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Mom Explains Why Grandparents Can’t Hug Her 2-Year-Old Whenever They Want And Have To Ask For Consent
Hugs and kisses from relatives are nice, but only with consent. That’s what one mother and TikTok video creator is trying to get her daughter’s grandparents to understand.
Australian mom Brittany Baxter shared a series of TikTok videos where she discussed how her daughter’s grandparents overstep the boundaries that she’s set out for her child. They ignore their grandchild’s ‘no’ and kiss and hug her anyway. Or they feel hurt that the kid doesn’t want affection at that very moment.
Check out Brittany’s videos below and be sure to let us know what you think, dear Pandas. Plenty of people supported Brittany enforcing strict boundaries and teaching her daughter about consent and body autonomy. However, others were more critical of this approach. And consent is a difficult topic to broach because it’s not always expressed overtly and can be implied and tacit.
Australian mom Brittany explained why grandparents can’t hug and kiss her daughter without consent. Here’s her first TikTok in a series of videos
@brittanybaxter_xI said what I said… ##gentleparenting ##consent ##fyp♬ original sound – Brittany
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: brittanybaxter_x
Image credits: Juan Pablo (not the actual photo)
The Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy points out that consent can be given in multiple different ways that can be either completely direct and overt to less so. However, in order for consent to gain “binding force,” it has to meet certain criteria. These conditions (which must be fulfilled in order for consent to be consent) are: knowledge, intention, competence, voluntariness, and acceptability of content.
To put it very simply, the person whose consent you’re trying to get, whether for a hug or a doctor’s check-up, needs to understand what they’re agreeing to. That way they know what they’re in for. Meanwhile, in the grownup world, the party asking for consent provides services without fear of legal retribution.
“In standard cases, a person’s consent to another person’s acts removes moral or legal objections to or liability for the performance of those acts,” the Routledge Encyclopedia of Philosophy writes.
The mom also explained how to deal with confrontations that will naturally arise because of this style of parenting in another video
@brittanybaxter_xReply to @britwolfe13 I hope this makes sense ❤️♬ original sound – Brittany
More and more parents are raising their children to understand the importance of consent from a very early age. This style of parenting emphasizes a child’s choices and body autonomy. Naturally, this can lead to some conflict, especially with family members who have a more traditional approach to raising children and might not view boundaries the same way that you do.
Brittany highlighted just how vital it is to stand your ground and not give in to other people’s opinions about how you should parent your child. Even if they’re family members whom you love and respect.
She also confronted her critics in a third video. You can watch it right here
@brittanybaxter_xReply to @lauraderian 🤷♀️♬ original sound – Brittany
The Australian mom also tackled her critics head-on, wondering whether they actually asked their child if hugs and kisses from their relatives is something that they want and need.
Brittany also drew attention to the fact that her own parents and her step-mom practice consent with their granddaughter 98 percent of the time and actually ask if she wants a hug, completely respecting her decision. It’s the other grandparents that Brittany has an issue with.
She also went on Australian TV and said that there’s been a mixed response to her videos. “A lot of people are very outraged which I understand, a lot of people have misunderstood the point of the message that I’m trying to get across. But a lot of people have been in support of it as well and that’s what has been amazing.”
The Australian mom started up a fiery discussion online with people both supporting her and criticizing her parenting method
Bored Panda’s recently written about another mother from Chicago who showed TikTok how she introduces lessons about consent into her toddlers’ daily lives. You can check out the post here. Meanwhile, however, we’d love to hear your thoughts about mom Brittany’s TikToks. Do you agree with her style of parenting? Do you think lessons about consent should start from birth or should parents wait until their kids grow up a bit more? Share your thoughts below.
What do you think ?
troufaki13 3 years ago
Ok, two things. Do the parents ask for consent? Don't kids have to ask for consent if *they* want to hug their grandparents? (let the downvoting begin in 3..2..1..)
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I actually do ask my kids for consent.
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Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Some of you just don't get it. The rate of sexual abuse is approx 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. That is not including other forms of abuse. This isn't about being a snowflake, ridiculous etc. There is an actual reason WHY this is so important. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc can abuse other relatives. Most abusers are known to their victims. Predators take advantage and will say things like "if you love me you will do this" or "this is a special hug between me and you but its our secret" or "If you don't do this (sexual) then I will tell your parents you don't respect me and they will be mad at you". Teaching them about consent starts at unwanted affection. Including a simple hug and a kiss, doesn't matter if family or not. Statistically abusers are known by the victim. No means no should be taught from a young age. Forcing them into uncomfortable/ unwanted affection is sending the opposite message.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Also there is something seriously f****d up that there are people offended by this. So you get a kick out of forcing yourself onto someone, a child at that. That is what you are doing. If they are willing or wanting a hug then fine, it's consensual. But if it makes someone uncomfortable then you are forcing yourself into them. It is quite perverted actually.
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Alethia Nyx 3 years ago
I have a 2 year old niece, and I always ask if I can have a hug, because I (not having a great deal of toddler experience) don't want to upset a 2 year old. Lucky for me she likes me (once auntie shows up to baby sit mum and dad are pretty much forgotten), so I get lots of cuddles. My mum (Gran) who she know, but sees slightly less of due to distance, also asks, and usually gets one (but usually a little shorter). When last she saw my dad (grandpa), who she has only seen a couple of times, she didn't really want to hug him goodbye, she wanted auntie instead. My dad looked upset, but I said to him what do you expect when she doesn't know you, strangers are scary to a toddler who has spent most of her second year in lockdown with only her parents.
Zaza 3 years ago
I have a whole bunch of nephews and always ask them. Always have and always will. Usually I get lots of hugs when coming and when going, but the youngest especially always says no. Ok lil dude, that's fine, you don't have to, we're cool. I was raised always having to give out hugs and kisses and sit on laps, grandparents especially (old strict religious "the man is the head of the house" kind of people of course). Always hated it, even as a tiny little kid. I would never ever do that to any child, no matter how small and they are
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King Joffrey 3 years ago
To me this sounds like sound advice with regards to strangers but not grandparents.
Hazel Waring 3 years ago
A grandparent can appear a stranger to a child. It's Also important to teach that a "no" can be said and should be accepted by close friend or family member too. Just because someone loves you or cares for you does not make them more eligible to touch you (for a non necessary thing) than any stranger.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
1) We have ALL had that one relative we were forced to kiss, even though they were...well...kinda gross to kiss. 2) If a child wants to hug and kiss you, they will usually do it spontaneously, or ask YOU if they can first! 3) I’m 60, and remember plenty of relatives back in the day (1960s) who would ask me if I could give them a hug, instead of just grabbing and squeezing me. If I said no they may have made a disappointed face but didn’t embarrass themselves by insisting. I mean, who wants to be the only relative a kid has to be forced—-probably crying, pleading, and saying no no no—-to hug?
Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago
I think some of the responses here shows a general misconception about boundaries and consent. Put yourselves in the shoes of the child. If someone you barely know/see only once in a while comes up to you and hug/kisses you, you too might be uncomfortable and even offended. I disagree that grandparents or any other relatives have some special magical status that allows them access to any child in their family. Inviting a hug from a child is a different matter. I greet the adults, wave to the children and let them come to me if they want to high-five, shake hands or hug. Puts every one at ease not to have the expectation of having to interact a certain way. PS one thing that often happened to me when the nieces and nephews were small was that they would bring something to show me/tell me about or ask me to read to them at some point during the visit. Lesson: affection can be expressed in different ways.
