My name is Vexacus (Not my REAL name) and I have something to say; I have severe clinical depression and have tried to take my own life more times than I care to remember.

I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression way back in 2012, which is when I first tried to take my own life. I’d been feeling down for a few days, but foolishly I put it down to just fatigue after having not had any sleep for two and a half days at this point.

I was supposed to take one of our cats to the vets for a regular appointment, but due to my hay-fever kicking in really badly and not having any hayfever medication, it was down to my Mother to take the cat to the vet. Shortly after my mother left for the vet with the cat, I took myself into town to get some hay fever medication from the local pharmacy.

While I was in town, I felt even worse and had to stop a few times as I felt even worse and was close to breaking down into tears. After getting myself a large energy drink and sitting down in a quiet spot to drink it, I did indeed feel a little bit better; but this would not last.

After finishing the energy drink, I proceded to have a slow walk to the pharmacy to clear my head. I got my hayfeever medication from the pharmacy and as I made my way to a local supermarket, I began to feel even worse. Over the course of a few seconds, I began to feel increasingly down in the dumps.

Despite getting myself a double large espresso, I still continued to feel increasingly unhappy and miserable. Giving in to the rising tide of misery I was feeling, I want to a local supermarket and bought two packs of painkillers, I did the same again at another local store, but this time I also bought a bottle of whisky. As you can already guess, I planned to take all four boxes of painkillers and the hay fever medication and wash them down with the whisky.

I found a spot in my hometown that was quite and that would be a peaceful place to end it all. I got the packs of painkillers and hay fever mess out of my bag and began opening them and taking the tablets out of the packs and putting them on my bag. When I had all of the tablets in a pile, I got the bottle of whisky and cracked it open.

I took 8 of the tablets and washed them down with a mouthful of whisky, unaware of the police van that had pulled up across the road. Seeing and knowing what I was trying to do, two officers got out and came up to me and said that what I was doing was stupid. I told them how I felt and I was told that there is another option instead of taking my own life; talking to someone.

I told them that I did not care and tried to take more of the tablets, but they stopped me; taking the whisky from me and knocking the pills off my bag and into the drain next to the bench I was sat on. I was angry and tried to run, but I was caught and detained under the Mental Health act. An ambulance was called and I was taken to a Mental Health facility where I ended up being detained for a measure of time.

And there you have it, the full story of my first attempt to take my own life