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“Moms Behaving Badly”: 50 Posts From This Hilarious Instagram Account About Moms, Wives And Women (New Pics)
Being a mom is arguably the toughest job on the planet. But what can you do... the little ones need you, and sometimes 24/7.
The Instagram page 'Moms Behaving Badly' appears to strike a clever balance between the light-hearted and the mischievous. It's a hub of witty humor centered around kids, husbands, and the everyday trials of motherhood.
It wouldn't be surprising if some of these jests were conceived while holding a cheeky wine glass. Feel free to enjoy a hearty laugh and relate as we've gathered a selection of our favorite pictures from this account.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
cerinamroth 2 years ago
AMEN!!! (But also for swimming costumes!) As a regular swimmer, I have never a-men'd anything harder.
Sky Render 2 years ago
Can we also normalize bras that don't become hellishly uncomfortable if you have the temerity to run them straight in with the rest of the wash? So sick of having to treat one type of undergarment like it's royalty...
shankShaw deReemer 2 years ago
Or ones once you adjust them during the day, they're not "right" for the remainder of the day/night. One minor bra adjustment=major discomfort.
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Sparks 2 years ago
I've committed to the full time sports bra for health reasons....The true kicker was one pad was in and the other gone. I went nutz trying to find it. WELL IT MADE it to the other side exactly straight - HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?
Mona 2 years ago
I love the removable cups! I take them out, wash, then put them back in. Perfect.
Becoming a mother is a tough thing. Your whole life changes in an instant. Your friends and family start visiting to see the baby, not you. The life you had before having the baby feels like a distant world. You, as the person you were before being a mom, are different now – and we're not just talking about the pre-baby body.
RELATED:
#2
scag$y 2 years ago
Wow! Seems like there's quite a few of us who do this. Perhaps we should form a group or a club and meet up every... nevermind.
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
It's less needing alone time and more needing time that I'm choosing what I do instead of being forced by responsibilities to do whatever I'm doing.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
I do, and I live alone (other than two cats and a very traumatized moth that isn't long for this world).
Becky Klebe 2 years ago
This is me. I like the quiet of the early morning before anyone else is awake.
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and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 2 years ago
I try and then I have a panic attack because I’m up too late and I have school tomorrow so GODDAMNIT GO TO SLEEP DUMBASS
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
Yes...I get so annoyed when my husband has insomnia sometimes...like WTF are you doing?? 2-6 am are MY QUIET MOVIE HOURS
#3
TheGoodBoi 2 years ago
Me to my neighbor: "My 3 year old is very clean. She doesn't like getting all messy and likes to wash her hands." My 3 year old: *Places a dried dog poo on the table beside neighbor*
Mila Preradović 2 years ago
My child would NEVER do such thing as eating fresh vegetables or various fruits. NEVER.
My O My 2 years ago
Doesn't work that way - they're cunning little bastards....
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Even though taking care of your baby can be all-consuming, it's vital to make time for yourself during this transition so you don't forget who you are. Motherhood can be overwhelming, but you can maintain your sense of self by following these tips.
#4
Crouching hippo hidden panda 2 years ago
Omg I do that already, although it’s a balcony and a pallet sofa
#5
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Your body is never the same after having that human baby, though - in various ways.
Norwegian_Panda🇳🇴 2 years ago (edited)
Chronic illnesses; ‘you will never be able to not feel pain ever in your life again’. Thats a hard pill to swallow for many and I can relate to that. Edit a typo.
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
Yea. Soft tissue never fully healed because it just gets replaced with a large amount of scar tissue a lot of the time, which isn't as flexible. Bones can heal well, but they have to be set properly and held in place well, until they are fully healed. It also depends on the amount of damage.
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#6
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Never understood this. I want a partner to do things with TOGETHER. cooking cleaning laundry all of it.
Hey! 2 years ago
Mine too. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking like this.
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The first step in understanding your identity as a mother is acknowledging that you're not the same person you were before having a baby. Your priorities, schedule, body, and emotions change permanently from the moment your baby arrives. Recognize that it will take time to reconnect with yourself, and be kind to yourself as you discover the "new" you.
#7
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
That's what grandmothers are for. When I was a little girl, we were broke. My brother and I each got a box of cereal a week for our breakfasts. We were allowed to choose the cereal each week, except Apple Jacks. It was more expensive than the others. It was one of my favorites. I was seven or eight, and spent the night at Grandma's, three miles out of town. In the morning, Grandma asked me what I wanted for breakfast. I said Apple Jacks, because they were too expensive. This woman who lived through the Great Depression drove me to the store in town and bought me a box of Apple Jacks.
Aleane Schligo 2 years ago
Grannies are the best. They know how hard your parents are trying for you and so go way above to make sure you get something special. Probably the same as what their grandparents did for them
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Hey! 2 years ago
My husband and I were involved in the 1996 Saguenay Floods. I was at home with the children and he was on site, far away. I was the liaison officer and was on the phone or watching the news on TV. The children are usually pretty much independent so I let them do their stuff. At some point, my mother is standing at the door, with multiple grocery bags. "What are you doing here?" "Your son said he was hungry and there was no food left in the fridge". What?! Didn't realize I was fed by my then 10 y.o. Apparently, he was also feeding his siblings (7F & 4M), getting their bath, etc. Then, after he tried telling me to no avail, he called Granmama. And what do you know? She showed up, made several meals that could easily be heat up and told my son how to do it. I was embarrassed for about 5 seconds and then went back to the phone and TV. We were all (the team) working 18 hours a day and I was so tired.