Loretta 3 years ago
Look, even if you don't look at it as "teaching consent": being constantly kissed and touched and petted by random relatives just because you're small and cute isn't a very nice experience, so if your mom can prevent it, hell yeah, thanks mom.
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Thirty three years ago I started after my step daughter was savagely raped by an acquaintance. I refuse to use the word molest even if she was only eight. I started teaching my children two different concepts as soon as I possibly could. Consent, and decision making. So many people never actually learn to make decisions! To be able to confidently decide that you do not want to give consent or that you do, is the meeting of these two things. Also, be the back up that your kids need. Be the confidence they can rely on so they CAN say no to an adult authority figure.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Thank you. it is rape. Children need to be given that validity. "Molestation" just seems so tepid...
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Aunt Messy 3 years ago
Good on her! When I was a kid, I HATED it when people would grab me and manhandle me. I still hate it. Even now, when some idiot is fool enough to dive in for a hug, I step back. No one gets to touch me with out my consent and I don't care who you are, it's sick to think you can just put your hands on people without permission.
OJ 3 years ago
It’s crazy to me that you got downvoted. It’s also pretty scary how many people get offended when they are asked to respect someone’s physical boundaries...
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Amanda Panda 3 years ago (edited)
EFF the haters... THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Autonomy, safety, and personal boundaries are ALWAYS more important than anyone else's feelings. At 36 years old I am learning all of these things and let me tell you that my childhood without knowing this was NOT ENJOYABLE! Tell Nana to p*ss off!
Pamda Panda 3 years ago
The amount of comments in the post with people saying they give hugs whether wanted or not is pretty disturbing...
Uber Mensch 3 years ago
I'm on her side on this. AS THE CHILDS PARENT, it is up to her to raise her daughter. If we don't want females feeling pressured into intimacy or afraid to call out abuse, young girls _have_ to learn consent - and the sooner, the better. Grandparents should stop fussing about what *they* want, and think about what is genuinely in the child's best interest. Everybody else, it isn't your kid to raise, so leave the mother alone, MYOB, and STFU.
shaDoria 3 years ago (edited)
I love her! why couldn't your two year old decide if he/she wants to be touched? even by the grandparents. and why are kisses and hugs the only way to express love? plus, imagine little boys growing up understanding consent... not kissed when they don't want to be kissed, not hugged when they don't want to be hugged. imagine the lesson it would teach them.
Asy EnderDragon 3 years ago
my parents need to learn this, they always make me feel bad if I don't want to hug or kiss them and I usually like to give hugs to them but they always try to get a kiss out of it so I started to not like hugs either.
Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago
You have every right to your own feelings... I hope your parents (have learnt to) respect your choices and your boundaries.
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Sounds like she needs to talk to her parents or in-laws, not preach to the choir on tiktok
Carol Emory 3 years ago
This is actually more important now with the increasing number of kids diagnosed with ASD. To just walk up and hug/kiss an ASD kid without asking could result in a full on blow out. ASD children are sensitive to any kind of stimulation...visual, audio and physical. My father always kept trying to pick up our toddler son to have him sit on his lap. My son would fuss and twist his body to be let down. It took months for my father to understand that he had to ask and that a high five or a fist bump is ok. My son eventually grew out of it and now likes hugs. We just needed to give him space and he eventually said ok.
Kirsty Masters 3 years ago
I agree with the mum - I've been on the side of not wanting a creepy uncle hug and scratched the crap out of his way when he tried to insist. He was honestly shocked. I have made it a point to ask for hugs from my nieces and nephews - no one should be put in a position where they are physically touched if they aren't comfortable with it
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
This usually must be taught to pre-teens and teens in the special needs category. Most with downs syndrome, some with autism, etc, LOVE hugs, have grown up thus far hugging EVERYONE, and now they're older, bigger, stronger, and still want to hug literally everyone and don't understand not everyone wants a hug. Would be much easier to teach earlier in life
Cupcake168 3 years ago (edited)
"The older generations haven’t learned to regulate their emotions.“ That’s outrageous. I'm 56 (so I think I'm meant) and when my daughter was about 2 or 3 and her grandfather wanted her to kiss him, she denied and he said „Oh, now your grandpa feels sooo sad!" I take her away and said: than grandpa has to deal with sadness for this time, we all have from time to time. If you, ticktocker, talk about YOUR parents than say so. And don’t speak for everyone. 😖
Derek Clark 3 years ago
Your daughter was taught that denying a kiss from her grandfather made him sad. That's not okay. It's okay to not want to kiss and not have any negative remark attached to it, especially from family which should be your safe haven.
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Snake of Eden 3 years ago
I myself like this. I get overstimulated sometimes if someone I don't know (or even people I do know) hug me without my say so. You don't have to verbally ask, you can just use body language to express your consent or lack there of. I don't want to hug and I definitely don't want to kiss a great aunt I have only met once. I hug my parents (all the time in fact) and sometimes my aunts and imediate grandparents. But there is just something wrong about hugging and kissing people I don't know.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I always asked "May I have a hug?" but some of my fam were "grab and give you the family crush-rib and big kiss" sort, and it was unnerving to many. For me, raised in the idea this was okay with family (that family, anyway!) and nobody else. Saying "BACK OFF" to anyone not Mom-family was basic on a level I must have been taught before I could even talk. Hmm.
Stacy s 3 years ago
If I didn't make my teenage son give me a hug (like if he was leaving for a weekend or something) he would never have hugged me. He is now 19, after a visit i put my arms out- he groans , rolls his eyes dramatically, grins, and gives me a big hug. He doesn't have any "consent" issues, but he has learned to consider my emotions - yes- gasp- he learned that i have emotions. Although, i do sort of see her point in a way - when he was young i never forced him to hug anyone else. I presented it more as a question and so did my family (Can grandma get a hug goodbye? Etc) And if he was upset or resisting I didn't force him. Amd with my neice i also ask if she will give me a hug goodbye.
Stille20 3 years ago
I agree we should be teaching young children consent, but as out parents did not grow up with the idea. So it is good to teach them gently too, perhaps prior to interactions....rather than jumping on tik tok to speak to your own generation (essentially just to get pats on the back)
TheReader19 3 years ago
Totally agree, talk about wanting to fall out with your own family
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Marnie 3 years ago
I didn't watch the videos, because I care about the world, so I don't do tik tok. I didn't read all of this, but read the transcript of what was said in the video. I kind of am of two minds with this. Children are actually TAUGHT to love. Basically we have few instincts and are taught most everything. If you say to your very small child, "Look! It's Grandma and Grandpa!" and look at your child all smiles, they child will become happy to see Grandma and Grandpa. If you just ignore your child and wait for them to connect with people, they are more likely to become disconnected. Teaching them to be affectionate and receive affection with people you and they trust is a good thing. But I do understand about not forcing physical contact, too. As with many things, one can take things to an extreme. I suspect instead of absorbing her desire to teach her daughter to stand up for her own boundaries, this mother is making a stand and being very crude in her approach to it.
