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I'm currently questioning my gender and I have been for ages. I know that I'm partially a girl and partially (probably) agender. I feel like the definitions of demigirl and agender girl both technically fit but SOMETHING is holding me back from identifying as either of those and I'm not sure why. The specific labels just feel "wrong" for some reason. I really want a label for my gender but this is holding me back and I'm not sure what to do to fix it. Any advice?

Also my gender isn't fluid that's kinda important info

#1

I could be wrong, but I think it may be one of those situations where you might need to just wait a while and just keep reading stories others post about their journeys. It sounds like perhaps something isn't clicking because you might still be "cooking", if that makes sense. I say this because I am personally gender fluid, but it took me a really long time to figure that out (the term didn't even exist when I was noticing that something just felt *wrong* about the few labels which existed). I think what helped me figure it out (admittedly once I was already in my 30s) was just reading what certain gender labels meant to other people. Even then, certain labels won't fit you like a glove. You'll find that some people will say, "I identify as [insert label here], but for me I experience it [this way/that way]" - and that's completely OK! For example, as I said, I'm gender fluid, but I tend to switch pretty rapidly and without warning multiple times throughout the day, whereas I know a lot of people experience it as being a switch which can happen from day to day.

So, essentially, my advice (and make sure you get others' advice, too - never just listen to just one person) is to: (1) for now find something which applies to you the best and, if you ever have to tell anyone, explain what makes it unique for you and (2) keep reading other people's stories and learning how others interact with their own gender (even if that one isn't yours, you could learn something).

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    #2

    I think it might take time to find the right word and that's okay. It can take a while to get the right label, but what really matters is not the label, but who you are. I know it is hard to not have a word for yourself because I've been in a similar situation with my sexuality. Just know it will get better, and try to make sure you are accepting yourself. ❤

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