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Teen Made To Regret His Words After Mom Does Exactly As He Wished, MIL Steps In To Raise Hell
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Teen Made To Regret His Words After Mom Does Exactly As He Wished, MIL Steps In To Raise Hell

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Parenting a teenager can be hard. Adolescents lash out at their parents, experience frequent mood disruptions, and act out by exhibiting rebellious behavior. It’s all part of growing up and becoming an adult. It might be the period when kids need their parents the most. Ironically, it’s also when they want to distance themselves as much as possible.

Teenagers can also often speak before they think and hurt their parents. Like this son, who told his mom his life would be better if he didn’t have a mom. Extremely hurt, the mom decided to punish him by refusing to take care of him. But when her mother-in-law called her decision “abusive,” she asked others whether her parenting methods were appropriate.

Adolescence is hard for parents as well as for kids: teenagers face hormonal changes, rapid growth, and social pressures

Image credits: Sébastien Mouilleau / unsplash (not the actual photo)

After this teen lashed out at his mom, she decided to make him regret it

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Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: anon

Teens can say hurtful things when they have a problem and don’t know how to solve it

Raising teenagers can definitely be a challenge, as evidenced by this story. Teens say all sorts of hurtful things, from “I hate you!” and “I wish you weren’t my mother!” to “I am going to run away!” In the heat of the moment, it might seem like they really mean it.

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Yet experts say that they’re usually trying to tell their parents something else when they lash out in this manner. Sara Bean, M.Ed., writes for Empowering Parents that such hurtful words are not about the parents at all. Teens use them when they have a problem and they don’t know how to solve it.

Whether it’s because of stress, anger, or something else entirely, provoking an emotional reaction from their parents can help teens make up for the feeling of discomfort these emotions cause. Ashley Hudson, LMFT, writes that this is sometimes the way teens try to establish their independence.

Teens have a biological instinct to pull away from their parents. It’s a normal milestone in the developmental stage of adolescence, Laura Choate Ed.D., LPC, writes for Psychology Today. In fact, teens might push their parents away because they feel secure in the relationship, and they take it for granted.

However, teens can also use hurtful words because it gives them power. If they see their parents taking their words personally and responding with things like “How dare you speak to me this way?!”, they might want to do it in the future again.

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“This tells your child that they’re powerful—and have power over you—which helps the behavior continue in the future,” Bean claims. “After all, who doesn’t want to feel powerful at least once in a while?”

Punitive measures might not be the way to go, experts say

When a teen starts being mean to their parent, it’s hard not to take it personally. Phrases like “I hate you!” or “I wish I didn’t have a mom!” can trigger feelings of unappreciation for parents. That’s why experts recommend never responding to a teenager lashing out in the heat of the moment.

In addition to having a moment to collect their thoughts, parents would also be showing their kids a good example of regulating one’s emotions. “Showing your teenager that you need space to think clearly and allow yourself to calm your nervous system is great modeling,” Ashley Hudson observes.

“Tit for tat” is not an appropriate plan here either. Snapping back at the teen signals to them that emotional immaturity is okay. “Saying something hurtful in response sends your child the message that you are not in control,” Sara Bean writes. “It shows your child that the way to handle verbal attacks is to launch a verbal counterattack.”

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However, as tempting as they may be, punishments might also be off the table. Bean emphasizes that over-the-top punishments or big consequences don’t teach teens the skills they need to manage themselves more effectively in the future.

“It won’t teach them to not say hurtful things to others. Harsh punishments will only teach them to ‘do time’ and will breed resentment towards you,” Bean writes. “Consequences do not always speak for themselves. You have to step up to the plate and be your child’s coach.”

Some people reassured the mom that her discipline methods were appropriate

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Others believed she was too petty and even manipulative

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

Read less »

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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Alexandra
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, what's with the YTA's? For Heaven's sake! What the mother did wasn't anywhere near abuse. She did the right thing: a 14-year old should know by then that actions have consequences and in this case the consequences were that there is a better understanding on both sides of the situation. Children are more resilient and less fragile than some parents give them credit for.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's 14, asking him to occasionally make his own food and take the bus to school can't be construed as abuse unless he has severe special needs.

Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what I think. It would be abuse if she said, "You can't eat any of the food because your mother bought it." or, "You have to sleep outside because your mother pays the rent on this house." All she did was make him do s**t for himself. This was an absolute homerun in parenting 101.

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Nitka Tsar
Community Member
7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can anyone say that‘s child abuse? This is „teaching life lessons“. Something more parents should do.

Sonja
Community Member
7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are people out there who claim not letting your child torture animals is child abuse. There was a mother who's child was constantly abusing the family dog, so she gave the dog to her sister, who took good care of the pet, to protect it from being abused, and the commenters called that child abuse. Some people called a father an abuser who refused to biy his teenager expensive tech because his daughter would constantly break it and demanding the newest model as replacement. He was called an abuser for giving her a cheap android phone instead of the newest iPhone she tried to get by destroying her 'old' one.

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Alexandra
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, what's with the YTA's? For Heaven's sake! What the mother did wasn't anywhere near abuse. She did the right thing: a 14-year old should know by then that actions have consequences and in this case the consequences were that there is a better understanding on both sides of the situation. Children are more resilient and less fragile than some parents give them credit for.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's 14, asking him to occasionally make his own food and take the bus to school can't be construed as abuse unless he has severe special needs.

Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what I think. It would be abuse if she said, "You can't eat any of the food because your mother bought it." or, "You have to sleep outside because your mother pays the rent on this house." All she did was make him do s**t for himself. This was an absolute homerun in parenting 101.

Load More Replies...
Nitka Tsar
Community Member
7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can anyone say that‘s child abuse? This is „teaching life lessons“. Something more parents should do.

Sonja
Community Member
7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are people out there who claim not letting your child torture animals is child abuse. There was a mother who's child was constantly abusing the family dog, so she gave the dog to her sister, who took good care of the pet, to protect it from being abused, and the commenters called that child abuse. Some people called a father an abuser who refused to biy his teenager expensive tech because his daughter would constantly break it and demanding the newest model as replacement. He was called an abuser for giving her a cheap android phone instead of the newest iPhone she tried to get by destroying her 'old' one.

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