Mer☕️🧭☕️ 3 years ago
I don't see the problem: how hard is it to "assume the hug stance" by leaning down and opening your arms then ASKING the kid if they want a hug? You're presenting yourself as open and welcoming but you are leaving the choice for physical contact open to the kid. If the kid wants a hug, great - they know they can get one plus it shows the kid how to get a hug from an adult if they want one. If the kid doesn't want a hug right then (or ever from any specific person), that's fine too - they've been allowed the freedom to keep their body away from people they may not like/trust/know. And that is fantastic!
Dale 3 years ago (edited)
I find this all rather ridiculous. I remember as a kid my mom would drop me off at school I was maybe kindergarten or 1st grade, and when she did shed make me let her kiss me on the cheek and I hated it, was embarrassing but shed grab my face and peck my cheeks all over. Now as an adult it is a fond memory I have. I cant imagine not having those moment where my mom chose to show her love and affection for me with her actions.
lara 3 years ago
This is easy. Don't have anything to do with your daughter or her kids. They, obviously, are uncomfortable around you, don't want anything to do with you and, you are wasting your time. This is ONLY about control. Your daughter is totally and completely a control freak. Ignore her and your grandchildren. You have lost nothing.
Robin Jackson 3 years ago
"No" means "no"; it doesn't matter who you are, who they are, the age or gender of either individual, or the situation. Period.
Robert Baldwin 3 years ago
Everything about this seems logical, but it just FEELS wrong... I guess it's because I'm older and enormous wet kisses from grandma were kind of a rite of passage. I'm going to chalk it up to age (and not having kids to worry about) and assume that I'm just out of touch.
JensenDK 3 years ago
My daughter is 16 and she absolutely will not hug me. So of course, I don't. I miss it a lot - but that's my problem. She is at a place in her life right now where touching other people, including her own parents is not wanted. What would we get out of pressing her to 'show' us affection that she doesn't want to? I hope that one day she will be more comfortable in her own skin and that she will hug us again as she used to do - in the meantime, we just step back an wait. Of course. And that would go for any person - two year old, 20 year old, 80 year old.
Stille20 3 years ago
She was just looking for validation from people her own age. I get it, but stop scolding your parents on social media they will never see... unless it becomes viral... than then you are publically shaming them to the world... yikes
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Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 3 years ago
Ok here's the thing. I understand she wants her daughter to learn consent and all that and THAT IS OK. But honestly, they're the grandparents of the child. I understand that maybe the child might not like strangers, but grandparents? It's not like they want to kill her. Another thing, the girl is 2. How in the world is she going to make proper decisions at that age? (This last part isn't about hugging and kissing grandparents.)
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Ever heard of a grandchild sexually abused by a grandparent? Beaten by one? I have. Let kids have space if they want it.
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Justine Queequag 3 years ago
This is long overdue, children have just ss much if not more rights to consent, who they feel comfortable interacting with.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I 100% agree with her, but it goes for everyone, not just the grandparents.
Buzz Anderson 2 years ago
I was never asked to give a kiss. As to asking for a hug. SO F*****G WHAT. Grand parents have always said how about a hug. But never asked me to kiss them. And I have never seen it happen. This bitch is teaching her daughters that anyone getting hear her is going to assault her so never kiss or hug anyone you might be getting yourself in trouble. So don't trust ANYONE they might be secretly attacking you. So the grandparents should actually just start ignoring the kid and see how well that works. Mom is a bitch. This bitch of a mother acts as though the grandparents are sex predators.
Dorothy Cloud 3 years ago
I read her remarks and it didn't seem to have anything to do with overly aggressive adults demanding hugs & kisses.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
OK. I've now seen the videos, I'm sorry but it still looks to me as thought she is trying to make her daughter hate he father's parents. Yes, when I asked for a cuddle from one of may Granddaughters she was shy and didn't want to. So we left it at that. There should be no FORCING a child to have physical contact BUT: I had virtually no contact with any of my grandparents as really really mind that. But my parent were not touchy-feely parents so they tended to never even ask for any contact with my kids. My M-I-L was a real bitch, and tried to get her son to divorce me -- and get sole custody of the one son who took after her. It really really would have been nice to see their grandparents give them some affection.
Bonnie Edwards 3 years ago
I would not be teachnig the child she can say no, until AFTER the toddler tantrums are over. maybe around 5-6yo. Before kindergarten.
Kathryn Lattimore 3 years ago
I totally agree with this Mother! I grew up being forced to kiss and hug my parents and relatives and quite often felt uncomfortable. Even as an adult into my 50's my Mother still wanted a kiss on the lips. I was to uncomfortable to say no when it was something I should have done years ago! Even trying to turn the cheek it was met with oh you don't love me. Kudos to this Mom for wanting to help her child set up her own boundries of consent!
Cheryl Fontaine 3 years ago
Generally kids run over to me and throw their arms around my neck, whether they're relatives or neighbors.... however when they don't I always ask if I can have a hug....a no is fine, we shake hands, the little boy across the street will pat me on the cheek - I love that!.... I don't believe ANYONE should assume it's okay to hug and kiss ANYONE else without consent, direct or implied....
Shinomi Chan 3 years ago
Personally, I grew up in a very accepting environment, I used to hug literally anyone, from family to occasional stranger (don't worry, my parents were always near by) and they did tell me why I shouldn't be doing that. I was extremely extroverted as a kid, now though, I only do it to my family, and close friends I know don't mind it. I do have one friend Irl, who doesn't like hugging, and I respect that. I might joke about it from time to time like: "Can I have a hug?" and my friend just says: "No." and it's cool.
MrTir 3 years ago
Consent is an abstract idea. Infants need to take it easy take all the sensory data they take in, like any other species, form the basics of their emotions. As parents we need to make sure it is positive. But to require an infant's brain to digest this over raw love (again if this is not the case stay away from the subjects) is asking too much.
Dónal Ó Murchadha 3 years ago
Insisting on a hug and a kiss is a faux pas with a child. That said if my niece or nephew is in my lap, I might give them a kiss or cuddle. That said, I've never been brushed off so I've never felt the need to ask.
Suzanne Haigh 3 years ago
I find this post unnerving. I agree if the child does not want a kiss/hug then they should not be forced. I do think it depends on the relationship between these people.
KT 3 years ago
Yes and no. I grew up with parents who never hugged or showed love to us. We were always sent away to play until dinner time and never got time with my parents. I realized when I was becoming an adult I craved love and looked for it in the wrong places and when I found my now husband k realized how love deprived I'd really been. Hugging and showing affection was alien to me. Even my own mother said she was worried when I was pregnant I wouldn't be a loving mother. But then realized how wrong she was after she saw me loving on my babies. My husband taught me true love. Don't let your kid grow up like I did
Chenandoa 3 years ago
My mom never told me to hug someone. Most people we came across were not familiar enough with either of us to request a hug. Never had an issue with grandparents...as far as I'm concerned, I have a maternal grandfather (who is not touch feely), and then my mom's mom, whom I've never met, dont want to meet, and have quit emailing. If someone requests a hug I'll give it, especially if they are sad. I've never had anyone but my mom hug without asking, but my mom usually gives a good indicating (like, spread arms) that she's gonna give one. To be fair, I give her hugs without asking too. I dont think I'd ever hug a child without asking...I think it can be creepy, and some kids simply dont want a hug at that time. I think my friend's little sister hugged me once, but I'm not sure
Thenatural 3 years ago
Jesus!!! Imagine having this asshole as your DIL..surely all grandparents ask...'got a kiss for nana?' Or something similar....no need for this prick to take it to Tiktok...self promoting twat!!
