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First of all, let's establish that playing with someone's feelings and emotions is NOT considered being a musician. Witticisms aside, musicians are a different breed. These people know that the course to stardom and fame can be grueling at times. Not just anyone can play the drums for Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" or do backing vocals for the one and only Beyoncé. And that can be upsetting sometimes, but don't worry, dear rockstars, we have something to cheer you up.
English teachers have silly jokes made about them, mothers-in-law have funny jokes too, and so do musicians. Though we Pandas can't play anything, thanks to our chonky paws, we especially appreciate the tone of musician jokes and how fun they sound. We are good at wordplay, though! Funny musician jokes are essential when you feel things might not end on a high note. Still, most of the worries we face on a daily basis really are just minor inconveniences that can quickly be resolved by cracking a musician joke or two. And heck, if anything, just play it by ear! Alright, think we have overdone it with the puns; we will rock-and-roll ourselves out. For heaven's sake…
Enough with silly puns, and let's go back to musician humor, which, let's agree, is simply unmatched! Whether you are looking for clean musician jokes to crack with your bandmates or need jokes to tell between songs, whatever the case might be, we've got you covered. Below, we've compiled some of the best jokes about musicians and, most importantly, jokes FOR musicians!
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#1
The fact that there’s a Highway To Hell but only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
Richard Low 1 year ago
Heaven is a gated community, I don't trust gated communities, lake of fire for me please 👍
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#2
Many people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but...
Did he listen?
Avant Garde 1 year ago
His hearing problems started in his late 20s, he was completely deaf by 45 years of age.
#3
What’s the difference between a piano player and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a piano player.
Cuppa tea? 1 year ago
What's the difference between Bono and God? God doesn't go around Dublin telling everyone he's Bono.
#4
The Music Festival's excitement came to a halt as soon as The Police appeared on the stage.
ThatRandomGuy 1 year ago
When the world is running down, they still make the best of what's still around
#5
What do you call a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.
#6
How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb?
None. They hold the bulb over their head and the world revolves around them.
Onion Patch Petunia 1 year ago
Unless she's a soprano of course. In that case she breaks the bulb with her screech
#7
Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
Perfect Pitch: When you throw a viola into the toilet and it doesn't hit the sides.
Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.
#8
What did the classical music performing Boy Band name themselves? The Bach Street Boys.
#9
Why did Mozart find chicken annoying? Because they kept going, “Bach, bach, bach!”
#10
"Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be a guitar player!"
"But darling, you can’t do both..."
#11
How are trumpet players like pirates?
They're both murder on the high Cs.
#12
How does one trumpet player greet another?
"Hi. I'm better than you."
#13
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A vocalist.
#14
The monk finally found who his favorite band was. He realized it when he achieved Nirvana.
jon gilbertson 1 year ago
Nirvana's Unplugged is still one of my fave albums. n Tool's Undertow. n Violent Femmes n oh i could on.
#15
What's the last thing a drummer says before getting kicked out of a band?
Guys, when are we going to record my songs?
#16
How many guitar players does it to take to change a lightbulb?
5... One to change and 4 to say they could have done it better.
#17
The band’s performance was so bad they decided to give the fans a refund. Every Nickleback.
#18
What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?
Audios.
#19
What do you call that beautiful blonde on the bass player's shoulder?
A tattoo.
#20
How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Brad Rathernotsay 7 months ago
What's the difference between a trombonist and a frog? The frog has a remote chance of getting a gig.
#22
TIL Korean singers never say, "Yes daddy!"
They say, "K pops!"
Julian Slate 1 year ago
I don't personally get it, but it's not right to kinkshame, so to each their own.
#23
What’s the difference between a dead chicken and a dead trombonist on the road?
With the chicken, there was at least a possibility that it was on its way to a gig.
#24
Why do bagpipers walk when they’re playing?
To get away from that awful sound.
#25
Where do pianists go on vacation? The Florida Keys.
#27
What's the difference between a tuba and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.
#29
What will you never say about a banjo player?
"That's the banjo player's Porsche."
#30
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?
Limp Bizkit.
#31
What does Taylor Swift do when she’s having a bad day? She shakes it off.
#32
If you drop a conductor and a watermelon from a skyscraper at the same moment, who will hit the ground first?
Does it matter?
#33
How do you make musicians complain?
Pay them.
Telerisghost 1 year ago
Tell them the gig doesn't pay, but they will get lots of "exposure"...
#34
What did the pianist take with him to the supermarket? Chopin Liszt.
