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Mom’s List Of “Don’ts” For Her Daughter Is Going Viral, And Everyone Must Read It
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Mom’s List Of “Don’ts” For Her Daughter Is Going Viral, And Everyone Must Read It

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One mom is inspiring parents across the internet with this powerful letter that she wrote to her five-year-old daughter.

“Don’t apologize when someone else bumps into you,” reads the letter, written by Portland-based blogger Toni Hammer who recently posted it on Facebook. “Don’t say ‘sorry to be such a pain.’ You’re not a pain. You’re a person with thoughts and feelings who deserves respect. Don’t make up reasons as to why you can’t go out with a guy you don’t wanna go out with. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.”

The letter goes on to list various things that her daughter shouldn’t do, but instead of being restrictive, the purpose of the letter is to empower her daughter. “I want to raise a daughter who is as confident as she is kind, who fights for those who can’t fight for themselves, who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and work hard to make the world a better place,” said Toni. “Someone who is a lover of justice and believes change can happen.”

Toni decided to write the letter because her daughter was starting kindergarten this year and she didn’t want her to have the same experience that she did when she was at school. “I was picked on a lot as a kid and I hate the idea of her going through what I did. I know it won’t be long before someone tries to make her feel ‘less than’ and I want her to face it with more confidence then I had at that age,” she said.

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Scroll down for the full letter. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.

More info: Facebook (h/t)

One mom is inspiring parents across the internet with this powerful letter that she wrote to her daughter

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“Don’t apologize for being who you are. Be brave and bold and beautiful. Be unapologetically you”

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Some people were quick to agree with her letter

Other people had slightly different opinions

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What do you think?

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Hans
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Frankly, what people post supposedly for the rest of the world typically is rather boring.

Kat Weasel
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also known as: stand up for yourself but don't be an a*****e about it. I get where the mother is coming from though, girls in general aren't taught that, sadly

BREAK YOUr perceptions
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

of all the comments i see for people taking issue, i feel like they are missing the point. this is about restoring your right to live your life without outside influence. nothing about what the mother said was to do an about face and be rude. its simply *stand up for yourself and don't let others push you around*

James Brigham (Bigg) Bunyon
Community Member
7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

If you don't inherently know to live your life your way, i.e. be true to yourself, you're already lost. The reason this mom is telling her girl these things is because in today's society, the social justice warriors want their way to be the only way. Do the research and you'll find advice that's diametrically opposed to this because the powers that be want people subservient and docile. What this mom is preaching is no less insurrection that taking up arms. BUT ... you go mom. Keep teaching the truth.

Load More Replies...
Fordessa
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It funny how letters to people these days are written in the form of facebook posts. I'm sure her daughter will express her appreciation in the comments section.

Ironcat_xox
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every day it gets harder and harder not to offend people on the internet. Overall good message. It's not perfect. Get over it.

Allison G.
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love her rules! I also think Lynette LaRue's is a good follow-up, because sometimes we need to meet others half-way. But in a world where women are still finding a voice, you go girl! Say no! Don't apologise if you aren't sorry or it wasn't your fault! That's something I still struggle with at 30!

Zori the degu
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's absolutely brilliant. She must be great mother. I do hope that her daughter reads it (if she can) interprets the letter correctly and follows all those don'ts during her childhood and teenage years. She'd go far like that.

Celestial Lynx
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stopped at "you deserve respect." For a kid that age, she needs to be learning that respect is EARNED, not given freely...

John Ashley
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, your daughter does not have a right to be heard. She has right to say what she wants, but no one is obligated to listen.

Ben Smith
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is really advice for a person going off to college soon - good advice really. Most of these don't apply to a small child and frankly, aren't very practical.

Aunt Messy
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is something that your kids should know and be able to do with confidence LONG before they start kindergarten.

Load More Replies...
Lisa Panos Fullerton
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it is important to teach our children that it is ok to say NO! I believe that this is the reason the generation today is the way it is. Because these kids rarely are told NO. When they are told NO... They have temper tantrums, they defy authority. There are times it is really OK to say NO! And Our children also need to be able to accept NO as a response. Instead , they flip out , they manipulate, they act applaud they've been told NO! I am all for this parents teachings. She also should teach her daughter that its ok to say NO... As well as being told NO. KUDOS MOMMA!