BorPand8 3 years ago
Whoa, you sound a little defensive there. Hit a nerve?
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Hoppinger 3 years ago
Where is the common sense? If a two year old doesn't want to hug someone why would you force them to do and why would you want to? I would never make my kids hug someone they didn't want to. But I do not agree to teach kids that everyone needs to ask permission for a hug from them especially people like grandparents. Where are the grandparents feelings in all this? They count too. For many families that is how affection and love it shown. How about teaching kids that it's ok to do something that maybe you don't want to do for the sake of someone else? How long does it take to hug someone, a few seconds? I teach my kids to speak up and don't be afraid to draw a boundary on behavior they find uncomfortable. I also teach them to look at the perspective of the other person. Seems if you don't teach the kids that there are other's feelings involved, it is a sure recipe for entitlement and self-centeredness. Not everything is B&W, It can be encouraged without being forced.
Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago
So if I choose for someone NOT to hug me, I'm self-centred and entitled. Not too long ago I met someone who does NOT like to hug/kiss/shake hands with anyone (except their partner)- it was odd to me but I smiled and sent them a friendly wave from a short distance instead.
Load More Replies... Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
OK, I get it, Methinks the maiden doth protest too much" Brittany hates her in-laws and wants her daughter to hate them too. Brittany gets very very up-tight when her M-I-L wants to cuddle the child, so child senses that and refuses to let Grandma kiss her because them Mummy will ne angry with her. Maybe Mummy could show some affection or at lead acceptance of her M-I-L??
Teresa Wilcox 3 years ago
So when her daughter was a baby did she just touch her as needed.? No hugs or kisses for you little baby until you understand enough to consent. I grew up in a non touchy family. I was starved for affection. I'M still uncomfortable touching or being touched by people. I get a bad feeling about this. Don't experiment with new ideas on your kids. I might not work out how you expect it to. Body autonomy and learning to say no to avoid rape ( Obviously no doesn't work anyway) and affection are very different things. LOVE and affection should be given freely. There is nothing wrong with it.
Nikki Owens 3 years ago (edited)
Normalizing consent is one thing, but pathologizing normal human affection is another. I understand these people think they're doing something good, but I think it's worth considering that the more alienated we become from natural expressions of affection, the more mentally unhealthy we become and the more warped our perception of physical affection becomes. Historically, boys in our culture receive fewer and fewer physical expressions of affection as they get older. Hence, as adults, many men become largely incapable of perceiving physical closeness in any terms other than sexual. Physical affection, in their minds, becomes synonymous with sexuality. I believe this psychological warping from lack of casual, everyday *non-sexual* physical intimacy is exactly where many pedophilic tendencies have their germination (in extreme cases). Healthy, happy kids are naturally affectionate, often exuberantly & indiscriminately so. But now we want to extend this perverse pathological view of physical affection to *all* kids in the name of consent?
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Omg, this is not about denying affection. You and some others don't seem to grasp the actual concept of this and are taking it to extremes. All this is about is ASKING if the child wants a hug or kiss and not just expecting/forcing/insisting them to do it.
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𝕁𝕖𝕟𝕟𝕪𝔹𝕖𝕖 3 years ago
I don't agree if they want to hug their 2 yr old grandkid then they should be able to
Derek Clark 3 years ago
If the kid doesn't want to hug, then the kid shouldn't have to just because they are the grandparents. No means no.
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Jay Kay 3 years ago
congrats..your child is going to be one of those cold b***c..the world really need this ;) waiting for downvotes :)
Derek Clark 3 years ago
You got one from me. Since you're confusing consent with coldness.
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TheReader19 3 years ago (edited)
Isn't there generations of people in counselling now because they weren't touched or had the feeling of being loved. This could be making a rod for her own back as one set of grandkids are hugged, kissed and cuddled and hers are ignored because the grand parents can't be bothered with we need to gain consent. Some people have for me very strange concepts of family bonding. I have a step-daughter desperate for hugs and affection because she grew up not having any expressed to her
lenka 3 years ago
There is a difference between denying physical affection and offering physical affection while empowering the child to accept it. If you "can't be bothered" getting consent then you are part of the problem.
Load More Replies... Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
For a start, we do NOT have 'Moms" in Australai. Mostly we show women with children respect my referring to them as mothers. We call our own mothers 'Mum'. (Pronounced Mum!) Though I cannot see any of the videos, this daughter in law sounds like a real bitch! She seems to be trying to teach the child to hate her husband's parents. In fact I wish that both my parents and my in--laws has shown more affection to MY kids. She also looks quite unpleasantly "Plastic" especially with those dreadful drawn in eyebrows. Thank goodness my daughter-in-law is a nice person.
Jaime Lechuga 3 years ago
It seems like a whole team of paranoids has taken the comment section. if you suspect that your kid's grandparents are predators. Do you really think consent for hugs is the problem?
elStiJneriNO 3 years ago
things with these posts : i don't like looking into nostrils. downvote if you agree
Allahna Pundit 3 years ago
Well, Kudos to that Mom; however, she needs further to clarify that any consent needs to be in writing, and notarized. Not really too much to ask in furtherance of protecting the innocent babe from unwanted attentions.
Marcia J. Downing 3 years ago
I'm a Grandmother but I don't make them hug n kiss me. However, if my Daughter decided I needed permission to do so that would be the end of the road!!! I understand about teaching them but teach them about stranger danger n not hugging preachers or teachers. I would be furious!!!
Graham Smith 3 years ago
Lol. Something that's been going on for 300,000 years no longer acceptable according to woke Aussie c**t. Good story to run.
Marco Hub-Dub 3 years ago
So has incestual molestation & rape & so has people submissively thinking they earned being penetrated at 4yo. All because they were never taught they had agency and consent.
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Ross Keim 3 years ago
How does one get consent from a child that can’t even speak in complete sentences or even have the ability to understand the basics of anything about life? Do you need consent to breast feed then or is that sexual assault for not having permission? Where does the cut off start and end? Consent from a two year old is ridiculous, do they also need to give consent for food and naps and doctor visits?
Remi Flynne 3 years ago
Have you never tried getting a toddler to go along with your wishes when they didn't want to? Clear as f**k no matter how little speech they had.
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Remi Flynne 3 years ago
All they have to do is say 'can Grandma/grandad have a hug? If the child says no or turns away just shrug it off. It's not exactly important in the scheme of things. If the grandparents care that much they can put some time into improving the relationship (post Covid).
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lenka 3 years ago
1 in 3 girls are sexually assualted before they are an adult. Usually by someone they know - friend, grandparent, uncle, neighbour. So yeah, maybe her parents are good people but predators dont wear a button announcing thier intentions so teaching consent means the same rules apply to literally every single person in the childs life.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
Yes love begets love. Imagine a world where you treat your grandchildren with respect and they actually WANT to hug you and they might even CONSENT to hug you. How's that for a novel idea? Treating people with respect results in genuine love and affection, expressed freely instead of out of obligation. At least, this is the relationship my kids have with thier grandparents.
