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40 Odd Requests From Brides That Had Bridesmaids Wishing They Had Said "I Don't"
Interview With Expert
Being a bridesmaid can be quite an investment. The dress, hair, makeup, travel, accommodations, and gifts add up to a pretty penny. According to some calculations, the average cost of being a bridesmaid ranges from $600 to $2,000. When you take in the unreasonable requests some brides make, some would say it's hardly worth it being a bridesmaid at all.
These stories might just illustrate how bad some requests from brides can get. We've collected the worst and most ridiculous answers from two Quora threads about unreasonable and absurd demands brides made to their bridesmaids, and present them to you here. These bridesmaids probably wish they could've said "I don't".
To find out about current trends in bride-bridesmaid relationships, Bored Panda reached out to Ottawa-based wedding planner Erica Irwin. She told us how brides are no longer asking bridesmaids to wear identical matching dresses and what kinds of costs the bridesmaids have to cover themselves.
More info: Erica Irwin Weddings and Events | Instagram
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Mine was minor compared to some but I was asked to break in the shoes the bride would be wearing on her wedding day. I said no.
The bride’s idea was since we both wore the same size shoes I would break them in by wearing them so she didn’t have to risk blisters by breaking them in herself. Not even tempted. She then decided to threaten me by saying I couldn’t be a bridesmaid unless I did so. No problem. My boyfriend at the time and I went to Disneyland and had a ball.
She couldn’t find another bridesmaid 3 days before the wedding and then fired a groomsman to keep the numbers equal the night before the wedding. Then her fiance got angry because she had essentially told his brother he was out of the wedding. It turned into a major fight that continued right through the ceremony and resulting in a massive blowup at the reception where she picked up a 3 tier wedding cake and lobbed it at her husband and he upended a bunch bowl over her head. Result was an annulment. She blamed me because their marriage didn’t work out.
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#2
My friend asked me to drive one of the groomsmen home to our town from her wedding 1000 miles away. I did not know him and he was planning to ride to the wedding with the groom. I was less than thrilled at the thought of spending all of those hours in the car with a stranger. We have now been married over 35 years, lol! Guess it wasn’t such a bad idea after all!
#3
To exchange my necklace for the maid of honor’s because the maid of honor had to be different from the mere bridesmaids. Now these were our own real necklaces( a single pearl) I had mine from when I graduated college. It was a gift from my mother. All if a sudden she’s jerking mine off my neck and giving it to the maid of honor. She broke the chain. I was appalled and sent her the bill for a new chain. Her mother paid for it while they were away on their honeymoon.I don’t care how much of a bridezilla you are ,you don’t put your hands on another person's property.
In her 17 years of work, Erica Irwin has never had to deal with a bridezilla. Perhaps it's luck, but she has only had to deal with wonderful brides and wedding parties. The only two times a bridesmaid refused to attend the wedding was when some drama happened during a bachelorette trip, and when another bridesmaid found out she was pregnant.
As far as who pays for what, Irwin notes that typically, bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. "Brides are more often than not covering hair and makeup costs, often instead of getting them gifts for being in their wedding party," she explains. "Also, because they want everyone to feel pampered on the wedding morning and for photos."
#4
My best friend since we were 4 years old demanded I get Breast implants so I would look good in my brides maid dress! ( Yes I'm tall 5′11″ 1 25 pounds & only a B cup) she expects D cups plus for bride maids dresses!
No s**t!
Hair no issue, b**bs 100% issue. I told her to F**k off!
Beth Wheeler 3 days ago
No way in hell I would ever have plastic surgery unless it was from an injury or cancer.
#5
I wasn’t the bridesmaid in this instance, but ended up quite literally cleaning up the mess caused by an unreasonable demand on one.
As my partner (now husband) and I were milling around waiting for a taxi at the end of a wedding for some old family friends of his, we spotted one of the bridesmaids left in the venue packing up. He went to give her a hand stacking some chairs, made some small talk, and then came back over to me frowning. Apparently this bridesmaid had previously mentioned to the bride that she could stay back and help clean up after the wedding, and the couple decided that meant it was reasonable to have her do it all herself.
Did I mention that the reception venue (a sporting club) had in their contract that the whole place needed to be emptied out and cleaned THAT NIGHT so they could re-open for patrons the next morning, or the couple would lose their deposit?
And did I mention that this was not a small wedding and there was mess EVERYWHERE?
We ended up staying to help and between the three of us it still took two hours. It was about 3am when we got home. At least we made a friend that we still stay in touch with occasionally out of it. I still haven’t fully forgiven the bride and groom ten years later. All they needed to do was pre-organise a clean-up crew of some close family and it would have been done in under 30 minutes.
#6
When I was 13 my best friends mom got re-married and me and her was bridesmaids. The day of the wedding she ask us if we would be willing to get matching tattoos with her, I said “I’m 13 years old”. She said “oh don’t worry will get them in a spot no one will ever see, we will get them in a private area”. Keeping in mind the man she was about to marry owned a tattoo shop. So basically she was asking me and her daughter to go with her and let her new husband tattoo all of us in a “private area” We was both like, “no thank you”
Some demands from brides may not be as excessive as some people make them out to be. Let's take makeup and hair as an example. "It's always pretty apparent in photos when a couple of bridesmaids have had their makeup/hair done while others did it themselves," Irwin points out. "Makeup and hair by a professional is always obvious until the bridesmaid is a professional themselves, of course."
The Ottawa wedding planner tells Bored Panda that fewer and fewer brides are choosing "matchy-matchy" dresses for their bridesmaids. "[There are] a lot more complementary mixed colors, florals even, or the same color but allowing your bridesmaids to pick a style that fits their body types," Erica Irwin explains.
#7
I don’t know if this is the most unreasonable, but this was a pretty ridiculous demand.
I was living in Belize teaching school. I went right after university for several years. While I was there, my closet friend was getting married. She wanted me in her wedding so I bought the ticket to go back to the US for spring break.