Mila Preradović 2 years ago
I had to look it up and now I know that there is a watercourse called Ha!Ha! River, so if anyone else needed to hear this, there you go. 😁
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Jane Villar 2 years ago
When we were little and our parents broke, my grandma on mom's side always came through for us.. now I have kids, I always wonder how my own mother, being a grandma herself now, is so selfish and cannot be bothered w her grandchildren..
Sarah Smith 2 years ago
I do this with my niece. I used her phone number one time for a delivery on my Doordash account. Forgot to change it. She saw I was ordering food at work. Now she texts me she's hungry and I send her whatever food she wants. Her parents laugh at this.
#8
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Oh yes, honey. I actually had a panic attack after being made a parent representative for the nursery my son goes to. I am still patting myself on the back for standing up for myself the next day and saying NO, I can't do that. I can't take on any more. I can't be the person to mitigate, negotiate, mediate in my third language on top of everything else. I am in long-term therapy because I can't manage my own life and only agreed to it because I couldn't bear to wait in the room until someone volunteered (which they never do). I don't do well with conflict and expectations. I'm proud of myself for saying no!
Tamra 2 years ago
I'm proud of you too! Saying no is difficult sometimes.
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Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
My daughter often does the extroverting for me (to my chagrin) "excuse me??? Appointment for Williams? We have been waiting 15 minutes, my mom had an appointment at 4." Since age 5-6. She loves asking for help at the store. I'm like noooo don't we can find it ourselves!!! Aughhhhhh..... its funny and I'm glad she isn't like me. Plus people will actually listen to her. Super polite (which I do take credit for)
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
I spend so much energy extroverting in public situations, I’m too exhausted for anything but going straight to bed the minute I get home. This has been going on since long before I was forced to take early retirement and disability at 38. I definitely will talk the paint off the walls if I’m comfortable with you. If not, I’m going to find it very difficult to even introduce myself.
Shona Chambers 2 years ago
I’ve done so many ‘I can’t handle that’ things for my children. They have definitely helped me step out of my comfort zone!!!
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
👏👏👏 I am not cut out for that role, cheers to all parents that extrovert for their children!
Jane Villar 2 years ago
Saaaame.. i was preparing to hoe it away w other moms just so my first grader will form his friend group. *cringe*
#9
Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)
Snort-laugh! That belongs with child sitting quietly at a coffee morning staring at one of the ladies, then "Mrs Robinson just drinks like an ordinary person, she doesn't drink like a fish at all"
The Doom Song 2 years ago
I work in a bottleshop and you wouldn't believe how many kids turn to their parent and are like " no that's not the right beer it's this one" we're talking 3-4 year olds
Auntriarch 2 years ago
My eight year old nephew was the only one in the whole family who could reliably pronounce Burglayer Schlosskapelle
Load More Replies... A B C the Third 2 years ago
fúcking. a fúcking margarita. And BP needs to fúcking grow up, as even 4 year olds know words they try to hide from fúcking grown-ups.
pfeils wife 2 years ago
Henpecked Hal is always putting out funny tweets... sorry, it just wouldn't have felt right to say: "putting out funny X's" (RME!)
Michelle Reynolds 2 years ago
Can we all just acknowledge that alcoholism is a thing? Even with moms.
Instead of dwelling on the loss of your former self, view this transition as a fresh start. Motherhood is a transformative journey that can lead to significant personal growth. When you have a baby, you become an immediate role model. Focus on becoming the kind of person you want your child to admire.
#10
️cleopatr1k ️ 2 years ago
"don't look at me in that tone of voice" -my dad nearly every day
Load More Replies... Fish Fingers 2 years ago
Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about! When I wrote that it was funny, but now it's just a sad reflection of my childhood...
My O My 2 years ago
True that. Want some of my gingerbread fellow sufferer?
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Echo 2 years ago
my dad says that constantly even when I don't roll my eyes. Y'all, I have a resting b!tch face. It's not my faulttttt
The wee giant (any pronouns) 2 years ago
My mom said a few days ago if I ever roll my eyes at her again she will rip them out and throw them out the window.
Kangaroo Ratz 2 years ago
bro what if I so much as rolled my eyes at my mom id get grounded for like a month. in my house, talking back literally means saying anything other than "yes maam" when she's talking 💀
#11
Brenda 2 years ago
Just taught my 2yo grandson to do this. Kept him entertained for at least 20 minutes. The giggles are awesome!
Sue 2 years ago
My granddaughter still loves it at 5. She loves Little Bunny FooFoo too.
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Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Me, a middle-aged adult standing in front of a fan: "I am Iron Man!" *plays air guitar*
#12
Mycroft1967 2 years ago
Daughter was singing "I'm looking over a four-leaf clover." So, I taught ger the Dr. Demento version, "I'm looking over my dead dog Rover." Of course, she decided to sing that version at the school recital. Not a solo thankfully.
DB 2 years ago
Brother came home from kindergarten and excitedly asked my mom to call him a fairy. When she did, he waved his imaginary magic wand and said" Poof, you're a bucket of s**t!" He had gotten that from the older boy who lived up the street to use as a response to another kid who had been teasing him and was anxious to use it.
