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“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner

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Long-term relationships are not actually guaranteed, even if you really like a person. Spending your life together with someone is a huge commitment, so most folks want to be sure. Unfortunately, sometimes things happen in a relationship that pretty clearly demonstrate that a partner is not marriage-material.
Someone asked “What moment made you realize your gf/bf would never be your wife/husband?” and netizens shared those pivotal moments from their lives. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own thoughts and examples in the comments section below.

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#1

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When she "tested me" by having her way hotter friend hit on me. When she told me she was happy I passed "her little maybe husband test" I told her she failed my maybe wife test and broke up with her. She was SHOCKED.

davethapeanut , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

245points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

190points

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#2

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner He tried to control everything I did. He told me I couldn't go over to my friends house after school because "he didn't trust them", I couldn't babysit anymore because "I need to be inside my house by 6pm every night", I couldn't wear pink, red, or purple anymore and I could only wear long pants and turtleneck shirts as "I need to dress modestly ".

Not only did I NOT obey him, but even he came to my house before school, he told me, in front of my dad, that I had to change my clothes. I was sent out of the room, and 23 years later, I'm still not sure what my dad said to him, but all his crazy demands stopped and I broke up with him a few weeks later.

SassyCatLady442 , Keira Burton Report

Final score:

211points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

85points

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#3

When she was rude to the wait staff at a restaurant.

Final score:

209points

The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago

Yep, that would be an absolute deal breaker for me. This needs to be higher on the list.

76points

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#4

I don't want to trauma-dump, so I'll leave it at this: pay attention to how they treat you when you are physically unwell and reliant on them.

KittyCamino Report

Final score:

199points

Insomniac 3 months ago

I feel this to my soul.

60points

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#5

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner I was planning on proposing to my long term girlfriend, but then she got into a serious accident where she fell and landed onto a friends' d**k. Dodged a bullet there.

Ben716 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

194points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

You dodged a bullet, she took a bullet.

57points

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#6

When I invited him to my college graduation and he said he thought it would be boring and he’d rather play video games with his brother. I worked full time through college and it took me almost 8 years to graduate, it was the biggest day of my life up to that point.

reflectorvest Report

Final score:

192points

The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago

My wife (then girlfriend) took almost six years to earn a four-year degree because she traveled so much for work. She was so proud to finally get her degree because she struggled with some of the courses that were not directly related to her major but still required. Like you, her graduation was one of the most important days of her life, and I can't imagine that out relationship would have lasted if I hadn't been there to celebrate her, especially for something as pointless as video games.

132points

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#7

When I realized I was just gonna be his mom not his partner.

I did the cleaning. I held his hand through EVERYTHING I was responsible for everything. It was very one sided. He spent all his money on Magic: the gathering cards instead of paying bills. When I said I was breaking up with him, he said he wouldn't be able to finish college... Because of me. I said that wasn't my problem that was his.

sweatyalpaca26 Report

Final score:

190points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

56points

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#8

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner He wanted a SAH wife but without protection in case we split. I will not lose my financial independence for anyone. Too many horror stories.

He married and his wife got screwed years later.

Mukduk_30 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

188points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

This whole SAH wife concept is a bad deal for women everywhere, dunno why any women would agree to it. Or not even see that they are getting the short end of the stick.

99points

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#9

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When we'd been dating for six months and realized he really wanted to have kids and I didn't. We'd talked about it before, but I don't think either of us had completely figured it out yet.

He's now a happy dad, and I'm happily childfree with an amazing partner.

Ok_Arm2201 , MART PRODUCTION Report

Final score:

172points

Midoribird Aoi 3 months ago

At least this one sounds like it ended amicably.

123points

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#10

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When he randomly said to me one day, "you have to win me over again". I decided not to try.

MooglePomCollector , Budgeron Bach Report

Final score:

167points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

He was not prizeworthy.

63points

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#11

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner I was stuck in bed healing from a serious accident. I had several pelvic fractures and spinal fractures plus serious emotional trauma. My mom had come to stay with me to help take care of me. My ex came to visit one day like two weeks after the accident and he was pouting because I wouldn’t have sex with him. Then he made a joke to my mother about how “well endowed” he was (hahahahahahahahahahaha).

UCantSeeMyWhale , Karolina Kaboompics Report

Final score:

162points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

54points

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#12

Whenever I accomplished anything he’d belittle it.

Like I bought a house and he was supposed to help me with the down payment. He didn’t have a job but it was Covid year so he got a ton of unemployment cause his job never restarted. I got unemployment for a minute but it terrified me to my core so I switched careers, worked two jobs, and decided to buy a house. We were going to get married so both our names were going to be on it. About 2 months beforehand I asked how much he saved to put down. Zero. He tried to blame me and say I wanted to go out. I was working two jobs! One was sales and I made 90k in a year from. I was paying for my own drinks! He did not pay any rent or bills past his phone bill.

So I was proud of myself at 27, saving up, making a huge change in less than 7 months, and doing it myself. I didn’t put his name on the house. But I was bragging to my best friend and was just like “I’m so proud of myself for this; I never thought I’d be a home owner.” And he went “you didn’t do it yourself, you wouldn’t have done it at all if your aunt hadn’t died.” My aunt died and I got 1k from it. I would have still had the down payment without that. My aunt died of ovarian cancer. So not only was I working two jobs(for the first three months, I switched to one after that), I was also spending two nights a week with her cause we didn’t want to put her in hospice and I was the youngest of her nieces so I had the most energy. It was disgusting. People don’t die with dignity. I loved my aunt, but it was a lot of sleepless nights and holding my breath so I wouldn’t show anything on my face of wanting to throw up. I had three bad panic attacks that year from all this. Like where I thought I needed to be hospitalized and I felt like my body wasn’t mine and at any second I’d lose myself completely. I called the crisis line multiple times.

