ADVERTISEMENT

Common sense isn’t common. It really isn’t. The people who most intimately know how true this adage is are doctors and healthcare professionals. In their line of work, even grown-up patients can’t be expected to act, well, like grown-ups.

Adults don’t always behave rationally, and sometimes, common sense leaves them completely to go on a two-week all-expenses-paid vacation to Bermuda. Because it’s fun to learn what glaring flaws other adults have, here’s a list of the best things doctors never thought they’d have to tell other grown-ups. So scroll down, and upvote the best responses, and let us know which ones are your favorites.

When you’ve read through this list, check out Bored Panda’s previous articles about a coloring book for grown-ups, the best Halloween costume ideas for grown-up kids, and how a mom made her kids apply for household chores like you’d apply for jobs.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

My first job after graduating high school involved instrument sterilization at a dental office. One day an elderly woman came in with a complaint of chronic halitosis (bad breath) and stomach problems. Standard procedure for admitting a new patient is to take x rays after removing all metals from the neck and up. The woman carefully pulled out her jewelry and hair pins and the panoramic x-ray was taken and quickly developed. With the imagery in hand, the tech noticed that the woman had not removed her upper denture. The tech returned to the room and let the patient know that she had accidentally left her dentures in and that the x-ray would have to be re-done. At this point the woman expressed confusion about taking out her dentures, the creeping horror set in once the tech realized that the patient had never removed her dentures from her mouth for several years. Our dentist came into the room and explained proper denture care with her before explaining that he needed to have a look give them the circumstances... he pulled out the denture and discovered, to his horror, that the patient not only had maggots underneath the dentures in her mouth but that her hard palate had completely disintegrated. The miasma that swept through the office resulted in cancellations of all appointments for the rest of the day to ventilate the office and clean up all of the staff vomit....

Yes, you HAVE to wash your dentures daily!

AgonyInTheIrony Report

Final score:
259points
Add photo comments
POST
nhantran avatar
Nhan tran
Nhan tran
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the most horrific story I have ever read in my life. Way more horrific than horror stories

Vote comment up
26
26points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#2

You feel fine because you took your meds, not because you don't need them anymore.

PersonMcRealhuman Report

Final score:
249points
Add photo comments
POST
rubiphotographysandra avatar
Sandra Sanynka
Sandra Sanynka
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Classic beleive for the antidepressants ... Made it mistake too :(

Vote comment up
105
105points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#3

Yes, you smoking in your house is likely making your kid’s asthma worse.

BruteSquad610 Report

Final score:
229points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu

A recent Reddit thread about the most peculiar, obvious and common sense things healthcare professionals had to tell their patients received more than 26,600 upvotes and got over 11,900 comments. It’s pretty incredible how quickly the thread went viral, but it’s no surprise why it became so popular. I chuckled at how one doctor had to tell a patient that ‘probiotic’ and ‘antibiotic’ aren’t the same thing. Be sure to scroll down and check out our interview with Reddit user elleboes who made the Reddit thread in the first place.
#4

A couple instances come to mind.

1) Don’t have sex 6 hours after you delivered a baby.

2) Coffee creamer is not the same as infant formula. Please do not feed your day old newborn International Delight.

3) Probiotics are different from antibiotics. Probiotics do not cure syphilis.

Kaclassen Report

Final score:
225points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#5

I know you are trying to help but you don't do CPR on someone who is actively telling you to stop between compressions

Cl1mb3r Report

Final score:
225points
Add photo comments
POST
phil-lucas avatar
Lucas
Lucas
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF? How can someone know enough to do CPR and not know how to tell if a person is breathing or conscious - let alone TALKING?!!

Vote comment up
149
149points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#6

Jumping from a first floor balcony onto an alfresco dining shade umbrella below will not make you bounce up and down like you are on a trampoline. Instead your 100kg body will simply crash through the fabric onto the footpath below and break both your arms. You will not impress the ladies with this, like you originally intended - and besides, what exactly is a semi-obese man in his forties still doing trying to impress women like that?

(What I actually said to him, which encapsulated all of the above, was ''what part of you thought it was a good idea?", followed by ''and remind me how old you are again?").