I got there on time, my dress fit and all was well. On the morning of the wedding, we all got our dresses on and went to help the bride. She wanted to see how we looked so she had us all line up. Her one complaint was that I was tanner than the other women and could I please “do something about that”.
I had no idea how to please her. Of course I was tan. I wore 30 SPF everyday but I lived in the jungle! Some tan got through the SPF.
So, I had to remain tan, over which she huffed and rolled her eyes repeatedly. The other bridesmaids were also mad about it on the brides’s behalf. It was a great time…
We are still friends now and I have never reminded her of her ridiculous request.
Diane Tucker 3 days ago
I think I’m old — I never remember friends or family when I was young having these ridiculous requests around weddings! Hire some frickin’ robots, for heaven’s sake.
#8
At the time my sister was asked to be a bridesmaid for her good childhood friend, she had pretty serious acne on her face and chest.
The brides perfectionist, image-obsessed mother asked my sister to please see a doctor for an Accutane prescription.
Due to the d**gs rather serious side-effects, it’s not for everyone. It actually can harm your organs, has possible psychiatric effects, and is a death sentence for any child you conceive while taking it.
But, you know, it would make for pretty pictures on the big day if all the bridesmaids had clear skin.
#9
A former friend expected her “staff” to do EVERYTHING!!!! She was trying to cut corners with cost by having a complete do it yourself wedding. Right down to the food and everything. It was (as she put it) “our gift to her” to pay for the groceries for the food dish that we were assigned, to feed 100 plus people. She expected us to spend our own money to create our own artificial flower bouquets and all the decorations for the reception hall. She even wanted us to create gift baskets that her guests could bid on to win to help pay for the honeymoon. This girl even wanted to have an auction for people to buy the decorations and such. She even assigned us what we were to buy her for gifts. I found the item she “requested” at a different store for a much cheaper price and she actually had the nerve to demand the difference, in cash. This girl was a total spaz and (supposedly) at the last minute (the morning of the wedding) decided they weren’t going to have a wedding party. (I say supposedly because the programs which had already been printed by one of her other bridesmaids were “lost” and replacements without the bridal party on them we’re already at the church when we arrived)
I swear some brides to be watch Bridezillas as a guide of how they’re supposed to act or something.
Sarah Belt 3 days ago
I'm surprised BP doesn't block out the word after "This girl was a total ..."
#10
This did not happen to me but I have shot nearly a thousand weddings and these two stick out in my mind
Bride to a Bridesmaid: “April, your b88bs are HUGE, go pump them or something you cant go down the aisle looking like you could feed everyone in the church!” 20 minutes later she asked the bridesmaid not to walk down the aisle and told her to just go to the reception and that she hoped by then her b***s would look better in the dress. - I wish I was kidding.
Bridesmaid to a Bride: (it had rained during pre photos and a bridesmaid tripped while running..and broke a few nails) “You owe me 200.00 for my nails and hair. Look through the envelopes and get me the money or I will.”
#11
My sister in law was the last to get married in her family (she was just 30 but her mom wanted to point out she was the oldest when getting married). Anyhow, her future husband planned to have his 3 brothers as his groomsmen but she only had 2 sisters. Her future husband suggested me and she kind of floated the idea with my husband and he told her no for me (I dislike her and hate being part of weddings). Anyhow, I come to find out that she didn’t choose either of her 2 friends (who she was a bridesmaid for) because she didn’t want to pay for the dresses (they paid for hers) and she wanted her bridesmaids to be at the site the week leading up to the wedding to take care of her and help her out (on their dime). After the wedding, she had the audacity to call guests up and ask if they gave her a gift because she felt like some were missing.
#12
I was asked to be a bridesmaid many years ago. The deal was I had to give up 6 weeks of work to move to Darwin (Australia) just to make sure she was well looked after. I declined. The groomsman I was meant to be paired with was a great friend of mine and he was not happy with the brides second choice. Had a great time at the wedding though.
#13
In the early 1990s, my sister asked her to be her matron of honor. And I know she intended for that request to BE an honor. So of course I graciously accepted. At that time, I had a fairly bad case of chronic bacne, which makes for an unattractive back. So I asked her to please choose a dress for me that didn’t expose my back.
What did she choose? Dresses for all of the bridesmaids (including mine) that had a scooped back. I was shocked. I mean, did she really want a bad case of bacne walking down the aisle for her wedding?! I don’t know what she was thinking—or not.
So I decided to get a grip, as I had come to realize that things like this can be blown out of proportion. They are better left to be laughed at later, in the distant future (though, truthfully), almost 30 years later, I’m still kinda resentful about it). Turns out I had an especially big zit on my back the day of the wedding, and I got my sister’s soon-to-be MIL to pile some makeup on it. Not sure it helped, and it may have made it look worse, and definitely made it get worse.
Thank goodness no one I really cared about seeing me like that (for instance my personal friends, coworkers, etc) were at the wedding. My mom had passed away, and my dad could deal, as I told him I didn’t choose my dress. I was a little embarrassed about certain cousins, etc. but just tried to laugh it off to myself. They were from the small town we all grew up in, and I believe they knew that the bride selected the bridesmaids dresses. And I spread the word, starting with a cousin I had grown up with. I told her I had tried my best to circumvent this problem, to no avail. I think she passed that along.
#14
I have been really lucky. While my first bridesmaid experience was not fun, the bride was not a bridezilla. And my second and so far final bridesmaid experience was awesome.
However I have relatively recently dealt with a bridezilla and I was Not a bridesmaid. She was marrying my husband's cousin and my husband was performing the ceremony. Of importance I have a nice camera and take lots of pictures, but I am not a professional and don't have indoor lighting. Also we are decidedly not morning people and on weekends don't get up before noon if we don't have to.
First she demanded I do first look photos for her inside even though I was not the photographer they hired. I said I thought that might be breaking her contract with the professional and managed to wiggle out but she was very annoyed though the pro did a great job.
