Yesyesyes

I had to reassure my son that the toilet was not a portal to another land and that I wasn't going anywhere when I walked into the bathroom.

and they can't seem to be able to wakeup during the week when they have school

BIG YES

Yes I can relate my daughter pulled my whole sundress off me all the way to the floor while we were waiting in the front of a huge church!

Meh. Kids should sleep into their own rooms. They can come sleep with their parents if they have nightmares once in a while, but not make it a a habit.

Perhaps duct tape is an alternative? Never tried. :)

Don't forget baby painting a room with his/her #2 , & , I don't mean pencil !

True story. Mine headbutts me in the face at least once every other day...

Only because they think you're playing with those things. Your toys are their toys.

can still pick up with my toes

If I'm being honest I would not have worn one before having children lol

Close relative of the 'carry the vomiting kid and run to toilet/bucket/sink' activity.

Absolutely Brilliant.

I always wondered why human children are the only animal offspring who simultaneously try to starve themselves/commitsuicidebyeatingeverydamnedthing.

This is a picture I drew for my mom back in the 1970s. mommultita...e15c7f.jpg

XD baby in the dog bed. That made me smile. :D

Popeye eats spinach, not broccoli.

"How do you shave your legs 9 months pregnant?" First kid: Feel and pray Second kid: Shaved legs? What's that?

mine went down the toilet just lucky kid was to short to flush

every NEW parent. we have 3 kids... we don't follow rules from books now. we just trust ourself

felt like if I fell on the tummy I would be like a cast turtle

What do you mean? Just tell them they died. Everything dies. Might as well get to know that fact early in life, that way they don't end up wasting too much of their life on trivial things.

I don't think Eyeball has children. The first sentence is the give away.

^ that comment = one reason not to date you haha