Celestial Lynx
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still a teenager living with my parents (I'm starting college next year) and I have ALWAYS had a huge problem with accepting no for an answer. Whenever they told me I couldn't do something, I would do it anyways. They would "catch" me and ground me. This has happened many times throughout my childhood and they have become very strict with me as a result. It has taken me most of my teenage years to learn that you're not always going to get a "yes" and that there are going to be rules you won't agree to, responsibilities you won't want to attend to, and people you aren't going to want to bow down to. But sometimes, it's just what you have to do. And think that is what KIDS (boy, girl, trans, any of them) need to be taught in today's society.

Load More Replies...
Kathleen Baars
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love this mom's advice. And no, grandma needs to get over the dress. Maybe her granddaughter is more comfortable in pants because it aligns with her budding sexuality. This mother didn't say anything about being rude AND people need to get over what is "rude". This is about not apologizing for who you are on a base level which is female; a concept we teach our daughters all the time in a million unconscious ways. And yes, there are beautiful pant sets quite suitable for a wedding.

Brigitte Saviskas
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her letter is all good, but not very age appropriate. Is she going to be asked for a date? That's just stupid... this letter is to herself.... and reflects a bit of bitterness and anger... the examples should be geared toward what someone her age might encounter. My daughter always told her kids to say "NO thank you" to being pushed or yelled at, mistreated in some way or whatever... very clear... and can be said sweetly or forcefully... giver her concrete tools not adult concepts!!!

Tiefer Alt
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the people complaining about rudeness are missing the point. She's not teaching her daughter to be rude, she's teaching her to have a backbone.

Angela Platts
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't it a bit too soon so impose all this on a five year old? For goodness sake, let the child learn a little about life first.

Larry Battros
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't see much of that from women .... well maybe the dress, it seems to me wearing a dress is a hassle, it affects sitting, running, and pockets are a good thing. The rest is bull. I think being a woman is a plus. Stop the whining and enjoy your unique power.

Heather Mattingly
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of this advice sounds good in theory until you realize that it's selfishness at its core.

Vera Deme
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I not seeing any advice for self-improvement and this is essential to teach. Everyone has good and bad sides. Sometimes the bad sides are more and self-discipline is the only way to control them and not let them to evolve into something that might harm others of oneself. It that matter eating uncontrollably is not a good advice at all, especially not natural things like fruits and vegetables. So I agree only partially to these parental "nos".

Ariadne Morgena
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really wish my mom had told me many of these things. This mother is acknowledging that sexism exists and trying to empower her daughter to fight it. She IS "telling it like it is," in a way that is age-appropriate for her daughter. And personally, I think these people who are so "bored" or "over it" just don't like thinking about sexism or feel threatened by a conversation about it.

Kate MacKay
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the love of fruitcake, don't apologize when someone bumps into you. They'll think you're a Canadian and no one can stand Canadians.

Martin
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't apologize when your brother arrives with many Fremen Warriors.

Deb Mason
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of those comments though, "Is there a reason it's only to "daughter" and not "kids"?" uh, maybe she only has the one child?

Deb McKinley
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of life's most important lessons is missing, "Be kind to others."

no shit Sherlock
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the most brilliant things I've ever read. All parents should read it

Dianne Morris
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Words are fine, I suppose. They learn more from watching you, the parent and that can be a heavy load when you are feeling less than cordial. Why on earth is this even a discussion? Behave well, speak well and if it matters not then nothing is lost but if does matter there is everything to be gained. People rarely regret good behavior however, later regrets are just that...too late for a re-do. if it doesn't matter then no worries. If, down the road it does matter then again you did the right thing. Hard to take back rude or cruel.

Jozsef Kovacs
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd like to talk to the mom's parents.....all of this is common sense among civilized ppl......

Blind Oracle
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's funny that she has all this 'be strong, be yourself' advice for her child, yet when the child is dealing with family members, the rules change. The rule is: basically put up with any and all s**t from your family, because they're family. I think it's time for THAT rule to change!

Claire Elizia
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so cute <3 I think we all need to be reminded of these don'ts sometime in life!

