Birthdays are meant to be fun! They’re an excuse to celebrate someone you love and care about, not to mention eat lots of cake, completely guilt-free. What birthdays should not be is an attempt to judge or shame someone about their lack of fitness. If you humiliate someone, you probably won’t be invited to many parties in the future, even if you might have more or less good intentions.

The last thing you want to do is make someone feel conscious about their weight on a happy day such as this. Unfortunately, not everyone has that much common sense. Internet user u/Sensitive-Table-928, who just turned 18, asked the AITA community for some impartial advice about a spot of recent family drama. She shared how she refused to accept a gift from her aunt who very openly fat-shamed her in front of the entire family. Read on for the full story.

Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.

Trying to force someone into losing weight is likely to backfire. It can also lead to a lot of embarrassing moments if it happens in public

Image credits: Andres Ayrton / pexels (not the actual photo)

A young woman opened up about how her aunt fat-shamed her on her 18th birthday with a very inappropriate gift

Image credits: Lance Reis / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Sensitive-Table-928

Nobody can shame you into living a healthy lifestyle. It’s something that you should want for yourself, with specific goals in mind

Image credits:  Tirachard Kumtanom / pexels (not the actual photo)

Health, fitness, dieting, and weight are all very sensitive topics. The CDC reports that obesity is linked to a greater risk of diseases and conditions like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, joint problems, cancer, stroke, depression, and anxiety.

While there are general guidelines for living a higher-quality, healthier, happier, and more energetic life, there’s also a lot of variation. What works wonderfully for one person might not work for another because our bodies are quite different. A good rule of thumb is to listen to your body’s genuine needs and to never force someone to do anything against their will.

Previously, a personal trainer and physiotherapist explained to Bored Panda that it’s vital that we accept and embrace ourselves as we are right now. He told us during an earlier interview that nobody should be forced to follow a healthy lifestyle. That willingness to live healthily should come from within.

“If you’re constantly angry, tired, and you’re low on energy—it’s an issue,” the trainer said. “Usually, our unhealthy habits are a result of constant stress and our behavior that’s meant to protect us from it. If we would have an honest chat with ourselves, we’d clearly see that we’re dissatisfied with ourselves only when we feel that we’re using our bad habits to cover our emotions.”

The health and fitness expert said that if we accept that we’re not perfect, we’re then not pressured to change. “That’s when you start developing a natural desire and curiosity to find out what the best possible version of you is,” he told us.

Body neutrality rather than body positivity might be the healthier and more grounded alternative

Meanwhile, Eva Wiseman argues in a piece in the Guardian that there should be a push for body neutrality rather than body positivity. The former leads to a much more realistic, healthier relationship with ourselves. It’s peace with our bodies that we should look for rather than constantly dealing with a sense of guilt that we’re not loving ourselves enough.

“While the body positivity movement celebrates all bodies that spill over the waistband of what is currently acceptable, it fails to illuminate the reasons why so many people have such bitter and violent relationships with their bodies to begin with,” she writes.

“By skipping those sticky conversations, ones that reach into the offal of politics and families, and the day-to-day existence of being a fat person in the world and instead leaping straight to the friendly hashtag, complete with women detailing their own blessed journeys towards inner beauty, it heaves all responsibility for feeling better about one’s body on to the shoulders of the person within it,” Wiseman argues.

“‘Everybody’s beautiful, and all bodies are perfect!’ said 2019, to a small murmur from those pointing out that the workplace, Tinder, fashion, and health professionals disagree. The effect, then, was a feeling of isolation, and a doubling of guilt. Guilt both for living in a body that doesn’t fit and for wanting to change it.”

It’s very important that you talk to your doctor before making any drastic lifestyle changes

Image credits: Thirdman / pexels (not the actual photo)

If you do decide to live a healthier lifestyle, it should be your choice, not out of pressure from annoying and preachy relatives. It’s one thing to wish someone well, it’s another to belittle and shame them. The latter is unhealthy and is, ironically, more likely to push someone away.

Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about any changes that you might wish to make in your life. They’ll be able to give you some practical advice or refer you to another specialist who’s an expert in diet and fitness.

A good approach is to view your fitness journey as a gradual change in lifestyle. It’s something that will take years of incremental change. Your fitness goals can be very individual. But generally speaking, some of the most popular ones include having more energy, being more confident, not feeling winded, having fewer health problems, looking more attractive (by one’s own standards), etc.

Being fit means that you’re able to take advantage of more opportunities that life throws at you. Say, if someone invites you to go hiking, swimming, or dancing, you’re no longer as self-conscious as before.

What’s also important is social fitness, not just physical fitness

Generally speaking, it’s best to stay away from processed foods, junk food, sugary snacks, soda, nicotine, and alcohol. Everyone’s diet is going to look different. But you might want to consider drinking more water, and eating more varied fruits, vegetables, and legumes. You might also aim to have more seafood in your daily diet (hello, omega-3 fatty acids!).

Exercise-wise, it’s vital to listen to your body. If you find some activities that you genuinely love doing, stick to those! You don’t have to lift weights if you hate it with a fiery fury, unlike yoga. Nor do you have to play tennis when you’d rather swim laps or go for long walks out in nature.

However, a high-quality life isn’t just about what you eat and how you move. Research shows that investing in our positive relationships is what keeps us living happily and healthy for a long time. Simply put, it’s these relationships that make us more resilient to stress.

So, a large part of healthy living isn’t just about weight—it’s also about social fitness. It’s about intentionally connecting with people who have our interests at heart, rather than those who constantly make us feel horrible.

Most readers were very supportive of the author. Here’s what they told her

Some internet users were genuinely concerned about the young woman’s health

Others were a bit more blunt with their advice. Here’s their perspective

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