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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
The first time I heard Paradise By The Dashboard Lights, I laughed myself silly.
Load More Replies... RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
My sister moved back in with my parents while she was spending some time away from her at the time husband, and I was still in high school, so I was there. My sister walked into her room one day and her vibrator was on the ground. Took her a little bit to find out what happened, but apparently her 3 year old was "playing with the finger, but it went bzzzt and scared me", in his words. XD
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
These ones are funny as, I was smoking cones at a friends house when I was younger and his dog walked out with his girlfriends vibrator in its mouth 😂 wanting to play.
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
Ok, this could go one of a couple of ways. Either act mortified and ask said toddler when and WHERE ON EARTH did they get that phallic microphone that I’VE TOTALLY NEVER SEEN BEFORE. OR. Lean into it and bring out your entire toy box to let said toddler have a go at trying different types of “microphones”, or change the game up from kiddie karaoke and teach them to play light sabers (be certain to make the whirrrrr and woosh sound and clang when two sabers collide). That’s the only way to survive this without going scorched earth with any and all witnesses. Plan a has far fewer bodies to hide buried in the Sahara under the third sand dune from the right Just beware: when you keep toys in the home of a toddler, be sure they are always clean before stashing away. Toddlers love to put things in their mouths still. Even more so if it’s doing that tickly vibratey thing while they are playing with it.
Petra Schaap 2 years ago
oh... i read "belching out" the first time. Thought that was pretty epic.
There's nothing quite as challenging to your self-identity as spending every day with a little one who can only express themselves through cooing and crying. Motherhood can sometimes feel incredibly isolating, so it's essential to connect with other adults to combat the loneliness that often comes with new parenthood.
#13
majandess 2 years ago
My husband's normal noises - typing, chair squeaking, drink-sipping, etc - would totally change when he got stuck on something for work. I would let it go for a while, but after about five or ten minutes, I'd stop and ask him what he was stuck on. He was always like, "HOW DO YOU KNOW?!"
Pooka 2 years ago
A woman can look at a brand new garment and instantly notice that there's something miniscule off about the pattern which will turn out to be the tiniest snag in the fabric from someone else handling it. So, yeah...we notice breaks in even the most intricate patterns; noticing your breathing is off is child's play. LOL
A B C the Third 2 years ago
Back in school when i had really close friends I wrote messages with every day, I could tell when something was off when their messages "sounded" wrong.
#14
Momo Skarsgård 2 years ago
Hahahah my boss told me, her kid came running towards her with her face and hands full of chocolate and when the little girl got to her she thought she was being offered chocolate, little girl puts hands on my boss's mouth.....it was poop. She was gagging the whole time she told me the story, it was great! Hahaha
Marcellus II 2 years ago
Well, when life gives you cat turds... hm, no, I have nothing. Give up, shut down, and try again next spring?
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago (edited)
Move over into a corner and die. Not you, I mean if you ever taste cat turds.
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#15
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
I am 50 and my brain still thinks I’m 18 but my body thinks I’m 90 so I figure that’s about right since the average is 54.
Make an effort to spend time with your friends without your baby, or invite them over for a chat after the baby is asleep. Allocate time with your partner to discuss topics other than your baby. If it seems like you have nothing to talk about beyond the challenges of parenting, consider listening to the same podcast or reading a specific online column so you always have a reliable conversation starter.
#16
Mommy Panda 2 years ago
Me, when my husband tells me to "just relax because all the s**t around the house can also be done tomorrow"
#17
Ge Po 2 years ago
It's actually the curse of being wealthy enough that you have to choose everyday, instead of struggling to get enough of whatever food you can afford to stop your belly from aching.
Fat Harry 2 years ago
True, but in a household of 5 people and being the only one doing the cooking it would be quite nice if just occasionally someone said "Hey, can we have X for dinner this week?" so I'm not constantly having to find things to cook (and then getting moaned at because one of five people didn't want that particular choice)
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Sue User 2 years ago
I sat down and wrote every meal i knew how to make on a piece of paper. I added a slip for "try something new" and " takeaway". Then I just picked from the list until i gone through everything. Ymmv.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
There's a Family Circus comic where one of the boys is sitting on his bed in his underwear. The caption says, "You mean I gotta get dressed every day for the rest of my life?"
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago (edited)
Childing is so overrated But adulting is so yesterday that I’m over it.
Load More Replies... Momo Skarsgård 2 years ago
I wish that wasn't part of being an adult!!! I truly despise having to think what to make for dinner everyday.
Corinne 2 years ago
Yes, I understand this;I've had sleepless nights over it. Writing menus doesn't work, batch cooking and freezing a lot of stuff isn't what they want......and they hate what the other one loves.
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
If you are game to try batch cooking again, give each person in your family the opportunity to put one or more of their choices in meals to prep and put up. Another fun idea my family loved, if your offspring are old enough, give each person a $5 bill and let them spend it how they see got to put towards the family dinner. Don’t worry if it’s a balanced meal, it’s just 1 night pier however often you chose to do this. We wound up with three delicious entrees, several sides and bread.
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Nancy Marine 2 years ago
Does everything have to be a social case r political commentary? Sometimes, can a joke just be a joke? What happened to people and humor? Here's a top, don't take life so seriously. No one gets out alive.
Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
Simple...have the same meal on any given day of the week. I know Monday is chicken, Tuesday is cottage pie, Wednesday is fish fingers, Thursday is pasta etc. The only night that varies is Saturday, but even then that's done in rotation (sausages, burgers, pizza). Takes all the thinking and worry out of it.
Cyril Sneer 2 years ago
We do this on a fortnightly rota. If we did it weekly we'd get bored and also, I like more than 7 different dinners.
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Dee Rutherford 2 years ago (edited)
Hubby is out tonight, so dinner is a bag of potato chips and binge watching tv. For the win!
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
When my stomach could still tolerate it, I’d often have a bowl of cereal for dinner. Being the only person in my home full time, that means stuff like cheerios, corn bran, Chex, Raisin Bran)
Load More Replies... Mycroft1967 2 years ago
Want to get on a regular schedule. Tell them you are experimenting with a new dish. They will thank you for microwaved Salisbury steak and instant potatoes.
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
Ok, no jokes here. I know it’s not feasible 4 everyone 4 various reasons, but make ahead meals are my go to now. When I visit my parents, my dad & I will make meals for me to either freeze or freeze dry & vac seal. This has been a game changer for me. I’m disabled and can’t stand up without falling multiple times most days so anything I can make homemade & just reheat is simple, obvious self care for me. Today I put up 8 servings of stuffed peppers, 10 servings of stuffed cabbage rolls & 8 servings of my favorite meatloaf. All this from 4 bell peppers, 6 lbs of lean ground beef, 4 cans of tomato paste, 1 head of cabbage, one jar of Bavarian sour kraut, brown sugar to taste (for the meatloaf glaze), about 1 cup (div ) ketchup, about 2 to 3 tbsp yellow mustard, 1/3 sleeve crackers, & 2ish servings of rice. W/my dads help it was all in different stages of cooking in less than an hour. 10/10 rec cooking w/ someone you love & who can cook better than anyone else you know that’s not you.
#18
Queeqec 2 years ago
I dont get that censoring anyway. Everyone knows, and probably reads it anyway. No matter if its a weak try like here, or a better one.
Load More Replies... majandess 2 years ago
When I was in my 20s, I caught my mom flipping off one of my teenage siblings behind their back after they'd just had some stupid interaction. And I just burst out laughing. When I became a mom, I realized how cathartic it could be... You give in or up on something because in the grand scheme, it's not a big deal, but that doesn't mean you like it.
RandomEpiBioPerson 2 years ago
Yes, and no from me. There's better ways to say it that are less insulting and actually provide better information for the situation, since that phrase can be used in a ton of different ways.
We understand, it might seem overwhelming to consider making time for a hobby or passion right now, but returning to the activities that defined your identity before becoming a parent can help you adjust to your new self more smoothly.
#19
Pamela24 2 years ago
Not trying to be mean, just a well meant note: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they
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ewa 2 years ago
I have one who is actively trying to gain weight and muscles ... in the mornings I think maybe I just dreamed that I went shopping?
Der Kommissar 2 years ago
Just wait till you watch them inhale $85 worth of sushi in 10 minutes
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago (edited)
I’m struggling to survive on less than $200/month. And don’t get me started on my prescription plan donut hole making it impossible to eat and get my meds in the same month. And I’m only cooking for me. Oh, and my refrigerator crapped out so I lost all the groceries I’d stocked it with the day before I realized the compressor was not working. Ugh
Omima mimi miki 2 years ago
dude my son just turned 13 and we call him the vacuum cleaner . he consumes everything i put in the fridge , i swear he gets taller every second ..i'm scared for my wallet
#20
Fat Harry 2 years ago
I'm 40. My wardrobe is somewhere between tramp, wild man of the woods, and uncool 90s teenager.
Mila Preradović 2 years ago
42, wandering between an off-duty stripper, a soccer mom in the gym and a little old lady from the farmer's market who mistakenly took her teenage grandson's punk band t-shirt 🫣
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PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
Yea and I’m loving it. I can afford what I couldn’t have as a kid
StretcherBearer 2 years ago
Ha! I feel this so much. Band shirts and Chuck Taylors are this 49 yo's wardrobe.
Amelia Jade 2 years ago
I'm in my late 40s. I've always wished I was sophisticated, elegant, lady-like, but I have no idea how to do that. I'm short, which doesn't help. I'm clueless about fashion, and whenever I try to dress nicer, I feel like a fraud. Like everyone can tell I'm not meant to be in a dress or nice outfit. So, I dress as I have since I was a kid--jeans or cargo pants, graphic tee, sometimes a flannel, and converse. At this point, I'm so close to 50 I don't see the point of trying to change anymore.
Me, Myself, and I 2 years ago
I'm late 60s and occasionally have to do lady-like. My advice is stick with jeans and tees. Lady-like shoes aren't comfortable. Converse is where it's at!
Load More Replies... Mila Preradović 2 years ago
Oh, they can. But you get to laugh at their face and say "Yes I can" 😁
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#21
Michele Viney 2 years ago
Just moved in with mine after we lost Dad a few months ago. She's 94 but can be both 4 and 14 - sometimes in the same conversation... send help ... and alcohol.
tee-lena 2 years ago
I'm sorry about your dad. Sending you hugs and ALL the alcohol
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Me, Myself, and I 2 years ago
Parents can be taught. As a kid I hated raw tomato slices and there was one on my plate. Dad said I couldn't leave the table till I ate it. So after some time I took a bite and immediately vomited right there at the table. Never had to eat a slice of tomato again!