Then she texted starting at 8am demanding that we get to the ceremony site an hour earlier than we agreed at rehearsal the night before. So husband and I rearranged things so we could arrive an hour earlier. Cousin arrived a few minutes later. She and the girls arrived 15 minutes late…for the original time.
Next I was the gopher making sure various people arrived and got the props they were supposed to have. That wasn't so bad.
Then she handed me a ratty stuffed animal and told me I needed to carry him everywhere so he had a good view of the day. That just felt weird. Luckily most everyone knew it was hers not mine so it was a little less awkward walking around the country club in a dress with a ratty stuffed animal.
Then she tried to convince me to video the whole thing on a cell phone. I managed to wiggle out of that way more easily because the pro heard the request and went and fetched his video equipment from the car.
Then she freaked out on me because I left the stuffed animal alone at the reception table while I went to the bathroom and demanded him back a request I was more than willing to acceed to.
When the night was over, I was exhausted. I planned to sleep until noon the next day (Sunday) before getting up and helping my husband pack for a week long business trip that started Monday and packing for a week long trip for myself to visit my mom while he was gone. That did not happen because starting at 8am the bride was texting me wanting the pictures from the wedding. I told her to give me a week.
But the demanding behavior continued after the wedding. Once I told her no and she ignored me. I made a clear statement that was unacceptable. I was then a horrible evil person and she has refused to speak to either my husband or I since and has avoided family holidays if there was a chance we might be there.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
My jaw is hanging open at the request to carry a filthy, ratty stuffed animal around at a formal event. Oh, who am I kidding? Even at an informal affair, it’d be outrageous. I’d have simply laughed as if she were making a hilarious joke and walked off. I can’t even *imagine* an adult expecting her grungy old toy to be lugged everywhere to be able to SEE EVERYTHING. Her screws are loose. If I were somehow forced to do it, the first thing I’d do is take it to the restroom and then accidentally drop it in the toilet before I flushed. Oh, I’m so terribly sorry! I was trying to balance the toy, my clutch, and a tampon at the same time, and the toy wiggled out of my hands not wanting to watch me insert my tampon and fell face first into the toilet. I’m so sorry! 😏
#15
Not as being just bridesmaid … but …. Read on..
My two college roommates and I—the three of us were close friends… very close. We shared an apartment, shared meals, and did a lot of fun things together..
When one of them, “ABC" got engaged, she consulted the other roommate, “XYZ" and me extensively… to the minute details. She used to always say that when she got married the two of us will be her bridesmaids. She made her own dress… and was getting married in the garden of her Godparent’s house. For Bridesmaid’s dresses, she consulted both of us on two alternate colors, we gave her our thoughts on both, and left upto her the final selection. Then, she said, she had a surprise for us… and wanted to show us her appreciation for all our help. We were touched… very touched.. Since she was a good seamstress, and has sown a few items for the two of us, we were under the impression that she was going to make our dresses as well. And, that plus her final choice of color would be our surprise. Not so…
Things moved forward. We were all excited. She kept the two of us extensively involved, and kept us informed of every hiccup and burp. We greatly anticipated her big day.
Strangely enough we never met her fiancé. Thought meeting him at the wedding could be the surprise or at least one of the surprises.
Then, the bridal shower was announced—at her Godparent’s house. Since her sister was going to be the Maid of Honor, she was handling all the details. Of course, XYZ and I offered our help, but she said everything was under control. We received the invitation for the shower, and her choices of items for her new home and new life… we splurged…the best for our dear friend.
At this point XYZ and I wondered why we hadn't yet received the wedding invitation as well as details of the program—rehearsal etc. But didn't worry much… thinking that will be discussed at the shower.
At the shower, things went smoothly. We all had a wonderful time. She and her Godmother showed us the venue of the wedding ceremony. And, all the anticipated details…but nothing that included us.
XYZ and I were super confused. As she and I were about to leave, ABC's cousin whom we had just met—for the first time, walked up to us, and excitedly said: “See you at the wedding.”
“No, you won't,” XYZ, leading me to the door, said, adding: “We are not invited!!!”
What? Apparently, she overheard the bride telling her Godmother that she didn't want anyone better looking than her at the wedding. And, us—her two close friends and confidants—were being dropped, without a word. 🤣😅🤣😅
After initial shock worn out, XYZ and I laughed all the way, as we drove back together. We never saw ABC again or heard from her except a generic Thank You note that we got for the shower gifts.
Sadly, her marriage fell apart after a couple of years.
And, to this way, I don't think… THIS was “the surprise that she had promised us.” But neither XYZ and I have the slightest clue why she just didn't come out and say that she was keeping it a small wedding and only family was invited. We would have been fine with that.
Naturally, XYZ and I did not feel any obligation to send her the wedding gift. She and I are still friends. Recently, we both tried to reach ABC but didn't hear from her. A few intervening decades are long enough to let go. However, recalling the Great-Wedding-that-we-didn't-attend, XYX and I still laugh and often wonder what “truly transpired” that got the two of us dropped from the bridal party, not get invited to the wedding, and all without a word from the bride—our onetime best friend.
I guess we will never know.
Hell'n Damnation 3 days ago
It's actually insulting to the other guests that they were unattractive enough to be invited. I hope they never found out.
#16
I think that it is a very deep ask for a bride to request that the bridesmaids all purchase matching, color-coordinated, custom-made, single-use, very expensive dresses for her wedding.
Guys can rent a tux. That is quite different.
#17
The most unreasonable thing a bride can do is ask the bridesmaids to all be the same size. I was in a wedding party where the bride TOLD everyone they had to lose weight and all be a size 6/7. I laughed in her face and dropped out. First of all I'm 5′8 and a size 6/7 would make me look like I was sick. I told he if she wanted everyone to be the same size, she should ask people what size they wore BEFORE having them.
