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GF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 Minutes
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GF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 Minutes

Interview With Expert GF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 MinutesGF Goes To Restroom After Cinema, Is Livid When She Can't Find BF Waiting For HerBF Confused That GF Is Mad Because She Couldn’t Find Him After Going To The RestroomBF Can’t Fathom Why GF Is Mad After She Couldn’t Find Him Outside The RestroomGF Upset When She Can’t Find BF After Movie, Wonders How Long It’d Take Him To Notice She’s MissingBF And GF Lose Each Other After She Goes To Cinema Restroom, She Thinks He Doesn’t Care EnoughGF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 MinutesGF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 MinutesGF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 Minutes
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Romantic relationship dynamics are as unique as snowflakes. After all, no two people are alike. What works for some might not work for others, and that’s what makes these couplings all the more one-of-a-kind.

One Redditor who thought her relationship with her BF was rock solid got a shock when they lost each other after she left the restroom after a movie. Panicked, she found him after a while, but he got super defensive when she reprimanded him about not coming to look for her. Now she’s asked Reddit if she acted like a jerk.       

More info: Reddit

Couple went to movie together, but girlfriend forgot her phone

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)

After the movie, the girlfriend went to the restroom

Image credits: Leila Abboud / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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When she came out, her boyfriend was nowhere to be found

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Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)

She hunted high and low for him, and eventually found him sitting on a sofa looking at his phone

Image credits: u/damiana_nervousa

When she confronted him about not looking for her, he said it was her fault for not seeing him, leaving her to wonder if she was the jerk

OP begins her post by telling the community that she and her boyfriend went to go see a movie, but that she forgot her phone. After the movie she needed the restroom, but when she was done, she couldn’t find her BF at their usual meeting point.

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Panicked, she started looking for him everywhere, but obviously couldn’t call him because she had no phone. After checking his car and the men’s restroom, she decided to try the cinema one more time, only to spot him sitting on a couch obviously checking his phone.

Still upset, she told him she’d been searching for him. That’s when he got defensive and told her it was her fault for not spotting him where he was waiting. On the car ride home, he kept telling her he couldn’t understand why she was so upset.

When she tried telling him she wanted them to be more ‘in sync’, he just asked her if he needed to tell her where he’s going to be every time they’re apart from each other. OP says that felt unfair, especially since she didn’t have her phone, and asked the community whether or not she was overreacting. 

From what OP says in her post, it would seem that she’s feeling insecure in her romantic relationship. Interestingly enough, research shows it’s not personality or compatibility that keeps couples together. Rather, it’s how a couple interacts—how they speak to each other, how they get along with each other—and if they focus on building a relationship together that creates successful relationships.

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Image credits: Roberto Nickson / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Strong relationships call for different types of nurturing—physical, emotional, and attentional. Certain traits have been shown to be particularly important for maintaining healthy bonds. For starters, each individual should feel confident that their partner is willing to devote time and attention to them. 

In addition, both partners must remain committed to addressing and making space for the challenges and differences that will inevitably occur. Partners who communicate clearly with each other have a better opportunity for connection and a lower risk of the conflict that comes with misunderstanding. 

In her article for VeryWellMind, Sherri Gordon writes that five love languages, first coined by author and pastor Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, describe the five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

“Words of affirmation” is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or verbal appreciation. Someone who’s love language is “quality time”, on the other hand, will respond well to undivided attention and spending meaningful time together. 

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Gordon adds that a person with “physical touch” as their main love language feels love through physical affection. Beyond intercourse, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage, for example.

“Acts of service” include doing nice things for your partner that make them feel appreciated and loved, for example, running errands, helping with the dishes, or cleaning around the house. 

Finally, for someone who identifies with the love language of “receiving gifts”, gifts symbolize affection, care, and love. Beyond the gift, they’ll treasure the time and energy the gift-giver put into picking it out for them. 

OP would probably do well to figure out what her BF’s love language is, and he, hers, if their relationship is going to stand the test of time.

Bored Panda caught up with relationship expert, Dr. Deborah Hecker to get her opinion on OP’s situation. When we asked her if OP was overreacting, her answer was a definite no. She said OP was appropriately responding to their customary meet-up arrangements.  According to Dr. Hecker, all partners must find a heathy balance between togetherness and separateness and must clearly communicate their needs to each other.

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She added, “The boyfriend’s “disappearance” was not a statement of his need for independence and separateness. It was a blatant playing out of his self-centered decision to be alone, just because the spirit moved him.  Relationships cannot endure with this type of self-indulgence and absence of respect for one’s partner.” 

We asked Dr. Hecker for one piece of advice she’d offer the couple moving forward, to which she responded, “They need to clearly communicate their respective needs for togetherness and separateness.  If there is conflict between their needs, they must work through those conflicts with the help of a qualified professional.”

