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WFH Worker Wants To Relocate To Grieve Loss With Family, Gets A “Cold Reminder” Instead
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WFH Worker Wants To Relocate To Grieve Loss With Family, Gets A “Cold Reminder” Instead

Interview With Expert WFH Worker Wants To Relocate To Grieve Loss With Family, Gets A “Cold Reminder” InsteadGrieving Worker Wants To Relocate, Gets A “Cold Reminder” About How Much Companies Really Care“No Exceptions”: WFH Job Won’t Let Worker Relocate After Their Mom Dies UnexpectedlyCompany Doesn’t Care Employee Is Grieving Their Mom, Denies Their Request To Work RemotelyEmployee Of 7 Years Denied Remote Work To Grieve Their Mom Despite Working From Home Full-TimeEmployee Asks To WFH While Grieving After Mom's Passing, Company Hits Them With Grieving Employee Vents About Company Cruelly Denying Their Request To Work From Family’s House
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Working remotely has never been this easy and omnipresent. In August 2023, 12.2% of all workers in the U.S. worked from home and more than 4.7 million worked remotely at least half of the time. Yet not all employers are so understanding when it comes to letting their workers do the job remotely.

Some even don’t bend the rules when tragedy strikes in the family. This person’s company denied them permission to work from home after their mother passed away. Angry and disappointed, the person took to the r/antiwork subreddit to share their story.

To find out more about what a person could do in this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Louise Carnachan. She’s an organization development consultant and award-winning author of Work Jerks: How to Cope with Difficult Bosses and Colleagues, and she kindly agreed to lend us her expertise. Read her insights below!

More info: Louise Carnachan | LinkedIn | Facebook

An employee asked to work remotely while grieving their mother, but their company said ‘No’

Image credits: Thought Catalog / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Irritated and fed up, the worker shared their employer’s absurd take online

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Image credits: Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Sora Shimazaki / pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: tr3mbling

Despite the company’s bereavement policy, they come across as heartless in this situation

Image credits: Kaboompics.com / pexels (not the actual photo)

Organizational expert Louise Carnachan tells Bored Panda that most companies that are large enough have a bereavement policy that should give employees a certain amount of days off after a loved one passes.

“How much time off may depend on which family member it was, for example, a parent or child vs. sibling,” Carnachan explains. “Given that it was the mother and they worked in a financial institution, I assume PTO was provided although it may have only been a few days.”

“Depending upon the organization, managers may have discretion about the amount of bereavement time granted and whether additional accommodations can be made. It sounds like the manager in this instance was following a strict relocation policy,” Carnachan notes.

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“But it’s not clear whether the employee had moved to an area that is not part of the company’s ‘footprint’—or even whether the employee and boss had spoken in advance about the necessity for remote work and a timeframe. Regardless, the manager in this situation comes across as heartless,” she observes.

If a company has more than 50 employees, they must offer FMLA (Family and Medical Leave). “A company’s bereavement policy may be insufficient to handle the fallout of a [passing], however, a [passing] may not fulfill the requirements to access FMLA,” Carnachan explains.

‘Since specific conditions must be met to access it, speaking to the company’s FMLA administrator is important,” she adds.

“In addition, some states have leave laws that go beyond FMLA. While FMLA protects an employee from losing employment under specific conditions, it is unpaid leave. The employee may use their PTO while on FMLA or the employer may require it be used.”

WFH is not the same as bereavement policies and FMLA, but it’s likely to stay for a long time

The author emphasized how they had worked from home in the past and couldn’t understand why the company wouldn’t let them do it again in time of need. Louise Carnachan notes that bereavement policies and FMLA are different from WFH policies. “They are all separate issues,” she says.

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With big companies like Amazon asking their employees to return to the office full-time, many have started to wonder whether this will trickle down and result in a crackdown on WFH policies on a larger scale.

WFH has a long history of contentiousness,” Carnachan notes. “Those who support it say productivity is higher outside the office with fewer distractions and they have better work/life balance without a commute. Additionally, there can be flexibility in when one is working.”

“Those who decry WFH say that it erodes company culture, teams don’t work as well together and informal communication that leads to innovation doesn’t naturally arise, among other things,” Carnachan adds.

“The problem is it’s very hard to quantify anything but task completion. We don’t have good data on the effects of in-person communication or building relationships and how that affects the bottom line—and it’s impossible to quantify missed opportunities.”

“Even with the ups and downs of remote work we read about, it’s likely that a range of hybrid work will be the norm for many businesses,” Carnachan believes.

“It’s unbelievable we have to think about things like these when our lives are turned upside down,” people commented

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Read less »
Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

Read less »

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

What do you think ?
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Annik Perrot
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not all bosses. My sister lives in UK, and when it became evident that my mother's cancer would carry her away, my sister asked for permission to work from France. Her boss said no problem, as long as the work is done. Same when my Dad fell ill 2 years later. She'd been WFH since Covid, anyway.