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lenka 3 years ago
If you know what consent is, why are you so insistent on your right to touch children who do not want to be touched? This is what the conversation looks like: R: Give me a hug. C: No thanks. I dont like hugs. R: I dont care if you like it or not. I want a hug. C: Hugs make me uncomfortable. R: I am your (insert relation) and have to hug me whether you want to or not. Now... I'm not sure what you mean by 'mastering the world' but I'm pretty sure this is not what it's supposed to look like.
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lenka 3 years ago
Actually both my children understood the fundamental concepts of consent by the time they were two.
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OJ 3 years ago
why do you think that? I think people who get offended when they are asked to respect consent are the problem.
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lenka 3 years ago
Actually teaching consent in an age appopriate manner means that at 2 years old you dont necessarily ask your child if you can help with the bath, but you DO model respect for thier body by telling them what and why. I.e. "I am going to show you how to clean your body so that when you are big enough you can look after your body yourself", or "Mummy will put some soap on the cloth and clean your tummy and your arms" or "Would you like to try and wash your bum yourself or should mummy do it". Its not rocket science to treat people with respect no matter how old (or young) they are.
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Nomadus Aureus 3 years ago
As a child, I would only see my grandparents once a year, due to us living abroad at the time. To a very small child, they were effectively strangers and I was a pretty shy kid. I hated how adults were practically forcing me to be allowed to get hugged and hug them in turn, and was often crying due to how uncomfortable it felt. I wish my mother cared about it and didn't force me to hug them. In contrast, my paternal grandparents never forced themselves on me and had no problem waiting two or three days for me to adjust to being around them. So I was a lot more comfortable with them and was happy to cuddle any time they wanted.
Load More Replies... troufaki13 3 years ago
Ok, two things. Do the parents ask for consent? Don't kids have to ask for consent if *they* want to hug their grandparents? (let the downvoting begin in 3..2..1..)
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I actually do ask my kids for consent.
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Some of you just don't get it. The rate of sexual abuse is approx 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. That is not including other forms of abuse. This isn't about being a snowflake, ridiculous etc. There is an actual reason WHY this is so important. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc can abuse other relatives. Most abusers are known to their victims. Predators take advantage and will say things like "if you love me you will do this" or "this is a special hug between me and you but its our secret" or "If you don't do this (sexual) then I will tell your parents you don't respect me and they will be mad at you". Teaching them about consent starts at unwanted affection. Including a simple hug and a kiss, doesn't matter if family or not. Statistically abusers are known by the victim. No means no should be taught from a young age. Forcing them into uncomfortable/ unwanted affection is sending the opposite message.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Also there is something seriously f****d up that there are people offended by this. So you get a kick out of forcing yourself onto someone, a child at that. That is what you are doing. If they are willing or wanting a hug then fine, it's consensual. But if it makes someone uncomfortable then you are forcing yourself into them. It is quite perverted actually.
Load More Replies... Alethia Nyx 3 years ago
I have a 2 year old niece, and I always ask if I can have a hug, because I (not having a great deal of toddler experience) don't want to upset a 2 year old. Lucky for me she likes me (once auntie shows up to baby sit mum and dad are pretty much forgotten), so I get lots of cuddles. My mum (Gran) who she know, but sees slightly less of due to distance, also asks, and usually gets one (but usually a little shorter). When last she saw my dad (grandpa), who she has only seen a couple of times, she didn't really want to hug him goodbye, she wanted auntie instead. My dad looked upset, but I said to him what do you expect when she doesn't know you, strangers are scary to a toddler who has spent most of her second year in lockdown with only her parents.
Zaza 3 years ago
I have a whole bunch of nephews and always ask them. Always have and always will. Usually I get lots of hugs when coming and when going, but the youngest especially always says no. Ok lil dude, that's fine, you don't have to, we're cool. I was raised always having to give out hugs and kisses and sit on laps, grandparents especially (old strict religious "the man is the head of the house" kind of people of course). Always hated it, even as a tiny little kid. I would never ever do that to any child, no matter how small and they are
Load More Replies... King Joffrey 3 years ago
To me this sounds like sound advice with regards to strangers but not grandparents.
Hazel Waring 3 years ago
A grandparent can appear a stranger to a child. It's Also important to teach that a "no" can be said and should be accepted by close friend or family member too. Just because someone loves you or cares for you does not make them more eligible to touch you (for a non necessary thing) than any stranger.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
1) We have ALL had that one relative we were forced to kiss, even though they were...well...kinda gross to kiss. 2) If a child wants to hug and kiss you, they will usually do it spontaneously, or ask YOU if they can first! 3) I’m 60, and remember plenty of relatives back in the day (1960s) who would ask me if I could give them a hug, instead of just grabbing and squeezing me. If I said no they may have made a disappointed face but didn’t embarrass themselves by insisting. I mean, who wants to be the only relative a kid has to be forced—-probably crying, pleading, and saying no no no—-to hug?
Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago
I think some of the responses here shows a general misconception about boundaries and consent. Put yourselves in the shoes of the child. If someone you barely know/see only once in a while comes up to you and hug/kisses you, you too might be uncomfortable and even offended. I disagree that grandparents or any other relatives have some special magical status that allows them access to any child in their family. Inviting a hug from a child is a different matter. I greet the adults, wave to the children and let them come to me if they want to high-five, shake hands or hug. Puts every one at ease not to have the expectation of having to interact a certain way. PS one thing that often happened to me when the nieces and nephews were small was that they would bring something to show me/tell me about or ask me to read to them at some point during the visit. Lesson: affection can be expressed in different ways.
Loretta 3 years ago
Look, even if you don't look at it as "teaching consent": being constantly kissed and touched and petted by random relatives just because you're small and cute isn't a very nice experience, so if your mom can prevent it, hell yeah, thanks mom.
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Thirty three years ago I started after my step daughter was savagely raped by an acquaintance. I refuse to use the word molest even if she was only eight. I started teaching my children two different concepts as soon as I possibly could. Consent, and decision making. So many people never actually learn to make decisions! To be able to confidently decide that you do not want to give consent or that you do, is the meeting of these two things. Also, be the back up that your kids need. Be the confidence they can rely on so they CAN say no to an adult authority figure.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Thank you. it is rape. Children need to be given that validity. "Molestation" just seems so tepid...
Load More Replies... Aunt Messy 3 years ago
Good on her! When I was a kid, I HATED it when people would grab me and manhandle me. I still hate it. Even now, when some idiot is fool enough to dive in for a hug, I step back. No one gets to touch me with out my consent and I don't care who you are, it's sick to think you can just put your hands on people without permission.
OJ 3 years ago
It’s crazy to me that you got downvoted. It’s also pretty scary how many people get offended when they are asked to respect someone’s physical boundaries...
Load More Replies... Amanda Panda 3 years ago (edited)
EFF the haters... THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Autonomy, safety, and personal boundaries are ALWAYS more important than anyone else's feelings. At 36 years old I am learning all of these things and let me tell you that my childhood without knowing this was NOT ENJOYABLE! Tell Nana to p*ss off!
Pamda Panda 3 years ago
The amount of comments in the post with people saying they give hugs whether wanted or not is pretty disturbing...
