Being a nanny is not an easy job, no matter how much you love kids. Sometimes the kids aren’t the problem – it’s the parents. There might be a discrepancy between how the parents discipline their kids and how the nanny does it. Still, the primary responsibility of a nanny is to care for and discipline the kids, is it not?

This Redditor thought so, but the mother of the children she was looking after had something else in mind. She told the user RoseGoldFiend not to parent her children. Confused and fed up, the Redditor maliciously complied and let the kids go crazy in the house. To illustrate how important it is to establish expectations between the nanny and the parents, she shared her story on the Malicious Compliance community.

Dealing with unruly kids is challenging for any nanny

Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual image)

But how should a nanny react when a mother tells them not to parent their kids?

Image credits: Tanaphong Toochinda (not the actual image)

Image credits: RoseGoldFiend

Parents should trust their nanny – after all, nannies are trained professionals

Family and nanny relationships are not simply just between an employee and an employer. There’s something more intimate about inviting a stranger to care for your kids. It takes a lot of trust from the parents’ side. So it’s perfectly understandable to want a nanny who can instill good values and habits in your children.

Nannies, especially those whom parents can hire from agencies, are professionals and have trained for years to do their job. They often have the required qualifications in childcare. Professional nannies understand the development of young children, know how to comfort them and how to feed them healthy foods.

And while it’s natural to worry about whether the nanny is the right fit for your family, interfering might be harmful. Boutique Nanny Agency “Hello, Nanny!” writes that parents need to respect the nanny’s job. “You’ve hired a trained professional to do a job, and the best thing you can do is sit back and allow them to do it.”

A Dublin-based nanny agency Nanny Options reiterates the same thing. “Parents might say that since it involves their children, their suggestions should not be classified as interference! But the fact of the matter is that many Parents tend to micro-manage and continuously interfere in the methods of their Nanny, which leads to frustration and ill feeling between both parties.”

At the end of the day, the parents did decide that this person was fit to look after their children. They should honor the nanny’s hard work and effort by respecting the job they do. If they’re dissatisfied with the service, perhaps it’s just not a good fit.

Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual image)

Both sides should be open to communication and establish clear boundaries

The main thing parents should discuss with their nanny before hiring is expectations. Parents should let the nanny know their parenting style. Then there will be fewer misunderstandings about discipline and less micromanaging.

Do the parents expect the nanny to do the housework, such as laundry and dishes, and make dinner for the kids? What are the rules for screen time, mealtime and bedtime? The parents and the nanny should discuss these questions on day one.

Some families expect their nannies to integrate into the family. Spend vacations with them, use the family car, and celebrate family milestones together. Parents should check with the nanny if they feel comfortable with that.

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Some families might only want nannies to help their kids with homework, take them to play-dates and after-school activities. And that is totally fine too! As long as both sides agree on the terms.

Nanny agencies suggest scheduling weekly or monthly meet-ups to catch up. It’s a great way to get to know what’s going on and what concerns or worries both sides might have. Sometimes, parents want the nanny to keep an eye on something in particular, like what the child is eating. Having regular check-ins can help to avoid a lot of misunderstandings.

Nanny Options, for example, suggests asking the nanny to keep a diary of the child’s daily routine. The OP in this story did a similar thing by recording the disciplinary actions she took. That way, parents can know more about what happens with their kids when they’re not at home.

The last tip from childcare professionals is to allow a nanny to establish a bond with the child. Seeing that the parents trust the nanny, the kids will be more inclined to trust them too. Parents should also facilitate the relationship between the nanny and the kids.

One nanny writes how the parents included their children in the interview process. They asked her questions like “Do you like the park?” and “What’s your favorite food?”

A nanny can become a very important person in a child’s life. After all, they spend a considerable amount of time together every day. If the parents facilitate and help nurture that relationship, and respect the nanny and their work, they are bound to have a good working relationship.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

The OP got a lot of support from the commenters – some offered advice, shared their own stories, and some asked for more details

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