Do you think OP overreacted in the situation? How would you have handled it? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

Redditors in the comments concluded she was the jerk for overreacting and should have been clearer about the meeting point before she went to the restroom

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Ivan Ayliffe

Ivan Ayliffe

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

After twenty years in advertising, I've decided to try my hand at journalism. I'm lucky enough to be based in Cape Town, South Africa and use every opportunity I get to explore everything it has to offer, both indoors and out. When I'm not reading, writing, or listening to podcasts, I spend my time swimming in the ocean, running mountain trails, and skydiving. While I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, I did live in !ndia, which was an incredible experience. I love live music, whether it's in a massive stadium or an intimate club setting.

Read less »
Ivan Ayliffe

Ivan Ayliffe

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After twenty years in advertising, I've decided to try my hand at journalism. I'm lucky enough to be based in Cape Town, South Africa and use every opportunity I get to explore everything it has to offer, both indoors and out. When I'm not reading, writing, or listening to podcasts, I spend my time swimming in the ocean, running mountain trails, and skydiving. While I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, I did live in !ndia, which was an incredible experience. I love live music, whether it's in a massive stadium or an intimate club setting.

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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LonelyLittleLeafSheep
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. When my spouse or I need to use a public restroom, the other waits near the doors where we can be seen when the other comes out. It's common courtesy. He could have cruised his phone leaning against the wall. To all the YTA people, I hope you get separated and left alone from your friends or partner in a similar situation so you can see how it feels.

tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She even said he waits by the door. I think he was being purposefully cruel. I bet there's more he does that she simply didn't mention.

Load More Replies...
notlikeyou1971
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but it's impossible to be " in sync" with each other unless you're psychic or have superpowers. In the future if you are concerned about getting separated, the smartest thing to do is to use your words. My man and I do when he doesn't bring his phone with him to the store when we go somewhere. " If we get separated, meet me by the bench." No wonder he got annoyed with you. Communicate! Don't throw a hissy fit when you didn't even tell him where you were and where to meet. Maybe you both have a different way of doing things but in this situation instead of freaking out, make a plan together. It avoids all the drama and a scene like you made. Your reaction and lack of communication and trust is a big problem that you definitely need to address and work on. Remember he is not a mind reader.

magekaz
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds to me like the bf is the one who threw the hissy fit. Total overreaction on his part.

Load More Replies...
Jeremy James
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm leaning towards NAH. You can't blame someone who grew up in a world of cell phones for never learning the Old Ways. Even us Ancients are starting to forget. But a little ESH because neither one seemed to handle their emotional communication very well.

Papa
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't get past the part about her expecting them "to be more in sync." Does she think they should have some mystical power since they're a couple? Or that he should be able to read her mind? She needs to grow up.

Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not entirely sure why the lack of cell phone is even a factor here. Unless OP has a reason to think the BF ran off and left her, she knew he was right there somewhere. Yes, having cell is a nice way to just call and say "where are you" but really? He was going to be somewhere close by...

Melissa anderson
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how we all survived 40 years ago without cellphones. I guess we were a bunch of lucky old Neanderthals living in the Dark Ages. LOL

Alyssa Phillips
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was always taught (and teach my children) stay where you are if you are lost. Side note, I would have all called from the desk--any ancients remember those days? 😂

Monica G
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They both sound quite young. All in all, she lost the phone, she left for bathroom, so she should have communicate clearly as to where to meet.

Solandri
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I enjoy telling kids what we used to have to do when we couldn't find someone we were supposed to pick up at the airport (like say, their flight got in early so they deplaned before I arrived). Person who flew in would have to use a pay phone to call my house. They'd then tell the person who answered (spouse / kids / parents) that their flight came in early, and they'd be waiting at [location]. After some fruitless searching around, I'd use a pay phone to call home to check to see if they'd called and left their location. At which time my family members would tell me where to find the person. To us, it was the simplest way to solve the problem. But young people always seem to think this was ridiculously complicated. (They're also amazed that we had the phone numbers for dozens of close friends and family memorized.)

Load More Replies...
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, but what does "be in sync" mean here? First thing that comes to me is mind reading which...surely that's not what she means, right??? I am confused why it wasn't automatic that if one person is going to the restroom, the other waits nearby. Like why would you wander off from there?

Vanessa MacKenzie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

lol, probably thought that a quick pee turned into something a bit more time consuming, such as chatting with someone in the bathroom, checking your makeup, handbag, had unexpected time of the month. 10 minutes is nothing.

Pollywog
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's what I don't get... Why wasn't he where he normally waited for her? How didn't he notice her searching everywhere? Complete strangers did and offered help. She found him on a couch when she went back to check that area AGAIN. Why was he defensive and then wouldn't drop it? Her saying she wanted them to be "in sync" didn't mean on a psychic level. She wants them to "be on the same page" or "in step with each other" when it comes to traveling. There's nothing wrong with that either!

Solandri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like he didn't see her because he had his head buried in his phone. If this theater is like the one near my house, I'd give her a mild YTA but mainly blame the theater. They have no seating outside the bathrooms. If you want to sit while you wait for someone using the bathroom, you have to go around the corner. Meaning neither of you can immediately see each other.

Load More Replies...
tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said he usually waits by the door, but he wasn't there. I think he did this on purpose for whatever messed up reason he has, probably for leaving her phone behind. He knew she was helpless to find him. I'd take a closer look at how he treats her. This may not be the only instance.

