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“AITA For Making My Daughter Leave Because My Husband Is Attracted To Her?”
Navigating children and a second marriage is no easy task. The kids may not always approve of the parents’ choice to remarry, while the couple might feel pressured to act in a way that’s best for their offsprings, putting their relationship on the back burner.
However, this couple behaved in the opposite way, putting their needs first and forgetting their daughter’s. This eventually led to her leaving the home because the stepfather found it hard to be around her all day. Feeling bad about this whole situation, the mother turned to the AITAH community, asking if what they did was wrong.
RELATED:
Navigating children and a second marriage can be a difficult task
Image source: Prostock-studio / envanto (not the actual photo)
For this family, matters became even more complicated after the wife found out her new husband was attracted to his step-daughter
Image credits: Teona Swift / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Monstera Production / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image source: Throwawayme4158
Psychologists say it’s actually healthier to make the spouse the first priority
In a marriage with children, it seems counterintuitive to put yourself first, says psychologist Yvonne Thomas. However, according to her, it’s actually healthier to make the spouse the foremost priority, as a solid marriage foundation will make the kids more stable, secure, and happy.
“By experiencing this emotional stability between their parents, the kids can learn how to do this when they have their own romantic relationships, too,” she says. At the same time, partners will feel more loved and appreciated, which can make kids feel more comfortable and content as well.
Rapid Transformational Therapy trainer Marisa Peer believes that prioritizing the relationship with a spouse also helps raise children with a stronger sense of self-worth. “Your job as a parent is to raise your child with incredibly high self-esteem,” she says. “Many parents think their job is to protect their child or give their child organic foods. All of that is important, but the self-esteem of your child is the most important.”
Licensed marriage and family therapist Charlie Bloom explains that the idea that kids should always be the top priority has gotten to the point where parents are often judged and ostracized for it. This can become harmful, causing couples to neglect their relationship and take on helicopter parenting.
It can further lead to children growing up with the expectation that the world is going to give them anything they desire, which creates a sense of entitlement. “We deal with this quite a bit because parents pick up this cultural bias toward favoring the needs of children above everyone else,” he says.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that there will be times when kids will need more of their parent’s attention
However, putting your relationship needs first doesn’t mean that a parent loves their spouse more than their children. Instead, Bloom suggests, “What you’re really saying is, ‘I do love you both, but there are times when it looks to me like the best decision to make is this decision, and most of the time that decision is going to disappoint one of you. I hope you can understand when I do that it’s not because I love you any less or the other person deserves more, it’s because, in my judgment at that time, it felt like the right decision to make.’”
To avoid neglecting one part of the family, it’s important to strive for balance as much as possible. Thomas encourages couples to set aside time on their calendars to rekindle the romantic and passionate side of their relationship and take it as seriously as any other commitment.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that there will be times when kids will need more of their parent’s attention. Life occasionally happens, and we can’t always predict the changes, crises, or other circumstances that will require more of our care. Some weeks, it might be about children, while others may be dedicated to work. Things shift, and that’s totally normal. Having a firm belief that the spouse or the kids should always come first can cause issues. Therefore, Peer advises, “Understanding that this fluctuates is one of the keys to having an amazing marriage.”
Trying to make everyone a priority might be overwhelming. Something that can significantly help is good communication. No one is born a mind reader, so having an honest conversation when times get tough might help solve problems as they arise. This might take some soul-searching and self-reflection, but it’s important to let them go so it doesn’t turn into resentment in the long run.
The readers’ unanimously titled the mother as wrong
Poll Question
Regarding the mother's decision-making, what should be her priority in resolving this issue?
Mending the relationship with her daughter first and foremost.
Working on her marriage to decide if it can be salvaged.
Seeking professional help for all involved before making any decisions.
Ensuring her own mental and emotional well-being is stable first.
What do you think ?
Power puff scientist 11 months ago
this is a joke right? no one would write it like this and expect an NTA.
BlackestDawn 11 months ago
While I do hope it's joke (a really crass one) I'm fairly certain that people can be that self-delusional to genuinely think they did no wrong. It seems most it stems from the moms own upbringing, mainly based on the comment that she believed (still believes?) that correcting someone else's child would be harassment.
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Tom De Paul 1 week ago
No. It's women with a "Sophie's Choice" mentality: brother before sister, husband before daughter.
Negatoris Wrecks 11 months ago
My mother could have written this. Just replace did with bpd (she'd always give doctors exaggerated symptoms and lie about my behavior) and husband with roommate I wish was my boyfriend and it'd be us. Except she purposely made sure I couldn't get a job or go to college by keeping my birth cert and social security card hidden and never doing any of the errands to get me back in school. On the street, mental hospital, and in jail there are tons of us daughters of mothers like that.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
I'm with you, it just sounds like your run of the mill abusive parent who conveniently has no idea what went wrong and blames it all on not stepping in when their kids were bullied in school, despite being much worse at home.
Sparkysheep 10 months ago
This sounds like my dad, sisters, sometimes my mom, and pretty much every other person in my family. It dumbfounds me how much people will brainwash themselves into believing their the victim 🙄
ThisIsMyDisplayName 11 months ago (edited)
My mother was similar - stuck with my stepfather after he abused me and depicted me as a 'child whore' who'd flung myself at him and made up awful things about him to try & break up their happy marriage. It wrecked most of my life. I hope this girl gets help and goes no-contact - some mothers are just evil.
ॐBoyGanesh 11 months ago
A sociopath would be too intelligent to write this. A narcissist, on the other hand…
Ginger Winters 10 months ago
I could see my mom doing something like this. There's a reason she's not allowed in my life anymore
Binky Melnik 11 months ago
Seriously? You don’t believe that stupid, self-absorbed people exist? Where do you live, with the hobbits?