#18
It was actually the bride’s mother. The bride had me and one bridesmaid. She found cheap dresses and said she would pay for them. We paid to have them altered. The bride’s mother asked if we would reimburse the bride for the dress, but give her the money. It wasn’t that much, so we did. She then wanted us to pay for our flowers and the bridesmaids gift the bride bought us. She also wanted us to help pay for the food, drinks, reception hall, and the tip for the minister that married the bride and groom as the bride’s mother paid for everything and needed help. We have some money, but explained we didn’t have much money because we were in college and only worked part time. The bride’s mother got mad and threatened to convince the bride to kick us out of the wedding. That didn’t happen. About a week after the wedding the bride’s mother called us and asked for the bridesmaids dresses back (that we paid for) so she could take them back to the store to get “Her” money back. We told her that we had to have them altered so she would not be able to take them back. She did not speak to either of us for over a year. Note: The bride later found out what her mother was doing( the other bridesmaid told her) and had no idea that happened. She said the bride, groom, and groom’s family paid for the wedding and reception. Her mother never gave her a dime.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
😳 Whatta racket! She’s scamming money off her daughter’s wedding! What a great way to celebrate your cherished daughter being married, Mom. Way to go. You must be so proud.
#19
I’ve been a part of many weddings - almost a 27 dresses thing going on. Haha. Luckily my friends have all been wonderful brides. But. I attended a wedding as a guest and was friends with one of the bridesmaids too. Apparently the bride picked the bridesmaids not for her relationship with them, but for how pretty they were and how they’d make the photos look. Cringe.
Edit: Thank you for reading my little experience. I wish I could show this to her. Hah.
#20
I was told that I had to find a dress that made me look fat, or in the bride’s own words “less thin”, because she didn’t want to look bad standing next to a slim woman.
I have no intention of fat shaming anyone, but the reality is that this woman is technically quite obese. She was marrying one of my husband’s cousins and had no family or friend in this state, so she picked me and two other women in the family who had been kind to her as her bridesmaids. Savanna, as I’ll call her, wasn’t the kind of person I’d usually befriend, as she was just much too focused on money and material possessions. Still, I was alone here too when I first got married, so I agreed to be her maid of honor, because I understood what it was like to be in her shoes. There were times when I almost backed out, like when she wouldn’t stop hinting that she wanted me to sponsor an elaborate and expensive bachelorette party at a casino on the Mississippi coast. It wasn’t long before I figured out that I’d been chosen because my husband and I have done pretty well for ourselves, and she wanted expensive gifts from us, but I stuck it out for her fiancé’s sake. It was not a long engagement, only about six weeks, so I didn’t have to endure the situation for too long.
As it happens, I think Savanna is quite pretty. She has smooth, clean skin, a round but well-shaped face, and gorgeous black hair. Sure, she was on the larger side of obese, and while it probably led to some health issues, it didn’t make her unattractive. To me it was just incredibly sad that she thought a slim woman near her would detract from her own beauty, but that’s how she felt. Finding her dress was a nightmarish ordeal where she ended up screaming at the sales associate that she just wanted a dress that made her look skinnier! The poor women had already offered numerous dresses that helped highlight Savanna’s best features, and I could tell from her facial expression that she really just wanted to tell Savanna that she was a sales associate, not a magician, but she kept her cool in spite of the insane demands. As frustrating as the whole thing was, I couldn’t help but feel bad for Savanna – not because she was big, but because she didn’t feel comfortable with her own body.
It would be a lie to say that I know what it’s like to be overweight, because I am naturally slim. Even when I’ve gone through periods of time where I didn’t exercise, I never really gained any weight. I’ve always tried my best to appreciate the appearance I just happened to get in the genetic lottery, and I acknowledge that it’s a lot easier to love yourself when you happen to meet the current beauty standards, but I do see plenty of larger women who exude confidence. A young girl in my husband’s family is definitely big, more than chubby but not quite obese, and she became my hero when she attended our pool party and walked out the door with two of her skinny cousins, her in her little bikini, just strutting along without making any attempts to hide herself or her body. It’s the opposite of what you usually see bigger girls do, and I can honestly say that she looked more attractive than her cousins, because she so very clearly felt comfortable and proud of herself. I am twice her age and very fit, yet I couldn’t walk out like that; whenever I wear a bathing suit, I always hold my body awkwardly in a pointless attempt to make my breasts look smaller, because someone once told me it was “vulgar” to wear a bikini if you have large breasts.
No, I don’t know what it’s like to be Savanna, and I felt really bad for her because she was so obsessed about her size, but I still ended up getting mad when she kept rejecting the dresses me and the other two bridesmaids tried on. She was obviously fighting a battle within herself, between the part of her that wanted her wedding party to look good as a whole, and the part of her that didn’t want us to look too good. She ended up settling on the ugliest dresses in the store, somethin
Tropical Tarot 3 days ago
Thank you for being so compassionate.. I've been fat my whole life. It's really hard to get out of the mindset that ft is bad ugly dirty lazy because that's what Western society especially America has reinforced over the last 50 years.
#21
Not as a bridesmaid, but as a Wedding Planner. years ago a girl was going to have her wedding in the country. Way out in the country, up a windy dirty road onto a mountain. I was to bring the tables, chairs, food, well, everything you would find at a wedding reception. The bride stated that she wanted to keep it simple. I laughed and said, “for who”? Needless to say, I didn’t do that wedding. Some brides are extremely ridiculous.
Sarah Belt 3 days ago
Are wedding planners not intermediaries for hiring vendors that would perform these sorts of tasks?
#22
A friend was planning a lakeside wedding with three bridesmaids. Each of the girls had been asked to make, or have made, a fairly simple gown. One of the bridesmaids wasn't feeling well that day, so the bride picked a last minute replacement. The replacement asked to borrow the sick bridesmaids dress, but she refused. The bride’s solution to this problem was to have the new bridesmaid go buy the pattern and fabric and make the dress before the wedding at 6pm in a town 45 minutes away. The new bridesmaid accepted this challenge and showed up at my house around noon. I pinned and cut the fabric, the bridesmaid ironed and my mother sewed it. I hemmed the dress in the car on the way over and she put in on in a strangers camper. It was a really nice wedding until the groom gave me an overly enthusiastic smooch in the receiving line. They aren't married anymore.
