NTA. Bride and groom have every right to the child-free, pet-free, pork-free, flip-flop-free, shoe-free (barefoot), tobacco-free, alcohol free, sugar-free, meat-free or vegan-free, pollen-free (flowerless), gluten free (flourless), clothing optional, selfie-free, indoor, outdoor, underground, or in-flight wedding of their dreams. Bride and groom have good reason to expect any invitee who attends to follow the rules, but no reason to expect -- and no right to demand -- that invitees who can't or don't want to follow your rules, attend -- not even if she's your sister. And please, kind readers, no matter who I.D. as the AH, can we all quit using our outside voice to suggestanybody can "just get a sitter"? It dbecause it's pretty much the the problem: t

My God what is wrong with her sister? Her unborn child's Father passed before she found out she was pregnant? And she's denying any compromise OP is trying to come up with too! I 100% respect child free weddings but at 5 months old, the baby won't be much of an issue. If anything that's one of the happiest stages of a newborns first year of life! And everyone will want to hold it and help out, imo. Maybe the Bride is worried that the baby will take the focus away from her? Either if OP reads Bored Panda she's NTA at all. But her Bridezilla sister is!

Child-free weddings are not odd here in the Netherlands too. However there might be a kid or two from an Important Person, like a sister. Or from someone who can't or won't get a sitter. You ask the couple if they agree, you comfort them by promising that in case of crying you will leave, something like that. Yes you can accept your sisters kid of 5 months but decline your cousins/friends kids. It's your wedding and it makes sense.

Her unborn child is really the only link she still has with her late husband so I can understand that her anxiety might be more intense. Saying that, 5 months is too young to be left with a sitter especially if baby is breast-fed, some babies will never accept a bottle and only boobs will do. If her sister calms down enough to accept the situation, OP could write a speech and either have someone else read it or film it as another person suggested.

Babies are cooler than weddings 😎

Anyone else feel sad that her husband passed away before she knew she was pregnant?

Stay home with your baby. Don't enroll in the drama.

So sister wants a child-free wedding but expects a new mother to attend without her baby. Props to OP for gracefully declining the invite. Usually in these scenarios it's always that the mother is trying to persuade the bride/groom to let them bring their kids.

I feel for this mom. It wasn't that long ago her husband passed away and then the emotional toll she must have endured finding out she's pregnant with his baby after the fact. Of course she's not going to want to part with her baby so soon for any given time. Pretty selfish of the sister to not consider her offer to stay home. Weddings are weird. It's like the Bride and Groom plan them like the people who they invited have never met them before, what with how hard they try to impress the people who know them on daily basis. Js. It's weird. And the children of the people invited are often part of the family. I get kids can be a pain but to each their own, I guess. The mom-to-be is definitely NTA. The sister is being an unreasonable, unrelenting AH.

Or, you know, wait until you get to that point. She's already deciding she doesn't want to do something before ever experiencing it. As a single parent five months in, she might be really happy to have a "grown up" outing. I think no one is the ah here. Her sister has every right to be upset her sister won't be at the wedding, despite the reason. And she shouldn't decide how she's going to feel about leaving her child after months when it's not even born yet. She might have met a very trustworthy person before then that she feels comfortable with having babysit. She's crossing that bridge WAY too early.

Your husband passed before you knew you were pregnant? And sis wants to play bridezilla with a now single pregnant mommy to be? Who's child will only be 5 months at the time of the wedding? And poor kid will never know it's daddy? But bridezilla???????? OOF!

OP is just being a responsible mother, Given what she's been through she will be an amazing Mother. Sis needs to grow up and realize that not everyone's lives revolve around her. Have her dream wedding fine, but should not expect everyone to drop everything for her. Sis is literally asking OP to choose between her and OPs own baby. Sounds like Sis might have some jealousy issues, and is being an immature jerk. I have two kids and no way would I ever leave them with someone I did not personally know and trust. Just because sis friends know some sitters does not mean sitters are known well enough by OP. OPs first responsibility is to her baby, especially as her husband has passed. This makes her baby all the more precious to her. Good for OP for standing up for her child.

If the baby does not have a father, then you're NTA. If the baby has a father then a very soft YTA. If it was me, I would leave my baby to her father and go to the wedding. I would give my speech, stay for the first dance and go home. No drama, no problem.

I would ask the sister to put herself in my shoes. Because the husband has sadly passed on, this child’s existence will mean more. It seems like the bride is a selfish person at heart. To ask your sister to leave the only part of her husband she has left, just so all the attention can be on you is absolutely disgusting. I honestly wouldn’t go either. But I know my sister would never do that. Family is more important to us than one super expensive party.