Hphizzle 11 months ago
(Former therapist here) Does OP have any idea the level of trauma it takes to trigger DID? And then to not support her when she was being bullied? OP you are a horrible human being. I hope the daughter can find people who actually care about and support her.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
OP talks about it as if it was a very light case of ADHD or seasonal depression. She clearly conveniently doesn't remember or doesn't care about what she or her husband did to their daughter to cause this. You don't get DID from kids thinking that you're smelly. There is something very big being left out
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Jordyn Smithson 11 months ago
I have d.i.d and the trauma has to be extreme. Like really extreme. I was sexually assaulted and abused(physically, mentally and emotionally) from 7 to 13
Tessana Nemenski 11 months ago
Based on my understanding DID can happen at anytime due to repeated trauma but its more prevalent if the trauma happened at a young age (I am *not* a therapist, just how I understand it based on my own research and speaking to my therapist about it). with that said, there is a HUGE piece of this story missing out. I would *not* be surprised at all if the daughter is suffering from DID because of a one two punch between being bullied at school and inappropriate relations with her own father (non consensual of course). The OP obviously turns a blind eye to anything that is not in her perfect world view. My heart goes out to the daughter. I really wish I could be her friend and show her that not all humans are bad people.
Tessana Nemenski 11 months ago
I understand it was the step father NOW, i am saying I wouldn't be surprised if her bio dad was the same way when she was younger which would have contributed to the DID. Bullying (and trust me, I was bullied in grade school and by todays standards it would have been considered full on harassment) would not cause DID- there is much more to the story (is my point) that the OP is leaving out here
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
I agree with you. I was mildly surprised someone tried to correct you when your hypothesis was clear and, likely, correct.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
No Bewitched One. Tessana is speculating that her bio dad did this too to trigger such a rare disorder with strong causal links to this. I agree
Marinasongs1432 11 months ago
Consistent abuse is a huge trigger and cause for this kind of trauma, physical and sexual.
anarkzie 11 months ago (edited)
My knee jerk reaction is that this has to be fake but as a therapist have you ever encounter people like op? I mean her husband admitted to wanting her daughter and she kicks her out, that's not normal right?
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Hphizzle is not my therapist and never has been, but I can assure you that people like OP exist. My mum is one of them.
ValdaDeDieu 10 months ago (edited)
She honestly reads like an enabler - in her FIRST and SECOND marriage. There is a lot of dishonesty in her account of things. I pray for that young woman's safety, healing and send her love....
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
My biological dad was sexually attracted to me from the time I hit puberty. He molested me when I was 13. He told my mum he was in love with me and wanted me sexually when I was 19. He tried to molest me again when I was 53, a year before he died. I spent my entire adolescence and adult life being scared. It was only a few months ago - nearly two years after he died - that I finally don't feel afraid. My mum? She tells everyone - including me - that he was an excellent father. Me? Lifelong, debilitating depression, anxiety, and E.D. I choose to be single with pets and no human children, and I cherish the kids in my life (friends' and siblings' kids). This woman is a s**t parent and doesn't deserve her daughter. I want to hug that poor girl. Because that girl is me.
Disgruntled Pelican 11 months ago
Oh my god. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. Hopefully you have no contact with your mother and that your father is rotting in the 7th circle of hell.
Load More Replies... Paddling Panda 11 months ago
I'm LC with my mum. Dad? Who knows. I was so conditioned (gaslit) for decades that I was the problem, that it will take some time to unravel the chaos in my head. Thank you for your kind words. I'm grateful for this deeply caring community. Thank you.
Binky Melnik 11 months ago
I haven’t any words. Your story knocked ‘em out of me. I just wanted to drop to note to say that I wish we could sit together somewhere peaceful and pretty and just hug. Cripes, how you must need to know the world isn’t entirely insane, that there are good people out there and that you’re safe now. I can’t see through the tears to type so I’ll stop here.
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you, Binky. I'm grateful for your kind words. My cats demanded food at 0400 this morning so I've been up since then. Reading this post has kinda knocked me out today, and the kind, thoughtful words you and others have posted are very helpful. Thank you. I'm imagining the peaceful, pretty place you've described. It's helping.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
I am so sorry. Need a stronger word than sorry because your story is heartbreaking. 😔
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you, Ermahgerd. The validation I've received from my fellow Pandas is invaluable to me. After a lifetime of being told I'm "too sensitive", "need to get over it", "it wasn't as bad as what [my mum] experienced with [her dad]", and myriad other examples of gaslighting, this community is helping to underscore that I wasn't the problem. I didn't ask for my dad to be in love with me or want me sexually. And when he did molest me and tell me on several occasions that he couldn't help himself; he simply didn't see me as a daughter but rather a woman he wanted to have sex with, all I wanted was for him to stop telling me these things and to view me and treat me as his daughter. And in the absence of that, I wanted my mum to protect me. He used to tell me to pretend to be his wife so we could get the "family rate" when we took my younger sister and her friends swimming. He never touched my sister; always viewed her as his daughter, who he protected fiercely.
Paddling Panda 11 months ago (edited)
He used to come into my bedroom when my mum was out and while I was sitting on my bed doing my homework (I didn't have a desk), he used to push me on the bed and mock me for being scared of him. My brother's room was downstairs on the other side of the house. My sister would be somewhere else in the house. I was terrified. All the time. When I flinched away from him one time when he tried to put his arm around me, he got mad at me for being scared of him and ignored my existence for two weeks, greeting my siblings and my mum in the morning and after school, but completely ignoring me. I was 14, 15 years old. Throughout my adult life, he reminded me regularly that he didn't really view me as his daughter, but as a women who is "like him" (an unfaithful husband to my mum). I hated that he tried to say we were alike. I hated being home. I hated that I was completely alone. Except for my brother, who, when he found out, protected me. F**k, I need to call my therapist.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
Reading your story just gave me chills of horror. You’ve gone about dealing in the healthiest manner possible with therapy though. A lot of people who have lived in your shoes don’t survive with it as well as you have (or survive at all). Stay strong. I don’t know you, but I love you for being willing to share so people can see just how dark humanity can be 😔
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you so much, Ermahgerd. I've been extremely fortunate to have extraordinary friends who've known me anywhere from a couple of years to over 43 years. They've supported and loved me through it all, including my suicide attempts and my lifelong E.D. They've never judged me and have always provided me a safe emotional haven. If not for them, I very likely would not be here at all; I would have ended things decades ago. I'm glad I didn't end things because I get to be an auntie to two wonderful young men and a fabulous young woman, all three of whom I will always protect from physical and emotional harm as best as I can. It's a beautiful day outside; I've had a good work day and work week, and I'm going to paddle with my dog after work today. That's where I find so much peace. Thank you again. I cannot express to you how deeply your words have touched me. I'm grateful beyond the words I have at my disposal. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
Omg. I can’t upvote this because it’s too heartbreaking. I’m so, so sorry.