It hurt and made me see him differently when I realized how often he did that but how little it meant to me normally because I didn’t feel proud of the accomplishments anyways. But this time I did.

CrashSeitan Report

Final score:

149points

The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago

You should be incredibly proud of all you've accomplished at a relatively young age, especially while dealing with family and mental health issues. He was clearly never going to share your ambitions, which is one of the quickest ways to destroy a relationship. Seems like you've already figured this out, but you're much better off without him dragging you down!

88points

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#13

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner Our upstairs neighbor had a toddler who liked to run through the apartment and she freaked out on the little guy, literally screaming at him while he stood there crying and shaking.

I grant, it was loud and annoying. She had cause to be annoyed. But 1) she refused to have an adult conversation with the upstairs mom, and 2) the little guy doesn’t deserve that. He’s just a baby.

At that time in my life, I was convinced I never wanted to have kids but when I saw that behavior I knew it was over even if we never had kids of our own. I broke up with her the next day.

Now I’m happily married and we have a little guy of our own. We have rules, but we don’t discipline out of anger or use fear to change behavior.

One_Studio4083 , Helena Lopes Report

Final score:

144points

Nikole 3 months ago

Good! Discipline should be constructive, not destructive.

87points

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#14

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner She lied badly about money and how much debt she was in. Her best friend showed me a text she had sent basically saying all I need is to get him to marry me and he’ll be stuck with my debts too.

CelticB-stard , Tima Miroshnichenko Report

Final score:

139points

Insomniac 3 months ago

That's a big foul. You HAVE to be upfront about finances.

67points

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#15

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner The day my boyfriend decided to quit his job because I made enough money to support both of us. Yeah I make enough to support us, but l am not going to support another grown adult.

We were a gay couple for reference.

Samisoy001 , Mikhail Nilov Report

Final score:

136points

Insomniac 3 months ago

If you agree as a couple that one person can stay home, or if one partner is disabled and cannot work, that's one thing. But "I'm not gonna work because you make enough to support us" is ridiculous.

102points

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#16

When he didn’t come to visit me/ call me to check if I was ok after being diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis.

nounderwirebrigade Report

Final score:

136points

Linda Riebel 3 months ago

Unbelievable. My jaw literally dropped when I read this.

52points

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#17

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner We were looking at rings. He straight up told me he didn’t like any of the ones I did because “they’re not gold and my wife needs to have a gold ring because I’m going to always put her first”. But, you didn’t want to put my preferences first on a piece of jewelry I’d be wearing every day?? So many other red flags, that was just the one that slapped me awake.

Crafty_Maybe731 , Robin Edqvist Report

Final score:

134points

Nikole 3 months ago

He just wanted to show other people the ring

67points

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#18

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When he said he wanted to have children together and my heart filled with dread at the thought of being permanently tied to him like that.

NocteScriptor , Anna Shvets Report

Final score:

132points

Insomniac 3 months ago

My university boyfriend put my first name and his surname on my phone. I wanted to puke at the sight.

60points

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#19

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When I realized we had completely different life goals—like he wanted to travel the world non-stop, and I was more about settling down in one place.

HOt_babes13 , Pixabay Report

Final score:

131points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

This is fair. Nice to see a post where neither is the arsehole.

152points

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#20

When he told me jokingly that his mom had asked him: “Why do you keep dating [my race] girls and diluting your blood?”

Marriage is hard enough without a racist MIL and clueless momma’s boy.

Bungororo Report

Final score:

126points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

Not to mention an absolutely moronic MIL with extremely limited education.

63points

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#21

When she was very jealous about her cat liking me. How tf we supposed to have kids if she’s jealous about me and her cat being friends. Lol miss that little feline and I know she misses me too.

Old_Seesaw_4701 Report

Final score:

123points

Judy Reynolds 3 months ago

The woman? Not so much!

57points

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#22

When he cheated on me then chastised me the following morning for “still going on about that”.

Dragon-Accountant Report

Final score:

122points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

May his sphincter simultaneously implode and explode.

135points

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#23

The way he talked about our future life together. He pictured me like a woman "without too much ambition" so that i could clean the house and raise his kids. And when he said something along the lines of "we're gonna sign a prenup just so that I am safe" lol dude you drive a 1992 FIAT, you rent a flat with your mom and sister in the worst neighborhood and you're between jobs, there's literally nothing you have that i might want in a divorce settlement, get over yourself.

Professional_Cow1157 Report

Final score:

121points

dremetrius 3 months ago

It's certainly dating something that they believe raising children and cleaning the house doesn't take motivation, but also they don't want to do any of it.

47points

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#24

She talked about everything like it was hers. Her tv. Her apartment. Her couch. Her cats. Never ours when speaking to anyone, even me.

AlarminglyConfused Report

Final score:

114points

P1 No-Name 3 months ago

BIG RED FLAG!

51points

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#25

He offered to buy me a laptop from a guy on Facebook Marketplace (I was a broke student and he was well-off), which I thought was so nice and generous, but when we went to pick it up he relentlessly bullied, manipulated and gaslit the guy into bringing the price down by $200.

I lost so much respect for him that day. And it was all downhill from there.

chyeahexcellent Report

Final score:

112points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

He was well off but still felt the need to bully, manipulate and gaslight the seller of a used laptop so he could get it 200 dollars cheaper? What a wankēr.

63points

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#26

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When she asked her friend to flirt with me to test me.

Nelson4ay59 , Katerina Holmes Report

Final score:

110points

Bob Brooce 3 months ago

That's why whenever a woman starts flirting with me I tell her it seems like an attractive offer but I'll have to see exactly what they're offering. Then I can tell my wife that her friend made untoward advances and exposed herself to me.