Everyone sounds pretty dramatic and selfish here. The Bride for not considering her sister's valid concerns and that she lost her partner and needs extra consideration. And imho the sister for immediately declining. The baby is not here yet. You don't even know if you will have a caregiver you trust more than your own mother by then. OP must have friends. 5 months in things might be a different story. I can see saying, "It is unlikely I will make it but I'm going to try my hardest. I will RSVP as late as feasible to give time to arrange care that isn't too nerve wracking ..." But just ducking out? Hurtful. Annnnnd the bride needs to accept that OP might not make it.

NTA, but leave open the possibility of changing your mind, not all pregnancies are successful. (My daughter's best friend's first pregnancy was stillborn.)

My niece attended my daughter's wedding and never mentioned bringing her 4 kids plus 7 month old infant. During the ceremony infant crying so officiant is shouting out so all can hear. Druring reception the 4 older kids running around, unsuprevised, loud, etc. Less concern was on the reception but as a once in a lifetime event, don't being infants, or walk out if they begin to cry. On the bride's part you can't insist your guests come if they have child concerns. Lastly, myself having 6 children, who can't hire a babysitter for 3 hours for the 5 month old? People do work these days and can manage all day child care so 3 hours leaving baby at a babysitter isn't that much. Yes, the father passed away, so she does not have yo attend, but maybe recognizing she can have fun and has a loving sister is helpful, too. I went to a wedding a few weeks after burying a child, and it was good to get me out with people.

Huh. Last week we had one on a bride enforcing no-child and her sister might not come. I wonder if these are the same ladies? 😂

I don’t understand how brides get upset when they have “rules” and people can’t attend because of them. Like I’m sorry I’m not hiring a sitter. I have 3 kids and still don’t feel safe leaving any of them with a sitter. I lost 4 pregnancies and I’m not about to put my kids into a situation that could be unsafe. I can’t even trust my own younger sister to watch them. So that’s a no. If my kids can go I’m not attending or my husband is staying. This being said I also had two premature kids and both had been failure to thrive and had strict feeding schedules. You cant plan or predict anything about babies, you can try but there is no guarantee her baby will not have issues or need extra care like mine did. So sister is Nta and bride is the ah only for being so inflexible about things. I would have NEVER left my firstborn with anyone aside from my mom my mil or my husband and I barely did that until he was 2. And my husband was in ICU while I had a newborn. So yeah, Nta.

Bride can't make an exception for her SISTER, who will have a NEWBORN, (which is her NIECE), and who JUST LOST HER HUSBAND, or at the very least, understand why she can't come! This bride-zilla belongs up there with some of the greats.

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That marriage lasted maybe a year, btw. They both went on to marry a couple more times...

I've read the stories of toddlers brought to childfree weddings and I genuinely believe that OP made the right choice.

Sister being completely unreasonable.

A 5 month old is NOT a newborn. Show some respect for the couples wishes and some love for your sister. Get a babysitter for a few hours. your child will be fine. Stop overthinking and coddling the kid. You will actually be a better parent in the long run after a fun filled night out away from the kid.

You are not wrong for anything you said your sister isn't an a*****e but she sure is being a total bridezilla no one is supposed to leave a 5-month-old baby at all it doesn't matter if you got a sitter or it's the grandparents that's flat out wrong this is bonding time for the mother and the child your sister should be a little bit more understanding about that but she wants the wedding she wants okay but you're not going to be able to have it with your sister

NTA, and this is absolutely ridiculous! Every baby is different and every parent is different. Some may have no problem going out for a few hours or even an overnight, some would be an absolute mess of anxiety the entire time. My baby will be 12 months old when my brother gets married, and I literally went out of my way to make sure he knew we would not have our feelings hurt if they wanted a child free wedding because it's about them, not my baby! Totally okay to not want a baby there, also totally okay to decline to go if you need to be with your baby elsewhere. People be crazy.

Ugh! Weddings. A special day? Sure! THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND YOU'RE GONNA FREAK OUT IF EVERYTHING ISN'T "PERFECT"? If this is your attitude about one quick, totally unoriginal ceremony followed by one even less original party (reception) then your head is so far up your a** you've gone blind.

Yet another made up story to get social media attention. Hope it works for you. Not sure what the point is.

I get the child free wedding but seems there should be a "newborn" exception. Basically if the kid can't really walk yet then it's ok to bring them.