Show thyself 2 years ago
I don't live with her since 19 years ago, so... I accepted my failure 💁
Having a creative outlet, whether it's drawing, photography, writing, or cooking, can increase your happiness and add some variety to the daily routine of changing diapers and being available around the clock. Even if it's as simple as adding a pinch of cumin to your tuna salad or jotting down "I MADE A HUMAN!" repeatedly in a notebook, a small dose of what makes you unique can set you on the right path.
#22
Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
I'm a friend with benefits: my friend changed her adress to my house and added her to my health plan as my partner.
Jeremy Bolanos 2 years ago
I have a pool, don't come sniffing around here unless you're ready to go halves on the service, electricity, and water bill.
#23
MellonCollie 2 years ago
Hmm yeah, my 2-year-old also just used WTF in the correct context ... Lucky for me I have 2 preteens who throw that around like fresh air, so I'm not the only one to blame... Yikes.
BookFanatic 2 years ago
Yup. A friend's 2yo was talking on her play phone and yelled "motherf***er" before slamming it down. We asked her what was going on. Turns out that's grandpa's favorite word. He says it all the time. She wants to be like grandpa.
Mikey Kliss 2 years ago
Maybe I'm different, my household growing up was pretty laxed but I'd rather my kid not use it in a place where he'd get in trouble for it so we generally just avoid swearing at home
A B C the Third 2 years ago
BP, you did a great job at censoring "fúck" in this one, absolutely can't read it anymore 👍
Dynamite Samurai Koala 2 years ago
Yeppers didn't even know the fact word was there.
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Nikki Gross 2 years ago
When one of my nieces was a baby and just learning how to talk her ball rolled under the couch and she said "s**t!" My sister has it on video 😂
#24
Cassie 2 years ago
Yes, but also my husband has conversations with his imagined me in his head and forgets that I wasn't actually party to it.
Grimhild 2 years ago
It's not your job to fix him. I call it learned helplessness and willful ignorance. You gotta call a thing, a thing.
Clover 2 years ago
Yep, they remember what they want to. Like, if it involves getting laid, yep they remember that.
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Claudia Conway 2 years ago
'You never told me that' - my love, I can remember exactly where you and I were the last 3 times I told you
Clover 2 years ago
Yep, thought of that. I have also considered writing a lot of stuff down, but getting him to actually read it, would be another issue.
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When your every waking moment is dedicated to caring for someone entirely reliant on you, it's simple to overlook self-care. Nonetheless, attending to your own needs is one of the most effective ways to adapt to your evolving identity. Daily showers, a bit of exercise, nourishing meals, and the occasional application of makeup can serve as reminders that you are also worthy of care and deserving of it.
#25
Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)
Says someone who has never come into contact with upper class profanity. Also upvote for Maggie Smith
Sam Standerwick 2 years ago
I once told someone to f!@& off after their dog attacked mine in an area where dog should be on lead and theirs wasn't. I was told my language was a sign of low intelligence. I pointed out I could read the signs saying dogs should be on lead and that they should "go forth and multiply preferably this time not with a family member". I won LOL
A B C the Third 2 years ago
bítch and fúck ain't profanities, are they? BP, I think you're lying.
#26
My O My 2 years ago
But did you buy the wardrobe or the clothes to put in the wardrobe?
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Shona Chambers 2 years ago
I have more clothes to clean and garden in and only a few pieces of good clothing.
laura lee 2 years ago
I'm loving the tieless shift/apron that I apparently wear as some sort of overdress at all times now...
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EVILtheCAT 2 years ago
I must be tweeting in my sleep again. Or wait, it's not Twitter anymore. So am I "X-ing" now?
Renee Prete 2 years ago
I thought that that was just me!!! When I go to Costco I only look at the pajama sets
#27
feelthefebreze 2 years ago
imagine calling your own kids that you yourself birthed "freeloaders"
Louby Of Morrowind 2 years ago
My one and a half year old does this. When she is stood up in her cot wanting to come out if we don't pick her up quick enough she does this dramatic sign and puts her head on her arm. It really is a hard life lol
A B C the Third 2 years ago
Pffff, have you ever heard a dog sigh as if the weight of the world lays on their sole shoulders?
silowew628@picvw.com 2 years ago
This was originally about pets but people have no originality and think reposting someone else's jokes constitutes humor.
We get the challenges, whether you're a mom or mom-to-be. We hope these tips prove helpful, and always remember that you're only human, and it's okay to take care of yourself too. If you're in the mood for more mom-life-inspired humor, be sure to check out our earlier posts for a good laugh and a sense of camaraderie!
#28
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
I wonder if they serve McVodka at locations in Russia. Years ago, maybe still, Italy was selling alcohol in their McDonalds. They also had militarized police carrying automatic machine guns standing guard.
#29
Alicia M 2 years ago
I got preeclampsia with my third child and almost died. He told me yesterday he wishes my joints would stop making popping noises because it bothers him. Feel the love.
Rostit. . 2 years ago
holy c**p. I hope he was sort of joking because holy c**p you deserve better treatment then that.