Andreas Ldngr
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biggest question here always is: If I want to address my 6 years old with some piece or original wisdom (which this ain't), would I post it on Facebook for the world to judge? Or will I write a handwritten note to her so she might keep that note pinned to her REAL wall at home if she likes? I mean... this is most likely a copy-paste from some other source. The phrase "and the internet went viral about it" is damaging our minds more than Donald F. Trump's presidential campaign.

Mistrz Varflock
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Everyone must read it"? I didn't read it on purpose to prove your statement wrong. Deal with it.

Ben Smith
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brb, telling me 5 year old it's ok to say no. Never getting anything done or leaving the house on time for the rest of my life.

KD
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom, when I see some fat people, can I be honest & call them fat? ...No, you can't be honest, and only say...Plus size instead.

Raymond Villamor
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounded like she was correcting her own mistakes. I think it wouldn't have sounded so demanding if she'd incorporated Lynette LaRue Donnelly's comment into the letter. It wasn't quite as demanding.

Hans
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Frankly, what people post supposedly for the rest of the world typically is rather boring.

Kat Weasel
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also known as: stand up for yourself but don't be an a*****e about it. I get where the mother is coming from though, girls in general aren't taught that, sadly

BREAK YOUr perceptions
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

of all the comments i see for people taking issue, i feel like they are missing the point. this is about restoring your right to live your life without outside influence. nothing about what the mother said was to do an about face and be rude. its simply *stand up for yourself and don't let others push you around*

James Brigham (Bigg) Bunyon
Community Member
7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

If you don't inherently know to live your life your way, i.e. be true to yourself, you're already lost. The reason this mom is telling her girl these things is because in today's society, the social justice warriors want their way to be the only way. Do the research and you'll find advice that's diametrically opposed to this because the powers that be want people subservient and docile. What this mom is preaching is no less insurrection that taking up arms. BUT ... you go mom. Keep teaching the truth.

Load More Replies...
Fordessa
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It funny how letters to people these days are written in the form of facebook posts. I'm sure her daughter will express her appreciation in the comments section.

Ironcat_xox
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every day it gets harder and harder not to offend people on the internet. Overall good message. It's not perfect. Get over it.

Allison G.
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love her rules! I also think Lynette LaRue's is a good follow-up, because sometimes we need to meet others half-way. But in a world where women are still finding a voice, you go girl! Say no! Don't apologise if you aren't sorry or it wasn't your fault! That's something I still struggle with at 30!

Zori the degu
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's absolutely brilliant. She must be great mother. I do hope that her daughter reads it (if she can) interprets the letter correctly and follows all those don'ts during her childhood and teenage years. She'd go far like that.

Celestial Lynx
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stopped at "you deserve respect." For a kid that age, she needs to be learning that respect is EARNED, not given freely...

John Ashley
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, your daughter does not have a right to be heard. She has right to say what she wants, but no one is obligated to listen.

Ben Smith
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is really advice for a person going off to college soon - good advice really. Most of these don't apply to a small child and frankly, aren't very practical.

Aunt Messy
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is something that your kids should know and be able to do with confidence LONG before they start kindergarten.

Load More Replies...
Lisa Panos Fullerton
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it is important to teach our children that it is ok to say NO! I believe that this is the reason the generation today is the way it is. Because these kids rarely are told NO. When they are told NO... They have temper tantrums, they defy authority. There are times it is really OK to say NO! And Our children also need to be able to accept NO as a response. Instead , they flip out , they manipulate, they act applaud they've been told NO! I am all for this parents teachings. She also should teach her daughter that its ok to say NO... As well as being told NO. KUDOS MOMMA!

Celestial Lynx
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still a teenager living with my parents (I'm starting college next year) and I have ALWAYS had a huge problem with accepting no for an answer. Whenever they told me I couldn't do something, I would do it anyways. They would "catch" me and ground me. This has happened many times throughout my childhood and they have become very strict with me as a result. It has taken me most of my teenage years to learn that you're not always going to get a "yes" and that there are going to be rules you won't agree to, responsibilities you won't want to attend to, and people you aren't going to want to bow down to. But sometimes, it's just what you have to do. And think that is what KIDS (boy, girl, trans, any of them) need to be taught in today's society.