Binky Melnik 11 months ago
But I hope something truly astonishingly wonderful happens to you because you deserve it.
Tobias Reaper 11 months ago
so her husband says he is attracted to her daughter and thats why he isnt having sex with her and she kicks the daughter out the house that is so backwards absolutely YTA
Jill Rhodry 11 months ago
If this is real and the daughter actually has DID she went through a lot more trauma than bullying.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
Or the bullying has to have been criminal acts, not just kids being mean. OP is downplaying this entire situation quite a lot. Not to mention that she doesn't seem upset enough at her new husband for wanting to sleep with someone less than half his age. What is wrong with OP?
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Katie Lutesinger 11 months ago
When I was in school being bullied to the point of suicidal ideation (I had undiagnosed autism and even one of the TEACHERS hated me for "not acting right"), my mother pulled me out of that damn school after attempts to stop the bullying failed. In highschool when another student assaulted me and I was too embarrassed to do anything about it, she immediately pushed me to report the bastard and between us he got expelled. If a grown man, her husband or anyone else twice my age and in a position of authority over me, started making eyes at me, she'd have ripped their f*****g lungs out. This woman here is a failure as a mother and as a decent human being and she should be ashamed of herself. I hope the daughter gets far, far away from her and her vile husband.
Jon Steensen 11 months ago
"My view that all children are innoscent really tied my hands" Really? ... or where you just afraid of stepping up, and made up an excuse instead? That statement just sounds like some serious selfdeciet (humans have an instinctual talent for this). Some kids can be some real nasty little pricks, who are perfectly aware of what they are doing, and will continue doing so for as long as you let them get away with it. They need to be put in their place, and be shown where the line is, instead of enjoying the benefit of the doubt. You sound like you are very afraid of the conflict, and instead you let your daughter pay the price every single time, when you should have stepped up for her instead. Wake up and face the reality, you have failed as mother, and people are right for calling you out on that.
Maul! 11 months ago
“I just need time to process the situation and don’t want to leave the house to stay with my daughter when I have a marriage to figure out whether or not to save “!!! Since this woman is so self-absorbed, she should at least consider that if her husband is attracted to her young daughter, he may get attracted to someone else tomorrow. She needs to GTFO at least for her own selfish reason.
sharyn turnicky 11 months ago
Why did you not do your daughter just one favor? Put her up for adoption at birth, at these then she would have had a mother, one who wanted her
Alexandra 11 months ago
For God's sake, you can't possibly be that stupid! Children are innocents.....are you freaking kidding? And on the basis of that mistaken assumption you let your child be bullied into a mental disorder that will impact her entire life? And instead of confronting that sorry excuse of a husband you have and tell him to move out, you kick your daughter out, justifying this to yourself by saying resources are available to her? All I hear is 'it's me, myself and I'. You're not a mother; you are not even a decent human being.
- 11 months ago
Her comment about all children being innocent jumped out at me - was she saying that she believes that children are inherently innocent or that everyone believes a child over an adult? Attachment to either or both ideas sounds like an excuse to avoid confrontation. Not even her daughter's lack of safety can shake her from her utter lack of introspection or instill a moral backbone.
Load More Replies... Negatoris Wrecks 11 months ago (edited)
My mom would blast "he'll is for children" by pat benatar 1 hour after smacking the s**t out of me for eating something from the fridge.
Corinne Wheeler 11 months ago (edited)
I'm guessing that this man has already been inappropriate with his stepdaughter and is mentioning it now to see what he can get away with. He's seen a vulnerable woman and Is manipulating to get her. His stupid wife has made it obvious to him that his behaviour is right and her daughter deserves to be removed from the home. Shame on this woman.
FreeTheUnicorn 11 months ago
Of the many horrifying aspects of this one, that she "could help heal some childhood wounds if my second husband and I modelled a healthy relationship" takes the cake.
Tom De Paul 1 week ago
The mother is so delusional that her home becomes a truly dangerous place where there is no objective truth. The daughter learned not to trust anyone, but especially herself.
Jerome Lenovo 11 months ago
ask your husband to leave, he's a creep and a pervert. And make a good introspection about how you treated your daughter when she "asked" for help
Jude Laskowski 11 months ago
Don't ask him to leave, kick his butt out on the street and toss his clothes on the ground.
ConstantlyJon 11 months ago
Ah man, the day just started and I'm already done with the internet. Damn.
Lyone Fein 11 months ago
This kind of story is sadly not so rare. Stepfathers being sexually attracted to their much younger stepdaughters. In fact, the adults in these situations often act on their feelings and of course this abuse traumatizes the daughters. In too many of these circumstances, mothers are poor protectors.
Ephemera Image 11 months ago
Too many women prioritise they pervert men over their daughters' safety and mental health. Sadly, they prefer having a s**t pervert man than being seen as a woman who can't keep one. S**t people on any scale.
Chez2202 11 months ago
She was right to ask the question AITAH. If there is a bigger AH out there somewhere I have yet to come across them.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
lol that’s funny. Congrats OP, you aren’t just any AH. You’re sitting at the top of the long list of AHs I’ve ever seen.
Jeevesssssss 11 months ago
If she has been diagnosed with DID by a qualified professional the overwhelming likelihood is that she's been through severe sexual trauma as a young child. That's the level of damage it takes for the brain to create/fragment into different personalities, and that's why it's rare. If you'd even bothered to do basic research you'd be aware of this but clearly you don't give a rat's ârse.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
Or that her parents were in other ways abusive. For it to be caused solely by bullying it would have had to be extreme enough to get those kids in juvie. To me it does kind of sound like the mom was abusive but conveniently plays the: "I know you hate me for failing as a parent for not stopping the bullies" and ignores the just as true "I abused you at home and they abused you in school".
Load More Replies... ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
Abuse via neglect from the mother. But DID doesn’t have strong causal links to just any kind of abuse. Very specifically se***l abuse.
María Hermida 11 months ago
I don't know you and I don't know what happened to you, but I think there are boundaries that should never be crossed. If your mother abused you either physically or psychologically, was violent, deprived you of love, food, attention, etc, she was a bad mother and a bad person. There may be worse mothers, but that doesn't make yours better, or your suffering less real. Never let people devalue your feelings because others had it worse.