23points

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#27

He forgot to tell me he was in a relationship.

Valuable information.

BigThundrLilMountain Report

Final score:

108points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

Sure, "forgot".

38points

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#28

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner I paid for us to go away on holiday for her birthday, travel, accomodation, most food and all planned activities were covered and I got her an expensive gift on top. She paid for one activity which I hadn't planned for and was a spur of the moment thing.

Towards the end of the holiday I was running out of money, I asked if she would mind if we paid for ourselves for this last activity, I didn't expect her to pay for me. She flatly refused on the basis that she'd paid for the impromptu activity. No discussion, no query just a flat no.

I couldn't help but see her differently after that, and I realised that any future we had would reflect this reality of me paying for the majority of our relationship despite her earning more than I did. We didn't last more than another year after that.

Richard_Howe , Bayram Yalçın Report

Final score:

105points

DaisyGirl 3 months ago

ANOTHER YEAR?!?!

174points

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#29

My ex always had a subtle way of making me feel like I was never enough. I was always chasing his affection, which was never guaranteed. Eventually I remember realizing that a lifetime of that excruciating chase would be hell. That in fact, he doesn’t actually love me—he loves an idea of me.

melted-turquoise Report

Final score:

103points

Insomniac 3 months ago

He didn't love an idea of you. Guys like that never do. They want your self-worth to be totally dependent on their approval. They want you to crawl and beg for it... but they'll never give it. They keep making you think you're almost there, and they shove you back again. It's a vicious circle of mental/emotional abuse. He loves only himself. Its a Red Pill thing.

57points

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#30

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner During a weekend trip that I had practically fully funded, I realized that I did not have my card when fueling. When I asked her to pay, she said what am I, a bank?

Suspicious-Clerk8542 , Ahsanjaya Report

Final score:

102points

Alexandra 3 months ago

Are you sure you want me to tell you what you are? No, I didn't think so.....

39points

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#31

There were so many moments that should've been it.

Tracking my location.

Accusing me of cheating then trying to gaslight me into believing I actually had.

The number of times he screamed over me.

How he got off on pushing me around in public.

But it actually took a physical assault and his arrest for me to realize I couldn't spend my life like that.

PureKitty97 Report

Final score:

100points

Judy Reynolds 3 months ago

Good for you!!

48points

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#32

When he told me he expected me to stop working when we got married. He also refused upfront to “let me” go to law school. I said it wasn’t up to him, he voiced concern about paying back school debt. I said me working after I went to law school would pay back my loans.

Basically he wanted to control all the money, be able to cheat on me but also track my comings and goings (as he’d hold the financial strings).

I noped right out of there. He made A LOT of money back then and has gotten even richer but … who cares? He was a d**k. He was controlling,
manipulative, jealous and petty. No regrets. I can’t be bought. The irony was when I dumped him he claimed I was a gold digger. lol, sure buddy.

Then he went and married a gold digger who puts up with his s**t. I know this bc mutual friends confirmed it for me. 🙄.

fugelwoman Report

Final score:

94points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

Sounds like he just wanted a wife dependant of his money so he could control her as he pleased.

40points

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#33

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When we'd agree to put an argument to rest under the assumption it had been resolved, but then days/weeks later he would bring it up again out of no where or bring it up as ammo in a new argument we were having.

Long story short I was always the enemy, and anything I said in my defence was seen as a lie or used against me, and a wife is not an enemy.

ThrowRARAw , Alex Green Report

Final score:

92points

Don Adams 3 months ago

My ex would just go from argument to accusation to argument, they never seemed to to end. Our record argument was 13 years of her accusing me of having Italian ancestors (I don't, but what would it matter if I did?).

44points

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#34

When I accidentally got pregnant while dating him & he acted like an a*****e. I considered keeping the baby & didn’t want to have an abortion. He was so mean for no reason & spent the night out then I found some random woman’s shirt in his car. I got an abortion (I did not have the ability to give a child a good life at the time there was no way I was doing it alone) & never looked back. 2+ years after leaving him he still tried to contact me through my friends & changing his phone number.

He ended up getting in big trouble a couple of years ago with the FBI for working with a doctor doing insurance fraud he was paying patients part of insurance money to get unneeded surgeries, lab tests, etc. they would keep everything else. One of the patients ended up dying & I think more died after the fact. It was a terrible thing & im so glad I found out he was a terrible person before that happened.

heroinheroine2 Report

Final score:

89points

Bob Banks 3 months ago

You don't have to justify your abortion. Bless you! X

144points

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#35

Strangely enough, it wasn’t when he said, “I don’t know if I’ll *ever* be ready to marry you.”

It was when I brought up him saying that at a later time and he said, “I never said that!”.

Imaginary_Pause24 Report

Final score:

84points

Alexandra 3 months ago

Yep, red flag waving in the wind...

29points

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#36

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When she slept with my best friend.

Form1040 , Yan Krukau Report

Final score:

82points

Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago

A man's best friend is his dog.

69points

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#37

He couldn’t handle any serious conversation. Every time I brought up the future, he’d just joke around or change the subject. It made me realize he wasn’t in it for the long haul.

Perfect_ladybabe122 Report

Final score:

79points

tw 72 3 months ago (edited)

Nope. You are simply between his last relationship and his next one.

20points

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#38

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When she told me that I was being "selfish" for wanting to go to the gym and work out.

And no, it wasn't because of anything specific on a particular day that was more pressing at that moment. It was just in general; me wanting to do something for my own health instead of just devoting every second of my free time to her was "selfish.".

