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Mom Asks If She’s Wrong For Ruining Daughter’s Graduation To Teach Her A Lesson After A Betrayal
In an ideal world, many people would like to have both parents present at their major milestones. But that’s not always possible. Maybe because of distance, divorce or even death. In the case of one teen, family drama put a dampener on her graduation day.
Her separated parents weren’t on speaking terms. So she decided to uninvite her mom in favor of her estranged dad. In the end, neither of the parents attended. The mom took it to the internet, saying she felt hurt and betrayed. She posted further updates, revealing that months later, the entire family still wasn’t talking.
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The single mom was very close to her daughter and had been looking forward to her graduation
Image credits: GeorgeRudy / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
She was shocked when her child suddenly “uninvited” her and said she’d rather have her dad there, who she hardly ever saw
Image credits: MariaSiurt / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Hopeful_Picture586
The OP wondered if the lesson she’d set out to teach her daughter was worth the pain it had caused
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Even though the OP and her ex split before the daughter was born, it’s clear the separation had a major impact on their child. Throughout her life, it seems the daughter felt she needed to choose between her mom and dad. As the OP wrote, “She just told me I have been there for many of her milestones and she wants her father to experience some too.” While it was hurtful for the mom, it might not have been an easy decision for the daughter.
The Judicial Council of California has created an extensive handbook for families going through divorce or separation. In it, they note that children often feel the breakup is their fault. “When only one of the parents is involved in the child’s life after separation, the child’s self-image may suffer,” reads the guide. “Children tend to believe that the other parent isn’t involved because they are no longer interested in them. Children often feel this must mean they are not good, important or worthy of attention and love.” And this could be why the daughter was desperate to have her dad at her graduation. Even at the expense of her mom.
It’s well documented worldwide that divorce or separation can have a long lasting effect on kids
Image credits: Rido81 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This research paper published in World Psychiatry is one of many documenting the impact of divorce. It states that parental separation increases the risk of child and adolescent adjustment problems, can lead to academic difficulties, disruptive behaviors, substance abuse, depression and other mental health disorders.
A separate Lebanese study published in 2021, found that teens with divorced or separated parents had higher social fear and avoidance, depression, and some even lost the will to live. According to the study, “one out of two Lebanese adolescents whose biological parents were divorced, separated, or deceased has a psychiatric disorder”. According to Pew Research Center, the U.S. has the highest rate of single parent households in the world. Almost a quarter of all American kids live with only one parent, usually the mom. The OP felt that since she had raised her daughter almost single-handedly for most of her life, she should not have been ditched for the dad.
Netizens weighed in on the family drama, with many divided about who was in the wrong
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
The OP noted that her daughter had been going for therapy, and suffered from bouts of depression and outbursts of anger
As Choosing Therapy reports, it’s not uncommon for children of separated parents to experience anger. “Children often direct anger toward the parent who initiated the divorce–or who they perceive as being responsible for the divorce. However, their anger may also be more pervasive, rather than directed at any one person.”
Dr Marc Atkins is a professor of psychiatry at the University of Illinois Chicago. He says that children have to be able to express themselves, and each child will do this differently. “Children prone to moodiness may withdraw or become very sad or angry at times. Other kids who are more active and impulsive may become easily upset or act out behaviorally,” wrote Atkins on the university’s website.
He adds that parents might struggle to support their children if they’re dealing with their own sadness or anger. “Being there for them as best you can–and allowing other adults to be there too–is the best way to minimize the chance of this [divorce] becoming traumatic,” he advised. In the case of the OP, it seems both the mom and the daughter have issues of anger and hurt to work through.
In an update, the mom said she apologized after talking to her daughter’s therapist
Image credits: halfpoint / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Hopeful_Picture586
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
In a second update, the mom revealed that yet another drama had played out and the entire family had not spoken in months
Image credits: Hopeful_Picture586
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What do you think ?
Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 months ago
Wow the last update… that girl needs to take account of her own actions and stop playing the victim. She really needs to take therapy seriously. Sounds like all of the mums trying to make up for an absent father has created a monster. That she even feels relieved of the no contact speaks volumes. I wonder how controlling and manipulative that girl has been through their whole relationship. I’m the child of divorced parents and I fully admit now I didn’t handle it well and was manipulative and resentful for a long time. But I worked through it in adulthood and now have good relationships all round, even with stepmother. At 18 she should definitely be conscious of how her actions and words affect others, and I’m glad her mum is done with being her punching bag
Somebodys grandmother 3 months ago (edited)
OMG. That kid is on her way to a disaster... Hope she gets help...
Nicole Weymann 3 months ago
Hope she ACCEPTS help. There's no helping those who hold only others responsible for their problems.
Load More Replies...
Shark Lady 3 months ago
The final update is really sad for all involved. My daughter is in a very similar situation with her father, everytime he gets back in contact he promises her the world and then let's her down. Each time she lets herself hope and then gets super depressed, luckily she has accepted therapy which is helping. What's seriously messed up is that he is often less than a mile from my daughter's house and posts about where he is, then wonders why my she gets pissed at him.
Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 months ago
Wow the last update… that girl needs to take account of her own actions and stop playing the victim. She really needs to take therapy seriously. Sounds like all of the mums trying to make up for an absent father has created a monster. That she even feels relieved of the no contact speaks volumes. I wonder how controlling and manipulative that girl has been through their whole relationship. I’m the child of divorced parents and I fully admit now I didn’t handle it well and was manipulative and resentful for a long time. But I worked through it in adulthood and now have good relationships all round, even with stepmother. At 18 she should definitely be conscious of how her actions and words affect others, and I’m glad her mum is done with being her punching bag
Somebodys grandmother 3 months ago (edited)
OMG. That kid is on her way to a disaster... Hope she gets help...
Nicole Weymann 3 months ago
Hope she ACCEPTS help. There's no helping those who hold only others responsible for their problems.
Load More Replies... Shark Lady 3 months ago
The final update is really sad for all involved. My daughter is in a very similar situation with her father, everytime he gets back in contact he promises her the world and then let's her down. Each time she lets herself hope and then gets super depressed, luckily she has accepted therapy which is helping. What's seriously messed up is that he is often less than a mile from my daughter's house and posts about where he is, then wonders why my she gets pissed at him.
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