Uber Mensch 3 years ago
I'm on her side on this. AS THE CHILDS PARENT, it is up to her to raise her daughter. If we don't want females feeling pressured into intimacy or afraid to call out abuse, young girls _have_ to learn consent - and the sooner, the better. Grandparents should stop fussing about what *they* want, and think about what is genuinely in the child's best interest. Everybody else, it isn't your kid to raise, so leave the mother alone, MYOB, and STFU.
shaDoria 3 years ago (edited)
I love her! why couldn't your two year old decide if he/she wants to be touched? even by the grandparents. and why are kisses and hugs the only way to express love? plus, imagine little boys growing up understanding consent... not kissed when they don't want to be kissed, not hugged when they don't want to be hugged. imagine the lesson it would teach them.
Asy EnderDragon 3 years ago
my parents need to learn this, they always make me feel bad if I don't want to hug or kiss them and I usually like to give hugs to them but they always try to get a kiss out of it so I started to not like hugs either.
Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago
You have every right to your own feelings... I hope your parents (have learnt to) respect your choices and your boundaries.
Load More Replies... Yeah, you heard 3 years ago
Sounds like she needs to talk to her parents or in-laws, not preach to the choir on tiktok
Carol Emory 3 years ago
This is actually more important now with the increasing number of kids diagnosed with ASD. To just walk up and hug/kiss an ASD kid without asking could result in a full on blow out. ASD children are sensitive to any kind of stimulation...visual, audio and physical. My father always kept trying to pick up our toddler son to have him sit on his lap. My son would fuss and twist his body to be let down. It took months for my father to understand that he had to ask and that a high five or a fist bump is ok. My son eventually grew out of it and now likes hugs. We just needed to give him space and he eventually said ok.
Kirsty Masters 3 years ago
I agree with the mum - I've been on the side of not wanting a creepy uncle hug and scratched the crap out of his way when he tried to insist. He was honestly shocked. I have made it a point to ask for hugs from my nieces and nephews - no one should be put in a position where they are physically touched if they aren't comfortable with it
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
This usually must be taught to pre-teens and teens in the special needs category. Most with downs syndrome, some with autism, etc, LOVE hugs, have grown up thus far hugging EVERYONE, and now they're older, bigger, stronger, and still want to hug literally everyone and don't understand not everyone wants a hug. Would be much easier to teach earlier in life
Cupcake168 3 years ago (edited)
"The older generations haven’t learned to regulate their emotions.“ That’s outrageous. I'm 56 (so I think I'm meant) and when my daughter was about 2 or 3 and her grandfather wanted her to kiss him, she denied and he said „Oh, now your grandpa feels sooo sad!" I take her away and said: than grandpa has to deal with sadness for this time, we all have from time to time. If you, ticktocker, talk about YOUR parents than say so. And don’t speak for everyone. 😖
Derek Clark 3 years ago
Your daughter was taught that denying a kiss from her grandfather made him sad. That's not okay. It's okay to not want to kiss and not have any negative remark attached to it, especially from family which should be your safe haven.
Load More Replies... Snake of Eden 3 years ago
I myself like this. I get overstimulated sometimes if someone I don't know (or even people I do know) hug me without my say so. You don't have to verbally ask, you can just use body language to express your consent or lack there of. I don't want to hug and I definitely don't want to kiss a great aunt I have only met once. I hug my parents (all the time in fact) and sometimes my aunts and imediate grandparents. But there is just something wrong about hugging and kissing people I don't know.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I always asked "May I have a hug?" but some of my fam were "grab and give you the family crush-rib and big kiss" sort, and it was unnerving to many. For me, raised in the idea this was okay with family (that family, anyway!) and nobody else. Saying "BACK OFF" to anyone not Mom-family was basic on a level I must have been taught before I could even talk. Hmm.
Stacy s 3 years ago
If I didn't make my teenage son give me a hug (like if he was leaving for a weekend or something) he would never have hugged me. He is now 19, after a visit i put my arms out- he groans , rolls his eyes dramatically, grins, and gives me a big hug. He doesn't have any "consent" issues, but he has learned to consider my emotions - yes- gasp- he learned that i have emotions. Although, i do sort of see her point in a way - when he was young i never forced him to hug anyone else. I presented it more as a question and so did my family (Can grandma get a hug goodbye? Etc) And if he was upset or resisting I didn't force him. Amd with my neice i also ask if she will give me a hug goodbye.
Stille20 3 years ago
I agree we should be teaching young children consent, but as out parents did not grow up with the idea. So it is good to teach them gently too, perhaps prior to interactions....rather than jumping on tik tok to speak to your own generation (essentially just to get pats on the back)
TheReader19 3 years ago
Totally agree, talk about wanting to fall out with your own family
Load More Replies... Marnie 3 years ago
I didn't watch the videos, because I care about the world, so I don't do tik tok. I didn't read all of this, but read the transcript of what was said in the video. I kind of am of two minds with this. Children are actually TAUGHT to love. Basically we have few instincts and are taught most everything. If you say to your very small child, "Look! It's Grandma and Grandpa!" and look at your child all smiles, they child will become happy to see Grandma and Grandpa. If you just ignore your child and wait for them to connect with people, they are more likely to become disconnected. Teaching them to be affectionate and receive affection with people you and they trust is a good thing. But I do understand about not forcing physical contact, too. As with many things, one can take things to an extreme. I suspect instead of absorbing her desire to teach her daughter to stand up for her own boundaries, this mother is making a stand and being very crude in her approach to it.
Mer☕️🧭☕️ 3 years ago
I don't see the problem: how hard is it to "assume the hug stance" by leaning down and opening your arms then ASKING the kid if they want a hug? You're presenting yourself as open and welcoming but you are leaving the choice for physical contact open to the kid. If the kid wants a hug, great - they know they can get one plus it shows the kid how to get a hug from an adult if they want one. If the kid doesn't want a hug right then (or ever from any specific person), that's fine too - they've been allowed the freedom to keep their body away from people they may not like/trust/know. And that is fantastic!
Dale 3 years ago (edited)
I find this all rather ridiculous. I remember as a kid my mom would drop me off at school I was maybe kindergarten or 1st grade, and when she did shed make me let her kiss me on the cheek and I hated it, was embarrassing but shed grab my face and peck my cheeks all over. Now as an adult it is a fond memory I have. I cant imagine not having those moment where my mom chose to show her love and affection for me with her actions.
lara 3 years ago
This is easy. Don't have anything to do with your daughter or her kids. They, obviously, are uncomfortable around you, don't want anything to do with you and, you are wasting your time. This is ONLY about control. Your daughter is totally and completely a control freak. Ignore her and your grandchildren. You have lost nothing.
Robin Jackson 3 years ago
"No" means "no"; it doesn't matter who you are, who they are, the age or gender of either individual, or the situation. Period.
Robert Baldwin 3 years ago
Everything about this seems logical, but it just FEELS wrong... I guess it's because I'm older and enormous wet kisses from grandma were kind of a rite of passage. I'm going to chalk it up to age (and not having kids to worry about) and assume that I'm just out of touch.