Kathryn Gates 11 months ago
NOTE FROM THERAPIST QUOTED: I was not told the story that my input was to be posed as responding to. I was asked 3 questions about family structure. This is what I sent to bored panda, after learning how my input had been misused:
Kathryn Gates 11 months ago
Hi Austėja, I am surprised by the title of this article, as your questions indicated nothing of the scandalous headline the story is centered around. I am bothered that the juxtaposition of my comments with the main story of a stepdad attracted to his wife's daughter makes it appear to readers that I endorse incest. I do NOT endorse a "choose one and push the other out" when it comes to whether spouse or offspring deserve prioritization. By placing my response to your unrelated questions next to this awful story, it appears as though I advocate for what has happened in this family, as though it may even have been my advice. I did not advise anything that happened with this family and I don't want my name next to it. I stand by the research that I explained to you. Had I been given this unique, complicated, click-bait situation to consider along with the questions you asked, I would have addressed this family's situation in my responses. Since I was not made aware of this situation,
Load More Replies... Kathryn Gates 11 months ago
to consider along with the questions you asked, I would have addressed this family's situation in my responses. Since I was not made aware of this situation, that you were secretly asking for my comments to be posed as being in reference to, I feel that I've been tricked and used. After consulting with my attorney, I will let you know of my requirements, having used my name for your profit. Had my expertise been used in good faith, I'd be happy to have provided it to bored panda. But this was defamatory. Sincerely, Kathryn Gates
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
OMG! Wow. That’s disgraceful BP. I don’t usually read expert interviews and instead skip straight to comments. Think I’ll continue with that pattern, albeit quite fiercely now. Good luck. Shame on you BP. Good on you Kathryn Gates for standing up for yourself and calling them out. Thank you even more for being moral-bound to rescinding comments made when you intentionally weren’t given context.
AspieGirl88 11 months ago
Jeez, you call yourself a mother, but blame your daughter because your husband is being a perv?? Unreal. You’d probably have her sent off to a Magdalene laundry, if they hadn’t been shut down years ago! 🤨🤦♀️
Roan The Demon Kitty 11 months ago (edited)
as someone who has DID alongside several other mental health problems F**K THIS WOMAN I HOPE SHE ROTS WHAT THE F**K. MASSIVE YTA. She is ADDING to her daughters trauma and enabling her husband to do the same FFS!
Jorge Gonzalez 11 months ago
The Grimm brothers would struggle to create a more twisted villain than OP
Royal Stray 11 months ago
What a horrible excuse of a person. She gave her daughter fkn DID, that's not just some wave of the hand gets better with time and going outside thing, it's severe. Not only that but now she shows that she'd rather stick with horrible husband 2 who wants to hook up with someone less than half his age instead of mending her relationship with her daughter who most likely went through way way worse than the "mom" remembers or is making it out to be. I hope the daughter has a psychiatrist, good meds, and cuts her excuse of a "mom" out of her life.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 10 months ago
What an absolute train wreck of a "mother" also the perverse nature of talking about her daughters D.I.D. thats insane.. this woman is garbage. And the trauma she caused and continues to cause to her daughter is disgusting beyond words.
Marinasongs1432 11 months ago
DID is very serious. I suffer from a similar, but not the exact, condition due to PTSD. The altars/parts, the personality changes, the lapses in memory, and the fear really hurts me. It’s not just some depression. It’s destruction, designed as a desperate attempt by your brain to be okay.
Israel Martinez 11 months ago
This is one of those "you knew the answer before you asked it, but hoped at least ONE person would be supportive" type of situations ... the fattest chance possible doesn't begin to describe her expectations ...
Dainty72 11 months ago
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO YOUR DAUGHTER A FAVOUR AND STAY AWAY FROM HER!!! You're a disgusting mother who turned her back on her over and over again AND when you could have made it right YOU stood by your perverted husband! WHAT????? I'm hoping this isn't real, and if it is, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! I'm close to tears because I was bullied and my parents didn't notice and when they did, not enough was done. But I have a lovely family and my parents made mistakes and have always been sorry (I'm 52) but you're a sorry excuse of a mother! SHAME ON YOU!!!!
María Hermida 11 months ago (edited)
This blooming idiot, narcissist self-centred POS married a pervert and she's blaming the daughter for her husband's totally unacceptable behaviour. This kind of people should be neutered before puberty to make sure they can't procreate and ruin their children's lives.
Jaybird3939 11 months ago
I have DID. Luckily not from sexual abuse, but a very, very traumatic incident that left me with severe memory gaps for a few years. This poor girl. I can't imagine what she's been through to have to deal with what she needed to distance herself from. A parent's rough break up ain't it. As someone else said, she's most likely been abuse, sexually or physically, by men her mother has involved herself with. I hope the young woman is able to find a good therapist, good friends and maybe a stand-in mom she can talk to.
Sarah Ellison 11 months ago
Before I had children, my husband always came first. Now that I have children, they are 100% my priority, in all aspects.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 11 months ago
Please, please, please, please, please, please tell me this is fake.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
No, this is from a year ago and OP never even replied to any of the comments.
Reta Murphy 8 months ago
B***h, you are the absofuckinglutely the a*****e! Daughter bullied, I can't do s**t. Daughter depressed, didn't do s**t. Hubby a pervert, blame the daughter and don't do s**t. Pull your head out of your a*s.
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 9 months ago
I pray to any deity on call right now that this is all fake bs but if it's not, this broad needs to be hoofed in the front butt and it would be the best thing in the world for that poor young woman to never lay eyes nor speak to that b¡tch ever again, in this life or the next
SilverSkyCloud 10 months ago
im betting fake, its the only post and theres no comments or replies for anything
TheOneAndOnlyLightFury 10 months ago
Why not get the husband to leave. This has got to be fake
Ali 10 months ago
Christ on a stick! This man said he's been avoiding sex with OP because of sexual thoughts he's having about the daughter and OPs response is to shove her daughter out of the house? Women like this disgust me, they are so obsessed with the latest man that they shove their children off to the side.
Shadow 10 months ago
I am soooo glad this horrible excuse for a parent put her daughter somewhere away from her and her predator husband. I only hope the poor girl has outside support to get the help she needs and can eventually go totally NC with the monsters who harmed her in the first place. Her parents.