OkeyDoke47 Report

Final score:
222points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

Patients can be a hassle to work with because even matter-of-fact things need to be explained to them. But that isn’t the only thing that bothers doctors. See, sometimes patients leave out some basic but very important information during doctors visits

ADVERTISEMENT
#7

No. I cannot tell the race of your baby on ultrasound. You’ll have to wait until birth to have an awkward conversation with one of your boyfriends.

sutherbb36 Report

Final score:
220points
Add photo comments
POST
callie-ffnet avatar
logical fallacy
logical fallacy
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Still better do a DNA test to be sure - oh wait, that'd mean telling the truth, can't have that.

Vote comment up
73
73points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#8

I was waiting to get my colonoscopy done a couple of years ago and they were asking the lady in the next station if she'd fasted. They went through all the questions and double checked that she had fasted, then after confirming, almost as an aside she throws in that she had oatmeal for breakfast that morning.

Nurse: Ma'am, fasting means you can't eat anything before the exam.

Lady: I know. But I always have oatmeal for breakfast.

Nurse: I understand. But you can't eat before this exam. The doctor has to look at your digestive system.

Lady: But oatmeal is good for digestion.

Nurse: You can't eat anything before this exam. You have to be completely fasted so he can look at your intestines.

Lady: But I always have oatmeal for breakfast.

PerilousAll Report

Final score:
215points
Add photo comments
POST
christian-crisetig avatar
ADHORTATOR
ADHORTATOR
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

last words of the lady lying on her deathbed..."...but....I....always.....have.....oatm......!"

Vote comment up
261
261points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
#9

My wife is an x-ray tech, and the advice she dispenses most often is "if it doesn't have a handle, don't stick it up your ass."

To be fair, she can't legally give medical advice, but that's some good general advice, right there.

MjolnirPants Report

Final score:
214points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

Best Life reveals that it’s important to let your doctor know if you spend lots of time in front of the computer screen, even if you’re embarrassed to tell them the real number. Furthermore, healthcare professionals really need to know if you’ve lost a lot of weight without trying, if you’re experiencing chest pains or if your poop is black.
#10

Children's oral antibiotics prescribed for ear infections (which are usually pink, sweet, fruit flavored liquids), are meant to be delivered into the mouth and NOT directly into the ear canal.

Yes. This happens. More often than you can imagine.

Contrariwise2 Report

Final score:
212points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#11

Primary Care Doc here, here’s a few of my favorite things I’ve had to tell patients

Please leave your marijuana/pipe/joint/paraphernalia in your vehicle or at home; don’t bring it to your appointment

You don’t need to bring a hunting knife to your appointment.

No I can’t write you a letter saying your rabbit is a service animal so you can fly it around the country with you for free.

Showing up drunk to an 8am appointment and asking me to prescribe you Xanax doesn’t get you Xanax

I am not qualified to tell you how much masturbation is too much masturbation.

It is not my job to teach your adolescent son about how to get a girlfriend.

Your medicine only works when you take it.

I’m not going to give you my cell phone number

Women are doctors too

No I can’t just remove your gallbladder in the office; I’m also not a surgeon.

You shouldn’t be taking your friend’s/mom’s/grandma’s medication.

You can’t just ‘pull your panties to the side’ for a Pap smear

....and the list goes on and on

AboveAverageAMA Report

Final score:
208points
Add photo comments
POST
meinespammailadresse1 avatar
A B C
A B C
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I am not qualified to tell you how much masturbation is too much masturbation." is my absolute favourite :D

Vote comment up
138
138points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#12

Don’t lick your contact lenses to clean them.

Seriously.

chipgal Report

Final score:
207points
Add photo comments
POST
View more commentsArrow down menu

Some people think these bits of information aren’t worth bothering others with, but they might be indicators of serious underlying issues. Remember, folks, if you’re not sure about something, just ask your doctor — those few seconds can help you out and will save you time in the long run.
#13

I worked in obstetrics for many years. I was taking care of a woman in her late twenties, definitely not a teen mom, married, with a job. She got to 10 centimeters so I did my usual speech about how to push effectively. She nods and pushes when I tell her and she did great, really moved the baby down. I’m excited but I notice she’s whispering to her husband. He looks at me and says “ so why do you want her to do that?” I was a bit taken aback and very slowly explained that she had to that to get the baby out. She asked if I was kidding. At this point I feel like I’m the butt of a practical joke, but it didn’t stop. He kept asking if there wasn’t “a better way to do it” and muttering that I was being ridiculous. She continued to push and thankfully didn’t take long because she kept rolling her eyes at me. I was thrilled to hand this lovely couple off to the doctor. They looked slightly more convinced when he told her to do exactly what I had told her to do and then a baby magically appeared. If she’d ended up in a c section I’m sure she’d have been convinced I had done it all to torture her.