JensenDK 3 years ago
My daughter is 16 and she absolutely will not hug me. So of course, I don't. I miss it a lot - but that's my problem. She is at a place in her life right now where touching other people, including her own parents is not wanted. What would we get out of pressing her to 'show' us affection that she doesn't want to? I hope that one day she will be more comfortable in her own skin and that she will hug us again as she used to do - in the meantime, we just step back an wait. Of course. And that would go for any person - two year old, 20 year old, 80 year old.
Stille20 3 years ago
She was just looking for validation from people her own age. I get it, but stop scolding your parents on social media they will never see... unless it becomes viral... than then you are publically shaming them to the world... yikes
Load More Replies... Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 3 years ago
Ok here's the thing. I understand she wants her daughter to learn consent and all that and THAT IS OK. But honestly, they're the grandparents of the child. I understand that maybe the child might not like strangers, but grandparents? It's not like they want to kill her. Another thing, the girl is 2. How in the world is she going to make proper decisions at that age? (This last part isn't about hugging and kissing grandparents.)
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Ever heard of a grandchild sexually abused by a grandparent? Beaten by one? I have. Let kids have space if they want it.
Load More Replies... Justine Queequag 3 years ago
This is long overdue, children have just ss much if not more rights to consent, who they feel comfortable interacting with.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I 100% agree with her, but it goes for everyone, not just the grandparents.
Buzz Anderson 2 years ago
I was never asked to give a kiss. As to asking for a hug. SO F*****G WHAT. Grand parents have always said how about a hug. But never asked me to kiss them. And I have never seen it happen. This bitch is teaching her daughters that anyone getting hear her is going to assault her so never kiss or hug anyone you might be getting yourself in trouble. So don't trust ANYONE they might be secretly attacking you. So the grandparents should actually just start ignoring the kid and see how well that works. Mom is a bitch. This bitch of a mother acts as though the grandparents are sex predators.
Dorothy Cloud 3 years ago
I read her remarks and it didn't seem to have anything to do with overly aggressive adults demanding hugs & kisses.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
OK. I've now seen the videos, I'm sorry but it still looks to me as thought she is trying to make her daughter hate he father's parents. Yes, when I asked for a cuddle from one of may Granddaughters she was shy and didn't want to. So we left it at that. There should be no FORCING a child to have physical contact BUT: I had virtually no contact with any of my grandparents as really really mind that. But my parent were not touchy-feely parents so they tended to never even ask for any contact with my kids. My M-I-L was a real bitch, and tried to get her son to divorce me -- and get sole custody of the one son who took after her. It really really would have been nice to see their grandparents give them some affection.
Bonnie Edwards 3 years ago
I would not be teachnig the child she can say no, until AFTER the toddler tantrums are over. maybe around 5-6yo. Before kindergarten.
Kathryn Lattimore 3 years ago
I totally agree with this Mother! I grew up being forced to kiss and hug my parents and relatives and quite often felt uncomfortable. Even as an adult into my 50's my Mother still wanted a kiss on the lips. I was to uncomfortable to say no when it was something I should have done years ago! Even trying to turn the cheek it was met with oh you don't love me. Kudos to this Mom for wanting to help her child set up her own boundries of consent!
Cheryl Fontaine 3 years ago
Generally kids run over to me and throw their arms around my neck, whether they're relatives or neighbors.... however when they don't I always ask if I can have a hug....a no is fine, we shake hands, the little boy across the street will pat me on the cheek - I love that!.... I don't believe ANYONE should assume it's okay to hug and kiss ANYONE else without consent, direct or implied....
Shinomi Chan 3 years ago
Personally, I grew up in a very accepting environment, I used to hug literally anyone, from family to occasional stranger (don't worry, my parents were always near by) and they did tell me why I shouldn't be doing that. I was extremely extroverted as a kid, now though, I only do it to my family, and close friends I know don't mind it. I do have one friend Irl, who doesn't like hugging, and I respect that. I might joke about it from time to time like: "Can I have a hug?" and my friend just says: "No." and it's cool.
MrTir 3 years ago
Consent is an abstract idea. Infants need to take it easy take all the sensory data they take in, like any other species, form the basics of their emotions. As parents we need to make sure it is positive. But to require an infant's brain to digest this over raw love (again if this is not the case stay away from the subjects) is asking too much.
Dónal Ó Murchadha 3 years ago
Insisting on a hug and a kiss is a faux pas with a child. That said if my niece or nephew is in my lap, I might give them a kiss or cuddle. That said, I've never been brushed off so I've never felt the need to ask.
Suzanne Haigh 3 years ago
I find this post unnerving. I agree if the child does not want a kiss/hug then they should not be forced. I do think it depends on the relationship between these people.
KT 3 years ago
Yes and no. I grew up with parents who never hugged or showed love to us. We were always sent away to play until dinner time and never got time with my parents. I realized when I was becoming an adult I craved love and looked for it in the wrong places and when I found my now husband k realized how love deprived I'd really been. Hugging and showing affection was alien to me. Even my own mother said she was worried when I was pregnant I wouldn't be a loving mother. But then realized how wrong she was after she saw me loving on my babies. My husband taught me true love. Don't let your kid grow up like I did
Chenandoa 3 years ago
My mom never told me to hug someone. Most people we came across were not familiar enough with either of us to request a hug. Never had an issue with grandparents...as far as I'm concerned, I have a maternal grandfather (who is not touch feely), and then my mom's mom, whom I've never met, dont want to meet, and have quit emailing. If someone requests a hug I'll give it, especially if they are sad. I've never had anyone but my mom hug without asking, but my mom usually gives a good indicating (like, spread arms) that she's gonna give one. To be fair, I give her hugs without asking too. I dont think I'd ever hug a child without asking...I think it can be creepy, and some kids simply dont want a hug at that time. I think my friend's little sister hugged me once, but I'm not sure
Thenatural 3 years ago
Jesus!!! Imagine having this asshole as your DIL..surely all grandparents ask...'got a kiss for nana?' Or something similar....no need for this prick to take it to Tiktok...self promoting twat!!
BorPand8 3 years ago
Whoa, you sound a little defensive there. Hit a nerve?
Load More Replies... Hoppinger 3 years ago
Where is the common sense? If a two year old doesn't want to hug someone why would you force them to do and why would you want to? I would never make my kids hug someone they didn't want to. But I do not agree to teach kids that everyone needs to ask permission for a hug from them especially people like grandparents. Where are the grandparents feelings in all this? They count too. For many families that is how affection and love it shown. How about teaching kids that it's ok to do something that maybe you don't want to do for the sake of someone else? How long does it take to hug someone, a few seconds? I teach my kids to speak up and don't be afraid to draw a boundary on behavior they find uncomfortable. I also teach them to look at the perspective of the other person. Seems if you don't teach the kids that there are other's feelings involved, it is a sure recipe for entitlement and self-centeredness. Not everything is B&W, It can be encouraged without being forced.
Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago
So if I choose for someone NOT to hug me, I'm self-centred and entitled. Not too long ago I met someone who does NOT like to hug/kiss/shake hands with anyone (except their partner)- it was odd to me but I smiled and sent them a friendly wave from a short distance instead.
Load More Replies... Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
OK, I get it, Methinks the maiden doth protest too much" Brittany hates her in-laws and wants her daughter to hate them too. Brittany gets very very up-tight when her M-I-L wants to cuddle the child, so child senses that and refuses to let Grandma kiss her because them Mummy will ne angry with her. Maybe Mummy could show some affection or at lead acceptance of her M-I-L??
