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“Why Women Shouldn’t Take Their Husband’s Last Name”: Woman Shares Hot Take
Interview With Expert
There are some things that are so ingrained in our cultures that we never question them. If you’re a woman engaged to a man in the United States, for example, you’re probably going to be expected to change your last name after tying the knot. But is this really necessary?
The Pew Research Center reports that a whopping 79% of married women in the US took their husband’s last name. But Haley Metzger is encouraging women to fully consider all of the pros and cons before taking the leap and abandoning their maiden name. Below, you’ll find a video that she recently shared discussing this topic, as well as a conversation with Kate Beavis Of Magpie Wedding.
RELATED:
It’s often expected for married women to take their husband’s last name
Image credits: haley.metzger
But Haley Metzger wants women to think long and hard before abandoning their maiden name
Image credits: haley.metzger, pewresearch
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Image credits: theguardian
Image credits: haley.metzger
“Women are starting to question the ‘why’ of all wedding and marriage traditions, and discovering many are linked to men ‘owning’ their wives”
To find out more about this topic, we got in touch with Kate Beavis Of Magpie Wedding. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and point out that many women don’t feel pressured to take their husband’s name per se, but they do it because that’s what they’ve always seen other women do.
“They don’t question it because society (and family) tell them this is what is normal,” she explained. “They see their mother doing it, their grandmothers – it is just ‘normal.’”
“However, women are starting to question the ‘why’ of all wedding and marriage traditions, and discovering many are linked to men ‘owning’ their wives, and this feels wrong in 2025,” Kate continued. “We dropped the obey vow some time ago, yet seem to be much slower to question the name change.”
The wedding expert says another common reason women change their surnames is when they have children together before getting married.
“Wanting everyone to have the same surname creates a sense of unity, but it is also easier when traveling,” Kate pointed out. “I once had customs interviewing my children, as their passports had different surnames to mine. This was before we were married, so when we did tie the knot, it felt easier to change my name to be the same as theirs.”
“If you have children, it is definitely easier to all have the same name”
Many marriages nowadays also occur later in life, meaning the bride might currently be using an ex-husband’s surname, Kate added. “They will be keen to change it!”
“Of course, you can merge both names to create a double-barreled surname. But for this to work, the husband needs to change his,” the wedding expert shared. “And funnily enough, he is not always open to that. Many also feel a double-barreled name sounds a bit ‘posh’, which feels wrong to them.”
So what are some of the pros of keeping your maiden name after getting married?
“Keep a sense of identity – women can feel a bit lost after getting married,” Kate says. “Continue your family name – great if you have a strong family bond. Less paperwork. (I have been married 12 years and still have some bills in my maiden name, as I can’t be bothered to jump through hoops!) Easier for work and business, as people know who you are.”
On the flip side, however, some people see more benefits in taking their partner’s name.
“Some don’t have a strong family bond, so they are happy to move on with a new name,” Kate noted. “If you have children, it is definitely easier to all have the same name. You’ll have to sometimes prove you are married and therefore carry your marriage certificate (definitely when traveling with children who don’t have the same name as you).”
“Everyone must be happy with the decision, as you cannot start a marriage with resentment”
“Legal applications become awkward – for example, power of attorney forms, mortgage applications become harder if you don’t have the same name,” Kate continued. “Society expects you to have the same name.”
“The biggest con (that I don’t see as a con, really) is that your husband won’t be happy,” the wedding expert added. “Remember, society has told him his whole life that his wife will take on his name, so this change can seem like a hard pill to swallow.”
Next, we asked Kate for any advice that she would give to women who are on the fence about taking their husband’s last name.
“Firstly, talk to your partner and share your concerns, remembering my point that they may well be offended,” she noted. “Have a clear reason why, but also other options to hand. Some couples now make up a whole new name, merging the two. There is no right answer here – you will know deep down if you look forward to taking their name.”
“I also feel that if your partner knows your views on feminist issues, they shouldn’t be too surprised,” Kate added. “But remember it is the norm to take your husband’s name, so even if he is an ally, he may find it hard to understand.”
Finally, Kate says, “Everyone must be happy with the decision, as you cannot start a marriage with resentment.”
