BRILLIANT!

This is hilarious and needs to be higher up.

Duly noted and thank you.

Louisa johnson

Louisa johnson

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Accurate. It's usually the women without kids saying this stuff as well

They can sense when you're at your weakest.

Very suspicious… they’re plotting something with the cat, for sure 👀

Amen to that! My favorite: my 7-or-so-daughter shrieking IN THE STORE: "Stop abusing me!!"

What a coinkidink

Preach, Sister.

So true!

The number of times I've come home to my wife fully asleep next to our toddler, who is just sitting up, looking at her...

Brilliant!

I told my son (5ish at the time) it means "I don't like you". He then always flipped his little sister off. When I called him out he explained "but I don't like her! What's wrong?"

I literally just had the same conversation with my daughter 10 minutes ago. I never buy Lucky Charms because my kids only want to eat the marshmallows but Dad brought some home from the store. Looks like I have to have a talk with Dad again about smarter food options, or that he needs to hide his stash so the kids don't ask for it.

Getting kids to do stuff for themselves is actually top-notch parenting.

When my son was little, I would tell him to give me a second. Then he learned to count, & when I would say " in a second" he would count (1) and say times up! I had to start saying "in a minute" after that.

If only this applies to adults.

Mmm, but any intruder-related activity is likely to wake the kid, and now you have two problems, at least.

That’s really sweet. 💕

Yes! That's absolutely how it is!

I was changing my daughter's nappy yesterday, and she was upset about it. Crying, rubbing her eyes, etc. Suddenly, she uncovered her eyes, smiled, said "peekaboo!" (or, rather, her equivalent), and promptly went back to crying.

Tupperware jug here....lasted at least 6 months it was her "emotional support bucket" after her Daddy died. I didn't care I let her do it.

my dad: uh...Last I checked he could make frozen pizza (rewarmed), pita pizza, sandwiches and bagels. No idea how he survived college.

At least you can be thankful that they're not behaving like this inside

This is the truth.

Idk guys, I don’t think I can handle myself

Hold on, I feel seen. Mom, is that you?

My kiddo recently started the "rub it in my own hair" routine and I quickly gave up on explaining why there are raw yet half-eaten cucumber seeds in my kids hair.

I’m sorry I can’t resist… Have you tried turning it off and on again

That was my uncle's attitude before having his girls, my parents tell me. Bonus, he just KNEW his children would always be respectful and answer everything with "Yes sir" or "No sir". Spoiler alert; He was very incorrect

Yes, he would obey, just like when you tell your inanimate objects to do 30 jumping jacks, it will obey

Grandparents who last raised a toddler three decades ago have a remarkably similar attitude.

Oh gee, that's what I've been doing wrong

Who needs mom friends when you can sit and wear sunglasses and feel cool?

Very logical, all things considered.

Maybe the first twin has very low self-esteem, came up with the exact insult that would hurt himself the most, and used it on the person who looks exactly like him. Or maybe they're just kids.

Did it cure the itch, though? It ain't stupid if it works

And the carrying! Always carrying....

My mom did it a lot more when I became a teenager. ...... wait a minu-

Seems not only the quesadilla got burned

"The kitchen looks a MESS. I switched the lights off - way better"

My kindergarten student asked me how old I was. I asked her, how old do you think I am? She replied 12. Glad she didn't learn any higher numbers yet!

YOU HAVE OBTAINED THE FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE OF LEARNING TO TEACH CRABS TO BE LITERATE. NOW THEY WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD, SIDE TO SIDE, AND SIDE BY SIDE WITH EACH OTHER!!!