Load More Replies... Corinne 2 years ago
I've had that and ,"why didn't you push me at school?".Yes I did , there was the tutor, the work books, evenings reading your syllabus so that I can help. But apparently I did nothing and ruined his chances. Later he learned that he'd passed everything... well, do I get an apology ? No it's, you need to buy me all this stuff for college
Camber Hollywood 2 years ago
You've treated yourself as disposable and you're surprised when your kids do? Weird.
Shona Chambers 2 years ago
Wow, have never looked at it that way before, we are so lucky to be a Mum!!!!😳😩
#30
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I love going away with my family. We don't get to do it often because we can't afford it - but time away enjoying a change of scenery really is precious.
Amelia Jade 2 years ago
I just went on a big road trip with two of my kids. We had an absolute blast. One of my favorite moments was when we were playing Mad Libs while driving in the middle of nowhere and I almost had to pull over because I was laughing so hard. We're already planning the next road trip.
Shona Chambers 2 years ago
My husband has gone off on a solo holiday three Christmas’s in a row, while the kids and I stay home. Whenever I say it would be so good to go away with the kids he says just do it. Big price difference though going off on motorbike with tent compared to me and two teenagers, can never afford it!!!!
#31
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
hello nargylothatep how are you this evening, are you staying for dinner?
Jeremy James 2 years ago
Back in Summer 2020, I walked into the living room and said, "Um, I think it's raining blood outside?" And nobody reacted.
Omima mimi miki 2 years ago
I literally have stopped caring about so much these past few years - it's like i'm watching a live action movie with a very dumb cast so it's not really interesting but at times amusing. far from surprising and I'm not at all impressed .
Dynamite Samurai Koala 2 years ago
My life is so weird that a portal could open in my bedroom and SERAÏ COULD WALK OUT and I still would be unaffected and not surprised excpt for "heck yeah it's Seraï"
Dynamite Samurai Koala 2 years ago
And then Garl could walk out and freaking kiss Seraï on the cheek and I'd be like "Ok that happened j ship it can I get ur autograph"
Load More Replies... Mini grizzly 2 years ago (edited)
That's called being an adult working full-time. With a boss who is absolutely not in control, so you burn out. And that's the new norm !
#32
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Oh, way, way before that!!! I hate clothes shopping so much that I am definitely wearing some things from before the millennium.
Sue User 2 years ago
It was a sad day when i realised some of the clothes in my closet were older than my new colleague.
Load More Replies... scag$y 2 years ago
Asking for a friend. What's up with clothes from 2014? Also, another friend was wondering whether clothes from before 2014 were acceptable? NOTE: Anyone who has read my previous posts probably knows that I am a hardcore introvert and don't have any friends. So I would just like to make those people aware that I have a very inquisitive dog. Next door's cat is known to be quite curious as well. That's all I'm saying. I *WILL NOT* be drawn into another debate about talking animals and cats wearing clothes. Not after last time.
Let’s Be Kind 2 years ago
2014 was just a random year the post used to make a point - that her clothes are old because she spends her clothing budget on her kid’s clothes. Moms sacrifice like that.
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Spannermonkey 2 years ago
I have clothes that are older than google. And also older than the Kardashians. (Or so google tells me.)
Jackie Lulu 2 years ago
The denim jacket I'm wearing is from 2004. The cuffs are frayed, the collar is discolored, but I just can't quit it.
Alyssa Phillips 2 years ago
I am seriously debating getting rid of my fav pair of jeans. Got them in 2007. Parts are threadbare...they aren't going out pants, but they may not even be stay home pants now. 🥺
Robin DJW 2 years ago
My kids wore what they had until the size/condition prevented it. Why tf do parents cave into this kind of s**t?
Me, Myself, and I 2 years ago
I'm the oldest so all my clothes were new. Except for the occasional sweater I "borrowed" from dad. So my sister got lots of hand-me-downs. And if it was unisex clothing, our little brother got it. I still wear my clothes until they can't be worn in polite company.
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#33
ginshun 2 years ago
I don't know what all the negative comments are about, this one is perfect. Women, for the most part, don't want you to fix their problems, they just want to tell you about them, and appreciate it when you actually listen.
Kim Kermes 2 years ago
And sympathize! "Awww," "That's awful", "You deserve better." 3 phrases. There are more, but these are good starters.
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Oskar vanZandt 2 years ago
I sometimes have to remind myself that someone who is venting does not necessarily want or need my input to resolve the issue...
XenoMurph 2 years ago
This wise man will be unfulfilled in his relationship, unable to express himself, and looking else where.
Synsepalum 2 years ago
The wise man can vent to his partner as well. Sometimes we all need to just vent.
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#34
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I told my daughter that sometimes people are homeless because they don't have any money and she said: "Why can't they just go and get some out of the machine?" Bless her. I explained that any money that is in the machine is there because I have a job that pays me the money I can withdraw later.
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 2 years ago
My son asked why this person is sitting on the floor with a cup ? After I explained, he decided to not be a fireman anymore. Now he want to seat on the street for people to giving him money. He was 3 or 4 years old.
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Walter Brameld 2 years ago
Hahah. You know those stick-family stickers some people put on their cars? Mine is a stick-man and some money bags.
Omima mimi miki 2 years ago
i have to remind my kids that very same thing and i have no shame ;)
Wondering Alice 2 years ago
I once saw 2 little kids by one of those coin operated rides. One was on top rocking, the other went up and told him he needed money to make it work - proudly pointing to the coin slot like he was imparting wisdom. The other child asked where to get the money, first child thinks then confidential asserts 'the mummies, they have the money '.