#23
I’m not sure if this applies as an absurd request but I thought it was rather thoughtless the bride to decide that each of her bridesmaids had to wear hair combs in their hair.
The hair combs she chose were very cheap and tacky looking with hard plastic flowers on them which were not at all flattering. The worst part though was that she didn’t actually look at her bridesmaids before she decided on the combs.
For instance, I have very thin hair. It took about 25 minutes, half a gallon of hairspray, several thousand pins and a lot of cursing from my hairdresser to get the comb to stay in. Her second bridesmaid had a crewcut and they literally had to glue the comb to her head. The last bridesmaid had shorthair, about 2–3 inches long, and there was a similar amount of cursing, pins, and hairspray involved to my own.
It literally took me 35 minutes to remove the comb from my hair and it took me three washes to get all the product out.
But then, thinking back, the comb was at least better than the lime green dress she made us wear. Being one of the palest people on the planet I kept getting asked if I was ill all night because my skin was reflecting the green. None of us looked good in lime green, but that might’ve been the point.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
When I was married in the 80s, I got each of my bridesmaids a hot pink silk cocktail dress with cap sleeves and a drop waist (it was trés chic at the time) (and I spotted every single one of them at least once wearing the dresses in public! I was overjoyed!) and they of course did their own hair and makeup. I still look at the photos of them and can see how happy, pretty, and HAPPY they all looked. From what I read about bridesmaids today, it sounds like a freaky horror movie, and I feel awful that they seem not to have happy memories of being bridesmaids. 😕
#24
Picking out a dress that was very expensive above and beyon1¹d a normal price. Demanding everyone go on a diet till her wedding. Keeping my phone with me 24/7 so she could call at any time Also this bride had to meet all bridesmaids spouse or boyfriend to approve them coming to the wedding as guest. Just crazy. Plus this wedding was hours away for everyone in wedding party.
#25
It wasn’t as a bridesmaid, but as attendant at the gift table. I was the attendant at the gift table for my best friend in college and it hurt a bit. She had another friend be her personal attendant. She only had on matron of honor and that was her sister. Well I swallowed my pride and was at the gift table. Her wedding was fun even though I felt like I was an outsider. I guess the year we were out of school had separated us more than I thought, even though we kept contact.
Well, my wedding was about 3 months later and I asked her to be at my gift table. She was angry. She refused to come to the reception because my personal attendant was a good nurse friend of mine and, unknown to me, my former friend didn’t like her.(I didn’t even know they knew each other.) I had been her personal attendant the month before. I guess I found out who my friends really were.
#26
To clean up the hall after such a long dang day and night of lifting her dress each time she had to pee. And people wonder why l cannot stand brides.
#27
(A2A.) It wasn’t really that bad, just odd. The bride was extremely focused on symmetry among the bridesmaids, so we had identical dresses, shoes, handbags, stockings, and jewelry.
She furthermore wanted us to have matching makeup—like the exact same colors and application on every girl.
For those reading who don’t know much about makeup, this is kind of weird. Makeup is usually applied to flatter each specific person’s features. Even the Rockettes and Emirates flight attendants get to choose their shades within certain boundaries.
Both the makeup artist and I tried to tell her diplomatically that this was extreme, but she really was sold on all of us looking as close to identical as possible.
She had chosen a navy-blue eye shadow design with a deeply contoured crease and a bold red lip. I wasn’t thrilled, because I have deep-set eyes that don’t suit that look, and although I love red lipstick on other people, I have a hard time pulling it off.
I did feel self-conscious, but it was 100% her day, and she was happy. I have not worn blue eye shadow since.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
I’m imagining the brides looking like the girls in Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love” video!
#28
I had a former friend ask me to be in her wedding during a time when I was not financially stable. I thought she understood this because I had told her about it several times, and early on had told me she would be sure to pick a bridesmaid dress I could afford, like under $100. Okay, cool, I went ahead and told her I would do it since I thought she understood that I would only be able to do it at a certain budget. Now before the dresses were picked out, I had moved across the state we live to a place with a lower cost of living, however the job I took was very demanding of my time and I didn’t have very many days off, if I got to have my days off at all. When she did pick out the bridesmaid dresses, she called me up and told me I needed to go get mine from the nearest David’s Bridal, and what day I needed to have it by. The problem with this was that the nearest one was an hour and a half away, I had no days off before that date to even go attempt to pick it up (as this was also shortly after I started this job, too, I was in the “probation” period, so I didn’t have any time to take off), and when I asked how much it was (so I knew for sure), it was very much beyond what I could afford, even being more financially stable than I had been when this all began. I tried to ask her if there was something else I could do, like go to a closer store to find one that looked similar for a cheaper cost, but she adamantly refused to let me grab something that wasn’t exact. Then, at the same time, told me I would have to pay for the, rather expensive, makeup artist and hair stylist that would be coming in to get everyone ready (she had also told me I had to grow out my hair long enough for a specific hairstyle, which I don’t think I ever got to since my hair grows slowly and I was coming from a very short crop), citing that since I worked in a factory and didn’t pay as much rent now, I could most certainly afford it. It would’ve ended up being $450+ for everything, which, yes, was still far more than I could afford to throw at something that wasn’t rent. We bickered a bit back and forth about it, and in the end I was taken out of her wedding, which actually worked out since HR at the factory I worked at decided to rescind the approval for that day off I had requested when I was hired (this was not a good place to work), so I wasn’t able to even go anyway. We haven’t really spoken since, and this was several years ago.
#29
I never got to be a matron of honor or a bridesmaid because of one very selfish woman. I had a very good friend who had often told me I was her best friend. So when she got engaged I figured she’d ask me to be her matron of honor. I didn’t want to ask as that would be presumptuous. She had not only a matron of honor but 4 bridesmaids and I wasn’t in the wedding party at all. I wanted to ask why but felt funny about doing so.
