I absolutely agree that the man is NTA, that his son needs love and support from both parents. His wife is absolutely going through this all the wrong way, BUT, she needs to be getting some form of therapy and expecting her to "get over it" is unrealistic at best. She is still going through the grieving process which takes people different times and is entirely unique to the individual. Its not simply the case that she's had a decade to get used to the idea - she hasn't finished processing it, you dont get to put a time limit on this. She needs to support her son and get some therapy, but dont expect her to just get over it just because you have.

NTA. I can understand how difficult it may be for her to adjust but she has had 10 years to work through her feelings. You are right, your son is the one that needs the support right now, especially if he is about to start the transitioning phase. Your an amazing, loving and caring dad to your son, I wish more parents were as accepting.

My mother is exactly like that mom. She tries to talk this out of me, scaring me with what could go wrong and how nobody is going to like me after what I plan on doing. She even starts to negotiate how "losing 60 pounds" might fix all my problems. As soon as I speak up she starts crying and says that I'm too sensitive and have no idea how worried she is and thats just how a mother is supposed to react. I know she is going through the phases of grief and I want to give her the time, but I'm really sick of it. I'm not f*****g dead but if she keeps going on like this, I dont know how long I will stay alive when the most important person in my life hurts me like this everytime we talk.

Dad is cool, but imo both the child and the mom needs support here. We process things differently, she can love and support her child and be confused and overwhelmed at the same time. Family therapy/trans counseling exist for a reason. I wish them well.

She'll lose more than a daughter...she will lose her child if the mom can't reconcile.

The mother has had plenty of time to get used to this. I just think she’s being more than a little selfish and denying her son the support that he needs. Sure she needs time to grieve, but she’s not losing her child, her child is just becoming who he’s meant to be. I told my daughter that if she wanted to date girls or boys it wouldn’t matter to me, she’s still the same person. Admittedly this isn’t the same situation but a child is a child, regardless of gender and needs love no matter what.

The child is alive, yes? Healthy, yes? The mother needs a reality check. Her "daughter" was always a son. She's been in denial a *long* time. I can see why her family is frustrated. Her child is not her mirror. She's clinging to an *image*. Reality will not be kinder as time passes.

She hasn’t lost anyone. 😕

One of the worst things in the world must be getting married to someone who is not doing the inner work. It is so hard to improve and take care of yourself when the person you live with does not do the work simultaneously. This would make me feel alienated from my partner and I think it would lead to a divorce. Because she is close minded, self absorbed and very conservative. I wonder if he thinks that his partner is not the person he thought she was. I dont think she will be capable of accepting this completely.

wow, i am happy that the dad is supportive but the mom is making this too hard. i feel sorry for the boy this is happening to

What I find interesting is the mother originally claiming the dad didn't spend enough time with the son and that's why there were gender issues. But now suddenly she's lost a daughter? What this tells me is she never enjoyed spending time with her child, because her child was always a boy. If she did enjoy their time together, it was at the expense of her child's happiness.

I don't know what the mom's problem is... whether she is just stuck wanting different things and being manipulative to get it, or has some deepseated denial because of crap that she was handed while she was growing up. Dad is right to tell her that she's the one who needs to adjust and start supporting her son. Dad is NTA.

How tragic that this woman has spent the last ten years denying any kind of love or support for her son, and blaming everyone else for the pain and sadness she has caused. I don't think I could stay in a marriage like that. I hope this dad and his son are able to move forward together, with or without her.

as a trans kid, this made me feel safe. :) I can kinda get where the mom is coming from, cuz i know it might be hard, but her son is obviously doing something that means a lot to him, and if she really loved him, she should be able to let go, and embrace change

This woman has not "lost" a daughter...she has gained a son. The child (now adult) still has the same personality and memories, and still feels the same way about his parents...but mom is slowly poisoning her son's love for her. Mom needs therapy...yesterday...since she's had nearly 13 years to get used to the idea that she has a son instead of a daughter and she's still resisting.

Gender is a social construct, and not a very helpful one at that. It's perfectly fine for men and women to express themselves however they want, wear what they like, love who they want, and be safe from persecution or prejudice. We need to get over the whole " boys like this, girls like that", as it is very harmful to those who do not identify specifically to one group. Not all girls want to wear makeup. Not all boys like trucks. Get rid of gender, and get rid of stereotypes. Celebrate your differences, I say. There are no wrong bodies, just a society that is very limited in its thinking.

I've never had any experience like this. My kids are all cis-gendered. But I know that someone who is trans needs to talk with someone who specializes in the process of transition. They need therapy to help deal with the difficulties they'll face (people not accepting them and so on) and who knows what the process is. I want to be clear that I mean supportive therapy to help them transition, not conversion therapy to stop them. I'm guessing that some family members, like this mother, could benefit from some therapy with someone who specializes in helping parents accept and support their transitioning child. I hope that this family manages to find a way to be a family again.

She had more than 10 years to get the help she needed in dealing with this. She didn't, so now she msut get over herself. It's not an issue about mothers and bonding it's an issue about wanting to accept your child and she clearly doens't.

His wife is in denial. As the father i would continue being there for his son and supporting him in all of his decisions in life and that even though his mother may not accept him as he is, that she still has love for her child, she just doesn't see him how he is, she sees her son as the baby girl she carried for 9 months and birthed.

Me me me me me me me and sometimes I.

Glad this dad is standing up for his son. Mom is being manipulative and insensitive, so she accuses him of being insensitive. —— A longtime friend told me his 14-y/o daughter's best friend growing up is transitioning female-to-male. He had so many questions -- I'm gay with several transgender friends. I advised: Instead of asking questions, just observe and support. He didn't need to feel frustrated or conflicted, it simply wasn't called for. He looked at me and said, "You're right. What am I doing?"

Glad that she (or he) has an supportive and good dad

I think it’s easy to tell people how to react, but until you’re in that situation yourself don’t be so quick to judge. It’s a tough situation all around and I can understand why it’s hard for her to accept. Hopefully as time goes she can learn to accept him because I’m sure at the end of the day she just wants him/her to be happy.

Men, at least you are trying to understand (or understood) what is happening. Maybe you r wife too, but she may need more time and you can involve your son in a mature way to explain to your wife what is the situation..... Also , in my country ,we always said that the sons are for the mother and the daughter for the dad....i dont know if i explain well....Anyway, a soon as both of you stay together at accepting what is happening , the result will be the happines of your family,which for me is the goal of having a family. Give time and love.

YTA.

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Way to enable your mentally ill child. #ParentOfTheYear