Livingwithcfs 10 months ago
This mother is better out of her daughters life, this young woman needs support not a mother who can't see past her own nose. Second husband is a disgusting man, mother says she doesn't blame her daughter but her actions say she does. I hope the daughter can build a friend/family group that is supportive away from these incredibly toxic people
Jo 11 months ago
It can't be, no guy would actually tell his wife / partner this stuff
Load More Replies... Paddling Panda 11 months ago
My dad (biological) told my mum he wanted me sexually and was in love with me when I was 19. I can assure you that yes, in fact, a guy (my dad) DID actually tell his wife (my mum) this stuff. And then she told me. And then HE told me too. Because telling me made more sense than going to a f*****g therapist. And yes, there's lifelong permanent damage to my psychological health. But it's been my fault. My suicide attempts were also my fault because I'm a selfish b***h. Yup. A lifetime of this s**t and in my mid-50s now, I'm only just learning to draw better boundaries to protect myself from further abuse. I've often wondered why they had me.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
I suppose this story could be false, but this kind of thing is more common than most people want to believe. You’re being willfully blind assuming a story so awful must be fake. I hate that Paddling Panda has to continually repeat her sickeningly traumatic story in this thread to open people’s eyes that choose to be blind, but I applaud her for doing so.
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you, Ermahgerd. At the risk of triggering others, I've shared more in response to your other comment above. I'm tired of people saying that this isn't possible. It is very real and happens to more girls and boys, and women and men than we even know. And the damage lasts forever. I've learned to live with the reality of my life and work in a job where I get to help people who have been bullied and harassed at work. I can't work directly with victims of sexual abuse as it's too triggering for me. But I feel like I can at least help other people who are being treated badly. Thank you again for your support; it's incredibly validating.
Heather Blomquist 11 months ago
This is a truly disgusting viewpoint by your so-called psychologists. Full stop. I am appalled.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
See about from a therapist furiously standing up for herself when her lack of context was predatory.
Power puff scientist 11 months ago
this is a joke right? no one would write it like this and expect an NTA.
BlackestDawn 11 months ago
While I do hope it's joke (a really crass one) I'm fairly certain that people can be that self-delusional to genuinely think they did no wrong. It seems most it stems from the moms own upbringing, mainly based on the comment that she believed (still believes?) that correcting someone else's child would be harassment.
Load More Replies... Tom De Paul 1 week ago
No. It's women with a "Sophie's Choice" mentality: brother before sister, husband before daughter.
Negatoris Wrecks 11 months ago
My mother could have written this. Just replace did with bpd (she'd always give doctors exaggerated symptoms and lie about my behavior) and husband with roommate I wish was my boyfriend and it'd be us. Except she purposely made sure I couldn't get a job or go to college by keeping my birth cert and social security card hidden and never doing any of the errands to get me back in school. On the street, mental hospital, and in jail there are tons of us daughters of mothers like that.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
I'm with you, it just sounds like your run of the mill abusive parent who conveniently has no idea what went wrong and blames it all on not stepping in when their kids were bullied in school, despite being much worse at home.
Sparkysheep 10 months ago
This sounds like my dad, sisters, sometimes my mom, and pretty much every other person in my family. It dumbfounds me how much people will brainwash themselves into believing their the victim 🙄
ThisIsMyDisplayName 11 months ago (edited)
My mother was similar - stuck with my stepfather after he abused me and depicted me as a 'child whore' who'd flung myself at him and made up awful things about him to try & break up their happy marriage. It wrecked most of my life. I hope this girl gets help and goes no-contact - some mothers are just evil.
ॐBoyGanesh 11 months ago
A sociopath would be too intelligent to write this. A narcissist, on the other hand…
Ginger Winters 10 months ago
I could see my mom doing something like this. There's a reason she's not allowed in my life anymore
Binky Melnik 11 months ago
Seriously? You don’t believe that stupid, self-absorbed people exist? Where do you live, with the hobbits?
Hphizzle 11 months ago
(Former therapist here) Does OP have any idea the level of trauma it takes to trigger DID? And then to not support her when she was being bullied? OP you are a horrible human being. I hope the daughter can find people who actually care about and support her.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
OP talks about it as if it was a very light case of ADHD or seasonal depression. She clearly conveniently doesn't remember or doesn't care about what she or her husband did to their daughter to cause this. You don't get DID from kids thinking that you're smelly. There is something very big being left out
Load More Replies... Jordyn Smithson 11 months ago
I have d.i.d and the trauma has to be extreme. Like really extreme. I was sexually assaulted and abused(physically, mentally and emotionally) from 7 to 13
Tessana Nemenski 11 months ago
Based on my understanding DID can happen at anytime due to repeated trauma but its more prevalent if the trauma happened at a young age (I am *not* a therapist, just how I understand it based on my own research and speaking to my therapist about it). with that said, there is a HUGE piece of this story missing out. I would *not* be surprised at all if the daughter is suffering from DID because of a one two punch between being bullied at school and inappropriate relations with her own father (non consensual of course). The OP obviously turns a blind eye to anything that is not in her perfect world view. My heart goes out to the daughter. I really wish I could be her friend and show her that not all humans are bad people.
Tessana Nemenski 11 months ago
I understand it was the step father NOW, i am saying I wouldn't be surprised if her bio dad was the same way when she was younger which would have contributed to the DID. Bullying (and trust me, I was bullied in grade school and by todays standards it would have been considered full on harassment) would not cause DID- there is much more to the story (is my point) that the OP is leaving out here
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
I agree with you. I was mildly surprised someone tried to correct you when your hypothesis was clear and, likely, correct.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
No Bewitched One. Tessana is speculating that her bio dad did this too to trigger such a rare disorder with strong causal links to this. I agree
Marinasongs1432 11 months ago
Consistent abuse is a huge trigger and cause for this kind of trauma, physical and sexual.
anarkzie 11 months ago (edited)
My knee jerk reaction is that this has to be fake but as a therapist have you ever encounter people like op? I mean her husband admitted to wanting her daughter and she kicks her out, that's not normal right?
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Hphizzle is not my therapist and never has been, but I can assure you that people like OP exist. My mum is one of them.
ValdaDeDieu 10 months ago (edited)
She honestly reads like an enabler - in her FIRST and SECOND marriage. There is a lot of dishonesty in her account of things. I pray for that young woman's safety, healing and send her love....
