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Mom Gets Called Out For Telling Kids Some Gifts Aren’t From Santa, Inspires Other Parents Share Their Gifting Tactics
The Christmas season is in full swing and most kids have launched into their annual interrogation by now. “What’s a sugarplum?” “Do the elves make PC games?” “Why does Eric get more toys?” And don’t forget the inevitable classic: “Is Santa Claus real?”
Deciding how to answer it can actually be a surprisingly tough decision. On the one hand, you want your kids to trust you. But on the other, you don’t want to take away the magic from one of the most wonderful days of the year.
Redditor snowballthrowaway01 wanted to discuss this further and get some feedback from other users on her own situation. So she came to the “Am I The A**hole” subreddit for help.
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Image credits: Thandy Yung (not the actual photo)
So what should snowballthrowaway01 do? Psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Justin Coulson thinks that parents are overcomplicating this whole thing.
“Tell your kid the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,” Coulson told Fatherly.
“The argument I use is this: Christmas is going to be exciting and fun and enjoyable whether kids know the truth about Santa or not. In the same way that I can watch a movie that I know is complete fiction and still find the movie tremendously enthralling, our children can know the truth about Santa and still find Christmas every bit as exciting.”
When it comes to ‘taking away the fun from Christmas,’ Coulson argues the magic of this special occasion can be even stronger if children know the truth about Santa from the beginning.
“Kids play make-believe all the time and they find joy in that. They can pretend to be superheroes, cowboys, doctors, or whatever they want. They know none of it is real but that doesn’t make playing less fun. In fact, the fantasy can genuinely add to the enjoyment. There is some great research that shows that kids with greater senses of imagination actually have a better understanding of the lines between fantasy and reality,” the psychologist said.
People thought the mom was being totally reasonable
Coulson believes there might even be a downside to keeping the whole Santa Claus tale alive.
“The other major reason I have for telling the truth is that when we use a coercive, manipulative strategy to get our kids to behave, we are relying on extrinsic contingencies by telling them to be good in order to get what they want. And once that motivation is gone, how do we know they’ll still feel compelled to behave? It’s morally, ethically, and scientifically dubious at best.”
The psychologist highlighted that according to research, kids who are lied to by their parents are more likely to lie themselves so it is always a good idea to make telling the truth a habit.
“Don’t use Santa as a tool for motivating your kid. Letting them grow through fantasy and imagination is positive. Manipulation and lying to them are almost always negative.”
Sooner or later, children will figure it all out. There’s no need to risk the trust they have in you over this bearded dude!
And some shared their own experiences
What do you think ?
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
That's not normal? I mean, I thought everyone did it where Santa gets you some toys and smallers toys/lollies, and the big gift is from parents, plus gifts from other family. TIL Santa does all the pressies in some families 🤷♀️
Andy 4 years ago
Same here, I've never come across Christmas being all from Santa either, growing up in my family, and anyone else I knew, you got Santa gifts, but also from parents and other people
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April Caron 4 years ago
When my children were smaller, every gift was from “Mom, Dad, & Santa.” It totally backfired, though, because later in life… my middle child told me she used to believe we were cheapskates who wrote our names on gift tags and taped them to Santa’s gifts. 😂
plain bOrEd not panda 4 years ago
My son (9y.o.) asked me this year "Is Santa real?". And I asked back "What is Santa?" And the small one (6y.o.) told me "Santa is the magic of Christmas!". And I said "Yes, the magic and spirit of Christmas! So, does Santa exist?" and both of them shrieked "Yes, he does!". I don't remember ever telling them something is from Santa, I just sneak the presents under the tree, and never confirm or deny it. The gifts from their grandmother are gifts from their grandmother. The idea of what this mother is doing is very kind hearted, sorry her husband doesn't feel the same way.
KiwiBubbles 4 years ago
Ok I literally screenshotted ur comment to keep for when I have kids... Like I'm so impressed that response to "is Santa real" was such an amazing parenting thing, seriously. ❤
Load More Replies...