CraniumCrash12 , Andres Ayrton Report

Final score:

79points

Iseabail Munro 3 months ago

Sod that. Me and my husband have been there with exes and from the very start of our relationship we always encourage each other to go out, whether it's gym, visiting friends, boys night at the pub etc. It was strange for both of us but in a good way because we knew it wasn't going to be like we'd had before, it would be healthy.

41points

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#39

He and his friends forgot about me and left the bar while I was still in the bathroom.

ratatat315 Report

Final score:

78points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago (edited)

Damn! When I’m out in public or social stitches with my husband I miss him when he’s five feet away. I travel a lot and he works a lot so our home time is priceless & the most amazing thing ever. So when we’re giving that up for social engagements/obligations, I’m wishing it was just us with no distractions. Usually cos I’m very outgoing & social, so can’t cling to or focus on him in these situations. I’d maybe forget my coat or phone or even my wallet when leaving, but I’d NEVER forget my sexy man.

19points

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#40

He would prioritise other people before me.

He would say the right things and knew how to apologise but his actions didn’t reflect his words.

He hid some of his habits from me…

He was not financially responsible.

Our sex life was bad.

I was not making him happy either.

IcySetting2024 Report

Final score:

76points

Zoe's Mom 3 months ago

I think you might of known my ex-husband.

36points

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#41

When I met her dad.

I couldn't stand the man and I knew I couldn't put up with him for the rest of one of our lives. I tried extremely hard to stay with her but anytime we went to a family event or holiday it made me die a little inside. When we talked about our future she always said she wanted to live close to him. The thought of him being a grandfather to any possible kids we would have had sealed the deal and I had to call it off.

We were together for 3 years, met during first year of college, and I met her dad about 6 months into the relationship for the first time at Christmas.

MoldyOldCrow Report

Final score:

73points

María Hermida 3 months ago (edited)

A very wise decision. If family is important for your partner and you can't stand them, you'll be unhappy the rest of your life.

46points

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#42

I asked him to marry me, he said yes. We started making loose plans to marry on my favorite beach in my hometown (my grandma has a beachfront lot there where my dad and step mom got married.) His parents FREAKED out that he was marrying someone 'from a broken home' and said we couldn't get married in my hometown because it was 'too far away'. He agreed with them and then told me he 'didn't really believe in marriage'.

The relationship fell apart pretty quickly after that, which was for the best, anyway. Our values differentiated so substantially- money was really really important to his family, and not so much to me (I'd rather live a happy life doing what I enjoy and supporting myself than striving to be wealthy, his parents were upset when he wasn't making 100k a year yet at 27). I have made a life for myself that I never would have had if we'd gotten married. I hope he is happy and doing well.

princessdied1997 Report

Final score:

72points

Michael Largey 3 months ago

OP could be strangely grateful to the parents. Someone who shoves you away may unintentionally take you out of the path of a bullet. That's what happened here.

34points

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#43

She called me at work to inform me that my favorite musician died and laughed in my face about it. (Edit: I'm an old - Jerry Garcia).

billstrash Report

Final score:

71points

Amelia Jade 3 months ago

This is sad. When Prince died, I was in the car with one of my kids. The woman on Sirius said something about Prince then went to song. I said to my kid, "Did she just say Prince died?" We weren't sure. I pulled over to get gas. I called my husband to let him know we were almost home, just needed gas, and I mentioned that I think the lady on the radio said Prince died. My son was googling it and said, "yeah, he died." My husband heard, said he was sorry, and would see us soon. When we got home, he met us outside and gave me a big hug as soon as I got out of the car. He never seems affected by those kinds of things, but he knows I am and he's very respectful about it. I was a mess when Tom Petty died--still can't wrap my head around that one. I'm so thankful I'm not with someone who would see that as funny.

94points

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#44

He was going through major life changes as a result his communication skills got worse and worse and he was dissociating. I would send him resources upon resources to find affordable therapy and support groups but he was unwilling to even try. Can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

Sure_Ad_9858 Report

Final score:

65points

Brenda 3 months ago

Admitting you need help is the first step. If you can't admit that, no one can help you

38points

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#45

He made a huge deal out of a small disagreement, and I saw how he handled conflict—totally immature and unwilling to compromise.

Dazzling_baby21 Report

Final score:

61points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago (edited)

I’m an “emotional sapiosexual” as I realized in my mid-20s. Intelligence intellect & wisdom are the threshold for me being attracted to someone. Particularly emotional intelligence. I nope outta any kind of relationship when they lack emotional regulation and/or impulse control.

16points

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#46

Too negative. I myself struggle with being critical and rant-y and they were a million times worse. I can’t be around someone who has a very exaggerated version of my really bad qualities because they get worse and more annoying over time.

Itchy_Structure9234 Report

Final score:

60points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

Healthy DBT here!

11points

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

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#47

“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner When we were looking for places to rent/buy for a home and she absolutely refused to compromise on where we'd be living. It's a long story, but her reasoning in that moment told me all I really needed to know about where I was placed as importance in her mind.

Cyanora , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

59points

Nikole 3 months ago

Kind of depends on what she would be compromising on… I need more information but will never get it. C’est la vie.

21points

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#48

When she told me if her deceased husband walked through the door id be out so fast.....

Revolutionary-Cod444 Report

Final score:

59points

Don Adams 3 months ago

If my deceased ex wife walked through the door I would leave a vapor trail I would be be gone so fast

62points

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#49

When she said she wanted to be poly, and tried to force me to be as well.

Shaunaaah Report

Final score:

57points

The Doom Song 3 months ago

What I read was " I want to cheat but don't want to feel guilty about it so let's be poky"

47points

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#50

Held on for a long time with someone who i know i wont end up with. religious and philosophical differences. Grew up very differently and we clashed too much. even though we trust each other and care for one another it’s hard to imagine building a life with someone you find yourself constantly irritated by how they think and the choices they make.