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
My biological dad was sexually attracted to me from the time I hit puberty. He molested me when I was 13. He told my mum he was in love with me and wanted me sexually when I was 19. He tried to molest me again when I was 53, a year before he died. I spent my entire adolescence and adult life being scared. It was only a few months ago - nearly two years after he died - that I finally don't feel afraid. My mum? She tells everyone - including me - that he was an excellent father. Me? Lifelong, debilitating depression, anxiety, and E.D. I choose to be single with pets and no human children, and I cherish the kids in my life (friends' and siblings' kids). This woman is a s**t parent and doesn't deserve her daughter. I want to hug that poor girl. Because that girl is me.
Disgruntled Pelican 11 months ago
Oh my god. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. Hopefully you have no contact with your mother and that your father is rotting in the 7th circle of hell.
Load More Replies... Paddling Panda 11 months ago
I'm LC with my mum. Dad? Who knows. I was so conditioned (gaslit) for decades that I was the problem, that it will take some time to unravel the chaos in my head. Thank you for your kind words. I'm grateful for this deeply caring community. Thank you.
Binky Melnik 11 months ago
I haven’t any words. Your story knocked ‘em out of me. I just wanted to drop to note to say that I wish we could sit together somewhere peaceful and pretty and just hug. Cripes, how you must need to know the world isn’t entirely insane, that there are good people out there and that you’re safe now. I can’t see through the tears to type so I’ll stop here.
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you, Binky. I'm grateful for your kind words. My cats demanded food at 0400 this morning so I've been up since then. Reading this post has kinda knocked me out today, and the kind, thoughtful words you and others have posted are very helpful. Thank you. I'm imagining the peaceful, pretty place you've described. It's helping.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
I am so sorry. Need a stronger word than sorry because your story is heartbreaking. 😔
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you, Ermahgerd. The validation I've received from my fellow Pandas is invaluable to me. After a lifetime of being told I'm "too sensitive", "need to get over it", "it wasn't as bad as what [my mum] experienced with [her dad]", and myriad other examples of gaslighting, this community is helping to underscore that I wasn't the problem. I didn't ask for my dad to be in love with me or want me sexually. And when he did molest me and tell me on several occasions that he couldn't help himself; he simply didn't see me as a daughter but rather a woman he wanted to have sex with, all I wanted was for him to stop telling me these things and to view me and treat me as his daughter. And in the absence of that, I wanted my mum to protect me. He used to tell me to pretend to be his wife so we could get the "family rate" when we took my younger sister and her friends swimming. He never touched my sister; always viewed her as his daughter, who he protected fiercely.
Paddling Panda 11 months ago (edited)
He used to come into my bedroom when my mum was out and while I was sitting on my bed doing my homework (I didn't have a desk), he used to push me on the bed and mock me for being scared of him. My brother's room was downstairs on the other side of the house. My sister would be somewhere else in the house. I was terrified. All the time. When I flinched away from him one time when he tried to put his arm around me, he got mad at me for being scared of him and ignored my existence for two weeks, greeting my siblings and my mum in the morning and after school, but completely ignoring me. I was 14, 15 years old. Throughout my adult life, he reminded me regularly that he didn't really view me as his daughter, but as a women who is "like him" (an unfaithful husband to my mum). I hated that he tried to say we were alike. I hated being home. I hated that I was completely alone. Except for my brother, who, when he found out, protected me. F**k, I need to call my therapist.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
Reading your story just gave me chills of horror. You’ve gone about dealing in the healthiest manner possible with therapy though. A lot of people who have lived in your shoes don’t survive with it as well as you have (or survive at all). Stay strong. I don’t know you, but I love you for being willing to share so people can see just how dark humanity can be 😔
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you so much, Ermahgerd. I've been extremely fortunate to have extraordinary friends who've known me anywhere from a couple of years to over 43 years. They've supported and loved me through it all, including my suicide attempts and my lifelong E.D. They've never judged me and have always provided me a safe emotional haven. If not for them, I very likely would not be here at all; I would have ended things decades ago. I'm glad I didn't end things because I get to be an auntie to two wonderful young men and a fabulous young woman, all three of whom I will always protect from physical and emotional harm as best as I can. It's a beautiful day outside; I've had a good work day and work week, and I'm going to paddle with my dog after work today. That's where I find so much peace. Thank you again. I cannot express to you how deeply your words have touched me. I'm grateful beyond the words I have at my disposal. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
Omg. I can’t upvote this because it’s too heartbreaking. I’m so, so sorry.
Binky Melnik 11 months ago
But I hope something truly astonishingly wonderful happens to you because you deserve it.
Tobias Reaper 11 months ago
so her husband says he is attracted to her daughter and thats why he isnt having sex with her and she kicks the daughter out the house that is so backwards absolutely YTA
Jill Rhodry 11 months ago
If this is real and the daughter actually has DID she went through a lot more trauma than bullying.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
Or the bullying has to have been criminal acts, not just kids being mean. OP is downplaying this entire situation quite a lot. Not to mention that she doesn't seem upset enough at her new husband for wanting to sleep with someone less than half his age. What is wrong with OP?
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 11 months ago
When I was in school being bullied to the point of suicidal ideation (I had undiagnosed autism and even one of the TEACHERS hated me for "not acting right"), my mother pulled me out of that damn school after attempts to stop the bullying failed. In highschool when another student assaulted me and I was too embarrassed to do anything about it, she immediately pushed me to report the bastard and between us he got expelled. If a grown man, her husband or anyone else twice my age and in a position of authority over me, started making eyes at me, she'd have ripped their f*****g lungs out. This woman here is a failure as a mother and as a decent human being and she should be ashamed of herself. I hope the daughter gets far, far away from her and her vile husband.
Jon Steensen 11 months ago
"My view that all children are innoscent really tied my hands" Really? ... or where you just afraid of stepping up, and made up an excuse instead? That statement just sounds like some serious selfdeciet (humans have an instinctual talent for this). Some kids can be some real nasty little pricks, who are perfectly aware of what they are doing, and will continue doing so for as long as you let them get away with it. They need to be put in their place, and be shown where the line is, instead of enjoying the benefit of the doubt. You sound like you are very afraid of the conflict, and instead you let your daughter pay the price every single time, when you should have stepped up for her instead. Wake up and face the reality, you have failed as mother, and people are right for calling you out on that.