I_imagine_even_worse_w***s
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep dame here in ireland. One company I worked for did have some restrictions on where you could work from which was fair enough as it was due to licensing issues in other countries. Even with a vpn I couldn't log into my work from some countries. But they gave me as much paid time off as I needed due to a bereavement. Any companies I've worked for since I've had no issues so long as the work is being done. I don't think I could work for a company that treated employees the way I'm constantly reading about on reddit.

Load More Replies...
WonderWoman
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is ALL about controlling the employees. If your job can be done remotely there is no reason why it shouldn't be. If your job only needs you on premises a few days a month, the employee should be able to do that. Companies hire adults yet turn around and treat them like naughty children. IS the job getting done? Are they producing good work? Then if they can do it from home, step off and let them continue. Trust the people you hired are doing what you hired them to do and for those that you do not think are doing the job, deal with them individually, you don't need to make stupid sweeping policies.

Game Guy
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it's usually a control issue, sometimes it's a tax problem. Whatever state you're WFH in wants income taxes, and the state your employer has a presence in might withhold taxes which you don't actually owe. Now you have to file two returns and might have to pay taxes out of pocket until the withholding refund from the other state comes in, but people don't realize that so they start howling at their employer. The employer now has to figure out what to do, which gets complicated. Span that out across 50 states and it gets expensive to manage. Large corporations that have a presence in most states can handle it pretty well but some mid-tier corp that only spans 2 or 3 states can find it getting messy pretty quick.

Lisa Barbeau
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m curious. My impression, and it could be wrong, was the relocation was lengthy but not permanent. Would a temporary relocation matter if OP was maintaining his original permanent residence?

Load More Replies...
Ash Conner
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Iif you work from home anyways why is it a big deal to them? The job I have I can't work from home because I am a chef. I wish there was mandatory PTO for bereavement in the USA. If you don't

Page intentially left blank
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is interesting. I WFH for a mostly-remote company. We can work (read:live) in several states, as long as there is a tax agreement between the state you live in and our headquarters. I don't pretend to know any details, but some of my coworkers say that if you need to work in another state temporarily, just don't mention it. I'm going to a state where we don't have a tax agreement to help my sister after surgery. Am I going to share my location? Nope. They'd have to look at my IP address to find out, and it's not likely they will go that far. It's a shame that some companies choose to be jerks about it.

Ash
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds insane. I get that the company has to give her special permission to access their files from other places, and maybe there are security risks with unknown wifi networks or something. That's the only justification I can think of.

Pamela Blue
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not being an American, I find this post absolutely amazing. American companies appear to be totally heartless and want to work everyone to death to make every dollar. I'm so glad that my working life was not like that. As far as I'd be concerned, "home" is where the wi-fi and laptop are. Stuff the lot of them.

LuckyTanuki
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't provide all the Information, says people in the comments aren't helpful with their advice. F this person. You posted it looking to get your story out there, then you get mad when people try to offer advice based on the information you provided.

Beachbum
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grow up. A company is made up of hundreds if not thousands of individuals and can not accommodate each person’s individual requests. A “company’s” priority it the health of the company, not individuals because without that, the company will fail for EVERYONE. You have to remember, the world does NOT revolve around you and you are not the only pebble on the beach. You want special treatment because your mother died, the next may want it because their “emotional support” rat died. Again, grow up, use the time offered within the company’s benefits. Smh

jbee02
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Green screen private VPN server set up to route all traffic through my wfh approved home and none at work would be the wiser that I wasn't working from my ussually home

Andrei Iepure
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If something happens to you on company time they are liable. Might also be a factor in the decision

Steve Sharpe
Community Member
3 weeks ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Something for the "ooh, we're special, we can only 'work' sat on our comfy sofa wearing snuggly pyjamas, otherwise it *gasp* might not be very nice!" crowd to consider: What makes it possible for you to have a job like that? There's a saying that "the meek sleep soundly in soft beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" which is truer today than it's ever been. I'm not just talking about those of us who don't get to say "oh, no thank you Sa'ant Major, I've already done the Nov-Feb arctic warfare cadre in northern Norway three times already, can I just stay at home and google pictures of snowmen this year instead?". Or how on the day my son was born I was half a world away telling some naughty boys off and taking their toys away. Think of the millions of women and men all across the globe keeping you safe and your country from becoming a warzone. They're away from 'home' for years at a time - many never get to go home ever again, many don't come-

Tammy
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody is having those internal or external conversations. It's disgusting that you typed out all of your fever dream to the rest of us.