#35
Dreaming Spirit 2 years ago
I have to admit, I don't like cleaning very much. But I told myself - if I do a half-arsed job, it's still better than nothing. And, to my surprise, this half-arsed cleaning repeated often is much better than deep cleaning once in a while and doing nothing in the meantime. Sure, my home isn't sparkly and squeaky clean, but it's never a complete mess either. Take it as a tip :)
Pandarara 2 years ago
With 3 kids it feels like a continuous job. House clean, you turn your back house messy
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 2 years ago
Don't turn your back, never do it. I have 2 kids and when they have play dates in winter I think about move out just to not clean.
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meezersfive 2 years ago
Be like me and don't do it. Someone said doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is nuts.
#36
#37
afia kooma 2 years ago
There is a golden ratio there that one has to hit in order to not wake parents instead. I remember practicing this myself😂
SincerelyMeesh 2 years ago
This was my parents when I was in middle school and high school, but it was due to rampant alcoholism and led to me basically raising myself the last few years. mom got sober, dad died of liver cancer.
#38
Birgit Sommer 2 years ago
It's a soothing thing, not a temp regulating thing
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#39
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
Be glad for the coffee. It’s the only thing you won’t necessarily have to earn today.
#40
A B C the Third 2 years ago
BP censor's aren't fúcking around today, are they? Can't be bothered it seems.
Lady Gypsy Rain 1 year ago
Fafo my kids know. Play stupid games with me, get stupid prizes with interest.
#41
Panda Promise 2 years ago
My 21 yr old daughter couldn't believe that, me, her mom, knew all the words to Eminem
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
I immediately started reciting "Been downing both our lives, living in this Gangsta's Paradise"...........so clearly the songs from our early years never truly leave us, and also- not sure that's the kind of music OP was referring to lol
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
Argh!- on phone so can't edit spelling mistake- "spending" not "downing"
Load More Replies... DB 2 years ago
Told my grandkids once "I'm a wheel, I'm a wheel, I can roll, I can feel." They looked at me like I had three heads.
Kristie French 2 years ago
It was a clear black night, a clear white moon Warren G was on the streets tryin' to consume Some skirts for the eve so I can get some funk Rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone…
#42
Guðrún Sveinsdóttir 2 years ago
😅😅😅 so true! I took my daughter and son in law to a night club and I was just like the picture 😅😅😅
Roy Briggs 2 years ago
Ég myndi ímynda mér að þú lítur út fyrir að vera miklu yngri en fallega Betty, elsku konan mín.
Load More Replies... #43
Claire the Devils Advocate 2 years ago
I decided to try something with my two, so I told them that regardless of who comes with a complaint, both will be punished equally. Guess what? It worked!
Little king trash mouth 2 years ago
I scream back "I don't want to hear it. Figure it out between the two of you!" I'm teaching conflict resolution lol
Cassidy Moore 2 years ago
Im the oldest of 5 siblings, so when my son comes to tell on his younger brother I just go "idk mad, kick his butt" thats what I did 🤣
#44
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I don't have female friends - never been able to make them. I have a lot of gay male friends but that doesn't help me in the demographics stakes! :D
#45
Alyssa Phillips 2 years ago
A few weeks ago we invited the neighbors (who we LOVE) over for dinner. Dinner night came...we met in the yard, both said not feeling it. They brought Tupperware with the dessert to my house, I boxed up some hamburgers and we went out separate ways. It was glorious.
#46
Cathy 2 years ago
Been wild all the way from my 20's to my 40's and still having fun 😇 Happy to be child free...
Guðrún Sveinsdóttir 2 years ago
On the day of my daughters 18th birthday I called everyone in the family to say that I'm back and I'm staying for good. No more nice lady. Just plain old me. How good it felt. Then I opened a wine bottle 👍🙂
vintage_one 2 years ago (edited)
Had my kids by the time I was 25. Love it. Now in my 50s, day drinking with my daughter is the best!
#47
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Sometimes you just get a feeling about other parents, and sometimes it's good to trust your instincts.
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JCM 2 years ago
My Grandmother. I could have anyone in I wanted in the summer. There were very few houses she would let me go to. The kids next door were pretty poor with a father on the road all the time truckin' and step mom who didn't care about anything. My grandmother would always bring us sandwiches and treats even if I had just eaten. Didn't realize till I got older that she was making sure those kids got at least one good meal a day.
diana king 2 years ago
Since this is a funny thread, I think the meaning here is so they don't have to drive.
Mz Phit 2 years ago
For me, it was unsecured firearms - I was always wearing about letting my kid visit homes I was unfamiliar with. Too many tragic accidents in the news in Arizona
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Sapient Mulch 2 years ago
"You can't go over there, and they can't come here. Learn how to play by yourself; quietly" My mom
#48
Edda Kamphues 2 years ago
Full fridge and two full freezers. Kids: there is no food in the house.
Kimberley Fisher 2 years ago
My son, age 16 at the time, was moody because, “there was no food in the house.” Please note, I had just went grocery shopping. When I pointed this out, he had the audacity to say, “that’s not food! It’s just ingredients for food!” He’s thirty now with three year old identical twin sons. And now we wait.
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Courtney Christelle 2 years ago
Mine: (bypasses fruits and vegetables, no chips) there’s nothing to eat!