Maul! 11 months ago
“I just need time to process the situation and don’t want to leave the house to stay with my daughter when I have a marriage to figure out whether or not to save “!!! Since this woman is so self-absorbed, she should at least consider that if her husband is attracted to her young daughter, he may get attracted to someone else tomorrow. She needs to GTFO at least for her own selfish reason.
sharyn turnicky 11 months ago
Why did you not do your daughter just one favor? Put her up for adoption at birth, at these then she would have had a mother, one who wanted her
Alexandra 11 months ago
For God's sake, you can't possibly be that stupid! Children are innocents.....are you freaking kidding? And on the basis of that mistaken assumption you let your child be bullied into a mental disorder that will impact her entire life? And instead of confronting that sorry excuse of a husband you have and tell him to move out, you kick your daughter out, justifying this to yourself by saying resources are available to her? All I hear is 'it's me, myself and I'. You're not a mother; you are not even a decent human being.
- 11 months ago
Her comment about all children being innocent jumped out at me - was she saying that she believes that children are inherently innocent or that everyone believes a child over an adult? Attachment to either or both ideas sounds like an excuse to avoid confrontation. Not even her daughter's lack of safety can shake her from her utter lack of introspection or instill a moral backbone.
Load More Replies... Negatoris Wrecks 11 months ago (edited)
My mom would blast "he'll is for children" by pat benatar 1 hour after smacking the s**t out of me for eating something from the fridge.
Corinne Wheeler 11 months ago (edited)
I'm guessing that this man has already been inappropriate with his stepdaughter and is mentioning it now to see what he can get away with. He's seen a vulnerable woman and Is manipulating to get her. His stupid wife has made it obvious to him that his behaviour is right and her daughter deserves to be removed from the home. Shame on this woman.
FreeTheUnicorn 11 months ago
Of the many horrifying aspects of this one, that she "could help heal some childhood wounds if my second husband and I modelled a healthy relationship" takes the cake.
Tom De Paul 1 week ago
The mother is so delusional that her home becomes a truly dangerous place where there is no objective truth. The daughter learned not to trust anyone, but especially herself.
Jerome Lenovo 11 months ago
ask your husband to leave, he's a creep and a pervert. And make a good introspection about how you treated your daughter when she "asked" for help
Jude Laskowski 11 months ago
Don't ask him to leave, kick his butt out on the street and toss his clothes on the ground.
ConstantlyJon 11 months ago
Ah man, the day just started and I'm already done with the internet. Damn.
Lyone Fein 11 months ago
This kind of story is sadly not so rare. Stepfathers being sexually attracted to their much younger stepdaughters. In fact, the adults in these situations often act on their feelings and of course this abuse traumatizes the daughters. In too many of these circumstances, mothers are poor protectors.
Ephemera Image 11 months ago
Too many women prioritise they pervert men over their daughters' safety and mental health. Sadly, they prefer having a s**t pervert man than being seen as a woman who can't keep one. S**t people on any scale.
Chez2202 11 months ago
She was right to ask the question AITAH. If there is a bigger AH out there somewhere I have yet to come across them.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
lol that’s funny. Congrats OP, you aren’t just any AH. You’re sitting at the top of the long list of AHs I’ve ever seen.
Jeevesssssss 11 months ago
If she has been diagnosed with DID by a qualified professional the overwhelming likelihood is that she's been through severe sexual trauma as a young child. That's the level of damage it takes for the brain to create/fragment into different personalities, and that's why it's rare. If you'd even bothered to do basic research you'd be aware of this but clearly you don't give a rat's ârse.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
Or that her parents were in other ways abusive. For it to be caused solely by bullying it would have had to be extreme enough to get those kids in juvie. To me it does kind of sound like the mom was abusive but conveniently plays the: "I know you hate me for failing as a parent for not stopping the bullies" and ignores the just as true "I abused you at home and they abused you in school".
Load More Replies... ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
Abuse via neglect from the mother. But DID doesn’t have strong causal links to just any kind of abuse. Very specifically se***l abuse.
María Hermida 11 months ago
I don't know you and I don't know what happened to you, but I think there are boundaries that should never be crossed. If your mother abused you either physically or psychologically, was violent, deprived you of love, food, attention, etc, she was a bad mother and a bad person. There may be worse mothers, but that doesn't make yours better, or your suffering less real. Never let people devalue your feelings because others had it worse.
Kathryn Gates 11 months ago
NOTE FROM THERAPIST QUOTED: I was not told the story that my input was to be posed as responding to. I was asked 3 questions about family structure. This is what I sent to bored panda, after learning how my input had been misused:
Kathryn Gates 11 months ago
Hi Austėja, I am surprised by the title of this article, as your questions indicated nothing of the scandalous headline the story is centered around. I am bothered that the juxtaposition of my comments with the main story of a stepdad attracted to his wife's daughter makes it appear to readers that I endorse incest. I do NOT endorse a "choose one and push the other out" when it comes to whether spouse or offspring deserve prioritization. By placing my response to your unrelated questions next to this awful story, it appears as though I advocate for what has happened in this family, as though it may even have been my advice. I did not advise anything that happened with this family and I don't want my name next to it. I stand by the research that I explained to you. Had I been given this unique, complicated, click-bait situation to consider along with the questions you asked, I would have addressed this family's situation in my responses. Since I was not made aware of this situation,
Load More Replies... Kathryn Gates 11 months ago
to consider along with the questions you asked, I would have addressed this family's situation in my responses. Since I was not made aware of this situation, that you were secretly asking for my comments to be posed as being in reference to, I feel that I've been tricked and used. After consulting with my attorney, I will let you know of my requirements, having used my name for your profit. Had my expertise been used in good faith, I'd be happy to have provided it to bored panda. But this was defamatory. Sincerely, Kathryn Gates
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
OMG! Wow. That’s disgraceful BP. I don’t usually read expert interviews and instead skip straight to comments. Think I’ll continue with that pattern, albeit quite fiercely now. Good luck. Shame on you BP. Good on you Kathryn Gates for standing up for yourself and calling them out. Thank you even more for being moral-bound to rescinding comments made when you intentionally weren’t given context.
