I am in tears laughing

that's why babysitters are so terrifying. Where the HELL did mom go???

I love this!

First time I have heard this and will definitely be quoting it

We had a similar moment yesterday with our son. Just after he had his lunch, he blurted out "More butter please" After a few moments of laughter I told my wife that those 3 words make him 100% you.

I need to report a murder by arson

Wait what?Im confused

But did you throw away the sacrificial first pancake?

And the whole drum circle applauded!

The converse of this is there was no way to call them and tell them they'd forgotten to pick you up from your after-school debate club meeting.

The same is true for not so great men too

With no shoes on

At 9 am! A special mission indeed

So true!

O.O

Amen.

Grandma needs to up her game!

After that, it's time for a light nappetizer before the main course

DAMMIT PATRICIA

he had been waiting his whole life....for you to come along and order his Gyro!

I am not pregnant and would absolutely still feel this way. It is atleast a 3 cookie minimum.

I see what you did there :) (all star by smash mouth reference for those who don’t know)

Smart kid

This is me with booze instead of carrots! 🍻🍺

I don't care if you have a spreadsheet, 1980 is about 20 years ago!

I knew they do it on purpose!!!

Same

Absolutely NOTHING wrong with this!!!

My favorite ride at Disney World was the American Standard!

Love it!!

I have a pack of resistors. When my kid falls asleep, I open them and put them in line with the speaker. Still makes noise, just very little noise :) The toys that is. Unfortunately no way to add resistors to kids yet.

This isn't a parenting one.

I thought the rule was, if you were old enough to wear it the first time it was in style, you're too old to wear it the next time it's in style.

This, but to my parents in 1997 with my toys. Just got into a LENGTHY discussion with my wife as to why I will be buying TWO of most of the toys we will buy our children. I will totally be taking advantage of their generation's nostalgia in 30-40 years. Retirement fund officially secured!

Yeah, and you think you'll be able to FIT in them...???

But they probably won't fit anymore. So go get rid of them and spare yourself some dignity.

I wish this were not so true!

Aaaaand, they won't fit.

Flares aren’t back

He put 80 cows in his brother's house? How dairy?!?

I believe this dog had an ulterior motive

My permanent state

With an ten-minute ad break every eight minutes on commercial television these days that isn't a problem any more.

Yes ma'am the classic

I still don't want to believe or even consider that a significant portion of indoor dust is made up of dead skin cells.

...and they've been getting back together and/or she's been pregnant ever since. It's been the longest pregnancy in the history of time. She's going to be 70 and they're still going to be putting out stories that she's 'finally having a baby.'

I see no problem with being named after R2D2. It was often the cleverest robot. :]

After 17 years of marriage, all 3 kids are at sleepovers and we just eat wings in bed while watching TV and getting a good night's sleep. Getting a shower, getting dressed, putting on make up, leaving the house, spending money, and being hungover for what feels like 3 days after one glass of wine is no longer considered a good time.

I'm with you on that one. And they're always right in front of whatever you need

An excellent example of how to describe the scale of frustration a parent experiences daily raising a toddler.

ROFL...he was like, "My job here is DONE!"...👊

I have 5... At this moment I have spent 10 minutes arguing with 5YO about brushing teeth and I really don't have the energy to go in to work tomorrow

Or just roll up in the driveway and fall asleep in the car before you get in the house

Baby shark do do do do