It was about a year later when she was still saying I was her best friend that I finally asked how long she’d felt that way. Since long before she was married. And I said “Then why wasn’t I your matron of honor or at least one of your bridesmaids?” I should add she’d been after me to watch her wedding video with her and I kept saying I was too busy, couldn’t do that but it was because every time I thought of it I was brokenhearted about not being in the wedding party.
After I asked that, she said Dee (this is her real name so if she sees this or anyone who knows her sees it I don’t care. She shouldn’t have done this!) said that I would not be able to afford to be her matron of honor, I would not have been able to afford the dress and I wouldn’t have had a clue how to put on a bridal shower. This is total folderol. While we were financially challenged at the time (when are we not?) I would’ve found a way to afford the dress. TBH I didn’t like the dress and later on I’d have pulled it apart and made another garment out of it. As for the shower there were many people I could’ve called upon to help, in particular the pastor’s wife who had much experience with stuff like this. I would’ve had people helping with the food and decorations and I think I could’ve pulled it off. And I’d have found a way to afford the dress, and there would’ve probably been people who gave me money for it even without my asking. So this Dee was way out of line. Unfortunately my friend listened to her. Later when I asked Dee about it (and other things she had done that hurt me) she proudly admitted it! Oh it must be nice to have money. I got “punished” for being poor!
I was hurt by both of them, Dee for her nosy interference which she would say was well meant (total BS) and my friend for being gullible enough to listen to her without even discussing it with me.
That would’ve been my only opportunity to be a maid/matron of honor or bridesmaid. And it still rankles all these years later.
#30
I love my sister-in-law and her parents, but being her bridesmaid was tough for me. She actually wasn't a bridezilla but the expectations for this wedding were a lesson for me on what not to do to my own bridesmaids (hypothetical as I never married).
The bride and her mother bought a pattern and bolt of cloth and wanted each of her bridesmaids to get herself measured by a dressmaker, cut off what she needed from the bolt, have her dress made and pass the remaining material and pattern on to the next bridesmaid in the queue.
It might have worked if the bridesmaids all lived locally, but this was not the case. The bride and two of the bridesmaids, her cousins, lived in Houston. Another lived in South Africa. I lived in New York City. Another lived in Minnesota (this last bridesmaid dropped out of the wedding). This was the order in which the bridesmaids were supposed to pass the fabric and pattern around.
I never received the fabric and pattern from the South African bridesmaid. The wedding was scheduled for March, but by the previous December the bride had to ship me a new supply of fabric and the pattern. It arrived right before Christmas that year. (I was not asked to ship it to the bridesmaid in Minnesota, and I couldn't have anyway as there was just enough for my dress).
Then I had to find a dressmaker who could make the dress in the few months remaining before the wedding. I had just moved from Houston to New York City and worked as a tax accountant (which required me to work overtime at night and on the weekends between January and April 15) but was supposed to have the time to shop around in a new expensive city to find someone who could make the dress as cheaply as a Houston dressmaker and go to multiple fittings.
I managed to find a dressmaker, but she charged several times more than whoever made the Houston bridesmaids' dresses, made the dress in a way that required a girdle under it, and tacked an additional $200 to the price at the last minute because of the girdle. She wouldn't release the dress to me without full payment.
My mother, who also lived in Houston, begged me to be in the wedding and promised to pay for the dress which I couldn't afford, but she bitched me out because the dress ended up costing three times as much as the Houston bridesmaids' dresses. I wore glasses, didn't have vision insurance and didn't have time to see an eye doctor to get contact lenses, but my mother insisted I not wear my glasses at the wedding because she thought it would look bad in the photos. So I spent the wedding nearsighted. Without correction, I can see well enough to get around, but not clearly.
Then since I was single, I was paired in the recessional with a teenage groomsman I babysat for (I was 28). That was okay, but the difference in our ages was weird for me.
That was my one experience as a bridesmaid. I was staying at my parents' home and left the dress there. Unless my parents disposed of it, it's been there ever since (I did keep the shoes even though they hurt my feet) and I will not take it to my own home. Although it actually can be worn again, I have no desire to even touch it.
Nicola Mawson 3 days ago
The material in South Africa was probably posted and then stolen. I haven't posted anything for at least a decade
#31
None of us lived in the same state as the bride. She insisted that we had to order our dresses from the shop in her area. Synthetic material in a light, neutral color. Bridezilla was convinced that there might be a difference in dye lot. Backlash, one bridesmaids measurements weren’t accurate, as she took them herself and sent to bridezilla. Dress was too small. Bridezilla had to order another. An issue that would have had low risk if the bridesmaid was able to get measured and purchased at local bridal shop. Another dress - proper measurements provided. Issue is bridal shop failed to guarantee or provide customer service/exchange for a dress marked a size. But when the dress was measured it was almost 2 sizes smaller. Another instance that if purchased from a local bridal shop than that bridesmaid could have dealt with the shop owner and insisted upon being provided with a dress with the proper measurements to match the size ordered.
We were allowed to purchase our shoes that could be dyed. Bridezilla demanded that we ship the shoes to her and pay for a cobbler, that she chose to dye the shoes. The shoes then were shipped to each of us. So add time to pack and ship and parcel postage to and from.
Writing this and one more thought - why the shoes we bought and fit us had to be shipped back to us. She could have picked up the shoes and kept them for us. It would have saved us postage.
Brides to be - take note and realize that if you have expectations regarding dresses, shoes, etc than take the risk into your own hands and pay for dresses and shoes.
K 3 days ago
I have to respond to this. Call me ANTIBRIDEZILLA. I literally picked an affordable dress that sizes ranges from 0 to 28plus so I knew all my beautiful as they are bridesmaids would be able to be comfortable. THEN I told them whatever type shoe as long as it's the right color. THEN I said I expected nothing more from anyone and if they wanted to help in anyway thats cool but not necessary. Bought everything else myself and couldn't be happier ! 😌
#32
I am not a serial bridesmaid but a marriage officiant or celebrant as we say in the UK and EU, but the most demanding bride I ever married did stamp her feet and throw a tantrum because she wanted to get married at a very expensive venue in her pyjamas because she was hungover!
