Brother needs to understand - he might not be the father, but he's the Dad and he needs to suck it up. Nephew is OP'S family, and OP can invite whoever he wants to his wedding (partner agreeing, of course). Put nephew in the wedding; he could be a groomsman or "brides-man", and sit at the main table. Brother can sit at the Children's Table, since he's acting like one.

What a f**king piece of trash that so called dad is.

This is obvious to anyone with a shred of real emotional intelligence... Dad can't hurt ex bad enough to feel vindicated so he transfers that bad juju to the son. What a sad pathetic man child. If I found out my daughter wasn't biologically mine it would change nothing. You don't love someone because of blood you love them for who they are.

Whose wedding is it? (/s) This young person needs a stable male influence in his life and OP is present and happy to provide that support. Regardless of the estrangement with his non-father, he should be welcomed to the wedding. It is never the fault of the child that he was conceived in a certain way.

What a s****y situation. IMHO that kid IS family, because OP considers him family. It's his wedding, he gets to decide who goes. His brother gave him an ultimatum that sounds like a 5 year old's "pick meeeee!" If my brother pulled this c**p I'd be happy to tell him to go p**s up a rope, not just for the wedding, but for his horrible behaviour when it came to his son. His brother raised the kid for 14 years, then abandoned him because of his mother. The brother had no legal responsibility, but morally that child deserved better than that. The brother is definitely the AH.

Ok gotta ask. Guncle=gay uncle? Is this a thing now? I never called my gay aunt Gaunt or Launt. She was just my aunt like my mom’s other sisters. Should I call my straight ones haunts and suncles? This is ridiculous! Just want to add my gay aunts partner, when us cousins were really young and had no idea what gay was, was an amazing woman. We adored her and it was upsetting for me when they broke up, by then I knew they were a couple and at 10 years old shrugged it off like “ok, makes sense now”.

Weddings are lame and costly, always filled with drama. Elope. Keep the kid in your life and maintain a relationship with your brother. I agree the brother did not act well, but he doesn't deserve all of the condemnation. I ask all of you to consider if you had a child for 14 years and it turned out to be the result of a cheating partner. I think given time and understanding, he would have come around to loving his "son". Now, everybody is taking sides and the enemy lines have been drawn, eliminating chances for healing.

No matter how upset the brother was, the fact he could walk away from his kid without saying anything shows his emotional depth is shallow,. He is now holding on to a grudge from a silly fight and trying to block his son from the wedding of someone he loves. He needs therapy. That will help him get to the bottom of this and his other issues. I don't agree that inviting both parties is a deal breaker for future relationships. If they don't feel comfortable, this is on them and they can decline. Since the brother seems close to the OP, I think the best avenue is trying to reason with him regarding his son. If the brother has social traits (seems he does) he will eventually come around.

NTA! Wow! OP really stepped up & his nephew is so lucky to have him in his life. He's even reached out to the boy's mother to help her see what her son needs from her. It sounds like he's a fine young man - even offering to stay away from the wedding if his presence would cause a problem. Dad, tho, is an enormous AH. OP wants his nephew at his wedding but Dad is making demands. Why can't Dad go to the wedding & act like a civilized human being instead of a pouty toddler who got his feelings hurt by a 14-year-old ("I bet Grampa hated you" in no way disrespected the grandfather)? Turning his back on OP's nephew once he found out he wasn't his bio son was a disgusting thing to do. The boy didn't choose his bio parents & never lied to AH brother - that was Mom's doing, so why take it out on the kid? So, if AH brother wants to stay away, that's his decision - he's not in control of who is invited to the wedding: all he can control are his own actions & he really needs to grow up.

I understand the hurt of finding out your kid is not yours biologically, especially when you thought they were. I don't understand just severing them off after 14 years just because of that. I think the brother is an a*****e, and I feel sorry for the kid.

Brother would be cut off until he got his common sense back. Full stop. And anyone who shared that same line of thinking would be cut off as well. I understand being empathetic about the whole situation because the brother was taken advantage of to a horrible extent. However him directing his anger at that child is beyond unreasonable and I wouldn’t put up with it.

Family is not just blood. Your "nephew" has been a close part of your life for 19ish years, now you're expected to cut him off like a skin tag? F-that. Your brothers acting more childish than his child. (I know he had his potential academic future taken away and was forced into a fake relationship, do he's hurting and is lashing out). Don't blame the victim. Blame the perpetrator, and find a way to move forward.

Family is more than blood.

F*ck the brother's feeling on this one. He is the AH, OP is NTA and a stand up guncle. The brother just dropped the kid because he wasn't biologically his is all kinds of messed up. Blood doesn't not mean family. OP can invite who he wants to his wedding and everyone that has an issue with it can pound sand

How did an A negative woman carry an A positive child? The blood typing is fishy, when I was in school we learned our blood type, but not our rh factors, and women who are negative rh rarely carry a positive rh child to term without medical intervention. That aside, sounds like OP's brother is a major ahole, and should be ashamed of the way he treated his son, whether or not he is biologically his father, this kid has known only one person as dad, and dad's anger is misplaced and misdirected, and it shows his own growth is stunted. He's not the one getting married, his own brother offered to arrange the seating to accommodate both of them, it was extremely entitled for him to insist his brother uninvite the son. OP and the son are far more grown up than the dad is proving to be.

OP is not in an easy situation. His brother gave up his ambition to go to college because he (mistakenly) thought he had to provide for his child. Then the child turns out not to be his, meaning his wife cheated on him, his father dies and on top of all this this not-son makes a less-than-polite impulsive remark. Of course OP has the right to invite to his wedding whomever he wants, regardless of his brother's demand. OP should be prepared for some kind of fall-out though, because like it or not, the nephew is not related to the rest of the family.