AspieGirl88 11 months ago
Jeez, you call yourself a mother, but blame your daughter because your husband is being a perv?? Unreal. You’d probably have her sent off to a Magdalene laundry, if they hadn’t been shut down years ago! 🤨🤦♀️
Roan The Demon Kitty 11 months ago (edited)
as someone who has DID alongside several other mental health problems F**K THIS WOMAN I HOPE SHE ROTS WHAT THE F**K. MASSIVE YTA. She is ADDING to her daughters trauma and enabling her husband to do the same FFS!
Jorge Gonzalez 11 months ago
The Grimm brothers would struggle to create a more twisted villain than OP
Royal Stray 11 months ago
What a horrible excuse of a person. She gave her daughter fkn DID, that's not just some wave of the hand gets better with time and going outside thing, it's severe. Not only that but now she shows that she'd rather stick with horrible husband 2 who wants to hook up with someone less than half his age instead of mending her relationship with her daughter who most likely went through way way worse than the "mom" remembers or is making it out to be. I hope the daughter has a psychiatrist, good meds, and cuts her excuse of a "mom" out of her life.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 10 months ago
What an absolute train wreck of a "mother" also the perverse nature of talking about her daughters D.I.D. thats insane.. this woman is garbage. And the trauma she caused and continues to cause to her daughter is disgusting beyond words.
Marinasongs1432 11 months ago
DID is very serious. I suffer from a similar, but not the exact, condition due to PTSD. The altars/parts, the personality changes, the lapses in memory, and the fear really hurts me. It’s not just some depression. It’s destruction, designed as a desperate attempt by your brain to be okay.
Israel Martinez 11 months ago
This is one of those "you knew the answer before you asked it, but hoped at least ONE person would be supportive" type of situations ... the fattest chance possible doesn't begin to describe her expectations ...
Dainty72 11 months ago
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO YOUR DAUGHTER A FAVOUR AND STAY AWAY FROM HER!!! You're a disgusting mother who turned her back on her over and over again AND when you could have made it right YOU stood by your perverted husband! WHAT????? I'm hoping this isn't real, and if it is, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! I'm close to tears because I was bullied and my parents didn't notice and when they did, not enough was done. But I have a lovely family and my parents made mistakes and have always been sorry (I'm 52) but you're a sorry excuse of a mother! SHAME ON YOU!!!!
María Hermida 11 months ago (edited)
This blooming idiot, narcissist self-centred POS married a pervert and she's blaming the daughter for her husband's totally unacceptable behaviour. This kind of people should be neutered before puberty to make sure they can't procreate and ruin their children's lives.
Jaybird3939 11 months ago
I have DID. Luckily not from sexual abuse, but a very, very traumatic incident that left me with severe memory gaps for a few years. This poor girl. I can't imagine what she's been through to have to deal with what she needed to distance herself from. A parent's rough break up ain't it. As someone else said, she's most likely been abuse, sexually or physically, by men her mother has involved herself with. I hope the young woman is able to find a good therapist, good friends and maybe a stand-in mom she can talk to.
Sarah Ellison 11 months ago
Before I had children, my husband always came first. Now that I have children, they are 100% my priority, in all aspects.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 11 months ago
Please, please, please, please, please, please tell me this is fake.
Royal Stray 11 months ago
No, this is from a year ago and OP never even replied to any of the comments.
Reta Murphy 8 months ago
B***h, you are the absofuckinglutely the a*****e! Daughter bullied, I can't do s**t. Daughter depressed, didn't do s**t. Hubby a pervert, blame the daughter and don't do s**t. Pull your head out of your a*s.
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 9 months ago
I pray to any deity on call right now that this is all fake bs but if it's not, this broad needs to be hoofed in the front butt and it would be the best thing in the world for that poor young woman to never lay eyes nor speak to that b¡tch ever again, in this life or the next
SilverSkyCloud 10 months ago
im betting fake, its the only post and theres no comments or replies for anything
TheOneAndOnlyLightFury 10 months ago
Why not get the husband to leave. This has got to be fake
Ali 10 months ago
Christ on a stick! This man said he's been avoiding sex with OP because of sexual thoughts he's having about the daughter and OPs response is to shove her daughter out of the house? Women like this disgust me, they are so obsessed with the latest man that they shove their children off to the side.
Shadow 10 months ago
I am soooo glad this horrible excuse for a parent put her daughter somewhere away from her and her predator husband. I only hope the poor girl has outside support to get the help she needs and can eventually go totally NC with the monsters who harmed her in the first place. Her parents.
Livingwithcfs 10 months ago
This mother is better out of her daughters life, this young woman needs support not a mother who can't see past her own nose. Second husband is a disgusting man, mother says she doesn't blame her daughter but her actions say she does. I hope the daughter can build a friend/family group that is supportive away from these incredibly toxic people
Jo 11 months ago
It can't be, no guy would actually tell his wife / partner this stuff
Load More Replies... Paddling Panda 11 months ago
My dad (biological) told my mum he wanted me sexually and was in love with me when I was 19. I can assure you that yes, in fact, a guy (my dad) DID actually tell his wife (my mum) this stuff. And then she told me. And then HE told me too. Because telling me made more sense than going to a f*****g therapist. And yes, there's lifelong permanent damage to my psychological health. But it's been my fault. My suicide attempts were also my fault because I'm a selfish b***h. Yup. A lifetime of this s**t and in my mid-50s now, I'm only just learning to draw better boundaries to protect myself from further abuse. I've often wondered why they had me.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
I suppose this story could be false, but this kind of thing is more common than most people want to believe. You’re being willfully blind assuming a story so awful must be fake. I hate that Paddling Panda has to continually repeat her sickeningly traumatic story in this thread to open people’s eyes that choose to be blind, but I applaud her for doing so.
Paddling Panda 11 months ago
Thank you, Ermahgerd. At the risk of triggering others, I've shared more in response to your other comment above. I'm tired of people saying that this isn't possible. It is very real and happens to more girls and boys, and women and men than we even know. And the damage lasts forever. I've learned to live with the reality of my life and work in a job where I get to help people who have been bullied and harassed at work. I can't work directly with victims of sexual abuse as it's too triggering for me. But I feel like I can at least help other people who are being treated badly. Thank you again for your support; it's incredibly validating.
Heather Blomquist 11 months ago
This is a truly disgusting viewpoint by your so-called psychologists. Full stop. I am appalled.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 11 months ago
See about from a therapist furiously standing up for herself when her lack of context was predatory.
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