Tight-Big5827 Report

Final score:

55points

Nikole 3 months ago

Yep.

16points

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#51

My mom got a stoke that left her partially paralyzed, while being her caretaker in the hospital, a question popped up in my head wondering if I would do the same if the person lying there was my then 5-year boyfriend, the answer for me was yes, but whether he would do the same, I didn't think so. That was the seed of our breakup a year later.

JustLike_OtherGirls Report

Final score:

22points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

This is called wisdom. A novel life experience was occurring and they were able to assimilate it into their perspective on their own relationship & life’s journey.

4points

#52

She said "you were serious about that?" when she found out I was actively applying for Masters degree programs after a year of planning to do just that. As it turns out she was not planning to follow through on achieving her career goals or any other goals for that matter.

Bitter_Cricket3733 Report

Final score:

21points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

People are allowed to change their minds, hopefully with full consideration of how it affects others. What they shouldn’t do is automatically assume others are going to change their minds about something they consistently indicated they’re going to do.

3points

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#53

When I told him I was taking care of my parents and he said (that’s gross).

Zealousideal-Mail62 Report

Final score:

21points

TheBlueBitterfly 3 months ago

He's gross.

18points

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#54

When he consistently chose alcohol over me. And then when he got sober, the abuse I associated with his alcohol use was actually just his personality. Too bad I already had a kid by him at that point. Im thankful every day though that I didn't marry him and complicate things even more.

Critical-One-366 Report

Final score:

20points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

I can't help wonder how much more complicated it could be getting married when she already had a kid with the guy?

6points

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#55

He called me fat. I’m 5’2” and was about 125 pounds at the time.

Dogzillas_Mom Report

Final score:

20points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

Just call him “tiny.”

19points

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#56

We'd been hanging out 11 months. We never discussed exclusivity. But we spent so much time together it didn't matter. We went to visit his family often. His mom would tell me how she wanted more grandkids. But he canceled our plans one weekend to be a wedding date to someone else. That's when I decided he wasn't ever going to commit. He was more than 10 years older than me. I realized he wasn't married because he didn't want to be.

snaploveszen Report

Final score:

19points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

I mean, does marriage have to be the default progression of a relationship? I’m a 50yo queer so for most of my life it wasn’t an option, ergo not a consideration, ergo not normalized in my ideas of long term relationships. OP doesn’t speak of monogamy, only he escorted someone else to a wedding. A good friend? A cousin? We don’t know. We DO know OP has an ingrained idea of how a lifelong partner relationship must progress. Because without discussing marriage, they assumed. It must suck to have a social construct that been so ingrained or normalized that you’d expect it as part of the journey rather than discussing it as a possible option.

6points

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#57

When I found out he had an account on seekingarrangements.com (sugar baby website), I said it’s sad that the women 30 years your junior only would spend time with you if you pay them.

He said “everything in life has a price, my dear”.

Btw he is a 48 year old economics professor at a major university and a predator I came to find, actually got kicked out for a sexual scandal but hired at a new university. Still employed.

Crazy how you can be fooled and in the dark so long with people like this.

Chicagogally Report

Final score:

19points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

He was right about one thing, everything in life does have a price but it's not always money. Sometimes the price is much higher than that.

13points

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#58

He wouldn’t apologize in a fight. If I was upset about something, it was my issue. He wouldn’t take any responsibility or acknowledge my side. He was just really good at talking over me and turning the conversation around where I had to be the one to say sorry. Really didn’t like that when I was the one upset with him in the first place for what I consider to be valid reasons.

Equivalent_Reach_513 Report

Final score:

19points

Insomniac 3 months ago

You are never going to come to complete accord on everything. Sometimes you have to let things go even when you believe you're right. There are two tricks to this. First, you have to decide what's truly important and what you can shrug off. Don't compromise your core values or allow yourself to be abused or exploited. Second, it has to be a give and take. Sometimes you are wrong, sometimes they are. If you realize that one person is always right and one's always wrong, there's something wrong with the relationship.

5points

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#59

When we finally got into deep talks about how we viewed our futures and I realized our goals didn’t align.

Curious-Air4196 Report

Final score:

18points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

Fair enough, sometimes you just don't match.

7points

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#60

When he told me all he wanted to do was have some fun with me. Didn’t want to go down the serious path. I started down a new path, one that didn’t have him. Six months later I was told by a good friend that he’d been in a state of depression because I would no longer talk to him. Nope nope. I crossed that bridge and set it alight.

RidgyFan78 Report

Final score:

18points

María Hermida 3 months ago

You are not responsible for other people's feelings. I mean, we must behave ethically but we must always think of our own wellbeing at the same time. If a relationship doesn't make you happy there's no reason to stay.

6points

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#61

We had vastly different ideas of how our life would turn out and specifically how she thought my life would turn out. Im very career orientated and wanted to grow my career, she wanted me to quit my job so that I would make less money than her because she didn't think it was fair that my industry paid more than hers.

I never talked down about her job or anything, it was an insecurity of hers about the gap in earnings but I was always super supportive and listened whilst she vented but the conversation of me quitting my job and finding something completely different that doesnt pay well just so she could be the high earner in our relationship didn't sit well with me. When we talk about our future, she would say, "we will never get married if you stay at that job it's a deal breaker for me." So then I said, "Why are we dating then?" She couldn't answer that, so we broke up.

Final score:

18points

Insomniac 3 months ago

If she wanted to be the high earner and you not get to work to your potential... she wanted to control you.