Casey McAlister 4 years ago
I never cared about Santa, I was just interested in getting my presents. In all honesty, I think most kids would be absolutely okay with getting presents from their parents as long as they get what they wanted.Santa is a big deal only if parents make a lot of fuss about him.
ForgotMyPWSendHelp 4 years ago (edited)
Me either. I never even had a chance to fully believe in him. Literally the same year I was old enough to understand him as a concept, I found out he wasn't real. I was 4 and couldn't figure out how he could fit down our chimney. Christmas Eve I snuck downstairs to see if he'd brought our presents yet or if I could catch him and spied my mom diligently wrapping presents instead. Knew right then he wasn't real.
Load More Replies...
Carbonel 4 years ago
I also think it’s rude for kids to think all gifts come from Santa and not thank the friends and relatives that actually bought them! SIL did the whole “everything from Santa” thing and as soon as the kids were old enough, they asked why their friends also got gifts from mum, dad, Uncle M. They never did that again. Our kids get one “Santa” present and the rest is from whoever’s name is on the label.
Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago
In our family (and I think many other South African families) you get most of your gifts from family and friends, they're under the tree tempting you for weeks, and you get to open them on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve after gifts and before you go to bed, you leave cookies and milk under the tree for Father Christmas and put out a pillow case (I don't know if the pillow case is maybe only our family 🤣) and he comes in the night, eats his cookies and milk, and leaves you one or two gifts in your pillow case. When my daughter was younger it was a big deal that Father Christmas had to use different wrapping paper, otherwise she would ask why he used the same paper as us 🙄
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
We had pillow cases... it was easier because my parents didn't have to try and find socks that were big enough/didn't matter etc. I do remember them being my dad's socks in the early years!
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 4 years ago
When we were growing up, Santa gave us two things...A stocking full of simple toys and treats and one present under the tree..usually something simple we wrote and asked Santa for. The rest were family and friends. When we got to be about 10 years old, we understood that "Santa" gifts were actually from mom and dad so they stopped making things tagged from Santa.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
For me, this year was the year my kid clicked. He's proud of himself lol but I've been trying not to feel sad knowing those days are now behind us! My kid has TAs too and if they had done what your son's TA did I would have been devestated and furious too! I'm glad you gave him a piece of your mind. And it's funny that you explained it to your son how we honour st Nicholas with Santa, as hand on heart the same day my kid told me his realisation, we ended up talking about the same thing! Great minds think alike 😉 I hope your son and all your family and you have a wonderful Christmas time 🎄
Load More Replies...
Hazy Egg 4 years ago
My kids got one, "big" gift from Santa. Not always the most expensive, but the most showy. My son figured out Santa wasn't "real" when he was 3, but I told him not to let his dad (or his friends) know bc it was a fun game to play. Later, when my twin girls were about 2 or 3, they thought their pop pop was their own personal Santa. My parents spent the night on Christmas Eve and my dad wore red sweat pants and a red sweatshirt on Christmas morning. Someone put a Santa hat on him and they thought they had their own personal Santa and the real Santa then could make toys for those who didn't have a pop pop. My dad died on Father's day, and one of my 19 year old twins asked to have his red sweats.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
That's not normal? I mean, I thought everyone did it where Santa gets you some toys and smallers toys/lollies, and the big gift is from parents, plus gifts from other family. TIL Santa does all the pressies in some families 🤷♀️
Andy 4 years ago
Same here, I've never come across Christmas being all from Santa either, growing up in my family, and anyone else I knew, you got Santa gifts, but also from parents and other people
Load More Replies... April Caron 4 years ago
When my children were smaller, every gift was from “Mom, Dad, & Santa.” It totally backfired, though, because later in life… my middle child told me she used to believe we were cheapskates who wrote our names on gift tags and taped them to Santa’s gifts. 😂
plain bOrEd not panda 4 years ago
My son (9y.o.) asked me this year "Is Santa real?". And I asked back "What is Santa?" And the small one (6y.o.) told me "Santa is the magic of Christmas!". And I said "Yes, the magic and spirit of Christmas! So, does Santa exist?" and both of them shrieked "Yes, he does!". I don't remember ever telling them something is from Santa, I just sneak the presents under the tree, and never confirm or deny it. The gifts from their grandmother are gifts from their grandmother. The idea of what this mother is doing is very kind hearted, sorry her husband doesn't feel the same way.