Viewers had mixed opinions, but the majority agreed that it’s up to each couple to decide what works for them
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Richard Graham 9 months ago
Married 24 years. My wife never took my name; it wasn't even discussed. We both agreed completely, right away.
ucp 9 months ago
My now wife told me she was not taking my name because she would become alliterative. I was absolutely fine with that. My family name is unusual too, so I’m always spelling it out for new acquaintances. In the end, she did take my name. But it was all her choice. We both found, in our professional careers, that others found it a memorable name. I find it sad that one of the comments in the article was basically “you’re going to get divorced anyway, so don’t bother”. If that’s how you feel, don’t get married. 23.5 years for us, so very nearly as long as you.
Load More Replies...
Annik Perrot 9 months ago
In France, women may USE their husband's last name, but they don't TAKE it. For all things official, taxes, identity papers, Social Security, voting, , your name remains the one you were born with, often assorted with "spouse xxx". Sometimes women keep their birth name for all things professional, especially if they became known for their work under that name, and use their husband's name in everyday life, for practicality.
Sarah Belt 9 months ago
That's interesting, thank you for sharing. May I ask for more details or perhaps specific examples of how a woman would use their husband's last name without "taking" it? I use both my full name and nickname with everyone, and that confuses most people, so I'm curious about how that works day-to-day.
Load More Replies...
Jacob B 9 months ago
Do whatever you want, just talk about it first so nobody is surprised. In Poland many women opt for double-names. If the husband is named Kowalski and the wife is Nowak, her last name will be "Nowak-Kowalska". If you want another example, Maria Skłodowska-Curie did the same.
Anonymous User 8 months ago
I don't understand all the comments of 'talk about it'. The same recommendation isn't made for men's last names. And while the exclusivity of the comment isn't stated, we know it’s about women. You are in no way entitled to input on this decision. Do you have a say in what tampons she buys? No, because it has NOTHING to do with you. If she tells you great, if she doesn't and you find out on the day of great. It is going to make absolute zero difference in your relationship unless you have a temper tantrum. She is the only one who will be affected if she changes her name. No need for a committee or a compromise. That any man thinks he has a say in what her last name is is vestiges of ownership. No man has ever had any say in what my last name is or will be except my father and he's dead and so is all of his archaic patriarchal b******t.
Load More Replies...
Hidalgo 9 months ago
Never understood taking the husband’s last name. In the US, if you do it now, you likely will have trouble voting if your license/passport name is different from your birth certificate or initial voter registration
Sarah Belt 9 months ago
At first, I found that exceedingly bizarre that US Republicans were pushing to make it harder for married people who take their spouse's last name, but then I remembered that some Republicans want us to go back to just having the man vote for himself and his wife, and giving extra votes to the "families" for each child they have. Every American-conservative fever dream is on the table these days.... Please send help 😔
Load More Replies...
Patricia Steward 8 months ago
Especially now in the US, as the mango idiot in the White House is messing with voting requirements -- if you took your spouse's name, get copies of your birth and marriage certificates and put them in a safe place. You might need them.
Jim Costanzo 8 months ago
In the U.S.A., if the “SAVE” Act passes, any woman who took their husband’s last name will have more hoops to jump through to vote since birth name and I.D./Passport names are a mismatch. Yup-P conservative women actually voted for this exclusionary, misogynistic tyranny.
K Barnes 8 months ago
Republicans are making it harder for woman to vote... how shocking. /s
Load More Replies... tameson 8 months ago
When I was a kid I remember watching PBS and seeing notifications like: "This show is brought to you by a generous donation from Mrs. John Smith." It mad me so sad and angry. That was so obviously not her name. It felt like she had been erased. So I knew at 8 years old that I was not taking my husband's name if I ever got married.
Marnie 8 months ago
I remember when Facebook became popular. Like a lot of people, I tried to look up some old friends. I realized there was extreme bias against women on the site. Many old female friends had changed their last names and I couldn't find them. The developers or whoever wrote requirements at Facebook never thought to include a field in your profile for old last name, that could be referenced when you search. Start looking for this. Lacking systems that recognize name changes is ubiquitous. Men don't think about women. Even though we are half the population, we apparently are the exception to every rule.
Roxy222uk 8 months ago
You are so right! I'm forever coming across new ways that men running things disadvantages women because men think what they experience is universal or the important aspect of life.