14points

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#62

When I was feeling s*icidal and she said “It’s your choice if you do that, your brain doesn’t actually make you do it” and offered no support. Which is ironic because I helped her out of feeling s*icidal when we were friends, but she couldn’t be there for me while we were almost a year into the relationship.

Thankfully I have a much better girlfriend who listens to me.

SbRTheOG Report

Final score:

18points

TheBlueBitterfly 3 months ago

Yes, because your brain doesn't control your body... 🙄

13points

#63

When he told me he didn’t believe in marriage, it’s just a piece of paper. He also said “if marriage is what you want, I’ll step out of the way. I won’t hold you back from getting what you want.”.

BalenciSlipperz Report

Final score:

18points

ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago

This sounds compassionate considerate with forethought.

20points

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#64

When he got extremely heated over the smallest disagreements.
When he told me he had 5 figure credit card debt after years of dating and that his family wants to borrow money from us.

Heheshagua Report

Final score:

17points

Hayhaypaula 3 months ago

Borrow money from "us"?

12points

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#65

When I got sober and realized our relationship is why my relationship with alcohol escalated. He was a good enough guy but after 4 years of absolute boredom (17 year age difference. I threw him his 40th) and lame sex (think no tongue kissing… just pecking for 4 years!) I just drank. I was a problem drinker for sure but being with him and in my 20s and not even so much knowing our views on religion or children or anything after 4 years, I was bored af and nearly drank myself to death. When I got sober I realized I wasn’t attracted to him, his political views, the racism, the slow nature with which he walked, all of it. I met my now husband in rehab and we are splendidly happy with two beautiful children living in a modest house with a low interest rate in a snooty suburb with good schools and zinnia gardens. lol it’s a little idealistic and I know I wouldn’t have it without that relationship, but yeah that’s now I knew. I quit drinking.

Magnolia_bush Report

Final score:

16points

LittleWombat 3 months ago

There is something to be said for dating someone with whom you share experiences common to your generation. I've found that no matter how attractive the younger person is, it can't compare with laughing over the same cartoons, songs, stories, familiarities of our times.

4points

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#66

It should have been obvious but I didn't see any of the signs. I got so hung up on dutifully staying together and putting all my effort into keeping things together. I was there thinking that it'll get better in a couple of months and then I'll see the sign that she's the one to marry. 8 years of hoping things get better is a long time, and in the end she got bored of me and resentful towards me and she ended it.

I feel and look so much better a few months on now. I walked away with nothing, gave up my job and moved back to my parents and I'm still in a better place than I was.

Final score:

16points

Judy Reynolds 3 months ago

So glad you are doing better!!

9points

#67

He has no self control or accountability when he is upset. A couple years into our relationship a switched flipped in him where he wasn’t afraid to hide his terrible temper anymore. I could never have kids with someone like that. .

ghostchickin Report

Final score:

16points

Judy Reynolds 3 months ago

Nor should you have to live with that!

13points

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#68

When I realized she was genuinely mentally ill and reluctant to get help (2nd part mostly).

It hit me like a ton of bricks one day that I don’t think I could ever trust her to be the mother of my children with her state.

This actually happened after we had split after many years, not while together… At first I desperately wanted her back, but this painful realization was maybe the first step of my truly moving on. (She eventually wanted to patch things up which I couldn’t bring myself to do).

walkonstilts Report

Final score:

16points

Skogsrået 3 months ago

Ugh, would not recommend being with someone who has a mental illness and refuses to get any help.

8points

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#69

When they openly admitted they didn’t believe in compromise or teamwork in relationships. That’s a big red flag for me.

Exotic-Dish-130 Report

Final score:

16points

Brenda 3 months ago

That's not a relationship. That's a dictatorship!

17points

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#70

9/11. Even though we aren't American, I was horrified and in tears. He was pissy because he didn't have any cigarettes and said 'why should I care? I didn't know those people.'.

PersonMcNugget Report

Final score:

15points

The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago

Lack of empathy for people who are suffering--even if you don't know them--is definitely a red flag.

20points

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#71

Broken promises, giving me trauma, never says sorry and MANIPULATIVE NARC.

RavishWhisper Report

Final score:

15points

Monica G 3 months ago

NPD not Narc

0points

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#72

He couldn’t see a future with me in it. At all. Said he wanted a life apart from me. Which is fine to have separate friends. I actually encouraged that. But he didn’t want to build with me.

Now I have a bf who talks about a future with me every day.

JazzySharks Report

Final score:

15points

The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago

Apparently he didn't understand what the word "relationship" means.

8points

#73

Two occasions-
1) met the family (complete trash)
2) she wanted to have an open relationship down the road.

jellopudnpops Report

Final score:

15points

#74

He thought a fun surprise date would be going engagement ring shopping. We had been dating for five months. I was 21, had two years of grad school left, and we had NOT talked seriously about marriage. I almost pitched a whole fit in that jewelry store, but the young man helping us out was SO nice and I couldn’t do it to him. This made me realize my now-ex had his own ideas and timelines about both me and our relationship that made us utterly incompatible.

No-County-1573 Report

Final score:

14points

Elio 3 months ago

He was trying to trap OP. Doing that in public was on purpose.

1point

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#75

When I couldn't picture in my mind the two of us old together.

Distinct-Car-9124 Report

Final score:

13points

Brenda 3 months ago

I knew my late husband was the one when I couldn't imagine a future that he wasn't in.

15points

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#76

He had a grudge against the world. He was always nice to me and to be honest showered me with a lot of words of affirmation, but he was quick to judgment and held onto his opinions of people very tightly. We would not have worked anyway because of some of his political views, but I think he saw us getting married immediately after college and I was not about the life that he wanted.

scrivenerserror Report

Final score:

13points

Katiekat 3 months ago

All that judgment and anger would have eventually been turned on you. You dodged a bullet.

5points

#77

The girl I am dating is not very affectionate, she is fine with almost everything else except she show not affection, she never even uses tongue when we kiss, and she never initiates physical touch. A lot of married people tell me that stuff does not matter because after you get married a lot of that stops anyways, but I feel unwanted, or that she wants me, but is not interested in my physically. Sadly she is a single mother out of a 20 year marriage and this is her first relationship since her divorce in 2021. I really don't know what to do. If I end things, I might not find a nice girl, if I stay I get no affection. Would be nice to have a well rounded relationship, but I am starting to not think they exist.

avalonMMXXII Report

Final score:

10points

Judy Reynolds 3 months ago

Have you talked to her about it? What does she say?

15points

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#78

We were highschool sweethearts and have been together for seven years. At that point the next step in the relationship was get married or break up. We got invited to a close friends wedding (former classmate as well) and we talked about it. And we both a agreed that us getting married was not in the cards at all or not so soon. Then we went silent and I thought damn, I think we will never get married, I dont feel it, I dont want it.
Months later, we broke up.

I am engaged now with a different person. I really want to marry him.

Final score:

9points

Kathrin Pukowsky 3 months ago

I'm not sure why this rubbed me the wrong way, but "At that point the next step in the relationship was get married or break up." had me baffled.

7points

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#79

When applying for exciting opportunities abroad (he's unemployed, no property), his reaction to potential moving was "I'd have to think about it".

unacknowledgement Report

Final score:

5points

TheBlueBitterfly 3 months ago

Well, obviously. Its not a spur-of-the-moment type decision!

17points

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Justin Sandberg

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

Dominyka

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, crafting captivating visual content to enhance every reader's experience. Sometimes my mornings are spent diving into juicy dramas, while afternoons are all about adding extra laughs to the world by editing the funniest memes around. My favorite part of the job? Choosing the perfect images to illustrate articles. It's like imagining a story as a movie in my mind and selecting the key shots to tell the story visually.

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, crafting captivating visual content to enhance every reader's experience. Sometimes my mornings are spent diving into juicy dramas, while afternoons are all about adding extra laughs to the world by editing the funniest memes around. My favorite part of the job? Choosing the perfect images to illustrate articles. It's like imagining a story as a movie in my mind and selecting the key shots to tell the story visually.

What do you think ?

Mike F 3 months ago

Some of these were scary, some were infuriating.

15points

María Hermida 3 months ago

And some were just sad. A few of them had mental problems that the posters couldn't solve, obviously, but they were not bad people.

10points

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Justin Tyme 3 months ago

When I realized the conversation was always about her. She never asked me how things were going with me or tried to encourage/support me in things I was doing. It was always all about her. That marriage would have been a disaster - as it is for the person who married her.

10points

Aline 3 months ago

I expected to see at least some stories about not getting married but staying together because it makes more sense.

3points

Aline 3 months ago

I don't like so many of these articles because it makes it seem like the only legitimate time to break up with someone is after they've done something awful.

3points

FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago

This seems much more of a list of why couples broke up rather than didn't marry. I didn't marry my partner because there's no benefit to marrying, we used wedding money for a down payment on a house, but we will consider a JP wedding if we need to swap passports later.

3points

María Hermida 3 months ago

What's a JP wedding?

6points

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Doctor Strange 3 months ago

Let's see. 1. Things ended because she cheated on me. She explicitly told me how much better that guy was than me. Two weeks later, she was engaged to be married. To a third guy. 2. Things ended with her admitting she was deliberately trying to hurt me enough that I would commit suicide. 3. Dunno if this one counts, since we weren't really together that long, I wasn't thinking about marriage with her yet other than the fact that I'm not the type to date casually. But she literally skipped the country on me. Woke up one day to a message saying she'd left.

3points

Fellfromthemoon 3 months ago

In my country, there is a saying that whoever doesn't have luck in gambling, they have good luck in love and vice versa. I believe you should try the lottery.

6points

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Marie BellaDonna 3 months ago (edited)

When I finally realized that he would never untie himself from his mother's apron strings. That I would always be competing with his family. And at the same time, I myself would have to become his mother. I would have to handle all the phone calls, all the appointments, all the bills, all the housework, and all the confrontations. He couldn't even handle calling the waitress back to the table if my order was wrong at a restaurant. So I would have to be the adult in the relationship, because he acted like a child, complete with occasional immature temper tantrums. I realized that that wasn't all his fault; he was even more neurodivegent than I am. But I also realized that it would never get better, because his family, especially his mother, always coddled him and babied him, and refused to believe anything was wrong. So no matter how much progress I made in helping him help himself, they always undid every bit of it. And I realized I didn't want that to be my life. I broke up with him, and met my now-husband. He is, and was, independent, and his own man. He's not afraid of confrontation. He stands up for me and takes care of me. I CAN do it myself. But it's nice to not always have to. And 25 years later we're still together, and couldn't be happier.

2points

Secret Squirrel 3 months ago

Why would non religious people get married? You can just throw a party if you want to celebrate your relationship. It's so archaic anyway that a secular government recognises a religious institution. I know it's a minority opinion but governments should only recognise civil unions, churches should only recognise marriage.

0points

Danish Susanne 3 months ago

There are reasons to get married if you are not religious. It has to do with taxes and inheritance and such.

11points

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Lupita Nyong'heaux 3 months ago

@secret: i can't speak for other countries, but in america, marriage is not a religious institution, it's a legally binding business transaction that is recognized by the gov't. that's why you need a license to do it. now, a WEDDING can be a religious affair if you want it to be (tho it doesn't have to be at all), but that wedding is not legally binding without the signed and notarized marriage license. the church recognizing it is irrelevant. other valid reasons for non-religious people to marry besides the ones others listed below include being able to make important health decisions for your spouse. in a lot of places, you can't do that if you're not married because you aren't "the next of kin."