KiwiBubbles 4 years ago
Ok I literally screenshotted ur comment to keep for when I have kids... Like I'm so impressed that response to "is Santa real" was such an amazing parenting thing, seriously. ❤
Load More Replies... Casey McAlister 4 years ago
I never cared about Santa, I was just interested in getting my presents. In all honesty, I think most kids would be absolutely okay with getting presents from their parents as long as they get what they wanted.Santa is a big deal only if parents make a lot of fuss about him.
ForgotMyPWSendHelp 4 years ago (edited)
Me either. I never even had a chance to fully believe in him. Literally the same year I was old enough to understand him as a concept, I found out he wasn't real. I was 4 and couldn't figure out how he could fit down our chimney. Christmas Eve I snuck downstairs to see if he'd brought our presents yet or if I could catch him and spied my mom diligently wrapping presents instead. Knew right then he wasn't real.
Load More Replies... Carbonel 4 years ago
I also think it’s rude for kids to think all gifts come from Santa and not thank the friends and relatives that actually bought them! SIL did the whole “everything from Santa” thing and as soon as the kids were old enough, they asked why their friends also got gifts from mum, dad, Uncle M. They never did that again. Our kids get one “Santa” present and the rest is from whoever’s name is on the label.
Lord Mysticlaw 4 years ago
In our family (and I think many other South African families) you get most of your gifts from family and friends, they're under the tree tempting you for weeks, and you get to open them on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve after gifts and before you go to bed, you leave cookies and milk under the tree for Father Christmas and put out a pillow case (I don't know if the pillow case is maybe only our family 🤣) and he comes in the night, eats his cookies and milk, and leaves you one or two gifts in your pillow case. When my daughter was younger it was a big deal that Father Christmas had to use different wrapping paper, otherwise she would ask why he used the same paper as us 🙄
Carrie Laughs 4 years ago
We had pillow cases... it was easier because my parents didn't have to try and find socks that were big enough/didn't matter etc. I do remember them being my dad's socks in the early years!
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 4 years ago
When we were growing up, Santa gave us two things...A stocking full of simple toys and treats and one present under the tree..usually something simple we wrote and asked Santa for. The rest were family and friends. When we got to be about 10 years old, we understood that "Santa" gifts were actually from mom and dad so they stopped making things tagged from Santa.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
For me, this year was the year my kid clicked. He's proud of himself lol but I've been trying not to feel sad knowing those days are now behind us! My kid has TAs too and if they had done what your son's TA did I would have been devestated and furious too! I'm glad you gave him a piece of your mind. And it's funny that you explained it to your son how we honour st Nicholas with Santa, as hand on heart the same day my kid told me his realisation, we ended up talking about the same thing! Great minds think alike 😉 I hope your son and all your family and you have a wonderful Christmas time 🎄
Load More Replies... Hazy Egg 4 years ago
My kids got one, "big" gift from Santa. Not always the most expensive, but the most showy. My son figured out Santa wasn't "real" when he was 3, but I told him not to let his dad (or his friends) know bc it was a fun game to play. Later, when my twin girls were about 2 or 3, they thought their pop pop was their own personal Santa. My parents spent the night on Christmas Eve and my dad wore red sweat pants and a red sweatshirt on Christmas morning. Someone put a Santa hat on him and they thought they had their own personal Santa and the real Santa then could make toys for those who didn't have a pop pop. My dad died on Father's day, and one of my 19 year old twins asked to have his red sweats.
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