#33
to wear a really ugly dress that i couldn’t stand. but i wore it. the colour was ugly, and the style was ugly as well. it was as if they were chosen to make us all look as bad as possible next to the bride.
#34
I haven’t been a member of too many weddings. I wouldn’t say there were “unreasonable” requests, but some of them were strange.
I was Maid of Honor at my sister’s wedding. I had to make my own dress. She picked out the pattern, which we all bought. Then she sent the fabric, and we either sewed the dress ourselves, or had a seamstress make it for us. The day before the wedding, we were in town, and she had us all go to her seamstress for final adjustments. We all had different ideas about how big the butt bows were supposed to be, so that was fun. We all ran her around to the various things she wanted to do for her bachelorette party, but I also ended up at the bachelor party too, because they showed up at the pool hall I was already at. I ended up driving them all home. That marriage lasted over 20 years, and only ended when my sister died.
Twice I’ve been the Best Woman for my friend Mike, and flew to Denver for each one. The first time, the bride was insisting on an outdoor wedding, and it snowed the day before and day of the wedding. We ran all over town trying to find outdoor propane heaters. Only thing available was this one ugly thing you attached directly to the top of the propane bottle. We pointed it at where the bride was going to stand, and the harpist just beyond them. Then the Bride’s mother hogged it, and complained when it singed her fur coat. We had to rent tents, and go the day of the wedding and put them up too. Had to borrow one of her relative’s SUV to change, because the venue’s public restroom was locked. The bride’s mother insisted on having a reception at their tiny house, with tents in the driveway. We left early because we knew no one except Mike, when the bride’s mother chased us down the street, trying to get us to stay. Once we shook her, a mariachi band passed us, so I’m guessing she had a money dance planned, and was expecting us to contribute to that too. I don’t think that marriage lasted more than a year.
The second time, I don’t think I was supposed to be in the wedding party at all. But I got asked to direct people toward writing messages on the cloth for the chuppah. Then I was asked to hold up one corner pole of the chuppah. Then to sign the wedding certificate as a witness. It’s been over 10 years, and they’re still married.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
What? People autograph the chuppah? And then what? The bride and groom take it home and … fold it up and put it in the armoire? Or the attic? Does it ever come out again? Is this a new thing? I’ve never seen anyone write on it.
#35
Mine is going to seem tame in comparison. I have only stood up in one wedding that wasn’t my own in my entire life. It was my bratty sister-in-law’s first wedding, about a hundred and fifty years ago in the 1980’s. I know she didn’t, but it seemed to me that she went out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable. The dress she chose for us to wear was an off-the-shoulder thing made of satin and lots of tulle, with a big ruffle on the bottom and another around the shoulders/neckline, bust, whatever you want to call it. I have always been a large woman. By the time she got married diabetes had kicked in and I had gained 40 pounds over what I weighed when I got married. I wasn’t going to look good in that dress even if it was the right color. It was baby pink. If you’ve ever seen me in person you know that I’m pasty white. Baby pink was going to make me invisible, but that’s okay. I can be a ghost for my sister-in-law. It’s her day, not mine.
It still would have been okay if I could wear sandals. On a visit to try on the dresses for a fitting I took my sandals with me to show her what I planned to wear. “Oh no! You’re all going to wear these!” And she takes a white ballet slipper out of a box in her room. “They cost $50 and another $30 to dye them pink to match the dress.” I wondered if I could k**l her and get away with it. No, I went along with it, even though I hated ballet flats. It was her day, not mine.
The day of the wedding we got up ungodly early to get our hair done. She insisted that I get make-up too, even though she has never seen me wear make-up, not even for my own wedding. She sat there in the beauty shop at Treasure Island and saw me not get make-up. I gave in and let them paint me up.
All day and night. I felt every drop caking my skin until I wanted to scream. But it was her day, not mine.
Then came the church. Cue the music. I’m second in line behind the matron-of-honor. My husband is smiling as I walk down the aisle in the classic step off with the right, slide left and I feel my stupid shoes come off - as I knew they would because it’s why I HATE BALLET FLATS! So instead of the graceful, slow step it’s supposed to be I’m doing a quick march chasing my shoes down the entire length of the aisle. I should have just walked out of the damn things and left them there for her to trip over and gone down in my bare feet, but that would be undignified.
AMaureen Dance 2 days ago
" I should have just walked out of the d**n things and left them there for her to trip over and gone down in my bare feet, but that would be undignified." I would not have done that, but I'd be fantasizing about it, the whole way. You can be pleased, though, that your shoe struggles would have messed up the processional, and possibly 'ruined' the wedding. Tell her for her next wedding, she should let people wear the shoes that are best for them
#36
3 weddings, 3 brides
1-cover for her running off with the male stripper after the bachelorette party
2-had to go wayyy out of the way early on wedding day for hair & makeup at her friends house. No one was there when I arrived at my appointed time. The other bridesmaids arrived. Finally we’re let in & the artist arrived. Then as we wait, the bride shows up with printed papers, scissors, glue& glitter and wants us to make the place cards for the reception. It was an intricate pattern and hard to cut around the edges too.
and, there was nothing to eat or drink! A bridesmaid who lived nearby got her boyfriend to bring us lunch.
By the time we got done, there was no time to go back home and get my boyfriend, for the 7 pm wedding, as I’d have to go past the venue (on a small island w limited parking), get him & come back. Bride tried to have another bridesmaids fiancé pick him up, but my befriend didn’t know him & didn’t want to go with a stranger, so he just stayed home.
