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“I Lost So Much Respect For Him”: 50 People Share The Reason They Didn’t Marry Their Partner
Long-term relationships are not actually guaranteed, even if you really like a person. Spending your life together with someone is a huge commitment, so most folks want to be sure. Unfortunately, sometimes things happen in a relationship that pretty clearly demonstrate that a partner is not marriage-material.
Someone asked “What moment made you realize your gf/bf would never be your wife/husband?” and netizens shared those pivotal moments from their lives. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own thoughts and examples in the comments section below.
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#1
When she "tested me" by having her way hotter friend hit on me. When she told me she was happy I passed "her little maybe husband test" I told her she failed my maybe wife test and broke up with her. She was SHOCKED.
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#2
He tried to control everything I did. He told me I couldn't go over to my friends house after school because "he didn't trust them", I couldn't babysit anymore because "I need to be inside my house by 6pm every night", I couldn't wear pink, red, or purple anymore and I could only wear long pants and turtleneck shirts as "I need to dress modestly ".
Not only did I NOT obey him, but even he came to my house before school, he told me, in front of my dad, that I had to change my clothes. I was sent out of the room, and 23 years later, I'm still not sure what my dad said to him, but all his crazy demands stopped and I broke up with him a few weeks later.
#3
When she was rude to the wait staff at a restaurant.
The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago
Yep, that would be an absolute deal breaker for me. This needs to be higher on the list.
#4
I don't want to trauma-dump, so I'll leave it at this: pay attention to how they treat you when you are physically unwell and reliant on them.
#5
I was planning on proposing to my long term girlfriend, but then she got into a serious accident where she fell and landed onto a friends' d**k. Dodged a bullet there.
#6
When I invited him to my college graduation and he said he thought it would be boring and he’d rather play video games with his brother. I worked full time through college and it took me almost 8 years to graduate, it was the biggest day of my life up to that point.
The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago
My wife (then girlfriend) took almost six years to earn a four-year degree because she traveled so much for work. She was so proud to finally get her degree because she struggled with some of the courses that were not directly related to her major but still required. Like you, her graduation was one of the most important days of her life, and I can't imagine that out relationship would have lasted if I hadn't been there to celebrate her, especially for something as pointless as video games.
#7
When I realized I was just gonna be his mom not his partner.
I did the cleaning. I held his hand through EVERYTHING I was responsible for everything. It was very one sided. He spent all his money on Magic: the gathering cards instead of paying bills. When I said I was breaking up with him, he said he wouldn't be able to finish college... Because of me. I said that wasn't my problem that was his.
#8
He wanted a SAH wife but without protection in case we split. I will not lose my financial independence for anyone. Too many horror stories.
He married and his wife got screwed years later.
#9
When we'd been dating for six months and realized he really wanted to have kids and I didn't. We'd talked about it before, but I don't think either of us had completely figured it out yet.
He's now a happy dad, and I'm happily childfree with an amazing partner.
#10
When he randomly said to me one day, "you have to win me over again". I decided not to try.
#11
I was stuck in bed healing from a serious accident. I had several pelvic fractures and spinal fractures plus serious emotional trauma. My mom had come to stay with me to help take care of me. My ex came to visit one day like two weeks after the accident and he was pouting because I wouldn’t have sex with him. Then he made a joke to my mother about how “well endowed” he was (hahahahahahahahahahaha).
#12
Whenever I accomplished anything he’d belittle it.
Like I bought a house and he was supposed to help me with the down payment. He didn’t have a job but it was Covid year so he got a ton of unemployment cause his job never restarted. I got unemployment for a minute but it terrified me to my core so I switched careers, worked two jobs, and decided to buy a house. We were going to get married so both our names were going to be on it. About 2 months beforehand I asked how much he saved to put down. Zero. He tried to blame me and say I wanted to go out. I was working two jobs! One was sales and I made 90k in a year from. I was paying for my own drinks! He did not pay any rent or bills past his phone bill.
So I was proud of myself at 27, saving up, making a huge change in less than 7 months, and doing it myself. I didn’t put his name on the house. But I was bragging to my best friend and was just like “I’m so proud of myself for this; I never thought I’d be a home owner.” And he went “you didn’t do it yourself, you wouldn’t have done it at all if your aunt hadn’t died.” My aunt died and I got 1k from it. I would have still had the down payment without that. My aunt died of ovarian cancer. So not only was I working two jobs(for the first three months, I switched to one after that), I was also spending two nights a week with her cause we didn’t want to put her in hospice and I was the youngest of her nieces so I had the most energy. It was disgusting. People don’t die with dignity. I loved my aunt, but it was a lot of sleepless nights and holding my breath so I wouldn’t show anything on my face of wanting to throw up. I had three bad panic attacks that year from all this. Like where I thought I needed to be hospitalized and I felt like my body wasn’t mine and at any second I’d lose myself completely. I called the crisis line multiple times.
It hurt and made me see him differently when I realized how often he did that but how little it meant to me normally because I didn’t feel proud of the accomplishments anyways. But this time I did.
The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago
You should be incredibly proud of all you've accomplished at a relatively young age, especially while dealing with family and mental health issues. He was clearly never going to share your ambitions, which is one of the quickest ways to destroy a relationship. Seems like you've already figured this out, but you're much better off without him dragging you down!
#13
Our upstairs neighbor had a toddler who liked to run through the apartment and she freaked out on the little guy, literally screaming at him while he stood there crying and shaking.
I grant, it was loud and annoying. She had cause to be annoyed. But 1) she refused to have an adult conversation with the upstairs mom, and 2) the little guy doesn’t deserve that. He’s just a baby.
At that time in my life, I was convinced I never wanted to have kids but when I saw that behavior I knew it was over even if we never had kids of our own. I broke up with her the next day.
Now I’m happily married and we have a little guy of our own. We have rules, but we don’t discipline out of anger or use fear to change behavior.
#14
She lied badly about money and how much debt she was in. Her best friend showed me a text she had sent basically saying all I need is to get him to marry me and he’ll be stuck with my debts too.
#15
The day my boyfriend decided to quit his job because I made enough money to support both of us. Yeah I make enough to support us, but l am not going to support another grown adult.
We were a gay couple for reference.
#16
When he didn’t come to visit me/ call me to check if I was ok after being diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis.
#17
We were looking at rings. He straight up told me he didn’t like any of the ones I did because “they’re not gold and my wife needs to have a gold ring because I’m going to always put her first”. But, you didn’t want to put my preferences first on a piece of jewelry I’d be wearing every day?? So many other red flags, that was just the one that slapped me awake.
#18
When he said he wanted to have children together and my heart filled with dread at the thought of being permanently tied to him like that.
#19
When I realized we had completely different life goals—like he wanted to travel the world non-stop, and I was more about settling down in one place.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 3 months ago
This is fair. Nice to see a post where neither is the arsehole.
#20
When he told me jokingly that his mom had asked him: “Why do you keep dating [my race] girls and diluting your blood?”
Marriage is hard enough without a racist MIL and clueless momma’s boy.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
Not to mention an absolutely moronic MIL with extremely limited education.
#21
When she was very jealous about her cat liking me. How tf we supposed to have kids if she’s jealous about me and her cat being friends. Lol miss that little feline and I know she misses me too.
#22
When he cheated on me then chastised me the following morning for “still going on about that”.
#23
The way he talked about our future life together. He pictured me like a woman "without too much ambition" so that i could clean the house and raise his kids. And when he said something along the lines of "we're gonna sign a prenup just so that I am safe" lol dude you drive a 1992 FIAT, you rent a flat with your mom and sister in the worst neighborhood and you're between jobs, there's literally nothing you have that i might want in a divorce settlement, get over yourself.
dremetrius 3 months ago
It's certainly dating something that they believe raising children and cleaning the house doesn't take motivation, but also they don't want to do any of it.
#24
She talked about everything like it was hers. Her tv. Her apartment. Her couch. Her cats. Never ours when speaking to anyone, even me.
#25
He offered to buy me a laptop from a guy on Facebook Marketplace (I was a broke student and he was well-off), which I thought was so nice and generous, but when we went to pick it up he relentlessly bullied, manipulated and gaslit the guy into bringing the price down by $200.
I lost so much respect for him that day. And it was all downhill from there.
#26
When she asked her friend to flirt with me to test me.
Bob Brooce 3 months ago
That's why whenever a woman starts flirting with me I tell her it seems like an attractive offer but I'll have to see exactly what they're offering. Then I can tell my wife that her friend made untoward advances and exposed herself to me.
#27
He forgot to tell me he was in a relationship.
Valuable information.
#28
I paid for us to go away on holiday for her birthday, travel, accomodation, most food and all planned activities were covered and I got her an expensive gift on top. She paid for one activity which I hadn't planned for and was a spur of the moment thing.
Towards the end of the holiday I was running out of money, I asked if she would mind if we paid for ourselves for this last activity, I didn't expect her to pay for me. She flatly refused on the basis that she'd paid for the impromptu activity. No discussion, no query just a flat no.
I couldn't help but see her differently after that, and I realised that any future we had would reflect this reality of me paying for the majority of our relationship despite her earning more than I did. We didn't last more than another year after that.
#29
My ex always had a subtle way of making me feel like I was never enough. I was always chasing his affection, which was never guaranteed. Eventually I remember realizing that a lifetime of that excruciating chase would be hell. That in fact, he doesn’t actually love me—he loves an idea of me.
Insomniac 3 months ago
He didn't love an idea of you. Guys like that never do. They want your self-worth to be totally dependent on their approval. They want you to crawl and beg for it... but they'll never give it. They keep making you think you're almost there, and they shove you back again. It's a vicious circle of mental/emotional abuse. He loves only himself. Its a Red Pill thing.
#30
During a weekend trip that I had practically fully funded, I realized that I did not have my card when fueling. When I asked her to pay, she said what am I, a bank?
#31
There were so many moments that should've been it.
Tracking my location.
Accusing me of cheating then trying to gaslight me into believing I actually had.
The number of times he screamed over me.
How he got off on pushing me around in public.
But it actually took a physical assault and his arrest for me to realize I couldn't spend my life like that.
#32
When he told me he expected me to stop working when we got married. He also refused upfront to “let me” go to law school. I said it wasn’t up to him, he voiced concern about paying back school debt. I said me working after I went to law school would pay back my loans.
Basically he wanted to control all the money, be able to cheat on me but also track my comings and goings (as he’d hold the financial strings).
I noped right out of there. He made A LOT of money back then and has gotten even richer but … who cares? He was a d**k. He was controlling,
manipulative, jealous and petty. No regrets. I can’t be bought. The irony was when I dumped him he claimed I was a gold digger. lol, sure buddy.
Then he went and married a gold digger who puts up with his s**t. I know this bc mutual friends confirmed it for me. 🙄.
#33
When we'd agree to put an argument to rest under the assumption it had been resolved, but then days/weeks later he would bring it up again out of no where or bring it up as ammo in a new argument we were having.
Long story short I was always the enemy, and anything I said in my defence was seen as a lie or used against me, and a wife is not an enemy.
#34
When I accidentally got pregnant while dating him & he acted like an a*****e. I considered keeping the baby & didn’t want to have an abortion. He was so mean for no reason & spent the night out then I found some random woman’s shirt in his car. I got an abortion (I did not have the ability to give a child a good life at the time there was no way I was doing it alone) & never looked back. 2+ years after leaving him he still tried to contact me through my friends & changing his phone number.
He ended up getting in big trouble a couple of years ago with the FBI for working with a doctor doing insurance fraud he was paying patients part of insurance money to get unneeded surgeries, lab tests, etc. they would keep everything else. One of the patients ended up dying & I think more died after the fact. It was a terrible thing & im so glad I found out he was a terrible person before that happened.
#35
Strangely enough, it wasn’t when he said, “I don’t know if I’ll *ever* be ready to marry you.”
It was when I brought up him saying that at a later time and he said, “I never said that!”.
#37
He couldn’t handle any serious conversation. Every time I brought up the future, he’d just joke around or change the subject. It made me realize he wasn’t in it for the long haul.
#38
When she told me that I was being "selfish" for wanting to go to the gym and work out.
And no, it wasn't because of anything specific on a particular day that was more pressing at that moment. It was just in general; me wanting to do something for my own health instead of just devoting every second of my free time to her was "selfish.".
Iseabail Munro 3 months ago
Sod that. Me and my husband have been there with exes and from the very start of our relationship we always encourage each other to go out, whether it's gym, visiting friends, boys night at the pub etc. It was strange for both of us but in a good way because we knew it wasn't going to be like we'd had before, it would be healthy.
#39
He and his friends forgot about me and left the bar while I was still in the bathroom.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago (edited)
Damn! When I’m out in public or social stitches with my husband I miss him when he’s five feet away. I travel a lot and he works a lot so our home time is priceless & the most amazing thing ever. So when we’re giving that up for social engagements/obligations, I’m wishing it was just us with no distractions. Usually cos I’m very outgoing & social, so can’t cling to or focus on him in these situations. I’d maybe forget my coat or phone or even my wallet when leaving, but I’d NEVER forget my sexy man.
#40
He would prioritise other people before me.
He would say the right things and knew how to apologise but his actions didn’t reflect his words.
He hid some of his habits from me…
He was not financially responsible.
Our sex life was bad.
I was not making him happy either.
#41
When I met her dad.
I couldn't stand the man and I knew I couldn't put up with him for the rest of one of our lives. I tried extremely hard to stay with her but anytime we went to a family event or holiday it made me die a little inside. When we talked about our future she always said she wanted to live close to him. The thought of him being a grandfather to any possible kids we would have had sealed the deal and I had to call it off.
We were together for 3 years, met during first year of college, and I met her dad about 6 months into the relationship for the first time at Christmas.
María Hermida 3 months ago (edited)
A very wise decision. If family is important for your partner and you can't stand them, you'll be unhappy the rest of your life.
#42
I asked him to marry me, he said yes. We started making loose plans to marry on my favorite beach in my hometown (my grandma has a beachfront lot there where my dad and step mom got married.) His parents FREAKED out that he was marrying someone 'from a broken home' and said we couldn't get married in my hometown because it was 'too far away'. He agreed with them and then told me he 'didn't really believe in marriage'.
The relationship fell apart pretty quickly after that, which was for the best, anyway. Our values differentiated so substantially- money was really really important to his family, and not so much to me (I'd rather live a happy life doing what I enjoy and supporting myself than striving to be wealthy, his parents were upset when he wasn't making 100k a year yet at 27). I have made a life for myself that I never would have had if we'd gotten married. I hope he is happy and doing well.
Michael Largey 3 months ago
OP could be strangely grateful to the parents. Someone who shoves you away may unintentionally take you out of the path of a bullet. That's what happened here.
#43
She called me at work to inform me that my favorite musician died and laughed in my face about it. (Edit: I'm an old - Jerry Garcia).
Amelia Jade 3 months ago
This is sad. When Prince died, I was in the car with one of my kids. The woman on Sirius said something about Prince then went to song. I said to my kid, "Did she just say Prince died?" We weren't sure. I pulled over to get gas. I called my husband to let him know we were almost home, just needed gas, and I mentioned that I think the lady on the radio said Prince died. My son was googling it and said, "yeah, he died." My husband heard, said he was sorry, and would see us soon. When we got home, he met us outside and gave me a big hug as soon as I got out of the car. He never seems affected by those kinds of things, but he knows I am and he's very respectful about it. I was a mess when Tom Petty died--still can't wrap my head around that one. I'm so thankful I'm not with someone who would see that as funny.
#44
He was going through major life changes as a result his communication skills got worse and worse and he was dissociating. I would send him resources upon resources to find affordable therapy and support groups but he was unwilling to even try. Can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
#45
He made a huge deal out of a small disagreement, and I saw how he handled conflict—totally immature and unwilling to compromise.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago (edited)
I’m an “emotional sapiosexual” as I realized in my mid-20s. Intelligence intellect & wisdom are the threshold for me being attracted to someone. Particularly emotional intelligence. I nope outta any kind of relationship when they lack emotional regulation and/or impulse control.
#46
Too negative. I myself struggle with being critical and rant-y and they were a million times worse. I can’t be around someone who has a very exaggerated version of my really bad qualities because they get worse and more annoying over time.
#47
When we were looking for places to rent/buy for a home and she absolutely refused to compromise on where we'd be living. It's a long story, but her reasoning in that moment told me all I really needed to know about where I was placed as importance in her mind.
#48
When she told me if her deceased husband walked through the door id be out so fast.....
#49
When she said she wanted to be poly, and tried to force me to be as well.
The Doom Song 3 months ago
What I read was " I want to cheat but don't want to feel guilty about it so let's be poky"
#50
Held on for a long time with someone who i know i wont end up with. religious and philosophical differences. Grew up very differently and we clashed too much. even though we trust each other and care for one another it’s hard to imagine building a life with someone you find yourself constantly irritated by how they think and the choices they make.
What do you think ?
María Hermida 3 months ago
And some were just sad. A few of them had mental problems that the posters couldn't solve, obviously, but they were not bad people.
Load More Replies... Justin Tyme 3 months ago
When I realized the conversation was always about her. She never asked me how things were going with me or tried to encourage/support me in things I was doing. It was always all about her. That marriage would have been a disaster - as it is for the person who married her.
María Hermida 3 months ago
And some were just sad. A few of them had mental problems that the posters couldn't solve, obviously, but they were not bad people.
Load More Replies... Justin Tyme 3 months ago
When I realized the conversation was always about her. She never asked me how things were going with me or tried to encourage/support me in things I was doing. It was always all about her. That marriage would have been a disaster - as it is for the person who married her.
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