BRILLIANT!

This is hilarious and needs to be higher up.

Duly noted and thank you.

Accurate. It's usually the women without kids saying this stuff as well

They can sense when you're at your weakest.

Very suspicious… they’re plotting something with the cat, for sure 👀

Preach, Sister.

Amen to that! My favorite: my 7-or-so-daughter shrieking IN THE STORE: "Stop abusing me!!"

So true!

What a coinkidink

The number of times I've come home to my wife fully asleep next to our toddler, who is just sitting up, looking at her...

Brilliant!

I told my son (5ish at the time) it means "I don't like you". He then always flipped his little sister off. When I called him out he explained "but I don't like her! What's wrong?"

I literally just had the same conversation with my daughter 10 minutes ago. I never buy Lucky Charms because my kids only want to eat the marshmallows but Dad brought some home from the store. Looks like I have to have a talk with Dad again about smarter food options, or that he needs to hide his stash so the kids don't ask for it.

Getting kids to do stuff for themselves is actually top-notch parenting.

until they're adolescent and you mock their reply when they have to clean their room

Mmm, but any intruder-related activity is likely to wake the kid, and now you have two problems, at least.

Yes! That's absolutely how it is!

If only this applies to adults.

That’s really sweet. 💕

At least you can be thankful that they're not behaving like this inside

Tupperware jug here....lasted at least 6 months it was her "emotional support bucket" after her Daddy died. I didn't care I let her do it.

This is the truth.

I was changing my daughter's nappy yesterday, and she was upset about it. Crying, rubbing her eyes, etc. Suddenly, she uncovered her eyes, smiled, said "peekaboo!" (or, rather, her equivalent), and promptly went back to crying.

Idk guys, I don’t think I can handle myself

my dad: uh...Last I checked he could make frozen pizza (rewarmed), pita pizza, sandwiches and bagels. No idea how he survived college.

Who needs mom friends when you can sit and wear sunglasses and feel cool?

I’m sorry I can’t resist… Have you tried turning it off and on again

Hold on, I feel seen. Mom, is that you?

is something I know => stare - something I never seen => put in the mouth as is the way the have to "know" things

Or when she becomes a doctor and her patients are all wearing Frozen band aids.

And the carrying! Always carrying....

Maybe the first twin has very low self-esteem, came up with the exact insult that would hurt himself the most, and used it on the person who looks exactly like him. Or maybe they're just kids.

Very logical, all things considered.

My mom did it a lot more when I became a teenager. ...... wait a minu-

"The kitchen looks a MESS. I switched the lights off - way better"

Seems not only the quesadilla got burned

My kindergarten student asked me how old I was. I asked her, how old do you think I am? She replied 12. Glad she didn't learn any higher numbers yet!

YOU HAVE OBTAINED THE FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE OF LEARNING TO TEACH CRABS TO BE LITERATE. NOW THEY WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD, SIDE TO SIDE, AND SIDE BY SIDE WITH EACH OTHER!!!

*whispers* guys something beat the BP censorship bots!