How does a woman make it into adulthood in normal society without knowing you have to push a baby out?

And then there was the time a woman got mad when I told her there was absolutely no way we could do her cesarean laparoscopically.

jdinpjs Report

Final score:
205points
Add photo comments
POST
mariarohlen avatar
Maria Rohlen
Maria Rohlen
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, great education system, don't kids learn anything in school?

Vote comment up
121
121points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#14

You're 22, wash your dick

Nickrosis Report

Final score:
184points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#15

Worked in an optical practice in the UK. Man comes in complaining of bad vision. His asigmatism has increased by like 3 diopters. That's a [friggin] load and definitely shouldn't happen. Optician retested using different kit. Same result. Told him to come back in a week and we will retest it. This time we're looking at 4 diopters. They freak out. Recheck again, another optician checks it. Same result. They run through health, smoking, drinking, medicine. Nothing out of the ordinary. The guy looks stressed as [hell] put his head in his hands and put his thumbs against the side of his eyes. The optician asks if he does that a lot. Apparently whenever he's stressed he pushes the sides of his eyes. He's done it so much that he has physically changed the front of his eyeball and ruined his vision. We told him to stop doing that. Never thought we'd have to tell another human being to not squeeze their own eyeballs. Also had to tell a kid to not look at laser pointers, but he was just dumb as [crap].

up766570 Report

Final score:
169points
Add photo comments
POST
phil-lucas avatar
Lucas
Lucas
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, in fairness the child was a child - they don't know things.

Vote comment up
73
73points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT

Do you think common sense classes should be mandatory for everyone? Are there any obvious things that you hadn’t figured out until recently? Share them with us by dropping us a comment down below.
#16

Old friend of mine is a Nurse Practitioner. She told me she once saw a patient, male, complaining of severe rectal itching and general pain.

She is a very smart people-person, she can read people very well. She got right to the point and asked him about his daily hygiene routine. She had a hunch based off his presentation that he was a "man's man"..."aint go gay stuff happening here!!!"

Long story short, when showering, he NEVER cleaned his ass. Ever. He told her, that it was "homosexual" to touch his anus.

She had to explain to him that the severe rash and itching he had been dealing with for apparently YEARS was a direct result of his perceived "homo acts."

She instructed him to go home, take a proper shower, and apply witch hazel for a few days.

Amazing that a grown man thinks this way.

IT_Chef Report

Final score:
159points
Add photo comments
POST
elyseschenker avatar
I'm A Lazy Panda
I'm A Lazy Panda
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But you've gotta figure he was touching it anyway to deal with that "severe itching"...show me one person who could resist scratching in that situation.

Vote comment up
140
140points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#17

Worked in women’s health......so many things but one that always makes me shake my head is a woman telling me that her doctor said if she pees after sex she won’t get pregnant. I had to explain to a grown ass woman who had already given birth three times that your urethra and your cervix are two different holes and peeing after intercourse can help prevent UTIs but not pregnancy. Learn about your body ladies, no one else is going to teach you.

reddoesntcare Report

Final score:
158points
Add photo comments
POST
dariab_1 avatar
Daria B
Daria B
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's one more reason why women's health should be no taboo...

Vote comment up
155
155points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#18

Yes, your babies need to be fed through the night. They are not born eating three meals a day and sleeping 10 hours a night. Please, dear God, wake up and feed them.

kyelmo Report

Final score:
150points
Add photo comments
POST
phil-lucas avatar
Lucas
Lucas
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend had given birth several hours back, baby didn't wake for the feed she was supposed to do so she let him sleep... The nurses ended up stripping him and shaking him (less gently then I'd have expected but they did support his head) to try and jolt him awake.

