other car. But no, they're all insecure and pathetic males who "think" they're being emasculated if they don't prove dominance. They would rather be stupid and crash than be seen as smart and "weak".
ColdSteelRonin 7 months ago
What you're describing is the average schmuck, not the average man although I will concede that there is overlap
Load More Replies... Snow_White 8 months ago
I get the feel that the people commenting on here are on the same level as being an aggressive vegan who supports halal meat.
Snow_White 8 months ago
These poor men really been suffering from these horrendous problems all these years and no one offers any real support.
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