Woman’s mom is a textbook narcissist who has also convinced herself that her kid is a pathological liar

While growing up, the author went through hell as her mother kept trying to sabotage her life

“My mother ruined my life. So I made sure she ruined her own life with the same lies she told that ruined mine” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most vengeful communities to tell its members a tale about how she managed to get back at her narcissistic mother. The post garnered nearly 5K upvotes as well as 163 comments discussing the situation.

Now, it’s no big news that there’s no such thing as a “perfect family.” Every household has a different dynamic – however, it just so happens that sometimes the said dynamic requires some strict, or in this particular case, “petty” measures. 

The author of today’s post is a victim of a narcissistic mother, and while she did say that they’re no longer in touch and are both undergoing therapy, things weren’t as prominent at the beginning. 

The netizen’s issue – apart from having an egomaniacal parent – was that her mother had also convinced herself andthe rest of the family that her offspring was a pathological liar who had been brainwashed by her own mom specifically to “ruin her life.” As time went by, the woman cut her kid off from her relatives and pretty much all of the outside world by not giving her access to the internet or a cell phone until she moved out. 

Needless to say, I think most of you will agree that to say that she made her kid’s life a living hell would be a huge understatement, but there’s no need to fret, as once original poster got older, she found a way to put her made-up “condition” to use. 

The narcissist in question practically dug her own grave and has since been surrounding herself with horrible people as she would subconsciously think that all the people who wished her well were, in fact, the real monsters. Of course, kudos to her for even trying therapy, as not a lot of folks are willing to admit that there’s a significant problem going on – however, the so-called revenge the post’s creator wreaked on her mother dearest is indeed the true definition of “kill them with kindness.”

And as a little cherry on top to conclude the tale, like one of the commenters said, “Is it really gaslighting if there’s gas in the lighter?” 

However, as she got older, she found a way to put her made-up “condition” to use

To find out more about narcissistic parents, Bored Panda reached out to a couple of professionals: Amanda Robins, an artist, blogger and psychotherapist who specializes in working with adult children of narcissistic mothers and survivors of narcissistic abuse, and Alex Burgemeester, a neuropsychologist from Amsterdam and the creator of The Narcissistic Life blog. 

First things first, we asked our experts to define the basic signs of narcissistic parents: “Narcissistic parents are basically self-focused. They are interested in appearances rather than how you are feeling or your authentic self. They tend to offer love that is highly conditional, so based on your ability to achieve and perform according to what they want. Often the family will be structured around meeting the needs of the narcissist parent rather than the needs of the children. Narcissistic mothers might be focused on your body or looks or your academic achievements. Alternatively, they might ignore you completely, focusing instead on a more compliant or ‘successful’ (in their eyes) sibling. They will generally be controlling and emotionally absent, unable to provide the support and attunement needed for a young child to develop a healthy sense of self,” says Amanda.

Alex also provided his take and replied as follows: “Growing up with a narcissistic parent is very confusing for a child because there is no unconditional love. Nothing is good enough for a narcissistic parent. A child will receive love when they are performing well in the eyes of the parent. If they don’t perform, the parent can become angry and show their disappointment to the child.

Some basic signs are:

– They play ‘favorites’ with their children. Often there is one favorite and one scapegoat.
– They expect you to live their unlived dreams. They have high expectations, and when their children fail, they become angry and disappointed.
– They are always competing and comparing with you. You might do good, but never as good as they did.
– They pretend to be a loving parent to others because they want to picture the perfect family.
– They are obsessed with their appearance and the appearance of their children.

In short, everything needs to look perfect from the outside for them to show off their perfect life.”

“Narcissistic parents can traumatise children (depending on the severity of their narcissism). Children raised in this environment will have issues around their sense of self, often developing into serious identity problems later in life. This can manifest in a lack of direction, relationship issues, career trajectory or instability. They will often have problems with relating to others and can become ‘people pleasers’ lacking boundaries and the skills to assert themselves at home or at work. They can sometimes become involved with narcissistic men or women and remain in abusive relationships as they don’t understand how healthy relationships work. They often don’t believe they deserve to be treated well, as they can have an underlying sense of themselves as somehow worthless or defective. They may not necessarily be conscious of these feelings, but the feelings of inadequacy will underpin much of their decision-making and their behaviour in relationships. Women raised by a narcissistic mother will have an insecure attachment style, usually anxious/ambivalent (preoccupied),” added Amanda when BP pondered about the possible impact of growing up with such a parent.

Last but certainly not least, Alex offered some advice on how to handle a narcissistic mother/parent: “Most children feel guilty to their parents, which is why they don’t want to break all contact. Depending on how narcissistic a parent is, the only healthy way to deal with a truly narcissistic mother is by breaking all contact and focusing on your own happiness. The other option is to go ‘low contact’ with your parent and keep them at bay. Set clear emotional boundaries for them but especially for themselves. This is a very difficult situation as the narcissistic parent will do everything to trigger their child to get a reaction out of them. They will play the guilt game, saying this is not what they deserve after all they did for them.”

Now that we’ve received some credible comments, what is your opinion on the original story?

Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions