What I love is the daughter showed that her not dressing up wasn't malicious or personal. It didn't matter to her

Why do you need to get all fancy and dressed up to go out to a Birthday dinner? Did you ever think that the reason she never dressed up is because she didn't want to go? YTA and you did it to get back at her for being a typical teen. No wonder your husband was furious.

No matter what offense the daughter may have committed, enacting revenge on the wedding day makes that revenge serve to sum up their entire relationship. As in: that's what she's thinking of on THAT day?

Here's what I got from this: Mom wanted a fight; she wanted the drama at the wedding at her daughter's expense making it about her. Daughter has class coming out her a$$ not responding to Mom. What people need to understand is a wedding isn't about the guests or family. It's about the people getting married. It's not a place to be petty or bring your BS. Just show up, be happy for the couple, have a couple drinks and eat some sub-standard banquet food, do the Chicken Dance and go home.

What an absolute fruitcake!

What a horrible mother

Imagine having your priorities focused more on outward appearances and less on being a good person on the inside. Her daughter clearly knows that it is not what you wear that makes you beautiful.

I always wear a lot of black. It's just my thing. My dad has always hated it and when I was younger, would constantly ask me why I wear so much black. I would ask him why he wears so much color (he actually wears pretty muted tones, but, compared to me, it's colorful). It's been about twenty years since I first went through my goth "phase" and have never truly grown out of it. He's learned to stop asking, especially since I dress for the occasion and he knows he can't protest anymore. So he doesn't. He's definitely a man child in a lot of ways, but not like this selfish mother.

Well, YTA. You disrespected your daughter and new son-in-law (plus husband, daughter's new in-laws and all the other guests) by making - to your mind - their happy day about a 7-year-old grudge about what your daughter wore to your birthday dinner?!? Why does a meal or family event require a dress or 'nice' coat? Other clothes can be smart, and perhaps OP's daughter only wore them when/if OP nagged her because she didn't feel comfortable in them due to fit or colour, or issues with self-image, or simply because family should be able to take us as we are. As for her dressing up for the date with her boyfriend, maybe she was trying to impress him, or maybe even she simply felt comfortable going out with her boyfriend in something that wasn't her normal attire because she felt supported by him.

YTA- I'm very surprised that no on has even mentioned what this petty act has had on the Wedding pictures or videos!. How many questions this will raise when people ask to see her beautiful new Wedding Photos?.i wonder how your daughter is going to explain why this petty child of a mother decided to dress like this for photos that cost her Thousands of dollars. Yup Mother of the Decade award goes to this mother - for being the most egocentric mother ever! SMH.

The only person effected was the mom my inlaws about had a fit when I said I wasnt dress shopping just getting married in my jeans and boots. A couple tried to prove a point showed up in dresses and were surprised when everyone said my wedding was just what they expected.

What a petty and childish mother. Kudos to the daughter for being cool.

If it was for a birthday or something, you wouldn’t be TA, but your OWN DAUGHTER’S wedding???

Let me get this straight.....in order to "Teach your GROWN UP daughter a lesson" about sloppy dressing, you PURPOSELY wore something to HER special day, so that YOU could prove a point.....and then you're sad when you're daughters feelings aren't hurt? Were you hoping to make her cry on her wedding day? Is that what you wanted and now you're sad because it didn't happen? Did you want her to throw a fit and not talk to you because you embarrassed her at her wedding? Sounds to me like you're a selfish, vindictive sociopath. Get help.

The OP needs a serious reality check....52-year-old acting like a 12-year-old. Explain to me how exactly the daughter has been selfish by dressing comfortably and not "dressing up to mummy's standards." My own family likes going to really nice 5-star restaurants where you're "expected" to dress nicely and never once expected me to "dress up" for the occasion. In fact, I wore what I wanted (still do!), and no one batted an eye or said a word about it. This is next-level psychotic.

I'm sure your daughter was very hurt and humiliated that you as her mom chose to 'celebrate' her special day with such a passive aggressive act. Your daughter just decided not to let your ugliness ruin her day by reacting. I suspect she was so livid, and likely still is, that if she addressed it she'd probably blow a gasket.. so she just ate it. Way to go 'mom' and as everyone there knew including your husband and you if you'd admit it... yeah YTA !

I have a niece who never wears dresses when any particular occasion presents the social demand to do so. But, it is just that: a social demand on how people are expected to dress. We know the reason she doesn't wear dresses is because she gets severe anxiety reactions, even at the thought of having to do so. But, she still respectfully dresses up in what she is comfortable wearing (dress pants and the like). That's enough for all of us because the alternative isn't worth damaging her mental health. The daughter in this story should definitely be applauded for ignoring her mother's petty temper tantrum. That lesson backfired in more ways than one.

Who the actual f**k is this petty over teenage rebellion by someone now in their 20s? She's lucky the daughter didn't care because I would have thrown her out and cut off contact.

Your daughter was what we call, “Unbothered.” Clearly you were, since you clung to this resentment over how she dressed for years and pulled this petty stunt at her freaking wedding. This is a You problem.

Its effing INSANE this mother held a grudge over this specific incident (birthday party dress down) for SEVEN YEARS!! It reminds me of my mother. I found a notebook in her room of every teeny tiny infraction I made (like being 3 minutes late to work when I was working for her business) and every dime she ever spent on me on things she insisted on paying for and gifted. However she would NEVER have humiliated herself to this level. This completely takes the insanity cake and everyone now sees what a narcissist this woman is. You know she gleefully told this story over and over at the wedding as well when every single person in the room asked "what in the world do you have jeans on for?" Sadly she only brought shame upon herself and her husband. I think its amazing how much more well rounded (including myself I must say) these kids turn out to be wh3en they have psychotic, vindictive, narcissistic and manipulative mothers. Il

Wow, you honestly had to ask? Of COURSE YTA. And a childish idiot on top of it.

I'm a 52 year old mom of 3 they are 21, 17 and 11. I can assure you your daughter does not give a rip about you wearing jeans to her wedding. However if I were a female friend of yours i would have thought you were extremely classless. You've done nothing but make yourself look petty.

I think OP is a toxic person, having had some experience with toxic people.

You will never have this moment back ever you were upset that your TEENAGER never dressed like you wanted her to. You were the adult and you embarrassed her and yourself and your husband by wearing jeans to her wedding! You are pathetic and you could have been the adult in the matter and let it go she was a kid back then. I give your daughter props for not letting what you wore get to her. But you should your true colors by embarrassing yourself in front of future family. Are you satisfied with your self!

So basically this a-hole LITTERLY got upset because her daughter didn't dress up on her birthday?! Like gurl, you have plenty those, but you only have ONE QUACKING WEDDING DAY! (Unless you get remarried). Such bish move. Hope your proud of yourself, if I was your daughter I would only talk to you on special occasions. Lucky you have a caring daughter, you should be ashamed of yourself

And this is why she'll never see her grandkids if the couple decides to have any.

The daughter is no doubt very acquainted with her mother's lack of care for her and her utter selfishness and need for attention. She doesn't care because she's over it.

Wow. I just got an "illumination" of sorts. If someone goes underdressed to some event, they embarrass themselves. Not you. Wow.

The wedding photos will be in thr family forever. Are you sure you thought this through, Mom?

Ok, let's just say that you want to teach your daughter a lesson, why did you do it at her wedding? Like seriously, why try to ruin such an important event that would remembered her whole life? Putting that aside, I really hate it when people comment on clothes, especially when they aren't offensive (the clothes), think about, not being able to wear whatever you want, because "apparently" your "sense of fashion" is terrible. Birthday parties aren't even that important, let's not mention that I haven't had a single one in my entire life, people usually hold it every year on their birthday, you don't even need to wear anything fancy. I would be ashamed to have such a petty mother, I would even try not to invite her to my wedding if possible.

A mother why desperately seeking attention- what a shame!

YTA and the selfish one. And you are also the kne who didn't grew up.

Mother: 'My child is the extension of myself, she is embarassing me when she does not look a certain way in public' Father: 'My wife is the extension of myself, she is embarassing me when she does not look a certain way in public' Daughter: 'pfff'

As a Mother of 4 and Grandmother of 13, my Children and all Grandchildren were raised to always be respectful. They would dare not dress appropriately for the occasion. The Mother clearly stated this was a lifelong choice not just her teenage years. She only described one specific occasion clearly stating it was her birthday and a fancy restaurant. She chose the next day to wear fancier clothing for her boyfriend to a casual date. That shows a complete disregard for parents' wishes and absolute disrespect by choice, not for comfort! The daughter not responding or acknowledging her Mothers effort to why there is value in dressing appropriately for the occasion is simply another sign of NO RESPECT! No respect for the years if raising her and supporting her, no respect for the person who gave birth and no respect for the money spent so she could eat and enjoy a fancy restaurant. Sounds like a spoiled brat to me. I would have never allowed her to attend special events!

I don't think the poster is an *sshol* I totally understand the feeling of wanting your kids to understand their behavior. What I do think, is that the plan might have backfired a bit but maybe this will shed light on the issue for the mom. While I always encouraged my kids to be individuals and to express themselves how they wanted I do believe there is appropriate dress for certain situations. Maybe this will show the mom that her daughter really never got how much it meant to her, or the courtesy of respecting her mom's wishes. Or maybe... the daughter got the message completely and swallowed a little crow, realizing how her mom must have felt all of those times. Either way, I say show up how you want to be seen. Have class and be your best self. It sounds like maybe this was a learning situation. Too many people are too quick to judge the mom... stay in your own lane folks... lest you be judged for your shortcomings