Vote comment up
64
64points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

Bored Panda contacted Reddit user elleboes who made the thread about basic things doctors had to tell their patients. According to elleboes, the inspiration to make the thread came when they were in a “busy emergency room in Ontario” and saw some “crazy stuff.”

ADVERTISEMENT

“I had a patient who was a little on the needy side. Which is fine, sometimes people don't get the chance to have someone look after them better than they can look after themselves. But having that patient sit up, and hork a fat loogie on the floor (this person was fully oriented and not confused or anything like that) I was like "seriously dude?" It was equal parts frustrating but also funny. Having to coach someone through their thought process about why they thought that was a good idea just put me over the exasperation edge so on my break, I made the post!”
#19

I am a clinical lab scientist, and I frequently have to tell patients that I cannot accept their stool samples in tupperware, mugs, food to-go boxes, etc. The worst is when they take the sh*t-filled mug back home with them cause they don’t want to lose a “perfectly good mug”.

lalalashucks Report

Final score:
140points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#20

Usually goes along with after a car accident and their kids weren't in car seats/seatbelts, how their kids... NEED TO BE IN [FRIGGIN] CAR SEATS... But it's summer so a more seasonal example is the following:

Me- "So whats the problem today?"

Them- "I don't know what's going on! I can't breath! I'm having a seizure!"

Me- "Hmmm.. has this ever happened before?

T- "Yea usually when I smoke crystal meth"

Me- "Did you smoke crystal meth today?"

T- "Yea, like 30 min ago. Why?"

Me- "...."

IronicNihilist Report

Final score:
138points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#21

This conversation happened once.

Me: Also, you need to eat more fiber.

Guy: Okay, sure.

Me: That means more vegetable during meals. And you can have fruits for dessert.

Guy: Urgh... But I don't like vegetables.

Me: Yeah, but you gotta eat more of them now.

Guy: No, I don't eat vegetables.

Me: What do you mean?

Guy: I never eat vegetables. Like, since I was a kid. Never.

Me: Why?

Guy: I don't like how it tastes.

Me: .....

The guy was in his 30s, severely obese with lots of pimples on his face. His cholesterol was through the roof. And he was having problem with his colon health. He was there with his wife and two kids, too.

SphmrSlmp Report

Final score:
138points
Add photo comments
POST
earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Martha Meyer
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just don't get how people can live off of nothing but meat and carbs. I'd be craving something fresh all the time.

Vote comment up
14
14points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda

Elleboes stated that they were surprised that their post got so many upvotes. However, in their opinion, people “love sharing strange things that happened to them.” What’s more, the Reddit user shared the strangest, most obvious common sense thing patients were oblivious about: “There's serious stuff like people not taking their heart medication to funny, like people coming in for knee pain after a fall, then refusing pain meds because "oh no, I don't take medication." The ER is such a wild, bizarre place. I also had a patient who had horrible teeth from neglect, and he was digging around in his mouth and then hands me a tooth. I had to tell them to stop removing his own teeth. Keep them in your head while you can!”
#22

No, belly button lint is not a reason to go to the emergency room via ambulance

stayathmdad Report

Final score:
133points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#23

Me: “Did you miss a dose of [insert medicine name here]?” Pt: “No, I take it every day”. Me: “How many times did you not take [previously named medicine] in the past week?” Pt: “Three and I skipped this morning too”.

This happens probably once a week.

RepublicansRInbreds Report

Final score:
129points
Add photo comments
POST
crabcrab avatar
Hans
Hans
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With a little more compliance so many people would suffer so much less...

Vote comment up
43
43points
Vote comment down
reply
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#24

Patient had been referred to my pharmacy by his physician for an OTC enema. The guy was not the sharpest tack, and apparently either his physician did not explain it well or the guy didn't listen, but our conversation went like this:

Pt.: So I drink down this whole bottle and then I'll hafta [crap]?

Me: No sir, this is an enema. It is used rectally.

Pt. (confused): So what's that mean, I don't hafta drink the whole thing?

Me: No sir, you'll lie on your side and insert the applicator tip of the bottle into your rectum and squeeze the contents into you bowel. You'll then remain lying on your side and hold the enema in until you feel the urge to have a bowel movement.