Load More Replies...
Kathleen Baars
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love this mom's advice. And no, grandma needs to get over the dress. Maybe her granddaughter is more comfortable in pants because it aligns with her budding sexuality. This mother didn't say anything about being rude AND people need to get over what is "rude". This is about not apologizing for who you are on a base level which is female; a concept we teach our daughters all the time in a million unconscious ways. And yes, there are beautiful pant sets quite suitable for a wedding.

Brigitte Saviskas
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her letter is all good, but not very age appropriate. Is she going to be asked for a date? That's just stupid... this letter is to herself.... and reflects a bit of bitterness and anger... the examples should be geared toward what someone her age might encounter. My daughter always told her kids to say "NO thank you" to being pushed or yelled at, mistreated in some way or whatever... very clear... and can be said sweetly or forcefully... giver her concrete tools not adult concepts!!!

Tiefer Alt
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the people complaining about rudeness are missing the point. She's not teaching her daughter to be rude, she's teaching her to have a backbone.

Angela Platts
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't it a bit too soon so impose all this on a five year old? For goodness sake, let the child learn a little about life first.

Larry Battros
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't see much of that from women .... well maybe the dress, it seems to me wearing a dress is a hassle, it affects sitting, running, and pockets are a good thing. The rest is bull. I think being a woman is a plus. Stop the whining and enjoy your unique power.

Heather Mattingly
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of this advice sounds good in theory until you realize that it's selfishness at its core.

Vera Deme
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I not seeing any advice for self-improvement and this is essential to teach. Everyone has good and bad sides. Sometimes the bad sides are more and self-discipline is the only way to control them and not let them to evolve into something that might harm others of oneself. It that matter eating uncontrollably is not a good advice at all, especially not natural things like fruits and vegetables. So I agree only partially to these parental "nos".

Ariadne Morgena
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really wish my mom had told me many of these things. This mother is acknowledging that sexism exists and trying to empower her daughter to fight it. She IS "telling it like it is," in a way that is age-appropriate for her daughter. And personally, I think these people who are so "bored" or "over it" just don't like thinking about sexism or feel threatened by a conversation about it.

Kate MacKay
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the love of fruitcake, don't apologize when someone bumps into you. They'll think you're a Canadian and no one can stand Canadians.

Martin
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't apologize when your brother arrives with many Fremen Warriors.

Deb Mason
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of those comments though, "Is there a reason it's only to "daughter" and not "kids"?" uh, maybe she only has the one child?

Deb McKinley
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of life's most important lessons is missing, "Be kind to others."

no shit Sherlock
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the most brilliant things I've ever read. All parents should read it

Dianne Morris
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Words are fine, I suppose. They learn more from watching you, the parent and that can be a heavy load when you are feeling less than cordial. Why on earth is this even a discussion? Behave well, speak well and if it matters not then nothing is lost but if does matter there is everything to be gained. People rarely regret good behavior however, later regrets are just that...too late for a re-do. if it doesn't matter then no worries. If, down the road it does matter then again you did the right thing. Hard to take back rude or cruel.

Jozsef Kovacs
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd like to talk to the mom's parents.....all of this is common sense among civilized ppl......

Blind Oracle
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's funny that she has all this 'be strong, be yourself' advice for her child, yet when the child is dealing with family members, the rules change. The rule is: basically put up with any and all s**t from your family, because they're family. I think it's time for THAT rule to change!

Claire Elizia
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so cute <3 I think we all need to be reminded of these don'ts sometime in life!

Andreas Ldngr
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biggest question here always is: If I want to address my 6 years old with some piece or original wisdom (which this ain't), would I post it on Facebook for the world to judge? Or will I write a handwritten note to her so she might keep that note pinned to her REAL wall at home if she likes? I mean... this is most likely a copy-paste from some other source. The phrase "and the internet went viral about it" is damaging our minds more than Donald F. Trump's presidential campaign.

Mistrz Varflock
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Everyone must read it"? I didn't read it on purpose to prove your statement wrong. Deal with it.

Ben Smith
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brb, telling me 5 year old it's ok to say no. Never getting anything done or leaving the house on time for the rest of my life.

KD
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom, when I see some fat people, can I be honest & call them fat? ...No, you can't be honest, and only say...Plus size instead.

Raymond Villamor
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounded like she was correcting her own mistakes. I think it wouldn't have sounded so demanding if she'd incorporated Lynette LaRue Donnelly's comment into the letter. It wasn't quite as demanding.

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