#35
Did you hear about the pianist who kept banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
#36
Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
Der Kommissar 1 year ago
Two men were walking down the street. One was a guitar player, and the other was indigent as well
#37
What do philosophers and drummers have in common?
Both think of time as an abstract concept.
#38
What do you call a guitarist who only knows two chords?
A music critic.
#39
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Oops, I broke it!"
#40
How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Richard Low 1 year ago
All the best singers come from Clydebank (home of the sewing machine factory).
#41
Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."
#42
What kind of band doesn’t play music? A rubber band.
#43
Awareness against smoking was raised, but nobody bought it because The Chainsmokers were at the helm.
#47
What is the difference between a trumpet and a jet plane?
About three decibels.
#50
What’s the difference between a cello and a viola?
A cello takes longer to burn.
#52
Why are violist's fingers like lightning?
They rarely strike the same spot twice.
#53
Why was the musician depressed? Because he was a trebled man.
#56
Why are DJs considered down to earth? Because they started from scratch.
Julian Slate 1 year ago
Glad that the Chainsmokers weren't the only reference to electronic music.
#57
What happened when A, B and D went to a rock concert, but B was the only one disappointed? Because A see, D see, but B couldn’t.
#58
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The keyboard player can do it with one hand.
#59
Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.
#60
Why do guitarists prefer playing guitar to cycling?
Because with a bike you only get two pedals.
#62
What does a timpanist say when they finally get a job?
"Would you like fries with that, sir?"
#63
How do you get a trumpet to sound like a French horn?
Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
#65
Why was Mozart the top dog? Because he was in a Wolfgang!
#68
The posh lady only listened to only one band. Pearl Jam.
#69
There was a band of musicians who were experts in knock-knock jokes.
This was because they called themselves The Doors!
#72
I just met the lead singer of Mushroomhead.
He seems like a fungi.
#74
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
Neither have I.
#75
What is the difference between terrorists and accordionists?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
Onion Patch Petunia 1 year ago
And accordionist have a bag of wind while a terrorist is a windbag
#78
Why are violas larger than violins?
They aren't. Violists heads are smaller.
#79
How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
#80
How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, they have machines for that now.
Der Kommissar 1 year ago
How do you streamline a drummer's car? take the Domino's sign off the roof
#81
How many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they'll keep looking in the box till they find the perfect one.
#83
Why were the musician's friends tired of him? Because he kept composing plans to meet but never acted upon them!
#86
How many pilots do you need to make good music?
22.
#89
What did the metal fan tell his barber with shaky hands? Slipknot, or you’ll cut me!
#90
Why were the band members arrested? Because they started a massive jam on the highway!
#94
What’s the definition of a minor second interval?
Two soprano saxophonists playing the same part.
#95
What's the difference between a mid-range rocket and a bad solo guitarist?
The guitarist could actually kill you.
#101
Def Leppard wasn’t sure if their fans would appreciate their new songs. Their fear turned them into Dread Leppard.
#102
Enthusiasm came back to the band as they kept performing. Their improvement smells like team spirit.
#104
What do you call a well dressed pop singer?
Billie Stylish.
Julian Slate 1 year ago
I'm imagining Billie Eilish in a fancy suit with a bowtie and top hat, wearing a fake mustache and monocle. I will send out a funeral e-vite💀
#107
Benjamin’s friends kept playing songs that reminded him of his ex. His friends were Breaking Benjamin.
#108
My relationship with a girlfriend, who was a chemistry teacher, came to a close abruptly. My Chemical Romance came to an end.
Julian Slate 1 year ago
Then you said you were getting back together, but the album still isn't out
#109
Why did the drummer get embarrassed at the live show? Because Motley didn’t cue him when to stop!
#111
The Zeppelin was covered in light to help people see them at night. It was a LED Zeppelin.
What do you think ?
Julian Slate 1 year ago
I was involved with the guitar community when I was in my sophomore year of highschool, and let me tell you the only community I've been involved with that was more toxic was the Fallout fandom
Load More Replies...
Kevin Felton 1 year ago
Everybody hating on Tubas and accordions, in my home town you'd think that those were the only two instruments ever invented.
Julian Slate 1 year ago
I was involved with the guitar community when I was in my sophomore year of highschool, and let me tell you the only community I've been involved with that was more toxic was the Fallout fandom
Load More Replies... Kevin Felton 1 year ago
Everybody hating on Tubas and accordions, in my home town you'd think that those were the only two instruments ever invented.
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