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42
New Couple In Town Expects Warm Welcome, Neighbors Remind Them They’re Not In A Hallmark Movie
Interview With Expert
Owning a little house in the countryside—sounds like a dream, right? Beautiful views, peace and quiet, and a close-knit community where everyone looks out for each other.
That’s exactly what one couple from London had in mind when they bought a holiday home by the sea. Eager to settle in, they went out of their way to meet every neighbor and made as many friends as possible.
But life isn’t quite like a Hallmark movie, and their over-the-top enthusiasm didn’t land well. Now, the locals aren’t sure what to do with this family they can’t stand.
Read on for the full story and expert advice from world-leading etiquette consultant Jo Hayes on the dos and don’ts of getting along with neighbors.
More info: Mumsnet
A couple from London bought a new home and made it their mission to befriend every neighbor
Image credits: halfpoint / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
But life isn’t a Hallmark movie, and their over-the-top enthusiasm didn’t land well
Image credits: benzoix / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: IMustConfess
Expert advice
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda spoke with Jo Hayes, a world-leading etiquette expert, consultant, lifestyle commentator, and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, for her perspective on the matter.
“While I appreciate the sincerity and initiative of this couple, it seems they’re coming on a bit too hard, too fast, in their efforts to establish connections and community in this village,†Hayes told us. “When it comes to building relationships, easy does it.â€
“Anything that feels overly pushy or forceful puts people off,†she said.
Hayes noted that rural villages like these are often home to residents who have lived there for decades—or, in some cases, their entire lives. These communities typically have long-standing friendships, established customs, and unspoken norms for how things are done.
As a result, they can be cautious—if not outright wary—of newcomers, especially those who arrive with too much enthusiasm.
In this case, the etiquette expert recommends approaching the locals at a reasonable, gradual pace.
Start small. Introduce yourself to just a few neighbors, perhaps two or three, and ask about local events or activities. “But don’t behave in a way that suggests you expect to become best friends with everyone in a week,†Hayes advised.
“Authentic connections and a sense of community take time,†she added. “Once you’ve been part of the area for a while and have naturally established rapport with others, that’s the time to consider hosting a dinner party or gathering with a few locals.â€
Remember to maintain healthy boundaries. “Don’t expect neighbors to hand over their mobile numbers immediately,†Hayes said. “If and when you’ve built enough of a connection to swap numbers, don’t abuse that privilege—text or call only sparingly.â€
“Don’t do things like this woman did—messaging her neighbor to let them know she’s arrived safely. That kind of behavior implies a level of closeness that isn’t there and feels like an overstep of boundaries.â€
A friendly wave while passing on the street is perfectly neighborly. There’s no need to stop and chat every time you cross paths.
“Use common sense, common wisdom, and intuition to gauge the feel of neighbors and the town,†Hayes concluded. “Again, go gently. Gale-force winds destroy things. A gentle breeze is pleasant and makes people feel safe and comfortable. Aim to be the gentle breeze.â€
While some readers thought the couple came on too strong, others felt they should have been given a chance
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What do you think ?
Chich 1 week ago
You live in a quiet community because you want a quiet life. You are choosy about who you befriend and take your time about it. The last thing you want is for someone to push themselves on you (no matter how well meaning) and you become a tour guide and/or everyone ostracizes you along with them if they are too pushy.
María Hermida 1 week ago
That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm an introvert. I want a quiet life. If I wanted to live in a city and have a thousand activities, I'd move to a big city. I've actually lived in big cities in three different continents and I know for sure I don't like that lifestyle. I'm planning to move to my parents' village, where you can take the dogs for a walk in the woods for two hours and bump into nobody, or just one or two people. The last thing I want is a pushy neighbour who's knocking on my door all day and talks endlessly. Sorry, if you want entertainment go somewhere else. Don't take me wrong. If you need help or there's an emergency, do knock on my door, any day, any time. Day or night. But just for a chat? Five minutes every now and then, fine. Every day? Don't count on me.
Load More Replies...
Two_rolling_black_eyes 1 week ago (edited)
No one else owes you entertainment. The newbies need to respect that friendship and community is earned, not granted. This is adulthood and precious free time should not be wasted. Go to the pub. If you hit it off with someone, invite them to something. Accept a no. You can try again another day if you earn more trust. Never invite yourself into their lives. If I invited you to my book club and you demanded we change the time because you might attend 20% of the sessions, you are never invited back.
VW Panda 1 week ago (edited)
Spot on. Try actually doing something for the community based on your understanding of what is most valued in that community, and not expecting to glom on to others.Stop treating everyone like service workers fawning over your wealth and privilege.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 1 week ago
I guess maybe there’s a happy medium that people need to find, when it comes to being the new kids in town. Don’t be overbearing, but do be friendly. Just don’t latch on to someone and make them your tour guide who arranges their entertainment and introduces them to everyone else in town. I guess just move in, do your own thing, check with city hall or the local paper to see if they have a calendar of local events, take long walks to explore the area, introduce yourself, and just be normally pleasant and friendly. If people take a liking to you, great. If they don’t, oh well. Just be yourself, toned down if necessary, and give it some time. Small town people live at a slower pace than city people. If you come on too strong too fast, they will recoil from you, and you might never be accepted.
Chich 1 week ago
You live in a quiet community because you want a quiet life. You are choosy about who you befriend and take your time about it. The last thing you want is for someone to push themselves on you (no matter how well meaning) and you become a tour guide and/or everyone ostracizes you along with them if they are too pushy.
María Hermida 1 week ago
That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm an introvert. I want a quiet life. If I wanted to live in a city and have a thousand activities, I'd move to a big city. I've actually lived in big cities in three different continents and I know for sure I don't like that lifestyle. I'm planning to move to my parents' village, where you can take the dogs for a walk in the woods for two hours and bump into nobody, or just one or two people. The last thing I want is a pushy neighbour who's knocking on my door all day and talks endlessly. Sorry, if you want entertainment go somewhere else. Don't take me wrong. If you need help or there's an emergency, do knock on my door, any day, any time. Day or night. But just for a chat? Five minutes every now and then, fine. Every day? Don't count on me.
Load More Replies... Two_rolling_black_eyes 1 week ago (edited)
No one else owes you entertainment. The newbies need to respect that friendship and community is earned, not granted. This is adulthood and precious free time should not be wasted. Go to the pub. If you hit it off with someone, invite them to something. Accept a no. You can try again another day if you earn more trust. Never invite yourself into their lives. If I invited you to my book club and you demanded we change the time because you might attend 20% of the sessions, you are never invited back.
VW Panda 1 week ago (edited)
Spot on. Try actually doing something for the community based on your understanding of what is most valued in that community, and not expecting to glom on to others.Stop treating everyone like service workers fawning over your wealth and privilege.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 1 week ago
I guess maybe there’s a happy medium that people need to find, when it comes to being the new kids in town. Don’t be overbearing, but do be friendly. Just don’t latch on to someone and make them your tour guide who arranges their entertainment and introduces them to everyone else in town. I guess just move in, do your own thing, check with city hall or the local paper to see if they have a calendar of local events, take long walks to explore the area, introduce yourself, and just be normally pleasant and friendly. If people take a liking to you, great. If they don’t, oh well. Just be yourself, toned down if necessary, and give it some time. Small town people live at a slower pace than city people. If you come on too strong too fast, they will recoil from you, and you might never be accepted.
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