Teresa Wilcox 3 years ago
So when her daughter was a baby did she just touch her as needed.? No hugs or kisses for you little baby until you understand enough to consent. I grew up in a non touchy family. I was starved for affection. I'M still uncomfortable touching or being touched by people. I get a bad feeling about this. Don't experiment with new ideas on your kids. I might not work out how you expect it to. Body autonomy and learning to say no to avoid rape ( Obviously no doesn't work anyway) and affection are very different things. LOVE and affection should be given freely. There is nothing wrong with it.
Nikki Owens 3 years ago (edited)
Normalizing consent is one thing, but pathologizing normal human affection is another. I understand these people think they're doing something good, but I think it's worth considering that the more alienated we become from natural expressions of affection, the more mentally unhealthy we become and the more warped our perception of physical affection becomes. Historically, boys in our culture receive fewer and fewer physical expressions of affection as they get older. Hence, as adults, many men become largely incapable of perceiving physical closeness in any terms other than sexual. Physical affection, in their minds, becomes synonymous with sexuality. I believe this psychological warping from lack of casual, everyday *non-sexual* physical intimacy is exactly where many pedophilic tendencies have their germination (in extreme cases). Healthy, happy kids are naturally affectionate, often exuberantly & indiscriminately so. But now we want to extend this perverse pathological view of physical affection to *all* kids in the name of consent?
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Omg, this is not about denying affection. You and some others don't seem to grasp the actual concept of this and are taking it to extremes. All this is about is ASKING if the child wants a hug or kiss and not just expecting/forcing/insisting them to do it.
Load More Replies... 𝕁𝕖𝕟𝕟𝕪𝔹𝕖𝕖 3 years ago
I don't agree if they want to hug their 2 yr old grandkid then they should be able to
Derek Clark 3 years ago
If the kid doesn't want to hug, then the kid shouldn't have to just because they are the grandparents. No means no.
Load More Replies... Jay Kay 3 years ago
congrats..your child is going to be one of those cold b***c..the world really need this ;) waiting for downvotes :)
Derek Clark 3 years ago
You got one from me. Since you're confusing consent with coldness.
Load More Replies... TheReader19 3 years ago (edited)
Isn't there generations of people in counselling now because they weren't touched or had the feeling of being loved. This could be making a rod for her own back as one set of grandkids are hugged, kissed and cuddled and hers are ignored because the grand parents can't be bothered with we need to gain consent. Some people have for me very strange concepts of family bonding. I have a step-daughter desperate for hugs and affection because she grew up not having any expressed to her
lenka 3 years ago
There is a difference between denying physical affection and offering physical affection while empowering the child to accept it. If you "can't be bothered" getting consent then you are part of the problem.
Load More Replies... Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
For a start, we do NOT have 'Moms" in Australai. Mostly we show women with children respect my referring to them as mothers. We call our own mothers 'Mum'. (Pronounced Mum!) Though I cannot see any of the videos, this daughter in law sounds like a real bitch! She seems to be trying to teach the child to hate her husband's parents. In fact I wish that both my parents and my in--laws has shown more affection to MY kids. She also looks quite unpleasantly "Plastic" especially with those dreadful drawn in eyebrows. Thank goodness my daughter-in-law is a nice person.
Jaime Lechuga 3 years ago
It seems like a whole team of paranoids has taken the comment section. if you suspect that your kid's grandparents are predators. Do you really think consent for hugs is the problem?
elStiJneriNO 3 years ago
things with these posts : i don't like looking into nostrils. downvote if you agree
Allahna Pundit 3 years ago
Well, Kudos to that Mom; however, she needs further to clarify that any consent needs to be in writing, and notarized. Not really too much to ask in furtherance of protecting the innocent babe from unwanted attentions.
Marcia J. Downing 3 years ago
I'm a Grandmother but I don't make them hug n kiss me. However, if my Daughter decided I needed permission to do so that would be the end of the road!!! I understand about teaching them but teach them about stranger danger n not hugging preachers or teachers. I would be furious!!!
Graham Smith 3 years ago
Lol. Something that's been going on for 300,000 years no longer acceptable according to woke Aussie c**t. Good story to run.
Marco Hub-Dub 3 years ago
So has incestual molestation & rape & so has people submissively thinking they earned being penetrated at 4yo. All because they were never taught they had agency and consent.
Load More Replies... Ross Keim 3 years ago
How does one get consent from a child that can’t even speak in complete sentences or even have the ability to understand the basics of anything about life? Do you need consent to breast feed then or is that sexual assault for not having permission? Where does the cut off start and end? Consent from a two year old is ridiculous, do they also need to give consent for food and naps and doctor visits?
Remi Flynne 3 years ago
Have you never tried getting a toddler to go along with your wishes when they didn't want to? Clear as f**k no matter how little speech they had.
Load More Replies... Remi Flynne 3 years ago
All they have to do is say 'can Grandma/grandad have a hug? If the child says no or turns away just shrug it off. It's not exactly important in the scheme of things. If the grandparents care that much they can put some time into improving the relationship (post Covid).
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
1 in 3 girls are sexually assualted before they are an adult. Usually by someone they know - friend, grandparent, uncle, neighbour. So yeah, maybe her parents are good people but predators dont wear a button announcing thier intentions so teaching consent means the same rules apply to literally every single person in the childs life.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
Yes love begets love. Imagine a world where you treat your grandchildren with respect and they actually WANT to hug you and they might even CONSENT to hug you. How's that for a novel idea? Treating people with respect results in genuine love and affection, expressed freely instead of out of obligation. At least, this is the relationship my kids have with thier grandparents.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
If you know what consent is, why are you so insistent on your right to touch children who do not want to be touched? This is what the conversation looks like: R: Give me a hug. C: No thanks. I dont like hugs. R: I dont care if you like it or not. I want a hug. C: Hugs make me uncomfortable. R: I am your (insert relation) and have to hug me whether you want to or not. Now... I'm not sure what you mean by 'mastering the world' but I'm pretty sure this is not what it's supposed to look like.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
Actually both my children understood the fundamental concepts of consent by the time they were two.
Load More Replies... OJ 3 years ago
why do you think that? I think people who get offended when they are asked to respect consent are the problem.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
Actually teaching consent in an age appopriate manner means that at 2 years old you dont necessarily ask your child if you can help with the bath, but you DO model respect for thier body by telling them what and why. I.e. "I am going to show you how to clean your body so that when you are big enough you can look after your body yourself", or "Mummy will put some soap on the cloth and clean your tummy and your arms" or "Would you like to try and wash your bum yourself or should mummy do it". Its not rocket science to treat people with respect no matter how old (or young) they are.
Load More Replies... Nomadus Aureus 3 years ago
As a child, I would only see my grandparents once a year, due to us living abroad at the time. To a very small child, they were effectively strangers and I was a pretty shy kid. I hated how adults were practically forcing me to be allowed to get hugged and hug them in turn, and was often crying due to how uncomfortable it felt. I wish my mother cared about it and didn't force me to hug them. In contrast, my paternal grandparents never forced themselves on me and had no problem waiting two or three days for me to adjust to being around them. So I was a lot more comfortable with them and was happy to cuddle any time they wanted.
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