6points

Secret Squirrel 3 months ago

It's not the governments business what my relationship status is, they should track economic partnerships and households, but giving a preference to marriage over anytbing else is promoting religious ideals. I think the government should leave that to religion, and only focus on civil matters. This would also make it easier for non traditional relationships and purely economic households. Millennials are buying houses with four or five people, they shouldn't be shown fewer tax benefits to people who can afford to buy with just one other.

3points

Kay 3 weeks ago

1. Because you want to celebrate your love and prove your commitment, 2. Because you pay less taxes, 3. Because if one of you gets send abroad for work, the other gets the visa, too, 4. You get inheritance if the other person dies, 5. You have the right to be at their hospital bed and make medical decisions if your partner is unconscious, 6. You get the right to stay in the same place/get citizenship if you're of different nationalities.

1point

Edgar Rops 3 months ago

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María Hermida 3 months ago

These are the extreme cases. 99% of these stories are about people who discovered they were dating an a*****e.

5points

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Mike F 3 months ago

Some of these were scary, some were infuriating.

15points

María Hermida 3 months ago

And some were just sad. A few of them had mental problems that the posters couldn't solve, obviously, but they were not bad people.

10points

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Justin Tyme 3 months ago

When I realized the conversation was always about her. She never asked me how things were going with me or tried to encourage/support me in things I was doing. It was always all about her. That marriage would have been a disaster - as it is for the person who married her.

10points

Aline 3 months ago

I expected to see at least some stories about not getting married but staying together because it makes more sense.

3points

Aline 3 months ago

I don't like so many of these articles because it makes it seem like the only legitimate time to break up with someone is after they've done something awful.

3points

FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago

This seems much more of a list of why couples broke up rather than didn't marry. I didn't marry my partner because there's no benefit to marrying, we used wedding money for a down payment on a house, but we will consider a JP wedding if we need to swap passports later.

3points

María Hermida 3 months ago

What's a JP wedding?

6points

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Doctor Strange 3 months ago

Let's see. 1. Things ended because she cheated on me. She explicitly told me how much better that guy was than me. Two weeks later, she was engaged to be married. To a third guy. 2. Things ended with her admitting she was deliberately trying to hurt me enough that I would commit suicide. 3. Dunno if this one counts, since we weren't really together that long, I wasn't thinking about marriage with her yet other than the fact that I'm not the type to date casually. But she literally skipped the country on me. Woke up one day to a message saying she'd left.

3points

Fellfromthemoon 3 months ago

In my country, there is a saying that whoever doesn't have luck in gambling, they have good luck in love and vice versa. I believe you should try the lottery.

6points

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Marie BellaDonna 3 months ago (edited)

When I finally realized that he would never untie himself from his mother's apron strings. That I would always be competing with his family. And at the same time, I myself would have to become his mother. I would have to handle all the phone calls, all the appointments, all the bills, all the housework, and all the confrontations. He couldn't even handle calling the waitress back to the table if my order was wrong at a restaurant. So I would have to be the adult in the relationship, because he acted like a child, complete with occasional immature temper tantrums. I realized that that wasn't all his fault; he was even more neurodivegent than I am. But I also realized that it would never get better, because his family, especially his mother, always coddled him and babied him, and refused to believe anything was wrong. So no matter how much progress I made in helping him help himself, they always undid every bit of it. And I realized I didn't want that to be my life. I broke up with him, and met my now-husband. He is, and was, independent, and his own man. He's not afraid of confrontation. He stands up for me and takes care of me. I CAN do it myself. But it's nice to not always have to. And 25 years later we're still together, and couldn't be happier.

2points

Secret Squirrel 3 months ago

Why would non religious people get married? You can just throw a party if you want to celebrate your relationship. It's so archaic anyway that a secular government recognises a religious institution. I know it's a minority opinion but governments should only recognise civil unions, churches should only recognise marriage.

0points

Danish Susanne 3 months ago

There are reasons to get married if you are not religious. It has to do with taxes and inheritance and such.

11points

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Lupita Nyong'heaux 3 months ago

@secret: i can't speak for other countries, but in america, marriage is not a religious institution, it's a legally binding business transaction that is recognized by the gov't. that's why you need a license to do it. now, a WEDDING can be a religious affair if you want it to be (tho it doesn't have to be at all), but that wedding is not legally binding without the signed and notarized marriage license. the church recognizing it is irrelevant. other valid reasons for non-religious people to marry besides the ones others listed below include being able to make important health decisions for your spouse. in a lot of places, you can't do that if you're not married because you aren't "the next of kin."

6points

Secret Squirrel 3 months ago

It's not the governments business what my relationship status is, they should track economic partnerships and households, but giving a preference to marriage over anytbing else is promoting religious ideals. I think the government should leave that to religion, and only focus on civil matters. This would also make it easier for non traditional relationships and purely economic households. Millennials are buying houses with four or five people, they shouldn't be shown fewer tax benefits to people who can afford to buy with just one other.

3points

Kay 3 weeks ago

1. Because you want to celebrate your love and prove your commitment, 2. Because you pay less taxes, 3. Because if one of you gets send abroad for work, the other gets the visa, too, 4. You get inheritance if the other person dies, 5. You have the right to be at their hospital bed and make medical decisions if your partner is unconscious, 6. You get the right to stay in the same place/get citizenship if you're of different nationalities.

1point

Edgar Rops 3 months ago

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María Hermida 3 months ago

These are the extreme cases. 99% of these stories are about people who discovered they were dating an a*****e.

5points

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