Cassidy Moore 2 years ago (edited)
Me: Makes a full course dinner / My Kid: I want ramen noodles 😠
#49
Robin Lynn 2 years ago
I’m 60 and my mother still tells me to call her when I get home from work in the snow! That’s love!❤️
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Cassidy Moore 2 years ago
My stepmonster: You need to work and give me all your money, but also be home to deep clean my house so much so that you smell bleach for hours even if you go outside, also make my grown a*s bed and alphabetize my spices.
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Our contact is limited to a once a month phone call and generic texts for the extended family, usually ranting about Brexit or showing pictures of retired people enjoying a retirement I will never get to have.
#50
Brenda 2 years ago
I do all the driving since his stroke. Never had an accident in 40+ years, but apparently I have no idea how to drive. 🙄 Can't wait until he's driving again!
cdubaya 2 years ago (edited)
My wife had a stroke in Dec 2022, Virginia (USA) automatically suspends your license for 6 months for her type of stroke, she has more accidents and more speeding tickets than I do but for some reason I'm the crappy driver! Luckily she is driving again and I am free to let her do what she wants but the eye roll and floorboard (brake check from the passenger side) are evidently annoying!! :-) Also, the amount of non-finished sentences from me since she started driving again are out of control. EX: "Baby, watch that..." "Are you watching the..." "Do you know how fast..." "Which lane are you..." and the amount of side eye I get is epic.
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Robert Millar 2 years ago
People who drive faster than me are maniacs, people who drive slower are idiots. I seem to be somewhere in between. No, wait...
Pheebs 2 years ago
I have had 3 accidents in my life, and none of them were my fault. My hubs does the gasp thing to me as I’m backing down the driveway. Like, dude, you do this every time there’s a car within a block. Never once have I backed straight in to the road - I always stop before the bumper reaches the end of the drive, look both ways, and THEN back out. My mother, on the other hand, is the WORST side seat driver. Constantly yelling at you to break either as you’re already stopping, or WAY before you need to, while simultaneously be ticked you didn’t make that left turn in front of a car that was almost to your position - “you could have made it”. Meanwhile, she hugs the center line when she drives and bitches about other drivers hogging the road.
lawrence Andrew 2 years ago
My wife would randomly shout, watch out!, when I drove. One time when there were no cars behind me I hit the brakes came to a sudden stop in the middle of the road and shouted, what is it? After that she was too afraid to say anything.
#51
#53
#54
PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago (edited)
Omg my boss started this mothers corner in the pub I worked at, and put me in charge of it 😂 it was basically mums coming in at 9am to get s**t faced on mimosas, some would just leave the newborn baby in a pram with me and go shopping etc. im a bar tender and I don’t have kids, so it was astounding to me why anyone would do this, like at least ask me first 😂 I don’t like people who assume because I’m female I’m a baby’s sitter, what if I was a bad person
Baby Jenks 2 years ago
Traditionally mimosas are served with brunch so 2:30 pm is more likely.
Load More Replies... #55
#56
#57
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I'm definitely not an activities planner. I'm a big believer in boredom being the cradle of creativity!
#59
cerinamroth 2 years ago
In my 40s - don't have this any more. I have stopped having a night-time snack (essentially intermittent fasting, I suppose) and it has had a huge effect on my energy levels in the day, even when my young kids wake me up in the night!
Walter Brameld 2 years ago
Weirdly, I'm in my 40s and I no longer get hangovers after drinking. Maybe it's because I've become responsible about drinking a lot of water when I have alcohol.
#60
Guðrún Sveinsdóttir 2 years ago
We managed to do that me and my bestie. Our daughters are best friends to ❤️❤️❤️
#61
#62
wiscohomegrown 2 years ago
I affectionately refer to this as my husband’s “resting murder voice” which often goes hand in hand with “resting murder face”
Rocky Horror Panda 2 years ago
80% of my problems are because I can't control the look on my face.
RapidUnscheduledDisassembly 2 years ago
It's a real problem. My mom is like this, and it's a big part of why few people want to have anything to do with her. It's sad.
#63
Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm 2 years ago
Who tf tells their best friend how big their husband's pėňîş is?
kidr1409 2 years ago
Imagine the same thing with men joking about how they talk about their gf's boobs with other male friends...then come and whine about equality
Sand Ers 2 years ago
I don't do that, and I don't know anybody who does that. And if somebody I knew started doing that I'd either leave, or tell them to knock it off.
Load More Replies... #64
#65
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Vladimíra Matejová 2 years ago
When your newborn pees all over you and everything around for a third time in a row and you know you cannot scream on him so you just swear and call him names in a nice calming mother voice 🙈
Rostit. . 2 years ago
why not? its just words. The fact that people still get bent over some swear words is silly. there are actual bad things in the world to be worried about and some spicy words is not one of them. Id think with the amount of b*tching people do about BP blocking certain words, this would be less of an issue in the comments but here we are.
Load More Replies... Vladimíra Matejová 2 years ago
When your newborn pees all over you and everything around for a third time in a row and you know you cannot scream on him so you just swear and call him names in a nice calming mother voice 🙈
Rostit. . 2 years ago
why not? its just words. The fact that people still get bent over some swear words is silly. there are actual bad things in the world to be worried about and some spicy words is not one of them. Id think with the amount of b*tching people do about BP blocking certain words, this would be less of an issue in the comments but here we are.
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