3-kind of a destination wedding, but one we were driving to. Usually about a 3–4 hour drive.
bride called day before departure and demanded we drive the maid of honor (the bride from 2, but she had only just met her future husband) to the venue, because b2 had yelled at someone in s parking lot and they slashed her tires. We only had small car. And tried to protest. B3 wasn’t taking no for answer. Was too busy or frazzled to find anyone else. B2 wasn’t ready when we picked her up. We were very cramped in the car w her & dresses, & bags. Then she had to stop & get something to eat (we had called her while getting breakfast to let her know we’d be coming soon) and it couldn’t be fast food. She needed a sit down meal. Then she talked non stop about her new bfriend the entire drive. We had to get sit down lunch later and she ordered off menu. She needed to be at venue for rehearsal dinner, and we’d been running late the entire time. Got there late, however, due to an accident near the venue, traffic was way backed up and a lot of family members were late, so we were off the hook. I wanted to strangle her by the time we got there. We found someone else to drive her home.
Then b3 wanted us to put up another guest who had flown in after we were all home. He had hit done something inappropriate and got kicked out. We said no
b1 still married to same hubby
b2&3 both divorced.
#37
A bride wanted me to keep my eyes closed when helping her into her gown as she hated to be undressed in front of people.
Michael Largey 3 days ago
Well, I've seen brides who looked like they were dressed by someone with their eyes closed.
#38
When my best friend got engaged, I volunteered to host the bachelorette party. I asked Bride who she wanted to attend, and it was going to be a small get-together, her four bridesmaids (sister, sister in law, myself, and my sister) plus a family friend.
I get a fancy Airbnb, a downtown apartment, and the plan was to have all the girls over, party, and then sleepover. But somewhere along the way, Bride informs me that she does NOT want sister-in-law to sleepover. She thinks SIL is weird. And will ruin the party. She wants SIL to come over for a little bit, and then leave around 10pm. Problem? It’s already been made known to everyone that there will be a sleepover portion. Per brides (previous) request.
I suggest that Bride is honest with her SIL and tell her since she’s known me and my sister for a long time, she wants to just have some quality time with us before her big day. Especially because I live out of town. SIL would understand, right? It might hurt, but it’s always better to be honest. Well, Bride doesn’t like that idea. Somehow we keep pushing it off, not sure what to do, and the big day is upon us.
We’re all in the apartment playing games, and the mood is a bit stiff and awkward because we’re still not sure how to make SIL leave. My sister and I go into the kitchen to replenish the snacks and Bride follows us in.
“You have to find a way to make her leave!” Bride hisses.
“You just need to be honest with her! She’s your future sister in law!”
“No, I don’t want to hurt her feelings!” (as if we’re not already playing middle school games here).
“Just tell her you really want to have some quality time with your best friend you haven’t seen in forever (me).”
“No, she’ll get mad. Can’t you just say you have a headache or something and we all have to leave?”
Then Brides sister and family friend come in and start getting in on it. Everyone knows what’s going on but SIL, left in the other room, alone. No doubt she can hear us in here whispering. Keep in mind, we’re a bunch of full grown, adult women in our 20’s.
Finally, we devise a plan. I don’t know who came up with this. I hope it wasn’t me. I decide to tell them that my husband, who is currently out with his friends, has gotten belligerently drunk, and is acting “aggressive”, is confused, and needs to be picked up and cared for ASAP. Since it’s my apartment, I’ll have to bring him back here, and everyone will have to leave. Then everyone but SIL will come back.
So I have to make it convincing. We go back to the living room and I get a “phone call”. I actually start crying, I explain to the girls that this happens frequently, that my husband has a “problem”, I’m obviously extremely emotionally distressed, parties over.
The worst part is how concerned and caring SIL was. She suggests going to her house instead, but I reiterate that it’s probably best we wrap things up. I apologize PROFUSELY to everyone for ruining everything. Through my tears I tell everyone how terrible I feel, how I didn’t want to ruin the party and I’m so upset my husband did this. Bride hugs me and tells me it’s okay, we had fun. SIL hugs me and tells me how sorry she is, that it will all be okay. It’s all a big show.
Then we all walk out and leave together, but all of us girls just circle around the block and pull right back in.
I’m not sure if SIL ever caught on. I think that experience was very telling as to the true character of the Bride, who was once my best friend. Someone who is constantly so worried about how others perceive her, she’d rather rather “save face” than be honest. We don’t talk anymore, and although I miss her, experiences like this serve as a reminder to why it’s best I cut things off.
#39
The only time I've had that role was when I was the maid of honor in my younger sister's wedding. For me, the “unreasonable” part was Julie expecting ne to be her verbal punching bag.
Both the wedding and reception were held at the church which my family attends, and because Julie preferred to do the organizing/planning herself, I really didn't have too many “official” duties.
On the day of the wedding, two of Julie's female friends arrived early, and they kind of “took over” what I should've been doing.
There were some issues with the grooms maternal grandmother trying to make stuff about her, possibly late arrival of the wedding cake, so naturally this caused some stress for Julie. She took this out on me, which I felt was not reasonable.
#40
Not really that absurd, but I was in a friend’s wedding and I was wearing an emerald green velvet dress. I’d gotten married a few months before, so I thought I’d wear my wedding shoes, which were low-heeled pumps.
She told me to get them professionally dyed, when I mentioned dyeing them the same color as the dress. I said, okay, but I found dye that matched exactly and did it myself. She never knew.
I’d already paid for the dress, and I didn’t have that much money, so I figure I saved about $15 and the shoes looked fine.
Poll Question
How do you feel about the financial expectations of being a bridesmaid?
Completely reasonable
A bit too demanding
Very unreasonable
Not worth it at all
What do you think ?
Ruth Watry 1 day ago
I was fortunate to grow up in the 80s - under $100 for a dress - bachelorette party was dinner and bar-hopping - bridal shower was cake, punch and some games. Generally cost only $100-200.
Ruth Watry 1 day ago
I was fortunate to grow up in the 80s - under $100 for a dress - bachelorette party was dinner and bar-hopping - bridal shower was cake, punch and some games. Generally cost only $100-200.
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