Pt.: You tellin' me I gotta stick it up my ass!?

Me: Yes sir, this is an enema and it is used rectally. There are detailed instructions and diagrams in the box.

Pt.: F**K YOU!

And he stormed off. That was the last I saw of him. Not sure if he thought I was messing with him or what, but I hope he eventually got to sh*t.

IbuBR0fen Report

Final score:
126points
Add photo comments
POST
friederleimenstoll avatar
Frieder Leimenstoll
Frieder Leimenstoll
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I´d guess this procedure is strange enough to be both unknown and uncomfortable to many. And, from own experience, the effects aren´t what you´d call a nice evening either.

Vote comment up
57
57points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda

Elleboes also had some advice for doctors and patients, so that they can better understand each other. “Have doctors and nurses slow down when they're explaining stuff. For us, explaining what's happening is said in our language and processes we understand. These people might not have ever heard the words we are speaking before, they have no idea what they mean. Slow down, use layman's terms, "dumb it way down". For patients — ask questions! Write down when symptoms start so you can keep track of exactly how long and when symptoms start, so that it is easier for the doctors to make a diagnosis! This one is such a pet peeve of mine. A patient will complain of toe pain with joint swelling and a rash, and when asked about when each symptom started [will say] "6 months? 8 months? 4 months?" People have no idea and it can make it really difficult. And the most important [rule] — be patient in the ER! The wait times suck, but we aren't slow for the fun of it. We have someone hemorrhaging around the corner and someone coding in the trauma room. We are honestly moving as quickly and safely as we can.”
#25

Older man, terminally ill. New Years eve. Presented to the ER in the company of a hooker. He had a finishing nail in his erect penis. He was in to penile sounding. He says, "Well, there was nothin' else layin' round. And I'm so f***ed up and can't feel a thing." Indeed, he was f***ed up. Cocaine, alcohol, mdma, viagra and some hydrocodone. Poor dude just wanted one last rager. I told him, "Wood is just a euphemism, man. Don't shove sharp things up your pee-hole." He took it in stride. He was in the hospital for two days. The hooker basically stayed with him the entire time. Come to find out, she was only one of the three hookers he had paid. She wasn't even the one who shoved the nail up there. I thought it odd that she hung around until he told me how much he had paid them. Turns out the other two were hanging out at his house waiting for his return. I visited him before he was discharge. Dude popped some x right in front me and says, "Just gettin' a head start. No more sharp [crap]. I promise, Doc."

guyute21 Report

Final score:
118points
Add photo comments
POST
hannahmiodrag avatar
Bathsheba
Bathsheba
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have to say...I have a *certain* amount of respect for this guy.

Vote comment up
154
154points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#26

Nurse here. The number of people I’ve had to tell to not drink or to stop drinking their urine is surprising.

Dakipa Report

Final score:
113points
Add photo comments
POST
jrgzingler avatar
J. Zingler
J. Zingler
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ermmm in Germany some, lets call them alternative doctors, recommend drinking urine.....

Vote comment up
47
47points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#27

That you need to take the packaging off the suppository before you insert it.

Which in retrospect, is why they were making his piles worse...

Underwritingking Report

Final score:
111points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#28

No, your teenaged daughters cannot share a single prescription for birth control pills.

MissPlaceDApostrophe Report

Final score:
109points
Add photo comments
POST
max_lombardi_mi avatar
Max L.
Max L.
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, they can, and you can become grands with the same probability.

Vote comment up
72
72points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#29

Today for example, I had to coach a grown person through their decision making process about why they thought it was ok to spit on the floor.

elleboes Report

Final score:
106points
Add photo comments
POST
sdmiles1986 avatar
Mommyofboth
Mommyofboth
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would hate to see some people's homes. Do they do these things to their own house?

Vote comment up
62
62points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
#30

Don't douche with bleach.

Patient had mixed bleach, fabric softener, dawn dishsoap, vinegar, and some water (just in case) and burned the bejeezus out of herself after having a baby 3 weeks prior because she was convinced people could smell her. She douched with it multiple times and came in when the burning toned down. Sent off to gynecological surgeon and never seen again.

DaveBeard Report

Final score:
102points
Add photo comments
POST
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

Note: this post originally had 58 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!