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GF Wonders About Strength Of Relationship After BF Doesn’t Come Looking For Her After 10 Minutes
Interview With Expert
Romantic relationship dynamics are as unique as snowflakes. After all, no two people are alike. What works for some might not work for others, and that’s what makes these couplings all the more one-of-a-kind.
One Redditor who thought her relationship with her BF was rock solid got a shock when they lost each other after she left the restroom after a movie. Panicked, she found him after a while, but he got super defensive when she reprimanded him about not coming to look for her. Now she’s asked Reddit if she acted like a jerk.
More info: Reddit
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Couple went to movie together, but girlfriend forgot her phone
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After the movie, the girlfriend went to the restroom
Image credits: Leila Abboud / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When she came out, her boyfriend was nowhere to be found
Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She hunted high and low for him, and eventually found him sitting on a sofa looking at his phone
Image credits: u/damiana_nervousa
When she confronted him about not looking for her, he said it was her fault for not seeing him, leaving her to wonder if she was the jerk
OP begins her post by telling the community that she and her boyfriend went to go see a movie, but that she forgot her phone. After the movie she needed the restroom, but when she was done, she couldn’t find her BF at their usual meeting point.
Panicked, she started looking for him everywhere, but obviously couldn’t call him because she had no phone. After checking his car and the men’s restroom, she decided to try the cinema one more time, only to spot him sitting on a couch obviously checking his phone.
Still upset, she told him she’d been searching for him. That’s when he got defensive and told her it was her fault for not spotting him where he was waiting. On the car ride home, he kept telling her he couldn’t understand why she was so upset.
When she tried telling him she wanted them to be more ‘in sync’, he just asked her if he needed to tell her where he’s going to be every time they’re apart from each other. OP says that felt unfair, especially since she didn’t have her phone, and asked the community whether or not she was overreacting.
From what OP says in her post, it would seem that she’s feeling insecure in her romantic relationship. Interestingly enough, research shows it’s not personality or compatibility that keeps couples together. Rather, it’s how a couple interacts—how they speak to each other, how they get along with each other—and if they focus on building a relationship together that creates successful relationships.
Image credits: Roberto Nickson / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Strong relationships call for different types of nurturing—physical, emotional, and attentional. Certain traits have been shown to be particularly important for maintaining healthy bonds. For starters, each individual should feel confident that their partner is willing to devote time and attention to them.
In addition, both partners must remain committed to addressing and making space for the challenges and differences that will inevitably occur. Partners who communicate clearly with each other have a better opportunity for connection and a lower risk of the conflict that comes with misunderstanding.
In her article for VeryWellMind, Sherri Gordon writes that five love languages, first coined by author and pastor Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, describe the five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
“Words of affirmation” is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or verbal appreciation. Someone who’s love language is “quality time”, on the other hand, will respond well to undivided attention and spending meaningful time together.
Gordon adds that a person with “physical touch” as their main love language feels love through physical affection. Beyond intercourse, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage, for example.
“Acts of service” include doing nice things for your partner that make them feel appreciated and loved, for example, running errands, helping with the dishes, or cleaning around the house.
Finally, for someone who identifies with the love language of “receiving gifts”, gifts symbolize affection, care, and love. Beyond the gift, they’ll treasure the time and energy the gift-giver put into picking it out for them.
OP would probably do well to figure out what her BF’s love language is, and he, hers, if their relationship is going to stand the test of time.
Bored Panda caught up with relationship expert, Dr. Deborah Hecker to get her opinion on OP’s situation. When we asked her if OP was overreacting, her answer was a definite no. She said OP was appropriately responding to their customary meet-up arrangements. According to Dr. Hecker, all partners must find a heathy balance between togetherness and separateness and must clearly communicate their needs to each other.
She added, “The boyfriend’s “disappearance” was not a statement of his need for independence and separateness. It was a blatant playing out of his self-centered decision to be alone, just because the spirit moved him. Relationships cannot endure with this type of self-indulgence and absence of respect for one’s partner.”
We asked Dr. Hecker for one piece of advice she’d offer the couple moving forward, to which she responded, “They need to clearly communicate their respective needs for togetherness and separateness. If there is conflict between their needs, they must work through those conflicts with the help of a qualified professional.”
Do you think OP overreacted in the situation? How would you have handled it? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Redditors in the comments concluded she was the jerk for overreacting and should have been clearer about the meeting point before she went to the restroom
What do you think ?
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 4 months ago
NTA. When my spouse or I need to use a public restroom, the other waits near the doors where we can be seen when the other comes out. It's common courtesy. He could have cruised his phone leaning against the wall. To all the YTA people, I hope you get separated and left alone from your friends or partner in a similar situation so you can see how it feels.
tori Ohno 4 months ago
She even said he waits by the door. I think he was being purposefully cruel. I bet there's more he does that she simply didn't mention.
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notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
Sorry but it's impossible to be " in sync" with each other unless you're psychic or have superpowers. In the future if you are concerned about getting separated, the smartest thing to do is to use your words. My man and I do when he doesn't bring his phone with him to the store when we go somewhere. " If we get separated, meet me by the bench." No wonder he got annoyed with you. Communicate! Don't throw a hissy fit when you didn't even tell him where you were and where to meet. Maybe you both have a different way of doing things but in this situation instead of freaking out, make a plan together. It avoids all the drama and a scene like you made. Your reaction and lack of communication and trust is a big problem that you definitely need to address and work on. Remember he is not a mind reader.
magekaz 3 months ago
Sounds to me like the bf is the one who threw the hissy fit. Total overreaction on his part.
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LonelyLittleLeafSheep 4 months ago
NTA. When my spouse or I need to use a public restroom, the other waits near the doors where we can be seen when the other comes out. It's common courtesy. He could have cruised his phone leaning against the wall. To all the YTA people, I hope you get separated and left alone from your friends or partner in a similar situation so you can see how it feels.
tori Ohno 4 months ago
She even said he waits by the door. I think he was being purposefully cruel. I bet there's more he does that she simply didn't mention.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 4 months ago
Sorry but it's impossible to be " in sync" with each other unless you're psychic or have superpowers. In the future if you are concerned about getting separated, the smartest thing to do is to use your words. My man and I do when he doesn't bring his phone with him to the store when we go somewhere. " If we get separated, meet me by the bench." No wonder he got annoyed with you. Communicate! Don't throw a hissy fit when you didn't even tell him where you were and where to meet. Maybe you both have a different way of doing things but in this situation instead of freaking out, make a plan together. It avoids all the drama and a scene like you made. Your reaction and lack of communication and trust is a big problem that you definitely need to address and work on. Remember he is not a mind reader.
magekaz 3 months ago
Sounds to me like the bf is the one who threw the hissy fit. Total overreaction on his part.
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