Who pays the bill and how it’s split are questions that have long plagued everyone from a couple on a date to large groups. It’s possible to see just how mature a group is by gauging their willingness to be flexible with getting the tab at the end of a meal. Unfortunately, social conventions, miscommunication and outright greed can all show up to ruin everyone’s time.

A woman shared an unfortunate experience with a friend’s new boyfriend. Despite always getting a separate bill for over a decade due to dietary restrictions, she was called a cheapskate and even yelled at by the newcomer, even though she ordered considerably less.

People with dietary or religious eating restrictions should feel comfortable getting a separate bill

Image credits: fauxels (not the actual image)

A woman shared the time she was yelled at by a newcomer to her group over asking for a separate bill, despite it being her custom for a decade

Image credits: Clay Banks (not the actual image)

Image credits: Gustavo fring (not the actual image)

Image credits: throwrasplits

Bill etiquette seems like something that we should have figured out a long time ago

While it will differ from culture to culture and group to group, modern norms dictate that, outside of a date, the assumed default is a separate bill for each party. While OP’s circumstances are not fully disclosed, it does seem like the new boyfriend waltzed into an established group and assumed his own expectations would be met. This is the charitable explanation. The other is that he would simply eat and, importantly for this story, drink a lot, then approach the group with a fait accompli, hoping that no one would raise a scene in the restaurant. For those unfamiliar, this French phrase is used when a person is presented not with an option, but a “done deal,” and simply has to accept it.

Now, money is an important subject, but it seems the new boyfriend, who should just be happy to be included, is trying to cause a rift in the group to save a bit of money. To his credit (a minuscule amount) he is at least not demanding that someone else pay for him entirely. However, he is putting his new girlfriend in an unfortunate position where she will probably have to choose between him and the group. Setting aside that he is clearly in the wrong and likely ended up dumped, his “attack” on the group is almost as an egregious fault. Studies show that eating together is very closely tied to the strength of social bonds in a group. To speculate a bit, this group may have even been together that long because they regularly “broke bread” together.

Image credits: fauxels (not the actual image)

A minor cost like a restaurant bill can spiral into interpersonal drama

Indeed, insistence on an even split, particularly one pushed for at the very end of the meal, seems to be the purview of people who really wanted to order the most expensive items. This is an unfortunate, life experience so common that it even shows up in sitcoms, like the episode of Friends dedicated to a dispute over who pays for what. Some researchers do argue that the social and mental costs of calculating the bill, divvying up tips, and potentially appearing stingy might all be enough to dissuade someone from actually insisting on a separate bill. However, like in many cases, communication is key. Adults should be able to decide beforehand how people will handle paying and plan accordingly.

In 2023, there are no excuses to argue against calculating a separate bill. Setting aside the fact that it involves some relatively rudimentary arithmetic, nearly all of us have calculators on our phones. There are even apps that will crunch all the numbers for you. Integrate it with, for example, Siri, and you barely have to lift a mental finger. More importantly, what does it say about a person who won’t do slightly harder math (compared to splitting the bill evenly, which is also just math,) and instead will cause a scene and create interpersonal drama? At the end of the day, we can all eat alone, going to a restaurant with friends is about the company, not a way to gain sustenance efficiently.

Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual image)

Commenters sided with the woman and hoped that the boyfriend would soon be relegated to ex-boyfriend

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