Terran
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or maybe a lot of people were passing in front of the toilet, so he found himself a place nearby, where he wouldn't stand in everyone's way and she just didn't see him and overreacted?

Load More Replies...
Paul C
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, a load of YTAs where the commenters are not absolutely mental.

Ephemera Image
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he got defensive it must be because he isn't 'in sync' with her and he should have felt her angry vibe, lol. Somehow I think this has happened before with the drama queen.

LonelyLittleLeafSheep
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. When my spouse or I need to use a public restroom, the other waits near the doors where we can be seen when the other comes out. It's common courtesy. He could have cruised his phone leaning against the wall. To all the YTA people, I hope you get separated and left alone from your friends or partner in a similar situation so you can see how it feels.

tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She even said he waits by the door. I think he was being purposefully cruel. I bet there's more he does that she simply didn't mention.

Load More Replies...
notlikeyou1971
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry but it's impossible to be " in sync" with each other unless you're psychic or have superpowers. In the future if you are concerned about getting separated, the smartest thing to do is to use your words. My man and I do when he doesn't bring his phone with him to the store when we go somewhere. " If we get separated, meet me by the bench." No wonder he got annoyed with you. Communicate! Don't throw a hissy fit when you didn't even tell him where you were and where to meet. Maybe you both have a different way of doing things but in this situation instead of freaking out, make a plan together. It avoids all the drama and a scene like you made. Your reaction and lack of communication and trust is a big problem that you definitely need to address and work on. Remember he is not a mind reader.

magekaz
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds to me like the bf is the one who threw the hissy fit. Total overreaction on his part.

Load More Replies...
Jeremy James
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm leaning towards NAH. You can't blame someone who grew up in a world of cell phones for never learning the Old Ways. Even us Ancients are starting to forget. But a little ESH because neither one seemed to handle their emotional communication very well.

Papa
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't get past the part about her expecting them "to be more in sync." Does she think they should have some mystical power since they're a couple? Or that he should be able to read her mind? She needs to grow up.

Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not entirely sure why the lack of cell phone is even a factor here. Unless OP has a reason to think the BF ran off and left her, she knew he was right there somewhere. Yes, having cell is a nice way to just call and say "where are you" but really? He was going to be somewhere close by...

Melissa anderson
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how we all survived 40 years ago without cellphones. I guess we were a bunch of lucky old Neanderthals living in the Dark Ages. LOL

Alyssa Phillips
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was always taught (and teach my children) stay where you are if you are lost. Side note, I would have all called from the desk--any ancients remember those days? 😂

Monica G
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They both sound quite young. All in all, she lost the phone, she left for bathroom, so she should have communicate clearly as to where to meet.

Solandri
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I enjoy telling kids what we used to have to do when we couldn't find someone we were supposed to pick up at the airport (like say, their flight got in early so they deplaned before I arrived). Person who flew in would have to use a pay phone to call my house. They'd then tell the person who answered (spouse / kids / parents) that their flight came in early, and they'd be waiting at [location]. After some fruitless searching around, I'd use a pay phone to call home to check to see if they'd called and left their location. At which time my family members would tell me where to find the person. To us, it was the simplest way to solve the problem. But young people always seem to think this was ridiculously complicated. (They're also amazed that we had the phone numbers for dozens of close friends and family memorized.)

Load More Replies...
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, but what does "be in sync" mean here? First thing that comes to me is mind reading which...surely that's not what she means, right??? I am confused why it wasn't automatic that if one person is going to the restroom, the other waits nearby. Like why would you wander off from there?

Vanessa MacKenzie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

lol, probably thought that a quick pee turned into something a bit more time consuming, such as chatting with someone in the bathroom, checking your makeup, handbag, had unexpected time of the month. 10 minutes is nothing.

Pollywog
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's what I don't get... Why wasn't he where he normally waited for her? How didn't he notice her searching everywhere? Complete strangers did and offered help. She found him on a couch when she went back to check that area AGAIN. Why was he defensive and then wouldn't drop it? Her saying she wanted them to be "in sync" didn't mean on a psychic level. She wants them to "be on the same page" or "in step with each other" when it comes to traveling. There's nothing wrong with that either!

Solandri
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like he didn't see her because he had his head buried in his phone. If this theater is like the one near my house, I'd give her a mild YTA but mainly blame the theater. They have no seating outside the bathrooms. If you want to sit while you wait for someone using the bathroom, you have to go around the corner. Meaning neither of you can immediately see each other.

Load More Replies...
tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said he usually waits by the door, but he wasn't there. I think he did this on purpose for whatever messed up reason he has, probably for leaving her phone behind. He knew she was helpless to find him. I'd take a closer look at how he treats her. This may not be the only instance.

Terran
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or maybe a lot of people were passing in front of the toilet, so he found himself a place nearby, where he wouldn't stand in everyone's way and she just didn't see him and overreacted?

Load More Replies...
Paul C
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, a load of YTAs where the commenters are not absolutely mental.

Ephemera Image
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he got defensive it must be because he isn't 'in sync' with her and he should have felt her angry vibe, lol. Somehow I think this has happened before with the drama queen.

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