Load More Replies...
Annik Perrot
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not all bosses. My sister lives in UK, and when it became evident that my mother's cancer would carry her away, my sister asked for permission to work from France. Her boss said no problem, as long as the work is done. Same when my Dad fell ill 2 years later. She'd been WFH since Covid, anyway.

I_imagine_even_worse_w***s
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep dame here in ireland. One company I worked for did have some restrictions on where you could work from which was fair enough as it was due to licensing issues in other countries. Even with a vpn I couldn't log into my work from some countries. But they gave me as much paid time off as I needed due to a bereavement. Any companies I've worked for since I've had no issues so long as the work is being done. I don't think I could work for a company that treated employees the way I'm constantly reading about on reddit.

Load More Replies...
WonderWoman
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is ALL about controlling the employees. If your job can be done remotely there is no reason why it shouldn't be. If your job only needs you on premises a few days a month, the employee should be able to do that. Companies hire adults yet turn around and treat them like naughty children. IS the job getting done? Are they producing good work? Then if they can do it from home, step off and let them continue. Trust the people you hired are doing what you hired them to do and for those that you do not think are doing the job, deal with them individually, you don't need to make stupid sweeping policies.

Game Guy
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While it's usually a control issue, sometimes it's a tax problem. Whatever state you're WFH in wants income taxes, and the state your employer has a presence in might withhold taxes which you don't actually owe. Now you have to file two returns and might have to pay taxes out of pocket until the withholding refund from the other state comes in, but people don't realize that so they start howling at their employer. The employer now has to figure out what to do, which gets complicated. Span that out across 50 states and it gets expensive to manage. Large corporations that have a presence in most states can handle it pretty well but some mid-tier corp that only spans 2 or 3 states can find it getting messy pretty quick.

Lisa Barbeau
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m curious. My impression, and it could be wrong, was the relocation was lengthy but not permanent. Would a temporary relocation matter if OP was maintaining his original permanent residence?

Load More Replies...
Ash Conner
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Iif you work from home anyways why is it a big deal to them? The job I have I can't work from home because I am a chef. I wish there was mandatory PTO for bereavement in the USA. If you don't

Page intentially left blank
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is interesting. I WFH for a mostly-remote company. We can work (read:live) in several states, as long as there is a tax agreement between the state you live in and our headquarters. I don't pretend to know any details, but some of my coworkers say that if you need to work in another state temporarily, just don't mention it. I'm going to a state where we don't have a tax agreement to help my sister after surgery. Am I going to share my location? Nope. They'd have to look at my IP address to find out, and it's not likely they will go that far. It's a shame that some companies choose to be jerks about it.

Ash
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds insane. I get that the company has to give her special permission to access their files from other places, and maybe there are security risks with unknown wifi networks or something. That's the only justification I can think of.

Pamela Blue
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not being an American, I find this post absolutely amazing. American companies appear to be totally heartless and want to work everyone to death to make every dollar. I'm so glad that my working life was not like that. As far as I'd be concerned, "home" is where the wi-fi and laptop are. Stuff the lot of them.

LuckyTanuki
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't provide all the Information, says people in the comments aren't helpful with their advice. F this person. You posted it looking to get your story out there, then you get mad when people try to offer advice based on the information you provided.

Beachbum
Community Member
3 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grow up. A company is made up of hundreds if not thousands of individuals and can not accommodate each person’s individual requests. A “company’s” priority it the health of the company, not individuals because without that, the company will fail for EVERYONE. You have to remember, the world does NOT revolve around you and you are not the only pebble on the beach. You want special treatment because your mother died, the next may want it because their “emotional support” rat died. Again, grow up, use the time offered within the company’s benefits. Smh

jbee02
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Green screen private VPN server set up to route all traffic through my wfh approved home and none at work would be the wiser that I wasn't working from my ussually home

Andrei Iepure
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If something happens to you on company time they are liable. Might also be a factor in the decision

Steve Sharpe
Community Member
3 weeks ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Something for the "ooh, we're special, we can only 'work' sat on our comfy sofa wearing snuggly pyjamas, otherwise it *gasp* might not be very nice!" crowd to consider: What makes it possible for you to have a job like that? There's a saying that "the meek sleep soundly in soft beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" which is truer today than it's ever been. I'm not just talking about those of us who don't get to say "oh, no thank you Sa'ant Major, I've already done the Nov-Feb arctic warfare cadre in northern Norway three times already, can I just stay at home and google pictures of snowmen this year instead?". Or how on the day my son was born I was half a world away telling some naughty boys off and taking their toys away. Think of the millions of women and men all across the globe keeping you safe and your country from becoming a warzone. They're away from 'home' for years at a time - many never get to go home ever again, many don't come-

Tammy
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody is having those internal or external conversations. It's disgusting that you typed out all of your fever dream to the rest of us.

Load More Replies...
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