Load More Replies... Richard Graham 9 months ago
Married 24 years. My wife never took my name; it wasn't even discussed. We both agreed completely, right away.
ucp 9 months ago
My now wife told me she was not taking my name because she would become alliterative. I was absolutely fine with that. My family name is unusual too, so I’m always spelling it out for new acquaintances. In the end, she did take my name. But it was all her choice. We both found, in our professional careers, that others found it a memorable name. I find it sad that one of the comments in the article was basically “you’re going to get divorced anyway, so don’t bother”. If that’s how you feel, don’t get married. 23.5 years for us, so very nearly as long as you.
Load More Replies... Annik Perrot 9 months ago
In France, women may USE their husband's last name, but they don't TAKE it. For all things official, taxes, identity papers, Social Security, voting, , your name remains the one you were born with, often assorted with "spouse xxx". Sometimes women keep their birth name for all things professional, especially if they became known for their work under that name, and use their husband's name in everyday life, for practicality.
Sarah Belt 9 months ago
That's interesting, thank you for sharing. May I ask for more details or perhaps specific examples of how a woman would use their husband's last name without "taking" it? I use both my full name and nickname with everyone, and that confuses most people, so I'm curious about how that works day-to-day.
Load More Replies... Jacob B 9 months ago
Do whatever you want, just talk about it first so nobody is surprised. In Poland many women opt for double-names. If the husband is named Kowalski and the wife is Nowak, her last name will be "Nowak-Kowalska". If you want another example, Maria Skłodowska-Curie did the same.
Anonymous User 8 months ago
I don't understand all the comments of 'talk about it'. The same recommendation isn't made for men's last names. And while the exclusivity of the comment isn't stated, we know it’s about women. You are in no way entitled to input on this decision. Do you have a say in what tampons she buys? No, because it has NOTHING to do with you. If she tells you great, if she doesn't and you find out on the day of great. It is going to make absolute zero difference in your relationship unless you have a temper tantrum. She is the only one who will be affected if she changes her name. No need for a committee or a compromise. That any man thinks he has a say in what her last name is is vestiges of ownership. No man has ever had any say in what my last name is or will be except my father and he's dead and so is all of his archaic patriarchal b******t.
Load More Replies... Hidalgo 9 months ago
Never understood taking the husband’s last name. In the US, if you do it now, you likely will have trouble voting if your license/passport name is different from your birth certificate or initial voter registration
Sarah Belt 9 months ago
At first, I found that exceedingly bizarre that US Republicans were pushing to make it harder for married people who take their spouse's last name, but then I remembered that some Republicans want us to go back to just having the man vote for himself and his wife, and giving extra votes to the "families" for each child they have. Every American-conservative fever dream is on the table these days.... Please send help 😔
Load More Replies... Patricia Steward 8 months ago
Especially now in the US, as the mango idiot in the White House is messing with voting requirements -- if you took your spouse's name, get copies of your birth and marriage certificates and put them in a safe place. You might need them.
Jim Costanzo 8 months ago
In the U.S.A., if the “SAVE” Act passes, any woman who took their husband’s last name will have more hoops to jump through to vote since birth name and I.D./Passport names are a mismatch. Yup-P conservative women actually voted for this exclusionary, misogynistic tyranny.
K Barnes 8 months ago
Republicans are making it harder for woman to vote... how shocking. /s
Load More Replies... tameson 8 months ago
When I was a kid I remember watching PBS and seeing notifications like: "This show is brought to you by a generous donation from Mrs. John Smith." It mad me so sad and angry. That was so obviously not her name. It felt like she had been erased. So I knew at 8 years old that I was not taking my husband's name if I ever got married.
Marnie 8 months ago
I remember when Facebook became popular. Like a lot of people, I tried to look up some old friends. I realized there was extreme bias against women on the site. Many old female friends had changed their last names and I couldn't find them. The developers or whoever wrote requirements at Facebook never thought to include a field in your profile for old last name, that could be referenced when you search. Start looking for this. Lacking systems that recognize name changes is ubiquitous. Men don't think about women. Even though we are half the population, we apparently are the exception to every rule.
Roxy222uk 8 months ago
You are so right! I'm forever coming across new ways that men running things disadvantages women because men think what they experience is universal or the important aspect of life.
Load More Replies...
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